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the basement...a personal journey  

LiveLifeDoU 65F  
1180 posts
8/24/2017 1:31 pm
the basement...a personal journey

About a month ago, I decided to check out the ‘basement’ public chat room. The room description does say it is for bdsm members and I am not, at this time, into the bdsm lifestyle. I have dabbled into rougher sex in some of the older, private group rooms that no longer exist. Now, before some of you get annoyed with me for even suggesting a correlation between the bdsm lifestyle and rougher sex, or suggesting that that is all there is to the lifestyle, just hold on. I am an average human female. Those hundreds upon thousands of us average folk out there who are not into the lifestyle do associate one with the other. We are not being disrespectful. We are not being critical. We are not being prejudiced. We are not questioning your deep involvement in the lifestyle as just sex. It is just a very common misconception.

Which leads me to the subject of this blog.

When I began visiting the basement, I met several very nice people there who were more than willing to answer all of my questions about the lifestyle. In fact, they were eager to share their knowledge because they know that common misconception exists. I was steered toward a website filled with down-to-earth information on the lifestyle. And when statements posted on that website confused or concerned me, they welcomed my questions. And they showed not only the huge diversity in what the lifestyle is to each of them, they showed me …. excitement… to share something they care deeply about …with a ‘newbie’. And fun, of course, because sex is fun and sharing that fun is…well…fun lol

About a month went by and I felt very good and lucky to have found such a great group of people who were so willing to share their lifestyle experiences with me. So that I could learn. There is a lot to learn about the lifestyle and even these new friends, some of whom have been in the lifestyle for 25 years or more, said that learning and honing your skills in the lifestyle will be a lifetime thing. There is always something to learn, they said.

Then, things changed, unfortunately. A friend of mine from another chat room came into the basement and she knew just about everyone there, they all knew her, it was great. Remember, the lifestyle is different for each individual. This is written and said every time you turn around. I didn’t just make that up. Lol So my friend reacted to the use of the word ‘kink’ that was brought up in the chat. She politely indicated that she, personally, did not like the word and didn’t feel it was connected to the bdsm lifestyle. In her opinion.

There was someone in the room I had never seen before. Yes, I know, I’d only been visiting a month, I’m just stating that, in that month of daily visits, I had not seen him before. He told my friend that she didn’t know what she was talking about, stated she was not into the bdsm lifestyle so how would she know anything at all about the term ‘kink’. My friend stated she had been involved in the lifestyle for many years and left it at that. But this other person would not let it go. He stated she was always bashing bdsm members when she didn’t know the first thing about it, etc. After several statements like this towards my friend, I decided to defend her by saying I’d known her for years and she never, ever bashed or disrespected anyone.

And that pretty much started the harassment towards me for the last two weeks. This person turned on me with similar venomous remarks….and this was from someone I had never seen before, had never seen in the room…so he’d never seen me before. Or so I thought at the time.

I won’t go into the details except to say that this one person was joined by several others, all bashing me, saying I had announced in the Mature room that I was a switch, a Domme, a sub, all of the above. They said I bashed and harassed new subs in the basement to the point they left the room. Their favorite name for me became Hogbeast lol I had to laugh at that one. Several times, I asked them to discuss their concerns with me directly, in a private setting but, of course, they never responded to that. They said I was a troll with many profiles and that I claimed to be an expert in the bdsm lifestyle. They began following me from room to room….the Mature room, the BBW room…where they continued harassing me. I asked them to stop and they continued. So of course I reported them to the site for violating the Terms of Use for the site. After an investigation, two profiles would go away…and two new ones would show up. Rinse. Repeat. There were even female profiles they created.

Remember I said ‘or so I thought’ regarding this person/people not knowing me?

A couple of years ago….at least a couple of years ago….I visited the Lobby once in awhile. Not enough to really get to know anyone, it was just an alternative when other rooms were empty. One evening, I went in and was quiet for a few minutes, just to see who was who and what was being said. I noticed that one or two women were posting very derogatory things about someone. I didn’t know people in the room so I had no idea who they were bashing or why. It happens in most every room. I was greeted by a guy from Australia and we began very casually chatting. I am a friendly person. Within a minute of chatting with this guy, these two women began bashing me for chatting with this guy. They got ugly instantly. I exchanged a few e:mails with this guy and he gave me some background, from his point of view, so that I understood a bit more of what was going on. I am not one to take someone’s word for anything so I took what he said with a grain of salt. What I did see was that the women were the harrassers and he basically ignored them in the room and tried to carry on regular, friendly chat with other people in the room. Including me. It got to be a game with this/these women with most of the people in the room: we would all put them on ignore so we didn’t have to see their ugly posts. After a few minutes of peaceful chat, they would show up again with new profiles and start right back in again. We put them on ignore again. Rinse. Repeat. At the time, 90% of my blocked members list were the profiles created by this person/people.

Sound familiar?

I stopped visiting that room because of that drama.

Fast forward to a week ago. A week or so into this harassment from the basement. All of a sudden, these bashers start bringing up my ‘involvement’ with this Lobby group. At one point, they said I was part of the ladies gang from that room…then they said I was part of the group against the ladies gang. And then I was in cahoots with the Australian guy to cause trouble. They said they knew what I’d been doing the five years I’ve been on the site, that I had a reputation for multiple profiles, trolling, troublemaking, harassment, etc.
So…still trying to figure this all out. After having a dozen or so profiles banned because of their harassing behavior, they have backed off some and are being more careful about what they say and how often they harass me in a room…they still follow me around though.

One thing that has come of all this…and perhaps it’s the thing that saddens me the most….is that a couple of people have indicated that they believe the room description for the basement chat room should be honored as it is written: ‘for our bdsm members’. Not for newbies, not for ‘wannabee’s as I have been called, not for questions to be asked. These harrassers have point blank told me I should not be in the room because I am not in the bdsm lifestyle; I was told to leave to find some place else. Of course, it’s a public chat room and you can’t tell someone they can’t be there to visit.

While I do respect the strict interpretation of the room description, it seems productive and…just….nice…to welcome people who may just have questions about the lifestyle.

I will remember that first month in the room as a representation of some good bdsm lifers who embraced their lifestyle and yearned to share it with someone expressing an interest in what they held dear to their hearts. We all have to start somewhere.

LiveLifeDoU 65F  
2204 posts
8/24/2017 1:32 pm

required first comment

sweet_VM 62F
80981 posts
8/24/2017 1:49 pm

So sorry to hear about the chat room on here have not change after the many years I use to visit them. I left for the same reason far too much drama. Far too many groups for my likings. Best to move on and don't worry what those idiots call you. It isn't worth your time. If they give you a hard time just keep reporting them for calling you names which is against TOU. Cut and paste the room chat and send the text to them. Hugs V

Become a blog watcher sweet_vm

pocogato12 68F  
33693 posts
8/24/2017 6:40 pm

This is just so wrong!! What kind of folks bash people on the net?/ What are they really like in real life? Definitely not people I want to know in real life and I know you do not either. VM has the right idea- report them ASAP Check your email from me

(Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group

Eriond30 45M
122 posts
8/24/2017 10:12 pm

I'm sorry you had to go through that. There's some really bizarre behaviour that rolls out of some of these groups.

photo551 60M
2 posts
8/25/2017 3:28 pm

As far as I am concerned, anyone that comes into the basement with questions or comments should be welcomed because they have a open mind and wanting to learn something new. That does not mean that they will get involved in the lifestyle, just means that they are interested in learning something new.
The funny thing about the ones that cause the drama in there, would never give advise or share anything about the lifestyle, they were there just to cause drama. I would hate to see what they are like in real life.

easy_going2014 53M
13392 posts
8/27/2017 12:17 pm

thanks for sharing...

I haven't ventured into any of these areas...

I'm just a simple man...

perhaps, there are other places where the people are more respectful and willing to share their experiences...

good luck...

To leave private messages, please use my confidential mailbox at my blog:

Good luck!!!

LiveLifeDoU replies on 8/27/2017 2:40 pm:
Well, they followed me into the Mature room and the BBW room so it's not just the basement....and I am not the only person this has happened to, unfortunately. Recently, a similar scenario started up in the Mature room between several people and it has happened in the Pacific Northwest room. You will find the harrassers in just about every public chat room on the site. Most of us are friendly chatters, just there to make friends...it's unfortunate that a very few can create such havoc.

alexwayne57 60M  
80 posts
9/6/2017 11:14 pm

Sorry to hear of your plight. Unfortunately there are people that live for drama and if none already exists they will create it. It's how they get off I suppose. All the drama has just about killed the PNW room. It will slowly kill them all if not reported at every occurrence.

anastasia666 42F  
2055 posts
9/8/2017 6:43 am



Thank you so much for bringing this to ALL of Our attention. Just as we did last yr when members rallied around Thalia & Our LBGTQ community of members ..WE Need to rally around YOU & the members being targeted in the BBW & Basement rooms. I have made sure the Head of the Abuse dept is aware of these brutal attacks and abuse and that a number of the member profiles have been deleted because of the filth they are spreading.

Thank you for being my Friend & so Brave to fight this on going battle for all the members so that we all can enjoy happy & fun times in our chat rooms without this kind of stupidity from others. With your permission I'd like to mention your blog post on my blog so we can keep getting the word out that NO abuse of members will be tolerated.



I done made the devil a deal
He made me pretty
He made me smart

anastasia666 42F  
2055 posts
9/9/2017 3:27 am


Hello ,

Thank you for your kind permission to share this blog post on my blog. We are standing with you and ALL members suffering through the lies & abuse by unstable trolls.



I done made the devil a deal
He made me pretty
He made me smart

_Sire_ 61M
45 posts
9/16/2017 11:16 am

Very well written. It is sad that some people feel a need to insult, attack or harass because of their views. I've have been coming to the Basement for 12 years now, I fell in love with the room right away because the people back then stood together and almost everyone jumped on the opportunity to help anyone who had questions. These days, that just doesn't happen anymore.
It is best to just ignore those who only wish to create the hate and discontent, for if there is no battle to fight, there is no winning to them. Hopefully the others in the rooms shall see, you are the better person for it, you are the one who earns their respect, not the one who is being disrespectful.
If you are no one but yourself, then no matter what they say, you being you is what anyone who is "real" will respect.

LiveLifeDoU replies on 9/16/2017 3:56 pm:
You are exactly right in that it is now time to just iggy these people...as you said, our behavior in the rooms tells ppl who we are, not the lies these harassers are trying to pass off as truth. I am hopeful that things might return to a bit more normal in the basement..and the other room this is happening in... in the near future.

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