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Her worst date….ever.  

SilyconBond 53M
267 posts
2/4/2021 5:56 pm
Her worst date….ever.

Well, my freaking reputation caused me an “issue”, and now I’m paying the price.

Tuesday, almost a normal workday, except I went in an hour early. I skipped the gym in the morning because I have a pretty important project I’m working on. Anyway, the security guards were not the same ones I was familiar with during the day shift.
“Good morning Mr. ******” said the elderly male officer that greeted me.
“Unless you are giving me coffee, it’s not good yet,” I replied him. He chuckled.
The short female security guard his right, “Hey, it’s you!” She says.
“Hey, it’s you! Coffee?” was my reply.
“No, ahhhh…..Is it true what they say about you?” She asks.
Not knowing what the hell she was talking about, “Nope, he was dead when I got there. I know there seven bullets in his back, and it might look like all shots came from my gun that only shoots six bullets. He reloaded. Clearly, it was suicide.” I said.
Both of them are laughing, but neither was getting me coffee. What’s wrong with these two?

I went through the metal detector, and the female security officer moves from behind the counter to stop me and whispers. “So, did you date ***** and *****?”
“I guess you could it that, but I would it more of they tortured me until they moved to Florida kind of thing. See, I got this papercut building boxes for them.” I said and showed her my right index finger, “Or was it this finger?” And now held up my left index finger. I looked from one to the other and back.
“You crazy.” She said and touched my left hand with her right one, then pulled away. I said nothing, just looked at her for a few seconds.
“You're a friend of theirs?” I ask. I didn’t remember either talking about this guard.
“Not exactly. I know them.” She said smiling.
“I’m off at five, going to the gym for an hour, I’ll pick you up afterward. Where?” I said and pulled out my cell to get her number and address. Her eyes get big, and she tells me. I type it in my cell. People start showing up at the counter and she touches my upper arm before she goes back to her post.
I turn away, take two steps, turn back towards her, she is watching me. I mouth the words silently, “Stop looking at my ass.” As I point to my ass and then back at her. Apparently, she can read lips, she put both her hands up to cover her mouth and turned away from me quickly.
I got to my workspace and set up a future text to her to go off in about an hour. “I have to put away my cell for the next couple hours, so get some sleep, don’t think about me not wearing underwear as you were gazing at my butt.”

Wow, when I got back to my cell, she had blown it up. The last text was strange. “I’m so nervous about tonight.” She texted.
I didn’t text her again till after I showered at my gym. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes. Wear shorts and tennis shoes. I’m driving, so me if you want cancel. If you don’t , I’ll be there.”
I didn’t get a . She was waiting for me on the ground floor of her apartment building, dressed in shorts and tennis shoes.
I had a flashback the other security guard as I saw her. How could two women look so tacky in those blue shirts and black slacks, yet look more feminine and more fairy-like out of them? Both women had such nice curves that the uniforms hid. It was a travesty.

I pulled up and motioned for her get in the passenger seat. She walked around my car and got in.
She talked. I drove. Halfway our destination she finally asked. “Where we going?”
“ meet a friend. I already made plans do something before I made you tag along. You were a complete surprise.”
“A friend? What kind of friend?” She asked suspiciously.
“The kind I won’t do a threesome with. Jeeze, relax, we are nearly there.” I said.
She got silent for a very long time. I pulled off the road and up a gate and stopped. I got out, opened the gate, got back in the car. Pulled through the gate, stopped, went, and closed the gate.
The driveway here was almost gravel, and I drove past the house on this ranch to the stock pond in the back. I stopped the car. “We’re here,” I said.

She got out and looked around. “Your friend?” She asks.
“Saw us, be here within a minute or two. Name is Andrew. Don’t shorten it to Andy, it will only confuse everyone.” I said.
I looked at the pond, then opened my truck. I got out a box of ice cream cones (no ice cream, just the cones.) Andrew’s favorite.
Within a minute, Andrew comes walking up to us on her four legs. “Baaaa,” Andrew says. Two small baby goats are following Andrew. The security guard looks around, but Andrew comes up to me, and I pull out one cone and feed it to her. “Baaaa,” Andrew says as she takes it from me.
“Where’s your friend Andrew?” The security guard asks. “Oh, sorry, Andrew this is ******, ****** this is Andrew,” I said. “The are Maddison and Morgan.”
“Your friend is a goat?” She asks.
“She's a very good listener,” I said.
“She? Andrew is a ’s name.” She says.
“You know, I said the same thing, weird. Here, take this cone, and walk over the other side of the car.” I said.
She took the cone and walked to the other side of the car. “Now, her name,” I said.
“Andrew.” The security guard said and Andrew darted around the car towards her and started jumping almost.
“Better give her the cone, or she will start nibbling on your shoelaces,” I said. She does and then starts laughing.
“What?” I asked.
“I was expecting dinner, but not this.” She says. I then said, “Ok, she will let you pet her now. Madison and Morgan don’t have the same hangup as Andrew. No touchy unless Andrew gets a snack. This goat is weird. If you pet the , they expect to be petted at the same time. They get jealous of one another and will fight the other for the attention.”
She is laughing as she pets the baby goats. Andrew walks towards the water and drinks.
“I brought us dinner, sort of, I dug it out of trashcan at work.” I said as I put away the box of cones in the trunk. I got out my lunchbox, opened my sandwich bag, and handed her half of my sandwich.
“Tuna fish?” She says as she sniffs it.
“My own recipe,” I said as I took a bite and motioned her to the front of the car to sit. Then we talked, mostly about the ranch. It was my last time visiting it. My cousin sold it, and they were moving to West Virginia soon. It was a nice chat, and the sun was going down fast. A little after six and it was grey-black. Andrew and the had gone back up to the house. I guess we bored them.
I turned on my headlights, waiting for the next surprise. “It’s pretty here.” She says and I respond, “I’m more of a city . When I was a , my cousin would make me ride horses all over this place. This pond means a lot me. It was the first time I drove a tractor to build it. I saw my first rattlesnake over there. Went swimming in this stock tank as a . Fireworks on the bank some years. The house is awful. It’s so the flooring squeaks, the roof leaks, nails are coming out of the ceiling faster than my cousin can hammer them back in. Foundation problems, plumbing issues, but I loved spending time here. I think this ranch is rather ugly.”
She snuggled close me. Then the surprise. “Quack. Quack. Quack.” As four ducks landed on the water just like they had last time I was there. I went back my trunk get the bread I brought.
“Ducks?” She asks and I reply “I am confused about it myself. Ducks migrate, but these are very social and not really wild. We don’t know where they go during the day, but they come here at night if it’s not too cold, and if you get close to the water they swim right up to you. They expect to be fed, and if you do, they will follow all around the pond if they think you have food. They just showed up a few months ago. I would have thought the headlights would scare them away, but you can’t wave these guys away. They ignore attempts to drive them away. Odd ducks, but mostly friendly.”
I gave her a couple slices and started breaking apart pieces from the slices I had. The ducks didn’t even wait for us to get close to the water before they swan closer then walked towards us. “Quack. Quack. Quack.” Noisy critters. I tossed bread in the water, and they followed that.
“Can I pet them?” She asks.
“Dunno, I’ve never tried,” I said.
She got up close to the water, trying not to get muddy, with the bread and lured one close to her. She leaned, I stepped closer. The duck nibbled at the bread in her hand. Must resist temptation I thought. So close….so close...don't do it….fuck it.
I shoved her butt and in she flopped into the water headfirst, ducks scattered, then swan back to her as she raised herself up, pecking at her hand holding the soggy bread with their bills. I laughed. She splashed water onto me, but I stepped back for most of it. She stood, stepped closer and I held out a hand to help her out of the water.
She yanked on my hand with both of hers and pulled herself violently towards me and I slipped backward and fell. Now I was on the ground on my back with her on top of me. “You were supposed to go in the water!” She yelled as she dripped on top of me.
“You need to weigh another hundred pounds to move me. I can bench press you and then some.” I said as I laughed. “I still got wet, and my backside is in the mud, isn’t that enough?” I asked.
She kissed me instead of answering. “You smell like tuna,” I said. We writhed on each other. She was very handsy.
My cell phone rang with a distinct ringtone on the hood of my car after a few minutes of play, “I’m a loser baby, don’t try to save me.”
“I have to get that,” I said as I plopped her next to me and scrambled through the mud towards my cell. I wiped my hands on my shirt.
I had to them back. “I’m here. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I’ll be there in over an hour.” I hung up and looked at her. “Well, sorry cut things short. I have shower before I go work. One of my guys got hurt.”
She started flinging mud around. I was winching because I didn’t bring a towel. She and I both sloshed as we got into the car. I was dreading cleaning my car seats, but whatever.
Once we started driving away, I turned on the AC. She reached for the dial, and I slapped her hand away.
“Your hand is dirty,” I said.
“I’m cold.” She whined. I turned it down a notch, leaving two more to go.
“Really? I’m wet, muddy, and cold. ” She said.
“I have that effect on women,” I said as we drove.
A block away from her apartment, I reached over with my right hand and squeezed her left tit and said. “I’m not gay.” She started laughing.
“I can’t believe you did that. You can’t just touch me there.” She said.
“You already had both of them pressed against my chest. I’m pretty sure that gave me permission.”
“That’s different. It’s ok when I do it.” She said.
“So….when you were stroking my crotch, that was ok…but….me….” I said.
“Everything is out of order. You’ve confused me.” She said as she laughed.
I pulled up to the spot I picked her up at and stopped the car. “You’re home.”
She sat there. “Well? Time for you to get out.” I said and motioned with my hand for her to leave.
“A gentleman always opens a door for a lady.” She said.
“When you find one, he can open your door. Your arm ain't broke and I need to hurry. You didn't need a gentleman to get into my car. My guy at work could be bleeding to death from a splinter. You don’t want him to die, do you?”
She swiped her dirty hand across my windshield in front of her, leaving a hand smear.
I replied with, “No goodbye kiss for you. Please, I need to hurry. It’s an emergency. My job depends on me making sure my people are ok.” I said.
She got out. Slammed the door. As I pulled away, she flashed me her tits. WTF?

FUCK! I’m only halfway through my story….I’ll post this and have a part two…I’m just too tired to finish tonight from work.

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