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They called me Trojan
Posted:Apr 10, 2016 12:15 pm
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2020 8:37 am
2057 Views

About a million years ago I was going through my first divorce. My wife at the time was living about three hours away as we had been separated for roughly two years and she was finishing her degree in Toledo. I swore that I was not going to date until the divorce was final. Call me crazy but it's how I was raised. IIRC I was about 27 at the time, had a great job, and life was generally good besides the failed marriage.

I used to bowl regularly. One of the waitresses at the bowling center was very attractive and very friendly and a few of my teammates decided that I had been alone long enough. The constantly ragged on me that I should ask this particular waitress out. For the sake of this blog, we'll call her Rose. Rose was exactly my type. I knew that for a long time and was very attracted to her, but I was married. Yes, my marriage was a train wreck and ending... but I was married. She and I had many conversations, some around my teammates and some in private back in the bar after closing. She didn't seem the type for a bowling center waitress. I can't really explain why, but she just didn't seem the type. She was beautiful and funny, smart, and grounded. So fast forward a few months and I finally had a hearing date for my divorce to become finalized.

We decided that we would meet for dinner a month or two before the divorce and the rest is a blur. We were pretty much inseparable and she knew everything about me. I spent my lunch breaks with her and she spent almost every available minute with me. What we DIDN'T do however is establish a sexual relationship right away. I told her that I couldn't go there until after the divorce was final and she understood. I honestly had a connection with her that I simply couldn't explain. Then came the divorce.

The day my divorce was final was also a blur. I drove to the courthouse and everything was dotted and crossed. I went back to work. Rose had already asked if I could do dinner that night and of course it was no problem. Conveniently my court date was on a Friday morning. Being the total idiot that I am, I invited my best friend and his wife to dinner with us to celebrate... but I think I forgot to tell Rose. Actually I'm pretty certain I forgot. Dinner reservations were at 6:30 and I pulled into my driveway about 5:30 so I didn't have a lot of time. Usually I beat her home but this night she was there first. When I walked in the door, Rose was on the couch. Naked. I have to admit that I had dated her for a little over a month but I had not even contemplated this. I hadn't seen her naked before, in whole or even really in part... so I was completely speechless. She led me back to my bedroom where she proceeded to tear off my clothes and... well I think we lost track of time.

Next thing I know there is a knock at the door. Shit. Who the fuck? Now I remember telling my best friend and his wife that they could ride with us to dinner. Fuck me. I scramble to throw on some clothes and leave Rose behind to get herself dressed. I answer the door in a t-shirt and shorts, hair fucked up, and probably looking like I had just fought a tiger with my bare hands. My best friend walks in with his wife in tow, dressed for dinner. He takes a few steps into the living room and stops. He turns to me with a strange look on his face... and says "what the fuck are you doing in here? It smells like a latex factory."

With that I hear Rose in the back room laughing hysterically. Her laugh is not concealable even with multiple walls and doors. I briefly explained the situation and asked if they could give me a minute. They sat and watched TV while we scrambled a quick shower and headed out to dinner. From that night on, several of my closer friends called me "Trojan" because of the smell of... well... the smell.
3 Comments
Emotional Maturity?
Posted:Nov 19, 2015 5:44 pm
Last Updated:May 5, 2016 7:21 am
2535 Views

I have written this twice and still don't like it necessarily, but I was asked to post it anyhow so here goes...

Emotional maturity is something I've thought about quite a bit over the past six or eight years. To me, the term refers to your ability to make intelligent adult decisions about relationships. The more emotional maturity you have, the more likely you are to consider the longer term rewards or consequences of your actions before taking them. This means rewards and consequences not only to yourself, but also to others involved. Let me explain:

When you are younger, you have needs that may not be fully understood. Emotionally you're immature. Call it impulsive if you wish. You want a mate and you go find one. She may not be right for you but you don't care because your immediate needs are being fulfilled when you're with her. As time goes on though, the two of you may have issues and you end up breaking up. When your immediate needs are being met, you don't consider the consequences of breaking up as seriously. Maybe you just figure you'll find another mate. You found one last time right? Maybe this one will be even BETTER than the last one. Maybe this cycle repeats and repeats because you continue to make decisions based on short term needs. Meanwhile the clock ticks.

As you get more mature emotionally, you start to see how destructive the cycle is. Awareness of that destruction or even the potential of it makes you consider the outcomes more carefully. A little maturity and you consider the consequences of your actions and how they'll impact your life. A little more and you consider the potential impact to your mate. More than that and you consider how it impacts family and friends. More yet and you understand the long term affect on your future.

In my own life, I have made mistakes and entered relationships in the past with borderline reckless abandon. It's fun and spontaneous, hot and exciting, and almost always hurts in the end. As I've gotten older, I've gotten quite a bit more picky. For me to be in a relationship, I can't be "kinda interested" in the other person. It takes time for me to buy in emotionally. I need to be really nuts about my mate. It keeps me strongly attracted to her, keeps my actions fully focused on her happiness, and gives me a sense that she appreciates me for my dedication. It also allows me to not get caught up in the momentary fun of a new relationship and see through it for what it really is and may or may not be in the long term.

...but this is a sex site...

...so how does this apply to a sex site???

Here's my theory: Emotional maturity can progress to a level of self awareness where you're capable of understanding much more than you did at a younger age. Let's say you are fully comfortable with your wants and needs. Your partner is very comfortable with THEIR wants and needs. You trust your partner enough to fully and honestly communicate those needs to each other. There are no hidden agendas now. No doubt. No fear. If you're at a place in your life where your only primary need is sexual and this matches with your partner, then your shared level of emotional maturity allows you to have a sexual relationship that may seem unconventional to others. To you and your partner, it can be one of the most rewarding relationships ever because it is focused, fulfilling, and lacks ancillary distractions that are common to more conventional couples.

SO what does all of this mean? Simply it points out the requirements of honesty in communicating your wants and needs to your mate, and it points out the importance of understanding truly what they want and need. Any misunderstanding or deceit can lead to drama. Properly communicating these things can lead to extreme happiness. Be simple, be direct, and be happy.
0 Comments
I feel bad
Posted:Nov 12, 2015 8:03 pm
Last Updated:Jul 8, 2019 10:40 am
2617 Views

So... I can hardly even comprehend that I'm putting this out on the internet, but it's something I need to hear some feedback from. I've been divorced about two years and have dated a few women now that I'm single again. Recently I had a situation that left me scratching my head and honestly thinking that I'm probably a bit of a douche. Around six months ago I started dating a woman who I met on a conventional dating site. She was divorced pretty recently as well, from a 13 year marriage. She was someone I was comfortable being around and really enjoyed spending time with but I didn't have an overwhelmingly strong connection with her. I kinda wanted to but just wasn't feeling strongly compelled to escalate our relationship. I guess I was pretty happy just hanging out and catching dinner, maybe a movie here and there... sometimes the couch with Netflix and a blanket.

One night after we had dated for about six or eight weeks, we were on the couch watching TV and she asked me why I hadn't "made a move" sexually with her. I explained that while I was attracted to her and really enjoyed spending time with her, I wasn't in a hurry to take our relationship to any new levels. I'm guessing that she felt it was the wrong answer and she initiated... well... she started peeling off my clothes and next thing I knew we were mostly naked. Here is the weird part. She was an attractive woman. Not drop dead gorgeous but attractive. She was in great shape and she looked every bit as good naked as she did clothed. As things progressed, I have to say that I was underwhelmed. Really underwhelmed. Significantly, startlingly, and tragically underwhelmed.

The experience was so incredibly awkward that we never recovered from it and after a couple more weeks of really uncomfortable silence between the two of us as we continued to date... things fizzled and we stopped seeing each other.

So here's my question: Have you ever had someone you were dating who was so bad in bed that you just couldn't overcome it? I feel like a total dick hole for even saying this, but I couldn't... didn't.... It was so awkward and so bad.

Similar experiences? Please tell me I'm not the only one who ever did this.
2 Comments
Strange analogy and another sexual partner poll
Posted:Mar 31, 2015 4:43 am
Last Updated:Jul 8, 2019 10:42 am
3804 Views

I was in the chatroom last night and heard something that made me think. One of the regulars said "sexual partners are like cockroaches" and basically implied that if someone said they'd been with 40 people in their life, the real number was more like 200. I'm not sure I understand the analogy, but we'll roll with it for now. First of all, those numbers seemed a bit high to me... and secondly, are people that dishonest about their sexual history?

What do you think? How many sexual partners have you had in your lifetime? What do you count as a sexual partner? Are they only a partner if there's penetration involved? They don't count if it's only once??? One of the women even stated that she only counts them as a sexual partner if they've had unprotected sex. Remind me to wear hazmat gear if I ever go to a party she's attending.

So here's how I count it... not that numbers matter a lot but it made me think:

A sexual partner is one with whom you've had intimate physical contact. Okay Bill Clinton, what does "intimate sexual contact" mean? Jeez you're a tough crowd. Let me throw out some examples. So does a high school handjob on the way to prom count? Yep. One night stand that you can't remember their name? Yep. Second wife who was a terrible (and infrequent) lay? Yep. Drunken anonymous hookup in the restroom of Flannagans on St. Patricks day? You betcha. Ten minutes of panty free upskirt finger play over martinis at an upscale bar? Admit it, it's sexual contact.

So what's your lifetime sexual partners total?
None - I'm still a virgin
0-10
10-20
20-40
40-60
60-100
100-150
150-300
300+
Prefer not to say
0 Comments , 32 votes
I must be gay
Posted:Mar 25, 2015 4:51 pm
Last Updated:May 12, 2016 4:04 pm
3697 Views

I know, I know... I shouldn't use the word "gay" here. I probably shouldn't use it at all, but a friend of mine the other day sitting at a restaurant made a comment that made me think. He said, "Either you think our waitress is totally hot, or you're gay." Now to give some background, we were sitting in a place that has very scantily clad waitresses, most of which are between 18 and 23 years of age. Sure, she had a nice tight body. Yes, there was an abundance of wrinkle free, tanned skin to admire... but she was a freaking for god's sake. He was undressing her with his eyes and I was thinking about how her parents must feel with her working there. He was envisioning the soft young body entangling with his and I was envisioning my a few years older with strangers staring at her ass all night. *sigh again* I wonder if her mom is hot...
1 comment

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They called me Trojan (3)CurvaliciousPJ
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