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Rosebud322 46F
99 posts
3/31/2007 9:20 pm

Last Read:
5/3/2012 5:05 pm

Jokes


There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."

The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."

The priest thought long and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and drink the juice."

The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."

-------------------------------------------------

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many , grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."

Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm 92 years old . I'm telling everybody."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Martha and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking...

Martha: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date...I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well...I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7PM. And dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit. And he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a beautiful car...a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner...marvelous dinner - lobster. Then we go see a show...let me tell you, Martha, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"

Martha: "Goodness gracious!...so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"

Edna: "No, no, no...I'm just saying, wear an old dress!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a small town the patrolman was making his evening rounds.

As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.
He stopped and asked them if they were stealing the car.

They said "Heavens no, we bought it."

He said,"Then why don't you drive it away".

They said "We can't drive".

He said "Then why did you buy it?"

One of the ladies answered, "We were told if we bought a car here, we'd get screwed, so we are just waiting."




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Oldmanaz2 61M  
314 posts
5/23/2020 7:34 pm

Love the last one. Ty.


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