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Domination as Violence Against Women  

VenusRedux2 45F
346 posts
11/24/2017 8:06 am
Domination as Violence Against Women

Get over your bullshit excuses, you’re looking to hit a woman you don’t know. That is not a legitimate sexual fetish. It is disturbing and you need help.

Getting into the usual bullshit excuses:

You don’t know what you’re talking about, the practice of bondage isn’t about violence

Yeah … I baited you into that smug response.

Bondage play is about TRUST. But you knew that, right? Why else would you be correcting me?

I’m not into the bondage scene. But make no mistake, I’m no prude either. I know vastly more than you think … and, in my experience, usually more than the people making this lame excuse.

Here’s the conversation thus far:

HIM: Hi, interested in a 48 year old Dom from Westchester?

So, recapping this conversation (I know, there’s just soooo much to go through, but I had to put the entire conversation in there to capture the subtlety … cause it’s just so subtle), he felt it to be his most defining characteristic, something to tell me before he even tells me his name!

I haven’t even responded yet and he’s expressed interest in tying me up and hitting me.

So whether it is on the opening line or 5 lines in, when exactly was trust established? So if you want to lecture me about what bondage is about, you might want to check how the conversation actually went down first.

We would have gotten to know each other and established comfort and trust, you didn't give me that chance before pontificating

Let me see if I understand this right, the way you expect this conversation go looks something like this:

1. You offer your services as a Dom

2. I express interest in being dominated

3. You then shift gears to more prosaic conversation to establish rapport .... ??????

In all of recorded history ... even in prehistory with sexual reproduction among bacteria ... this has NEVER happened!

Interest in bondage, whether on the dom or sub side, is considered by most in the mental health industry as common and harmless

What’s happening here is that people are taking the arguments about bondage being harmless and normal (more or less) in committed, established relationships and attempting to apply them when dealing with strangers. Needless to say, that's flat out wrong.

Now, most of the people doing this kind of nonsense aren’t true Doms. They’re psuedo-doms, posers, wannabes. I get that.

I also get that people sometimes just want to try new practices and see how they fit, to see if it works for them. Hey, I’m all for sexual exploration.

The problem in this case is that people are "experimenting" with hitting women. If you have to try it to see if you like it, if you have to wonder about that, then that’s already crossing a line.

You keep saying "hitting" …<b> caning </font></b>is not hitting

Yes, it is. Stop pretending it is anything but.

The instant you take the pain aspect away from it, all interest in it is immediately lost. So yeah, it is about pain.

There is a difference, this is gentle and being done under safe conditions

I have only your assurance for that. I don’t yet trust you enough to give you my email or social media info so you can contact me later, yet I’m going to trust you with my body? WTF??

We don't have to engage in that stuff if you're not into it

My experience has been that people who push for it that early in the conversation are simply unable to back off from it. It isn't a switch they're capable of turning off.

Any sexual practice that you have no control over is not normal, healthy sexuality. Hence you are to be avoided.

In conclusion, I am well aware of how common bondage fetishes are around these parts. Many people, including possibly some who are well respected here, will no doubt look at this and take exception to it. Too bad. Truth is not subject to democracy.

TicklePlease 52F  
13010 posts
11/26/2017 6:33 am

Anyone who has to self-identify as a dom (or a king or an expert witness even and don't even get me started on "dominate" as a noun) is to be avoided. Like you said, leading with their desired outcome with not even an attempt to create understanding is rampant and unfortunately there's entirely too many women who hear "dom" and get stupid.

Why people can't understand that a relationship that grows to include kink is one thing and one that starts out with that being the sole purpose is another is frightening.

VenusRedux2 replies on 11/27/2017 5:28 am:
Well said! Wish I wrote that.

I really have to wonder about the type of woman that responds to that, and how that "relationship" plays itself out. Do they really walk away unscathed and satisfied? I don't know and am genuinely curious.

positively4you 71F  
4108 posts
11/24/2017 3:18 pm

When I see dom, I run as fast as I can. Total turn off. He is not attractive, macho or appealing in the least.

VenusRedux2 replies on 11/25/2017 5:03 am:
Me too. If there's no relationship outside the bedroom, and inside the bedroom it is all humiliation and degradation .... that is red pill mentality dialed up to 11. That's not healthy or normal. Guys who want this do not possess the ability to turn it off. So women should be running from these guys.

Brownie202 63F
1940 posts
11/24/2017 10:56 am

I am a painslut but doesn't mean any and all men. Don't like it ? Your right. Mine to like it and allow it. Has to be agreed or not happening with me. Call me sick or whatever.

Humans are the most dangerous animals on earth.

If only animals had the ability to know when to keep away from us humans they would be better off.

VenusRedux2 replies on 11/24/2017 11:46 am:
I wouldn't mind hearing about what criteria you use to establish who you choose and why. I can offer no practical suggestions as to what the "right" way would be, I can only give my experience as to what sets me off.

lyctyc1000 100M  
356 posts
11/24/2017 9:00 am

I was raised that you never raise your hand to a women for any reason. I will spank a woman if she would ask but how hard would be solely on her asking for harder I still don't find it enjoyable for myself but have some that do like a bit of a spanking.As far as bondage you need to know the limits and stay well within them. It can be fun to tease but know the limits.

VenusRedux2 replies on 11/24/2017 11:16 am:
Limits ... that's the thing. The only way to know the limits is to know the person. In what I'm addressing here, there is no attempt at getting to know me or my limits. Without getting to know me, it means a guy doesn't view me as a person ... as a human being entitled to dignity and respect. As such, it is impossible to establish a Dom/sub relationship without knowing the person both in and out of the bedroom.

VenusRedux2 45F
557 posts
11/24/2017 8:06 am

Anyone who looks at strange woman and their first thought is "I'd like to see her tied down and helpless," has violence issues against women. Stop making excuses for these people. This isn't a normal expression of sexuality. Stop tolerating it.

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