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Women Aren't Having Orgasms. Men Don't Know Why. Let's Talk About It.  

T_Louise 55F  
93 posts
8/27/2019 6:18 pm
Women Aren't Having Orgasms. Men Don't Know Why. Let's Talk About It.

I have say this...I am absolutely flummoxed about how the majority of men still think women will orgasm during penetrative sex. After all, men climax during penetrative sex, so a woman should too, right? Wrong. Whenever I am asked what favourite position is, I say I do not have one , as I am one of the majority of women do not orgasm by fucking. What!!? So, how do you cum then? ? Ok , the percentage of women do not cum by fucking is something like 75-80%. That is huge. Not so, say many men. I've had women cum by penetrative sex. Well then Mr., you are either lucky you found a woman who has an orgasm by fucking, or else she fakes it. Who wants to fake it? I was looking around on the internet and found an interesting article. It is a bit on the long side, so for those men who want learn a thing or 6, read on. For those who are cock oriented and selfish, don't give a shit about a woman's orgasm or enjoyment, and you are too focused on yours, you may skip this article. One final thing before I launch into it, Squirting...not every woman who squirts is having an orgasm with it. Some squirt because you are jackhammering her either with your finger or cock, and it is rather uncomfortable. Others squirt as they are blissfully enjoying their orgasms. Just sayin'. Now, on to the article. Enjoy.

The orgasm gap is real...and here's how you can fix it.

Sex can be romantic. Animalistic. Should be pleasurable. Egalitarian. Messy, but in a good way. Fun. Often, it’s straight-up confusing. When it comes a guy’s climax, the routine is fairly simple: You get a little turned on, there’s some touching or rubbing or partnered stimulation of some kind, and then when you’ve reached the point of no return—a release!

But women’s orgasms can be as confounding as a Westworld plotline. First we have to feel generally comfortable around you, then remember whether or not we left our curling iron plugged in this morning, reassure ourselves that we unplugged it, then remind ourselves that we’re making out with a guy we like. The blood eventually rushes our genitals, and the touching from then on has to be juuuuust right—not too hard, not too soft, and usually on the exact right spot. Things are going well! We’re feeling it! And even then, sometimes when an orgasm is ascending like a firework—poof!—it turns it was just a dud.

So it’s not exactly shocking read new research in The Journal of Sexual Medicine that says that men have a difficult time telling when (or even if) women climax during a sexual experience. In the study, which looked at a nationally representative sample of nearly 1,700 newlyweds, researchers found that 43 percent of husbands misperceived how often their wives orgasm, in most cases overestimating their wives’ O’s. Remember, these weren’t random hookups but people put rings on it and, barring any 90 Day Fiancé–type situations, had had a few or so explore each other’s bodies.

“The general lack of men’s awareness was surprising,” says Nathan Leonhardt, a Ph.D. candidate at the University of Toronto and lead author of the study. “We were expecting some [gap in awareness], but such a percentage tells us this is a very prevalent issue.”

Why the Confusion—and Why It Matters

If you around, you’ll start see similar data in other less, um, scientific places. A recent survey of 1,000 men by sex-toy start-up Cunni—they make an oral-sex simulator, obviously—asked if men gave their partners orgasms during oral sex. Fifty- percent of men answered yes. But when asked if they knew what their partners liked during oral sex, 59 percent of guys said they didn’t. And then 67 percent said they sometimes weren’t even sure what they were doing during oral sex.

Maybe it’s true that all those men did give women orgasms. But they also could use a lesson in what women want in bed—even if they don’t think they need it. Another recent survey found that 42 percent of men gave themselves an A rating in bed. Nice, guys.

So what’s going on here? Why the disparity between what men think is happening and. . . reality? (Before you go there, yes, faking happens, but you can’t fake it forever.) Not all men are clueless around a vagina. But that’s not say some of y’all couldn’t use a refresher.

Understanding the orgasm takes some practice, but it’s important yourself on your partner’s pleasure, says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., the man literally wrote the on it, 2004’s She Comes First. “In practice, there are a lot of orgasm gaps and imbalances,” Kerner says. “And I can tell you that if any partner is not consistently enjoying sex and orgasm, it can have a big negative impact on a relationship.”

Of course, most guys in a committed relationship want please their partner during sex. “In the vast majority of
cases, a husband wants his wife be pleased with the sexual experience and wants her have an orgasm,” Leonhardt says. “Sometimes men just need
have the courage bring up the subject, talk it through, and be willing adjust the things that they’re doing make sure she’s having a good experience as well.”

What She Says

Because how a gets orgasm can be as complicated as trying understand blockchain (seriously, what is it?), we asked real ladies and experts tell us what women want more of in bed—and why it matters that you get it right.

First things first: Women definitely want orgasm, probably just as much as you do. “There’s a big, culturally propagated misunderstanding women don’t care as much about having orgasms during sex as men,” says Kerner. “And that does an injustice women.” In fact, in Leonhardt’s study, a wife’s sexual satisfaction was directly linked the frequency of her orgasms. The more often she orgasmed, the more content she
was sexually.

But there’s more good sex than a bed-breaking climax. As tempting as it is rush P-in-the-V action as the clothes are still hitting the floor, spending some time up her nether regions is worth it. Most women, up 77 percent in some research, say foreplay is necessary for a good orgasm. “The best kinds of sexual experiences I’ve had are when it isn’t all about the sex,” says Zoe, 21. “So often I feel men are in it just for the act of penetrating and finishing, meaning they skip the foreplay, and as soon as they finish, it’s over. Chances are if you finished, she hasn’t yet.”

According Kerner, most women need at least 20 minutes of pre-penetrative acts (kissing, touching, and sexy talk) to get aroused. “I think the mistake that a lot of men make is thinking, ‘Oh, we got into bed, we got undressed, I kissed her for 30 seconds, and now I’m going down on her for minutes, and then I’m going insert penis,’ ” Kerner says. “There’s a whole Act I that’s missing.” arousal takes time, but it’s worth the wait.

When it comes oral, do it. “It’s refreshing when men go down on women,” says Elizabeth, 21. “And it’s better if it’s not a tit-for-tat exchange but an unexpected move, without the assumption of ‘returning the favor.’ ” Once you’re down there, women want you be mindful of your technique, too. “There’s a difference between a poking tongue and a flat tongue,” says Grace, 32. For the record, she’s a flat-tongue fan—it creates a softer touch.

The Moves That Get Her There

Suggestions from individual women are subjective, of course, but they aren’t just anecdotal. There’s serious data to back up what kinds of touches are most likely to make women orgasm. Unsurprisingly, most techniques involve the clitoris, that nerve-packed area at the top of where her labia meet. It’s about the size of an eraser head and packed with thousands of nerve endings—similar to the amount in a penis.

Last year, the Kinsey Institute partnered with OMGYes, a research-based website that educates users on pleasure, in a groundbreaking study that found exactly what kind of clitoral action gets women to climax. Of the 1,055-strong sample, 37 percent of women said they needed clitoral stimulation to orgasm during intercourse, while another 36 percent said it isn’t necessary but that it enhances the whole experience.

The researchers went even deeper and asked what kind of clitoral touching women liked most, and thirds of respondents said they enjoyed direct clitoral touching. When asked about the shape and style of touching, women responded that they like, in this order: up and down motions, circular, side to side, pulsating (rapid pushing in spot), pressing, then flicking. For patterns of touch, nearly all women in the study said they preferred repeated, rhythmic motions. An almost equal said they liked circular motions around the clitoris. May your fingers and tongue never get lost again.

How to Talk About It—with Confidence

Even when you know exactly what most women crave, the truth is every woman is different. woman’s orgasmic heavy breathing could be another woman’s signal that she’s just, well, tired and of breath. And not all women whimper and howl as they’re about climax, even if that’s what porn taught you as a . There’s way truly find what the woman you’re sleeping with likes: You have ask her.

Foreplay can be a great way get the conversation started, says Kerner. “Arousal releases a neurochemical cocktail that disinhibits you a little bit, so use that time as an opportunity
begin communication,” he suggests. As a pre-sex makeout sesh begins, start describe a fantasy of yours, then ask her hers. Or describe the parts of her body you love the most—and then kiss her there.

If you can’t tell if she’s feeling it, stop for a second and take stock by asking
her, “Does that feel good?” If the answer is no, redirect. And don’t worry about it messing with the flow, which can be resumed. “Being attentive is ,” Elizabeth says. “It shows you’re into and into having a great time.” Plus, Kerner says, the way you communicate early on in a sex session (and in a relationship) paves the way for future talks. And much less confusion.

How to please her during every moment - Before

Early in the game, spend time caressing and kissing her less obvious erogenous zones: the insides of the wrists, behind the knees, the earlobes. Soft touches in unexpected areas create intrigue—and give you the chance check in with her along the way.


Most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm—it’s science! When you’re doing
it doggy, slip a finger between her legs and move it from side to side, like a windshield wiper. Giving her C-spot some attention is an almost guaranteed way to make sure she’s satisfied.


Some experts say that “afterplay,” the time you spend cuddling and recapping a job well done, is as important as the deed itself because it strengthens your bond. Spend time in
each other’s arms after you’ve both orgasmed—after you’re done -fiving.

BiggLala 48F  
28934 posts
8/27/2019 6:51 pm

Thanks for sharing.

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T_Louise replies on 8/27/2019 7:07 pm:
You are very welcome

travelingnlonely 63M
89 posts
8/27/2019 7:05 pm

great article.
I always feel i need to pleasure my partner before me. I get going by my partner having and orgasm or two. There is more to sex than poking.

T_Louise replies on 8/27/2019 7:08 pm:
Excellent to hear, or rather, read. Glad you feel that way and are also already enlightened

rubymn 99F  
393 posts
8/27/2019 7:17 pm

What website did you copy this from? LOL

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T_Louise replies on 8/28/2019 4:45 am:
So, lol, that is why I said I found it on the internet, to begin with?

easy_going2014 53M
13994 posts
8/27/2019 7:52 pm

Hi T_Louise.

thanks for sharing.

I liked it.

made me think of this.

Total Touch - "Touch Me There"

Kiss, Kiss
Hey heheheheyae. (forever)
Hey yeaaaaaaaah. (tonight we'll fly to
One turn, we had not passed by your smile.
Free me from rules, for only one night.
Desirable as you are, tryin' to keep myself in line.
Although your movements feels so right. Keep my glory high
Touch me here, Baby. Won't you kiss me there.
Let's dance away forever.
I like the way you groovin'. like you just don't care.
Tonight we'll fly to heaven.
Caress my body and my soul.
I need to take care of, i 'm just a little girl.
not asking for a razorfaced lover.
Don't make me scared, don't push me in to your arms.
I'll find me softly your affection. Bring it to me.
Touch me here, Baby. Won't you kiss me there.
Let's dance away forever.

To leave private messages, please use my confidential mailbox at my blog:

Good luck!!!

pdxlong20191 39M
4 posts
8/27/2019 8:42 pm

I love pleasing my partners with as many resources as possible. So fun to make an evening of it and enjoy each other's bodies

sexualintelect2 46M
2 posts
8/27/2019 9:01 pm

Well written and something we need to be more aware of

Dutchie9696 32M
10 posts
8/27/2019 9:11 pm

cant we all just cum together

s2ndegree 61M  
9731 posts
8/27/2019 10:32 pm

I certainly hope that those this is directed at are paying attention and are willing enough to at least come forward and ask their steady gals or fiances in what they can contribute to create a more mutually pleasurable experiences or are at the very least paying attention just out of respect for the time effort you've gone through to get your point across.
"After you're done fiving!"
As in
High fiving ? that seems more apropos and is generally relegated to a much younger crowd that need that sort of confidence from role model types.

This is certainly a wealth of intrinsic information and if put in the right hands or mouths or electrical devices could be very beneficial.

Using more than all the road!

proteus_2a 54M
7929 posts
8/27/2019 10:35 pm

Best foreplay my lady is the one that brings her close - or even over the edge a cpl o' times
Then the actual penetration gets more interesting

Cheers - P

IVFalternative 49M
630 posts
8/28/2019 2:53 am

Overall a good article but I wouldn't rely on asking a woman what she likes, though it is a good idea to ask. If asking what they know is a guy's main strategy then the experience he gives her will be limited to copying her previous best sex.

Better to learn to explore and find the things that pleasure her that she never found out about yet. Then you can be the new best.

Following my advice may cause injury, insanity, financial loss, hemorrhoids, death and superpowers

jeannie409 66F  
503 posts
9/13/2019 5:48 am

Gosh I hope my romantic handsome devil of a fella reads this thanks

Devilsadvocat119 33M
40 posts
9/13/2019 8:52 am

Great read.

“the way you communicate early on in a sex session (and in a relationship) paves the way for future talks. And much less confusion.”

Fendermang 73M
45 posts
11/13/2019 3:46 pm

Besides having a desire to please the lady first, communication can make it happen faster and better. Let your man know what works and what doesn't. If he is any kind of a gentleman, he should listen. Great article just the same.

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