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Anger and Other Things  

QuiteKindMind 35M  
17 posts
10/11/2020 3:49 pm
Anger and Other Things

Amanda looks at me from her pillow. Her naked body free for me touch and view. She’s a beautiful older woman, but it’s her mind I find the most sexy. We’re fresh in afterglow and the closeness between us is peaked.

She says, “You know... we’ve known each other a while now, and I can’t remember seeing you mad.”

I shrug. “I try avoid it. It’s not productive.”

Amanda sits up on an elbow, “But it feels so good sometimes! And how do you avoid a feeling?!”

My lover is fiery. It’s part of what I enjoy about her. She also likes deep, probing conversations. I think about my marriage and realize that’s another part I find tremendously sexy. I need moments where she digs in and discovers cobwebs.

I look into her luminous blue eyes and sigh. “When I was young, I got sick. It took years for doctors to figure out what was wrong. And even when they did, it took even longer to find treatments that helped.“ I close my eyes to compose myself. “But during the worst years, I couldn’t tell if it was all in my head or if I was dying from something like a brain tumor.”

The story falls out of me. It’s painful, but it’s a part of who I am.

“I’ve been poked and prodded in the worst ways. Gone through so many embarrassing exams. Been hurt so bad that I nearly passed out. And all this during my teens, which is already a hell by itself.”

I pause again, allowing some of my worst memories to pass. Amanda caresses my cheek, providing me some strength.

“For years, I was mad at everything. At everyone. I thought, ‘Why don’t all these people realize that life is a nightmare waiting to eat them alive?’ And... there were times where I wished everyone would hurt as much as me.”

I’m not proud of those thoughts, but I’m so different now it’s like describing a character from a book.

“Anger can feel good. But I’ve felt the ugliness in rage. It’s not something I want to feel again.

“Now when I see people get angry, it’s the opposite. I think about how bad things can get.”

Amanda gives me a kiss. Her eyes are sad. She says, “I understand. Thank you for telling me.” She doesn’t say sorry, which I appreciate.

More<b> kisses </font></b>and cuddles follow. More talk. More laughs. Telling my story hurt a bit, but the closeness it brings is beautiful.

Sometimes life is like that.

author51 58F
108004 posts
10/12/2020 12:15 am

Such a beautiful story and gives one food for thought about how to control our frustrations,that become so unimportant when you look at the bigger picture...

You can never have enough JOY in your life..


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