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How I really feel - angry post  

Rvajme 52F
3 posts
1/7/2019 4:41 pm
How I really feel - angry post

Warning: Angry thoughts I to express.
Dear Joe:
The phone today caught me seriously off-guard. Your confession- I had no idea how to respond or what to say, but I’ve gone through the entire grief process today and now I know exactly what I want to say!
I completely understand your for admitting your faults and apologizing. You must be somewhere around Step 8-9 of a 12 step recovery program, but not happy about it! I didn’t or want the past to be dredged up. I had already accepted the fact that I would never hear from you again. Why the fuck I decided to answer a random from a number I didn’t know today is beyond me!
So...you’re a sex addict and you’re sorry for using me? Newsflash number 1 - isn’t that the basic premise of an extramarital affair? The way I understand it, it’s pretty much 2 people using each other for something they aren’t getting at home or something they enjoy. Newsflash number 2 - a grown damn person and nobody uses me without me being in on the deal! What the fuck did you think I’d say? “Oh thanks Joe that’s fuckin nice of you. And all this time I was hoping for a damn<b> wedding </font></b>ring!” And it was selfish of you to make me feel wanted, desireable? Well guess what? It’s pretty damn selfish of you to out of the blue and bring all of this up so that you can feel better about yourself! pissed about it and I want you to back so I can tell you. I was so completely dumbfounded during the phone that I couldn’t even form fucking words, but now they won’t stop! I wish there was another way you could have made amends without involving me. That phone today has ruined every fond memory I had of you and us. I didn’t any admission from you about what was really between us. pretty astute and had that all figured out.
I not mocking addiction. I was raised by addicts. I just hate being blindsided like this from someone I thought had his shit relatively together. I even had this hope that the reason you completely ghosted me was because of a renewed interest in your wife/marriage. a sucker for happy endings so to find out today that shit must have hit the fan and I feel partially at fault is a little more than I want to deal with. Yep, that’s a selfish admission from me. I suppose if you are a sex addict, then I an enabler. But for the record, we haven’t uttered a single word to each other in almost a year, so in my mind, that cord was cut.
I meant what I said on the phone. I truly do wish you the best of luck. I should have followed that sentence with “Wow this really fucked my day up!” This whole thing has gotten in my head and won’t leave. Here’s hoping that writing provides the catharsis that I looking for.

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