Bob's Here For You.........
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Posted:Oct 16, 2018 10:45 am
Last Updated:Aug 8, 2019 12:40 pm
1289 Views
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Inane, but makes you think! I personally believe Bob will sell out at some point, but I do admire the tenacity of playing out a theme for as long as he has done. Something to be admired for reasons that cannot be put to words.
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Just as guilty.........
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Posted:Oct 16, 2018 10:08 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 10:2 am
1253 Views
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Sorry, getting old is not fun. But, what is 'more' not fun is watching the transformation of a culture. This site used to be fun for different reasons/outcomes/possibilities (going back a decade now). When did the blog definition become a visual of readily available porn snippets, website republication violations.........void of text, creation, nay thought. Getting old is not fun. The constant redefinition of words is hard to keep up with. Even the ones reluctantly accepted such as 'blog' have now been perverted. Words are shunned, visual rules the day.........older guy sees writing on the wall and capitulates......what's the value of thought. Let the void fill my mind of the populace preference and feed at the trough of carnal images and venom filled memes. The fact that I still check in once in a while leads me to believe - I am guilty too. Long live the rule of picture popularity! I watch and destain in silence.........I am guilty too. Those with thoughts, words, desires.......silence! I am guilty too.
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Moved to a small town........
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Posted:Jul 16, 2018 1:01 pm
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 10:2 am
1332 Views
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Newly retired and moved to a small town. Liking the pace of the scene, but perhaps too much time on my hands gets me thinking of urges that were once readily satisfied in my city life. In good shape with an average to larger size 'member'........perhaps it was when I used to wear the power tie, I could easily get what I was looking for. Now, in my 'bumpkin' dress, it seems I almost have to beg. Not being used to this, it may appear I come across as angry which is far from my intention. But still, should not a second cup of coffee come with an additional creamer? Seriously, if I ask for my first cup black, I could understand. But, for the second cup, empty creamer conspicuously displayed on the table, would it not be prudent to provide the accompanying 'goods' with a refill? Not complaining, but will you please get it together......you know who you are.
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I am dead inside........
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Posted:Mar 20, 2018 12:24 pm
Last Updated:Oct 16, 2018 12:09 pm
1429 Views
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Just kidding  This is a test of the emergency broadcasting system. I am all for nude people. Even more, I am all for nude people in Utah. I have my reasons you should not question......I trust you won't, but please appreciate my reality.
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Coke adds life…….it’s the real ‘thing’
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Posted:Mar 2, 2015 8:27 am
Last Updated:Aug 14, 2019 4:14 am
3046 Views
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My experience in life has apparently failed me. I have been totally fooled by what I held as reality for a very long time and am now scrambling to make the necessary life adjustments to cope……..never mind the yet undiscovered fallacies I believed to be empirical fact……………
Reading the blogs (to counter the depression of the daily news), I read a rather innocuous statement that gave me pause. A female relays the comments of her girlfriend describing her lover as having one the size of a Campbell’s soup can. I think to myself “WOW”, now that is impressive. One could only hope rumors of this magnitude are floating about referencing my manhood………..sorry, daydreaming a bit.
I remember as a coming in from hours of running in the park and being met with that endless bowl of soup from that massive can known only as Campbell’s. What sort of monster is this guy downstairs? Everyone knows that the Coke can is the international standard for size reference, but this is over the top.
So now I was curious. Despite being one of those despicable ‘cock pic’ guys, there is still one level lower on the food chain (thank the lord)……the ‘cock pic with perspective’. Laying it out beside a can of Coke, an iPhone, or my favorite, beside a Benjamin Franklin………….girth and rich, a tempting prize indeed. Now I avoid any sort of perspective comparisons with a passion because it just makes me sad, but I had to know what we were dealing with here……..ah yes, compare it to the standard.
In the back of my cupboard I found a can of Campbell’s cream of mushroom soup (I like to pretend I cook and have a can for sauces and the such…….expiry date was sometime in 2009, but anyway). I grabbed a can of Coke zero (doctor says sugar is bad but eggs are now good, so confused……….long story short, I could not find any evidence of the ‘zero’ can being any smaller than the classic…….the international standard). My experiment began……….shortly followed by the horror.
I truly believed the Coke can was a fallback position for measurement for those in doubt……..how wrong I was. The Coke can is a full ¾ inches longer (or taller depending on the scientific method employed) than the soup can. Not a total shocker, but the girth of the two vessels……….wait for it………..exactly the same! Not close, not similar……….exactly the same.
The myth was shattered and I am digging for an explanation to what I thought was an impressive stat.
Are they making the soup cans smaller today? Could my hands have been smaller 35 years ago? Has Coke generously without our knowledge made their serving size that much larger? I have to know…..
The most disturbing part of this is realizing as a my mother was basically starving me to death in my formative years by feeding me the equivalent of a measly can of Coke for a meal………..shame on her.
I guess the life lesson here to share is that for all ‘window shoppers’ requiring proof of goods, don’t be fooled by the soup can sham………….have a Coke and a smile.
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If your Magnum condom is not snug...
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Posted:Apr 8, 2014 1:55 pm
Last Updated:Apr 9, 2014 3:25 am
3643 Views
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Every male is very concerned with length and girth compared to the rest of their male counterparts………..fear not!
A famous coffee shop has turned a small coffee on its ear by simply giving it a different name. This tactic is not limited to coffee and can be applied to any endeavor of your choosing………Always Be Closing, the ABC’s of selling yourself.
A major condom company has come out with the brilliant idea called TheyFit , a custom condom that encompasses sizes from 3” to 9.5” with twelve intervals in between…………I cannot trust the three inch model is called a Grande, so a solution is needed...........business idea........
First: We will provide a high capacity offset press and supplies of ink and sanitary foil like packaging rolls. Estimated cost $125,000. (if used press is purchased, new + 35 percent)
Second: We will provide a designer to duplicate, not quite, but close enough to fool (bad enough to avoid Copyright infringements) a Magnum label. Get printing plates made. Estimated cost $7,500.
Third: We will provide a high capacity crimp/sealing machine to pack your product. Estimated cost $26,000.
Fourth: We will provide an anticipated stock of TheyFit condoms in your size. Start small. Estimated cost $500.
Fifth: We will charge a small labor fee to rip the packages of the bought condoms and feed to the Magnum machine (you will do most of the work yourself). Estimated cost $1,000.
Start production!
Now I know this may seem like a lot of money, but it is not. Think of the prestige of, in the most intimate of moments, pulling out your Magnum and struggling to pull it over your sheer girth……..impressive indeed, nay priceless.
All for the low price of five EASY payments of $32,000!
Disclaimer: Ron Popeil does not endorse this idea but is in negotiations for the rights.............I nabbed the 'Pocket Fisherman II' brand.
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BBC and BBW are taken.
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Posted:Mar 21, 2014 2:12 pm
Last Updated:Jun 9, 2017 10:29 am
3867 Views
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I need a new acronym guide to spell out what I am looking for without wasting critical keystrokes that deprive me of precious life seconds that I may want back at a later date…………..
If I want a Beautiful Black Woman?……….taken.
If I desire a Bright Bold Caucasian?..........taken.
I seek Dependable Partner……….again, sadly taken.
All the cool acronyms are taken and I think I am doomed for a life of typing things out longhand (god my typing finger gets tired)……….is there an exchange where acronyms could be bought or traded?……..I offer $10k and a new tag GLF (Gorgeous Large Female) for BBW………I think it is fair as the current use has probably run its course and it is time for a reboot.
I don’t think anybody will go along with this, so, I will just have to set up my own lingo and hope it catches on…………
Toronto Girl If Fun………crap.
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Silent Screams and Silly F%*k Faces
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Posted:Mar 18, 2014 11:58 am
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2014 1:11 pm
3774 Views
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I have read a few pieces on preferences regarding loudness of partners during sex. Is louder better? Is it a vocal guide to the performer from “please more” to “don’t even think about going there” to “do you even know what the hell you are doing”? I must say that I prefer things on the louder side from a partner, but all situations do not always warrant a dream session decibel.
A bit of introspection has revealed that I have generally been totally silent in my endeavors. Well, not totally silent, but akin to the same sound I would make when a perfectly cooked steak is put before me……..mmmm, ooh, etc.
I believe this comes from growing up male where from a naïve age we learn the payoff of following Billy Squire’s song ‘The Stroke’ and that there is some sort of shame associated with an orgasm (this could be generational, but…). Every opportunity as a pre- is obsessed with the act, but must be done in complete silence with no evidence. Shamefully, I have even done the walk of shame to dispose of my evidentiary Kleenex……..and this is my own damn house.
In an effort to try something new, I have made a concerted effort to become gradually more vocal. First it was using actual words………’oh yes’, ‘don’t stop’ etc. Graduated to full out declaration of my primal self……MY GOD!!!....F%*K!!!....AAARRRGGHHH!
I’m not sure I can handle the pressure of this type of vocal performance in the long term, so I might revert back to my grunts of approval. Besides, being a bad amateur handyman, when I am in my workshop and hit my finger with the hammer (happens way too often), my screams make my lady think I am masturbating in the basement………
Silence is golden.
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Antonio Carpano rolls in his grave...
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Posted:Mar 17, 2014 2:01 pm
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 10:2 am
3660 Views
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Two taps of my shillelagh to the St. Patrick’s celebrations…….. I truly admire the pride taken in one’s heritage regardless if it is their heritage or not (if everyone celebrating St. Patty’s was from or descended from Eire, it would have a population estimated at 45 million give or take 5 or 6 people, but who’s counting)…………..stats have an error rating of plus or minus 100%.
Given the pageantry of this holiday, I can’t for the life of me understand green beer…………..or any green drink for that matter……....in the realm of molecular concoctions, there is only one true recipe for which the stars, planets, clouds and Lego align……………the dry gin martini.
This is not for the faint of heart, but here is the meaning of life in a glass…………please do not use for evil purposes:
In a shaker, combine four medium size ice cubes with 3.75 jiggers of premium gin………….
Shake contents exactly seven times (too many causes excessive ice breakage thus watering the drink, too little, too warm)……..if there is any trouble, use the first stanza of notes from the ‘Chicken Dance’ as a guide…………..
Strain into a chilled martini glass……………
Wave a portrait of Antonio Benedetto Carpano (inventor of Vermouth) over the glass no less than three times…………..four if you are feeling wild.
Pull one palmetto stuffed olive from the jar……………..and throw it at the person that is most annoying you at this critical moment.
Carefully zest a one and a half inch of rind from a fresh lemon………………….take the rind and toss it (doesn’t matter where and as long as it does not come in contact with your glass)
Consume slowly with the Cohiba of your choice (optional)………you can also gulp with the Cohiba of your choice.
They say gin is also called ‘panty remover’………I don’t know about that, but all I know is after having a few of these ‘nectar of the gods’, my silk Stewie Griffin boxers have been known to disappear.
They’re magically delicious………….happy St. Patrick’s Day Antonio.
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Go on, take the money and run.....
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Posted:Mar 14, 2014 1:05 pm
Last Updated:Mar 14, 2014 2:36 pm
3709 Views
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Not that I am the type to swipe pictures from the web at large and set up fake profiles (Exhibit A: If this was my practice I think my profile would look much better)……………but my word, why are some still posting disclaimers that take up valuable characters on their profile that should be better spent selling themselves……..(Exhibit B: I am in dire need of text) (Exhibit C: If I steal your text, would you be as upset?.......or sue?)
The first time I pondered this was six years ago with that Sydney University thing (unfortunately I think I mentioned MySpace which severely dates the piece), none the less, nothing has changed, needless to say my opinion as well.
The latest: “Warning Any Institutions Using This Site or Any of Its Associated Sites for Studies or Projects You Do Not Have My Permission to Use Any of My Profile or Pictures in Any Form or Forum Both Current and Future”
First question in depositions: Did you read the ‘Terms and Conditions’ prompt on signup? If you did, that is, read them fully, did you understand the content? If not, why did you click the ‘I agree box’. Ignorance of the law is no excuse, you understand this Miss SlutMuffin72, do you not?
I am in Canada, so the paying to launch a civil suit is not an option……………in the U.S., contingencies are allowed, but I have yet to see any significant suits litigated and won (please correct me if I’m wrong).
My T-Shirt that warns of potential actions I will take against muggers should they chose to beat and rob me (Warning: I do not agree with my personal possessions being stolen nor do I agree to having my body beaten and bruised) works just about as well as any disclaimer on a public site…………….gawd, you can join for free and your biggest concern is privacy?
So, I might add this to my profile:
“Warning Any Institutions Using This Site or Any of Its Associated Sites for Studies or Projects You DO Have My Permission to Use Any of My Profile or Pictures in Any Form or Forum Both Current and Future”………
I need the publicity!
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The Sharif don't like it.................
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Posted:Mar 13, 2014 1:10 pm
Last Updated:Nov 5, 2014 11:34 am
3901 Views
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I came to the realization that I have aged past a generation, perhaps two, heaven help me if it’s three, that I am destined to never understand. I was working in my home office listening to the best collection of music that any artist has ever put forth. World altering, mind bending, the apex of creativity……..then it hit hard. No song published post 1986. Ouch! To be fair, I don’t mind that Bruno Mercury fella at times.
It got me thinking…..how would the true ‘best’ at any vocation handle being thrown into an extreme generation gap with their enlightened counterpart? How would Copernicus talk to Stephen Hawking? How would Da Vinci talk to Steve Jobs? How would Michelangelo understand Andy Warhol?..............the list is endless, but perhaps the greatest of all would be the ultimate wordsmith of the last four hundred plus years married with the current linguistic skills of the tech generation…………..Shakespeare camming?
Shakespeare is identified as WS…………his counterpart CumKitty69 (from parts unknown) will be denoted as CK.
WS: What lieth before me……….the feline three score and nine……………
CK: You like the view Willy……………see how wet I am……………..
WS: Thou silky linen restraining the rose dews as the fields of Devonshire at dawn…………
CK: What is that bulge in your pants………….pull it out for me……………….
WS: Mine pantaloons strain as the swell of lust floods mine loins, thou releaseth the serpent…………..
CK: See how hot you make me………my fingers just slide in……………….
WS: Thou petals swallow digits with the ease of a churning paddle to fresh milk………………..
CK: Hmmmm………..stroke it for me Willy……I’m going to cum………….
WS: Mine palm stroketh the flesh totem with great haste……….
CK: Oh yes………..that is hot……………I’m cumming…………..AAAH!
WS: Hazzah, behold my member erupting with the force of a thousand Vesuvius’………..
CK: Oh Willy, that was awesome………….gotta run………hubbies home………
WS: Later babe
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Trust me, you will be prosecuted!
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Posted:Sep 23, 2008 12:54 pm
Last Updated:Mar 13, 2014 1:19 pm
3936 Views
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Sometimes the false sense of security is better then no sense of security. The reason I smile and write at this time is due to the proliferation of the verbose disclaimer on many profiles of misuse of content and the pending legal ramifications. Well.........
All I can say is good luck with that. There are now many iterations of the Sydney University warning that are popular on many profiles. It is not the warning itself, as if it makes one feel better, do it. The problem is becoming such that I have seen three local profiles with this as the biography. Paranoia on a sex has been taken to a new level.
After all, it does have 'friend' in the URL link, should not one expect that any misuse of pictures or text thrown into cyber space be diligently prosecuted by the legal team of the numbered company that we have the ability to join for free. If not, I am sure we all are all in possession of personal resources to recuperate damages sustained from a thieving internet conglomerate whose servers are based in, let's say India, for that very reason. Save that, we can pursue individuals who's privacy has been protected by the site we have joined to ensure justice is served. If all identities are truly protected, it would make for some great case law.........
PurpleHead v. Cum4U73
TiteAss34 v. ThickNhard65
Facejizz5 v. Hot4Uall2
The list is endless. I am curious as to who started this fad and the legal precedent behind it. Until it is proven as a true legal warning, I would much rather see profiles filled with other thoughts of the creators. Akin to the 'Club' that people think deter car thieves, I wouldn't put too much hope in this type of disclaimer. Nothing truly fun comes without its risk......seek safe?.......stay home (and put a sign on your door that the contents held within are the private property of (insert name here) and any unauthorized removal and or usage will be punished to the full extent of the law).....that should stop 'em!
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Fakes, cheaters, whores, virgins and the smell of desperation.........
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Posted:Sep 17, 2008 3:07 pm
Last Updated:Jan 29, 2015 2:07 pm
3847 Views
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I have fallen in love with the blogs here. Call me one with too much time on my hands, but I love it. Some, a quick glance and out as I could care less of the breakfast habits of a fellow member in Kansas (fictional reference). Some, of the artistic nature, I may ponder a bit but move on as I am too dense to get the true meaning. Then there are the ones that I truly feel are worth the price of admission.
There are two types of blogs I smile at. The blogs of a sexual nature are great and carry with pride the true meaning of what sharing thoughts on a sex site (it is a sex site last time I checked) should be. The others I perversely enjoy are the ones laced with ire and conflict.
As a mostly a passive observer, I revel at the entertainment value derived from the convictions of others that differ from my own. I have become a fan of taking an opinion poll of one with an error rate of plus/minus one hundred percent. It may not necessarily be the content I disagree with, but the expectations of what a site like this has to offer.
The expectation of sex should be a given. It is advertised as such and there is a reason one would choose to log on here instead of MySpace or Facebook. The expectation of civil behavior from all with such a perceived primal prize at stake is another thing entirely. Not that I agree with the crude actions of the feeble minded, but to expect this not to be a part of the equation is a little naive. Lest one forget, you can join for free! If all were willing to pay, say, five hundred dollars a month for a membership, I am quite sure the landscape would look and act a little different. Thank heavens this is not the case as the diversity of the pool makes it that much more fun. Finding a gem in a pile of garbage makes the stone shine just that much more.
Emails from the fakes, cheaters, whores and ones with the scent of desperation are welcomed in my world (as well as the blogs cursing their existence). I love panning for cyber gold.
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