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To bi or not to bi?  

Mikemike107015 49M  
127 posts
7/4/2020 12:09 pm

Last Read:
8/2/2020 12:11 pm

To bi or not to bi?

One would think most people on a site like this would be very open minded. I've found that a large number of people are quite the opposite.
Ok,ok I get it. Everyone has certain likes and dislikes and that's just how it is. But the thing that has inspired me to write today is the people that are against ones listed sexual orientation. I guess what I mean is, if I'm a man that a woman or couple find attractive and interesting, what difference does it make if I'm listed as bisexual?
It seems as though many times the half of a couple is a bit homophobic. Or should I say biphobic? I guess I just coined a new term. Just to be clear men, being bisexual to me means that I am interested in sexual play with both men and women THAT I SHARE A MUTUAL ATTRACTION WITH. Period.
Yes, I said MUTUAL ATTRACTION. This simply means if you are not attracted to me or vice versa then there is nothing to be phobic about. I am not an animal. I cannot have sexual feelings for someone who does not feel the same for me.
The funny thing to me is this causes many to be less than honest here about their own sexuality. I suppose what bothers me the most is the fact that many would rather have sex with someone based on something other than honesty. I'm here to tell you folks that I get hit up by 'straight' men rather consistently. This simply indicates to me that many are not being honest.
For the record I see several couples quite regularly. Not one of those couples involves any sort of man play. I have been fortunate enough to meet people who realize that I am much more than my listed sexual orientation.
One of the things that inspired me to write all of this is the fact that in the last couple days 2 different people, one couple and one single lady reached out to me expressing interest. Upon reading their profiles I quickly noticed they were not shy about their aversion to bisexual men. Hmm, I thought. Why reach out to someone clearly listed as bisexual if you have a problem with such men?
Needless to say I did not respond to these people. Anyone that dishonest or wishy washy does not interest me in the least, no matter how attractive they may be.
So I suppose in response to my own question I will continue to list myself as bisexual and let the chips fall as they may. Quite simply honesty is much more important to me than ones listed sexuality.

Mikemike107015 49M  
133 posts
7/4/2020 12:12 pm

Peace. Have a great holiday everyone. Please, be honest about yourself.

shadowtoo69 65M  
954 posts
7/4/2020 12:55 pm

Honesty is best. Some people consider a bi male higher risk sexual partner.

Mikemike107015 replies on 7/5/2020 10:40 am:
I always find that way of thinking interesting. That makes too many assumptions. It assumes that someone who says they are straight is actually straight. (I won't even get into the number of people who think its totally straight for a man to receive a blow job from another man)
It also assumes that bisexual men are not engaging in safe sex practices.
After all if someone is concerned about the risks, they would be having safe sex regardless of the sexual experience of the person they are having sex with.

QuitetheSOP 53M
122 posts
7/4/2020 1:17 pm

Well said sir...may your chips fall on a nice plate.

Regards SOP

pocogato12 68F  
33783 posts
7/4/2020 2:30 pm

I dislike saying this but dishonesty on here is rather rampant so I make sure communication is completely there before I chose to "coffee date" anyone. Well spoken post

(Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group

dogslife2live01 68M
1997 posts
7/4/2020 4:47 pm

i would not call it so much dishonest as a phobia. (a persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, activity, or situation that leads to a compelling desire to avoid it.)
possibly the woman's reason to include a third is selfish. maybe the man is afraid that the bi person will make make unwanted passes at him...
there are thousands of other reasons... but it all comes back to a fear they have that they will not/ can not face them self
therefore i do agree with you they are being dishonest... unfortunately the lies they tell are to themselves.

there is a world of difference between insanity and stupidity

12FK2 46F  
554 posts
7/4/2020 9:27 pm

Everyone has made good points about this. I don't think it's as cut and dry as people are afraid or phobic if they are heterosexual. There are a host of reasons, some of which just boil down to preference. Some women, in a one on one situation, may not feel as desired if they are not bi and can't relate. To some, the attraction to men and women is not fully understood. And some women can't reconcile the part that's attracted to men and they may prefer a man who doesn't have those desires (in a one on one). Some hetero men, in a 3some situation, may just be uncomfortable with the thought of the guy possibly focusing on them or touching them if they have no sexual attraction to men. And it could be awkward for them if all 3 people are naked and engaged in sexual acts. Doesn't necessarily mean they are afraid or phobic. It would probably be a similar feeling for a gay man, who had zero sexual interest in women, being asked to have a women join in a 3some with his man. If a woman doesn't appeal to them, it could effect their experience or performance. Those are just a few thoughts. But I think there is a lot of nuance.

And, yes, there are also those that just lie because they haven't come to terms with their desires. Some lie because they also seek women and know that some hetero women have a preference also. Everyone has a right to their preferences.

You seem to have a good approach to it all. The people who match with you will match and those who don't won't. There are a lot of people out there who are also bi or couples where both people are comfortable with bi. For the ones who are not, as you eluded to, those are not your people.

author51 57F  
96518 posts
7/5/2020 12:22 am

    Quoting pocogato12:
    I dislike saying this but dishonesty on here is rather rampant so I make sure communication is completely there before I chose to "coffee date" anyone. Well spoken post
Like my friend here, open and totally honest communication and connection is imperative before even meeting someone as there are a lot of fakes and flakes here. I hope you do find ones who do not care nor discriminate about your sexuality.

One can never have enough JOY in their life...

lyavu 47F  
1354 posts
7/5/2020 7:40 am

My question is why are there two forms of sex ? Man and woman? why weren't we just made man and man or woman and woman? if u can explain that then you will know the answer to your question?

Mikemike107015 replies on 7/5/2020 10:32 am:
If i understand you correctly i would say you are asking from a religious perspective. I simply don't talk politics or religion here. However to answer your question I would say the two sexes exist for the purpose of procreation. I'm not talking about that, I'm simply talking about sex.
Also what I was trying to explain was that many times people tend to portray their interest as something that fits others desires rather than their own.
I mean, I could easily change my sexual orientation to say straight simply to open the door to those not interested in bisexual individuals. That just doesn't seem a good idea to me.

Koklhr 68M
66 posts
7/6/2020 5:04 am

What they may see it that you are looking for women and couples. Unless they read your entire profile they would not know you consider yourself bi. I myself thought that you were not bi.

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