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Why is this so hard ??  

Ruhim1975 55F  
46 posts
12/28/2019 1:27 am
Why is this so hard ??


Being divorced three years now. It’s not getting any easier. Had a dinner the other night and was able to get some honest answers from a gentleman. When us gals say we don’t want a hookup but let’s met see if we click and go from there. You guys mostly agree then the challenge begins.

So question here is. Is this true?? How fast can I bed her?? I can change her mind once she see how great I am. Hell I bought her dinner. If she didn’t want it she wouldn’t have those kind of pictures on her profile

Looking for to your thoughts on this. Both guys and gals what’s you feelings on this subject and what internal rules do you go by.

R U Him


pytimesx 60M
939 posts
12/28/2019 1:40 am

I've always enjoyed the air-headed-ness of "How fast can I bed her??"
It's always followed by of "How fast can I dump her and go home??"
And trust me, as we mature, that assumption gets even dumber while the scent of immaturity protrudes through her pores like sweat.

At any age, some women seem to forget they're auditioning too. And those that carry these stereotypical bagages never know when that really great guy, the one that shouldn't have gotten away - ran away. They never get out of the gate because that guy you're all looking for, sees right through the insecurities and simply doesn't have time for the drama - certain not at out age.


TJB3168 55M
5 posts
12/28/2019 1:48 am

    Quoting pytimesx:
    I've always enjoyed the air-headed-ness of "How fast can I bed her??"
    It's always followed by of "How fast can I dump her and go home??"
    And trust me, as we mature, that assumption gets even dumber while the scent of immaturity protrudes through her pores like sweat.

    At any age, some women seem to forget they're auditioning too. And those that carry these stereotypical bagages never know when that really great guy, the one that shouldn't have gotten away - ran away. They never get out of the gate because that guy you're all looking for, sees right through the insecurities and simply doesn't have time for the drama - certain not at out age.

Pretty harsh response to the original post.


bitchkitty2017 68F  
5299 posts
12/28/2019 1:50 am

you might get true and honest answers from some guys on here but the majority will tell you what they think you want to hear ..Its sad that the honest guys are so few and far between ..Every one on here is out to get something from someone and if you read profiles they sometimes contradict themselves and let slip what they are truly seeking..I met a guy outside of here that really got it going on..he has it all ..good luck wish you all the best in your search


TJB3168 55M
5 posts
12/28/2019 1:50 am

and Ruhim, for me if's a first meet I'm not looking to get her into bed that night. We agreed on dinner, a movie , a drink or whatever- then that's all I'd expect.
And if I was interested in taking things further I'd be acting like it, not a one shot loser.


ltrskr 72M  
4471 posts
12/28/2019 2:51 am

Men r lucky, they have enough blood to operate their brain and their penis, but not at the same time.....


occums_razor 61M  
59 posts
12/28/2019 2:54 am

Dear Ruhim1975, If you feel like you keep running into the same type of guy who wants to see how fast he gets you into bed, then maybe it's time to look at the type of guy you are attracted to. The proverbial tall dark rich handsome Prince Charming, is a fantasy every bit as much as Barbie. Most of the guys who do well on these sites are polished womanizers (not all), who are looking for notches on their bedposts. The real sweet guys don't stand a chance because they don't have catchy lines or stories. They aren't models. Many haven't done well with women all their lives and are a bit intimidated by women. Part of the problem lies with men, because they find a way to get what they want (sex) and they keep using what works well for them. And part of the problem lies with women who keep going after the same type of guy described above. Insanity is sometimes doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. I don't know if this helps you, but maybe changing the type of guy you find attractive will change your results. And if you find you can't change who you are attracted to then you will get the same results and you should expect what you get. Complaining won't change that. Best wishes in your search. The problems between men and women is as old as the species.


TB5758 62M/63F  
544 posts
12/28/2019 2:57 am

    Quoting pytimesx:
    I've always enjoyed the air-headed-ness of "How fast can I bed her??"
    It's always followed by of "How fast can I dump her and go home??"
    And trust me, as we mature, that assumption gets even dumber while the scent of immaturity protrudes through her pores like sweat.

    At any age, some women seem to forget they're auditioning too. And those that carry these stereotypical bagages never know when that really great guy, the one that shouldn't have gotten away - ran away. They never get out of the gate because that guy you're all looking for, sees right through the insecurities and simply doesn't have time for the drama - certain not at out age.

Well said! Could not agree more.


dig76301 62M  
105 posts
12/28/2019 3:03 am

It's a SEX site. I'm always confused when people expected more from a site where the majority of the people, just want to have sex. Now if anything else becomes of your meeting on this site, then consider yourself lucky. There are plenty of sites for people who want to date, wine and dine, get to know one another. This isn't it people, come on! You knew what you were getting into when you saw your first naked body part, but you thought YOU could change the rules. Have some non-committal adult fun, or committal fun, but don't take yourself so serious Life is to short. Have a GREAT New Year.


Ruhim1975 replies on 12/28/2019 10:02 am:
Yes I know it’s a sex site. Wow

dogslife2live01 68M
2117 posts
12/28/2019 3:15 am

honest answers? or answers you excepted.
i always wondered why people would join a hookup site for dinner? now i am not saying that a man is entitled to get laid on every meet... but seriously is it not like going to a shoe store for a dress?
true not every meet in a hookup site leads to a bed... it is also true that we only take seven seconds to form an opinion. so if you don't get the spark, why stay for dinner?
"And if I was interested in taking things further I'd be acting like it, not a one shot loser."
i do like this line,but am wondering if you ain't here to score,then why did you sign up for the game?
yes i do agree that no women is obligated to have sex with ANYONE she is not comfortable with
yes i agree that a woman that has agreed to a hookup has the right to backout when meeting the person
my question would be why join a hookup site... why except a date on a hookup site... why meet someone from a hookup site with NO intent to hookup

there is a world of difference between insanity and stupidity


xtita3 58M  
420 posts
12/28/2019 3:33 am

i ve said this before most men just want another notch on bed post ,eventho they were told they just think with their smaller head


sixty69nine2018 52M
24 posts
12/28/2019 3:42 am

Don't you think most men just keep it on the quite side though


Granny872 68F  
2722 posts
12/28/2019 4:33 am

    Quoting dig76301:
    It's a SEX site. I'm always confused when people expected more from a site where the majority of the people, just want to have sex. Now if anything else becomes of your meeting on this site, then consider yourself lucky. There are plenty of sites for people who want to date, wine and dine, get to know one another. This isn't it people, come on! You knew what you were getting into when you saw your first naked body part, but you thought YOU could change the rules. Have some non-committal adult fun, or committal fun, but don't take yourself so serious Life is to short. Have a GREAT New Year.
I agree with you ... to an extent. This site pulls no punches, and it is what it is.

However ... so are all the other sites. The search for the sex hookup is pervasive on every dating site I've ever been on. The difference is, it's cloaked or not implied on those other sites. But trust me, it's still there. Women, or men for that matter, who are looking for more than a ONS fare no better on those other sites than they do on AdultFriendFinder, IMO.

So with that said, I think this site, AdultFriendFinder, is as much for the long-term relationship seeker as it is for the one-and-done seeker. If you don't like what someone is looking for, move on to the next candidate!

Live and let live.


JustLookn439 54M

12/28/2019 4:56 am

    Quoting  :

Some are harsh replies, but others are both harsh and spot on. When I've dated, I am not thinking of getting her in bed asap, but rather if I want to spend time with a woman like the one sitting across the table from me. The woman wittingly or unwittingly ARE auditioning as we are.


sensualmaninmn 59M  
522 posts
12/28/2019 5:05 am

Usually when I meet someone for the first time, we have talked at length and established expectations from the get-go. Many times if we discover the chemistry is there we head out and get more "intimately" acquainted, as we both have needs and our primary reason for being here is to find someone to fulfill them. Other times it doesn't work out that way, of course, but the times I meet someone that is relaxed and feels sex is natural (like I do) it is refreshing.


sensualmaninmn 59M  
522 posts
12/28/2019 5:25 am

    Quoting Granny872:
    I agree with you ... to an extent. This site pulls no punches, and it is what it is.

    However ... so are all the other sites. The search for the sex hookup is pervasive on every dating site I've ever been on. The difference is, it's cloaked or not implied on those other sites. But trust me, it's still there. Women, or men for that matter, who are looking for more than a ONS fare no better on those other sites than they do on AdultFriendFinder, IMO.

    So with that said, I think this site, AdultFriendFinder, is as much for the long-term relationship seeker as it is for the one-and-done seeker. If you don't like what someone is looking for, move on to the next candidate!

    Live and let live.
You are spot-on! The good thing about this site is you can be upfront about the need for sex, while the other sites you alluded to you really can't. Because of how I am wired, I just can't to the one-and-done thing, thus I lean in the relationship direction, as to me the sex gets better when you learn more about and yearn for someone. Thanks for pointing out that there is a place for all here.


benard69 63M/63F  
5321 posts
12/28/2019 6:03 am

Yep this wouldn't be the place to find ever lasting love...It can happen but face it...Folks are looking for sex...


Linc1912 44M
977 posts
12/28/2019 6:29 am

It all depends on the guy you’re attracting.

Some guys DO think like that.

But it’s up to you to find ones that don’t.

I’ve never fucked someone on the first date because I didn’t think that happens in real life. And my intentions come out in the end.
But the thing is do you stick around long enough to find out..

~Linc was here.~


purpleman2986 46M  
131 posts
12/28/2019 6:35 am

Yes. This is a sex site. If you are looking for a date site there are plenty of others. This is what frustrates us men on her... this isn’t a date to marry kind of site. It explicitly says what it is. How could you not get that.
Go to a date site. You probably not find what you’re looking for there either...


BiggLala 48F  
28939 posts
12/28/2019 7:33 am

    Quoting occums_razor:
    Dear Ruhim1975, If you feel like you keep running into the same type of guy who wants to see how fast he gets you into bed, then maybe it's time to look at the type of guy you are attracted to. The proverbial tall dark rich handsome Prince Charming, is a fantasy every bit as much as Barbie. Most of the guys who do well on these sites are polished womanizers (not all), who are looking for notches on their bedposts. The real sweet guys don't stand a chance because they don't have catchy lines or stories. They aren't models. Many haven't done well with women all their lives and are a bit intimidated by women. Part of the problem lies with men, because they find a way to get what they want (sex) and they keep using what works well for them. And part of the problem lies with women who keep going after the same type of guy described above. Insanity is sometimes doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. I don't know if this helps you, but maybe changing the type of guy you find attractive will change your results. And if you find you can't change who you are attracted to then you will get the same results and you should expect what you get. Complaining won't change that. Best wishes in your search. The problems between men and women is as old as the species.
You made a lot of assumptions in your comment. This, "The proverbial tall dark rich handsome Prince Charming, is a fantasy every bit as much as Barbie," is especially assumptive. Nowhere in her post does she describe a specific type of man, or list attributes she finds attractive in a man. What led you to think that is the type of man she seeks?

I'll tell you from my experiences, the "womanizers" aren't the only men here who think about how fast they can get a woman into bed. Far too many men take a woman's agreement to meet for drinks, and drinks only, as her agreement to sex.

Lastly, if any person is intimidated by the opposite sex, they shouldn't be online looking to meet. Those people, especially if they lack social/conversational skills, should first develop those abilities and THEN search. Unfortunately, many people who cannot meet others in 'real life' erroneously think their online experiences will be magically different (read: better). It won't.

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BiggLala 48F  
28939 posts
12/28/2019 7:42 am

Damn, where did all the "...this is a sex site..." shit come from? That is NOT EVEN what she said or is talking about.

Sooo....there is no need to meet, i.e. "see", the person first? I guess all the men saying this is a sex site would have sex with a woman who agreed to it before actually meeting her? Except, once you see her, you find out she lied about what she looks like. She's 20 years older and/or 100 pounds heavier...or is really a dude.

Need a way to message ALL members?...click here for helpful instructions in setting up a private messaging blog post.


seems6666 50F
4113 posts
12/28/2019 7:59 am

    Quoting BiggLala:
    Damn, where did all the "...this is a sex site..." shit come from? That is NOT EVEN what she said or is talking about.

    Sooo....there is no need to meet, i.e. "see", the person first? I guess all the men saying this is a sex site would have sex with a woman who agreed to it before actually meeting her? Except, once you see her, you find out she lied about what she looks like. She's 20 years older and/or 100 pounds heavier...or is really a dude.
I just KNEW you would jump all over this one They are still not getting it are they


seems6666 50F
4113 posts
12/28/2019 8:01 am

    Quoting purpleman2986:
    Yes. This is a sex site. If you are looking for a date site there are plenty of others. This is what frustrates us men on her... this isn’t a date to marry kind of site. It explicitly says what it is. How could you not get that.
    Go to a date site. You probably not find what you’re looking for there either...
The men on here are on the "dating" sites too.
On here they are looking to get laid,, on there they are looking for a relationship/the one.
It's all bullshit, you pays your money you takes your chance,


Ruhim1975 55F  
3 posts
12/28/2019 10:01 am

I wasn’t trying to start a debate or have very harsh comments thrown at me which I can take. Just wanted to know if this was a thing. ThAnjs did all your well constructed comments

R U Him


Ruhim1975 55F  
3 posts
12/28/2019 10:09 am

Hard time tying this morning. Again thank you for your hard thought out comments. One comment that had my laughing was that their other sites for dating yes and because it’s assumed that is where it’s going without talking about it. I’ve been assaulted over it for not putting out. Here at least it’s brought up. I have just noticed, from experience, that if you agree to met to see if you click then that’s it. When you try to jump on top of her the minute you say hi. That’s not cool. And most guys are in the other sites 3 to 4 at a time. Why who knows or they aren’t getting any

R U Him


jolielaide 49F  
1457 posts
12/28/2019 10:35 am

    Quoting  :

well, as the gentlemanly thing, that's what you would do but everyone here has their own agenda (and intentions). to have dinner makes for a long night and for some could raise the 'expectation' of sex after, as if it is a given. adult, upfront communication and boundaries would need to be deeply expressed and understood that dinner does not equal sex. and the same would be true if it was simply nothing more than drinks or coffee.

and part of the reason why i personally don't like someone being 'willing' to drive a distance. yes, the guy makes the 'offer', but i don't have to accept. and it's all for the same reason. why have someone drive a good ways or more to see your face, chat, shake hands, g'bye? i don't need or want someone trying to make me feel bad that all they got is some dap or a handshake? when anyone is geographically closer, i feel like there is less potential for things to go sideways and easier for either party to excuse themselves without feeling like tremendous time or money was wasted. or having to take a long home.


lonlyforlove2 77M
17201 posts
12/28/2019 11:45 am

    Quoting BiggLala:
    Damn, where did all the "...this is a sex site..." shit come from? That is NOT EVEN what she said or is talking about.

    Sooo....there is no need to meet, i.e. "see", the person first? I guess all the men saying this is a sex site would have sex with a woman who agreed to it before actually meeting her? Except, once you see her, you find out she lied about what she looks like. She's 20 years older and/or 100 pounds heavier...or is really a dude.
The one who can understand the written word, have a realistic grasp of the given thought and direct comments in the right direction. Most people read into something some preconceived thoughts and get off track in a hurry. To all have a good one

Be sure to look in at lonlyforlove2 . It may make you smile
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sphxdiver 70M  
21067 posts
12/28/2019 2:56 pm

I go in with no expectations what so ever.

things click, we go from there then.

Otherwise, it's a date !!


s2ndegree 61M  
9730 posts
12/28/2019 7:06 pm

Assumptions and presumptions are a deep seeded paranoia that comes from people who can't or won't show who they are and that keeps people at home.

Sex gets everyone's attention.That's why they're here huddled around a internet device watching what others are saying and uploading.Some are only after envy. Some to create jealousy from an ex partner.Most just get a cheap thrill from hiding from some societal taboo while they post unconfirmed headless body parts.

There's no doubt that women don't want to hear what men are thinking .They'd rather hear what they're thinking ,only in a deeper voice.There's really no better saying to define this site and what it accomplishes
and that's "No reply is a reply.

I don't really think it's sex and it's procurement that we all have in common
here but rather how much fun we have at being good at dodging lead!

Using more than all the road!


jajo696 65F
2490 posts
12/29/2019 5:15 am

Just as i have always said...its a Mars/Venus thing.....and they will never get it ( sigh ).

Ruh....there are all kindsa everything here...just move on to the next till you find someone who kinda sorta maybe .....gets it....and is worthy of your time. ~~


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