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To beard or not to beard ... men, how did you decide on your facial grooming style?  

VenusRedux2 45F
339 posts
5/5/2020 7:57 am
To beard or not to beard ... men, how did you decide on your facial grooming style?




Being confined at home, I have watched a documentary about beards. There is WAY more going into men's decisions in this regard than I ever gave them credit for.

While boobs, curves, and hair are the domain of women, clearly signaling even from a distance my gender, beards and facial hair is the dominant visible gender identifier in men. Nothing screams manliness more than facial hair.

The way a man grows his beard says a lot about him. The problem is, the language it's speaking is incomprehensible to me.

Some men have mustaches and beards for cultural reasons.

Others for professional reasons.

Yet others it has religious significance.

Their wives' preferences in this regard usually scores dead last in the reasons. I'm not offended by this, it's your body after all.

What I found most interesting is how little men talk about this … especially considering how much thought each and every man has put into it. I'm a black woman. When there's enough black estrogen in the room, we start talking about hair, it's just what we do – "Girl, your hair looks amazing, is that a C3? What kind of curls is that?" But men never talk about their equivalent grooming in regards beards, at least not that I've ever heard. Why is that? Especially considering this is just as complicated to my uninitiated ears as black hair is to white men. Hey, even I can't stay on top of black hair, so how do you guys stay on top of beard styles if you never talk about it?

Even those to elect to be clean shaven have long-winded explanations as to why, and that's fascinating to me.

I asked my husband while we were watching. He would prefer to sport the light stubble look. However, he is clean shaven for "professional reasons" (I have to put that in quotes). He has perpetual 5 o'clock shadow, even after he's freshly shaved. Shaving too much irritates his skin, and I often have to tell him not to shave so often.

Granted, I personally love love LOVE a freshly shaved man – still smelling like shaving cream and aftershave – face soft and smooth, yet still leathery and manly. Swoon! In other words, I would be helpless to defend myself against the pervasive sexual harassment from the Mad Men guys.

But after the .com bubble of the late 90's, the Mad Men look is no longer held as the "professional standard." But then again, I work in women's retail, men aren't really applying, so I never consider that when hiring an employee. Are men worried that facial hair might be holding them back in job interviews? I've never really gave it any thought. How is this viewed?

Recent trends among sports figures shows full bushy beards making a come-back. I can't wait for this trend to pass. I'm ambivalent towards goatees, sometimes I really like them, other times I hate the look. I like pencil beards on black men, but I find it weird looking on white guys. And I find that all looks can be professional looking to my eyes, as long as it's being maintained properly and not getting scraggly.

What I really want to know is to hear from the guys here as to why you chose to groom yourself the way you did.

What are you sporting? Clean shaven? Goatee? Pencil beard? Rugged stubble? Full bushy beard?

How long does it take you per day to groom it properly? For all the claims that "it's easier this way," is it really easier?

What made you decide on that look? Details please!



scbirdieman 61M  
13 posts
5/10/2020 4:09 pm

Sporting clean-shaven, which is my preference, though, unlike many, I’ve always paid heed to what the woman I’m dating at the time prefers


VenusRedux2 replies on 5/11/2020 4:05 am:
So more men than I thought are going by what their woman prefers. While I"m not shy about voicing my opinion on the matter, I wouldn't so far as to insist on any particular style for my man. Personal grooming is just that, personal. Even among partners. But I guess if a man doesn't have a strong preference, than the woman's opinion is enough to sway the decision.

author51 57F  
95827 posts
5/9/2020 12:38 am

Much like you,I am a fan of a clean shaven man and really do not like full beards at all. I love mustaches and a 5 o'clock shadow of stubble also. Full beards that are not trimmed and unkempt for myself is a huge turn off.I have never met nor dated a man with a beard......lol. Great post and interesting comments from the men here...

One can never have enough JOY in their life...


VenusRedux2 replies on 5/11/2020 4:03 am:
I agree about unkept beards. I'm not sure of my feelings about a nicely groomed beard, probably because, like you, I've never dated a guy with a short groomed beard

CookiesNMischief 34M  
3179 posts
5/6/2020 8:08 pm

- I've gone to shaving every three days now, and grooming a bit of my hair so it totally doesn't look as though it's gone awry is my usual protocol since being on lock down, and choosing the days I decide to venture out toward civilization.

M~


VenusRedux2 replies on 5/8/2020 7:22 am:
These days grooming is going down the past of increased laziness. I think we're all neglecting our personal grooming until it can't be ignored anymore, at least until we go back to work.

kinklove1 41M
41 posts
5/5/2020 12:54 pm

Quite simple for me. When I have a beard women are extremely interested. When I don't have a beard they aren't. Beats me why. My facial hair grows quickly and thickly (not unlike other parts ) so it does look nice. I have a full beard but its trimmed close.


VenusRedux2 replies on 5/5/2020 2:34 pm:
So you've grown it out based on the reaction you get from women. That seems to go against the trend based on my limited--and probably incorrect--experience.

Good to know it's working though!

ltrskr 72M  
4328 posts
5/5/2020 11:55 am

How funny, I just read the Blog: "Points of Interest" A list of interesting trivia I guess u would say and this was on the list...

10. Guinness estimates that 93,000 liters of beer are lost in facial hair each year in the UK alone.
Well now u know why I don't grow a beard .....LMAO!

Interesting post!


VenusRedux2 replies on 5/5/2020 12:21 pm:
Alcohol abuse! If it isn't going in the mouth, then it is being misused!

tsn4fun2 44M/42F  
258 posts
5/5/2020 10:09 am

I’m clean shaven because of work but on vacations I grow it out What you can do in two weeks anyway. Wife likes it too except the first couple days of sandpaper. Maybe when I retire I’ll grow it out some but no Santa or Willie for me.


VenusRedux2 replies on 5/5/2020 12:23 pm:
Lucky you. The longest my husband went was three weeks. It was scraggly and awful. For as thick as his facial hair is, and as fast as it grows, it didn't develop into a beard. It was just long strands of stubble. The consensus was to never try that experiment again.

Msmealsonheels 26F  
673 posts
5/5/2020 10:07 am

I suppose it's what he wants - it's his face... Some men will shave his pubic hair, but not his face. Some will even shave all of his body hair off, and his head too - but then he grows hair on his face...

I suppose for some women, there is a question of what's kissable, and what might draw you in closer - or what just not as approachable, and may keep you from getting closer...

Personally, if he really wants hair on his face - I might be able to think of a better way....lol


VenusRedux2 replies on 5/5/2020 12:30 pm:
I agree, his face, his choice. I'll admit that I did once try to get my husband to grow a goatee to see what he would look like with one ... even though I prefer not to kiss faces with facial hair.

I guess what I mean is: "I want you to try out a goatee even though I don't want to kiss facial hair because I might be attracted to it and want to kiss you more even though I don't like facial hair against my face." No, no inherent contradictions there!

d0gdaize 57M
326 posts
5/5/2020 9:51 am

i used to have a mustache ever since i was 18.... had a beard off and on. When i had a Mistress, i was told that She wanted my face as smooth as her pussy... NOW .... who was i to argue. couple times i tried to let it grow and she put me in chastity. i never tried that again. so from that time , forward, i am clean shaven. i much prefer to eat pussy after sex without hair ... mmmmmm


VenusRedux2 replies on 5/5/2020 1:07 pm:
Far too many pussies aren't quite as smooth as women imagine them being, even after they think they've shaved it clean off. There's always more stubbly parts that get missed. Just sayin...

bbuckwwheat 61M
4140 posts
5/5/2020 9:50 am

I have worn a trimmed beard for the last 40 years. I raised a beard for the same reason that I started wearing a hat (not a ball cap) when I was 16. I did it as a form of individualism. I shave the areas on my cheeks, bottom lip and neck a minimum of once a week. About every third week, I trim it back to about half an inch at the same time that I cut my hair. Thirty years ago, I had a clean shaven man tell me that I should give lessons to the associate pastor at his church. Seems that the pastor had a long scraggly beard.

I think that I spend less time on maintenance than clean shaven. Once a week versus every day. The once a week might take a little extra time over a daily shave, but not twice as long. So 5 days' time per week not spent.

I never felt that the beard was an issue in how clients accepted advice on my job. Or in how colleagues felt about my thoughts and input on any given work topic.

Sort of like tattoos, but not nearly as difficult to change your mind. Yes, the beard shows my age (it is gray), but tattoos fade and skin might stretch, making the tattoo look unattractive. A clipper and a razor will fix the issue of a gray beard.

Private mailbox at my blog bbuckwwheat
Fayette, Iowa


VenusRedux2 replies on 5/5/2020 12:34 pm:
Tattoos are a good analogy I think. It's become socially acceptable and nobody cares anymore, unless you have obnoxious face or neck tattoos that cannot be ignored.

Beards may very well be a non-issue unless it's obnoxious (scraggly, outlandish, or ridiculously long).

OurSecret119 48M
102 posts
5/5/2020 9:39 am

I'm a white male, about to turn 48, and I'm been sporting a full beard (4-5 inches below my chin) for many years now (although I do shave it off once a year for a break, but begin growing it back after a couple of weeks). My facial hair grows really fast.
Maintenance is important. I wash it daily, comb it, and apply beard oil or beard balm depending on the length (oil when it's shorter, balm when it's longer. The balm has some control to it so that it doesn't go all frizzy). Then I brush it. Whole process only takes 10-15 minutes in the morning after my shower. The beard oil and balm are very important to moisturize not only the facial hair, but the skin underneath. Without it, a beard will become so scratchy it will drive you and your partner completely nuts. The soap I use is all natural and is a charcoal soap made locally, but I'm sure similar products can be found at your local drug store. I also like that it's black. It's a guy thing. lol.
My wife actually prefers me with a beard. She hates when I shave it off and will actually refuse to kiss me for a few days afterwards, which is fine, I prefer the beard.


VenusRedux2 replies on 5/5/2020 12:45 pm:
Interesting that she avoids you for a few days, as that's the one time you get to feel like you're kissing someone new without actually having to cheat on your spouse.

fisherman5999 57M  
571 posts
5/5/2020 8:39 am

I am clean shaved, I have had a beard in the past for many years, I got tired of it being hot in the summer, and shaved. Many people told me that I look much younger with out it, I have seen the same on others also. OK, now my view on the '2 day scruffy look', I think it looks dirty & unkept, like you can't be bothered to take care of yourself. Also, being Bi, I hate the prickly little hairs that feel like needles, when giving me a blow job. It hurts the sensitive skin in that area, and I go soft, hate it !


VenusRedux2 replies on 5/5/2020 12:41 pm:
Age signaling is a big part of all of this. Beards can often portray maturity and the wisdom that comes with age. Clean shaven can portray youth and vitality.

These days, society deems looking young as the priority. Historically, societies change a lot on that issue.

Blueyedguy823 53M  
483 posts
5/5/2020 8:30 am

Laziness. I trim up my neck so everything looks neat, but I only have to do that every couple of days. If I shave or have a goatee, it needs attention everyday. Sometimes twice a day if I have an after-work thing to go to.


VenusRedux2 replies on 5/5/2020 12:46 pm:
So you change up your look every so often then

VenusRedux2 45F
553 posts
5/5/2020 8:01 am

Comments please! I really want to know.


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