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Why I'm Embracing Polyamory  

UpscaleCpl2 62M/56F
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5/30/2021 2:24 pm
Why I'm Embracing Polyamory


For context, I’m very happily married a wonderful man who happens be a cuckold. How did I become so lucky? Because many ago I advertised for a cuckold man date and voila! My husband showed up. He is completely<b> monogamous </font></b>with ….and I am not. I am consensually non-monogamous. This is the basis of our core agreement with each other.
In the beginning, we did the typical threesome thing on occasion. As we slipped into the global pandemic we started talking about how much we wanted MORE in our life. More love, more companionship, more friendship, and yes, more sex. We have some poly friends and started exploring the idea of real love relationship beyond our marriage. At the end of the day, we BOTH decided to pursue finding a quality third to add to our marriage.
I’m quite beyond the 20 something “hook up” culture and do not find casual sex hook ups to be nearly as alluring as they were in my 20’s. I want connection, friendship, and great communication.
Now I personally have a strong preference for a man of color. My first love was black and I’ve always loved black me. I’m not a fetishist that simply fantasizes about black men, but have dated them since my very first dating experience and it’s a personal preference.
I’m a big fan of Esther Perel, a psychologist and relationship expert. She builds and iron clad case of why relationships can be SO problematic: as she states, ALL HUMANS, both men and women, have competing needs in a relationship: on one hand, we have a need for safety, security, predictability in our relationships. On the other hand, we also have a need for adventure, experimentation and excitement. These needs are very primal, and although everyone has both, often one partner has a dominant need for safety and predictability and the other partner has a dominant need for adventure and experimentation. I believe polyamory can be one way resolve these competing needs.
That being said, I’m not advocating that everyone should be poly. Polyamory requires very emotionally secure people, a high level of emotional intelligence and the ability communicate openly, honestly and transparently. It is not right for everyone!
Polyamory is a trendy alternative the traditional format of loving relationships between men and women and also same sex couples. I personally believe polyamory will be much more prevalent in the future, and more and more people will choose in favor of non-monogamous relationships. The simple reason is that it is one way the inherent conflicting needs for both safety and adventure can be addressed in loving relationship.

It turns out that even now, few people are<b> monogamous. </font></b>Just look at how many people divorce and then start new relationships. We have almost a 50% divorce rate, and on top of that another 28% admit to cheating. Any system that has a 78% failure rate needs to build a new paradigm.

A polyamorous relationship, people can have more than one romantic partner, and all their ners know about each other’s existence and agree with such a form of union. It’s not all about sex, it’s about the ability to love several partners and recognizing that we have these conflicting needs. Poly is a way to address them in a healthy and non-damaging way.
On the one hand, this kind of relationship seems like paradise – people are sincere, happy, and loved. On the other hand, this idea runs counter to the established ethical values set for<b> monogamous </font></b>marriage. There are issues to work out but here are the main advantages:

Honesty and transparency. Transparency and honesty are main pillars of polyamory. In our marriage, I may have whatever partner I want, and we communicate very openly about it. . In truly polyamorous families, partners feel free talk about each other and other partners, their relationship in general. My husband is very good friends with my other lover. They don’t conceal their emotions, they I don’t feel guilty saying “I love you” more than one person.

Diversity. Remember he inherent conflicting needs, as most marriages fall apart either because of infidelity or boredom. Polyamory excludes these reasons. The diversity it provides prevents partners from drowning in the daily grind, while the primal drive monopolize your partner’s body, as well the idea of cheating, seems quite ridiculous. People practicing polyamory may be less prone jealousy, as they remain emotionally connected with their partners and more willing discuss issues when they come up.

Emotional satisfaction. Sometimes, you may not get enough of emotional closeness from your partner either because they have limitations or just the realities of busy day day life. The care and nurturing of multiple partners requires both intention and ability. Most people that get angry and annoyed, respond by changing out their partner. In polyamorous relationships, you can satisfy your need for emotions with another partner. For example, one of your partners is a homebody, calm and careful. This partner can fill your need for safety and security. Another one of your partners is the opposite of the first one. With this person, you feel adventurous. In my case, my boyfriend dances and husband wouldn’t be caught dead dancing.

Sexual diversity. Sexual variety is the most obvious and most talked about benefit. For instance, you like absolutely different things in sex. And you get all of them with several lovers. One of your partners likes tender and sensual sex, while another one is a fan of experiments and various sexual tools.

Overcoming jealousy. It’s not true polyamorous partners don’t feel jealous at all. They often do at the beginning of their relationship. However, they are open enough to talk about their jealousy with their partner and deal with this fear. There is never ending practice on honesty and good communication.

If you find finding a solution to your conflicting needs….talk about polyamory with your partner. You may be surprised and delighted!

Be sure to check out my blog and website:

blog: https://womanspleasures.tumblr.com/
website: https://www.crystalwelch.com/


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