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“I know about her…”
Posted:Jul 7, 2021 12:36 pm
Last Updated:Jul 8, 2021 10:07 pm
207 Views

Late at night I woke from a dream, the kind that makes your heart race, and I couldn’t go back to sleep. He died- in my dream and my overthinking mind went through all the things I needed to say, all the promises and moments we’ve yet to experience. I tried to push them all out of my head, I’ve been carrying this new information about HER around for a few weeks now. I’ve heard from him here and there, I chose not to respond other than to be supportive during his custody issues But after that dream he’s all I could think about. I pulled up his name on my phone…. Stared at his picture and ran my thumb over his phone number. Just leave him alone- that’s what I’ve been telling myself. And just as I was about to turn the screen off and go back to sleep my fat finger calls him. I seriously pressed end faster than the speed of light but nope, he saw it.

“Did you call me” he texted.
“It was a total accident, I’m sorry” I replied and laid my head back down to sleep.

Morning came and I distracted myself the best I could. Made plans to go to a friends house and I did. Unfortunately she lives down the street from him. We had a few drinks and it was around midnight that I finally decided to head home. Not before texting him though, of course. “Are you awake?” I waited at the park for a few minutes and when he didn’t respond took it as a sign lol. I needed sleep anyway.

I woke up. Made breakfast, turned on my favorite playlist and decided to make the most of this Sunday. And as always when I least expect it- “I’m awake now” “What’s up?”
I explained I was at my friends house and wanted to see him, I wanted to talk to him. He pressed me for more info but I told him it wasn’t important and went on about my day and into the work wee

I looked up from my desk to see him walking towards me. His thick hair under his backwards hat, glasses over his beautiful brown eyes. Those lips that I’ve missed so damn much. He always does this to me. My heart skips. My hands get cold.

He hugs me and I hug him bac I have a love/hate feeling for his surprise visits. I can never get enough of him so since he’s standing in front of me I’m a fool to try to resist him, there’s no point and he knows it. No matter what I’m mad about, how hard I try to distance myself all he has to do is show up.
He takes my hand. Tells me to lock the door. Follows me to the front and wraps his arms around me. His hands are down my pants and in my shirt while I’m trying to stop my hands from shaking so I can lock the office.

“Stop it.” But he doesn’t listen. He never fucking listens.
In the back room he takes me. God does he feel good. The way he moves, he hits all my spots and I orgasm multiple times. He’s mine and I’m his. I don’t care.
We dress and I motion him to sit down. “I need to talk to you” I said.
“About what?” He takes a seat
“You” I said and move my way towards him. I kneel in front of him. “About H——“.
He looks at me “Who told you?” I lean in to kiss his neck and he’s watching me.
“Was it my ex?” I can see his thoughts racing behind those eyes of his.
“Does it matter?” It wasn’t you”.
0 Comments
The other woman
Posted:Jun 30, 2021 9:47 pm
Last Updated:Jul 7, 2021 12:00 pm
222 Views

I’ve never imagined myself being the “other woman” or a cheater and yet here I am. After I shut my computer off I laid in bed. Every scenario went through my mind, all the moments we were together, the moments that didn’t quite sit well but I dismissed. It all makes sense now. And I have a decision to make now.

Not only is he attached but he has a family. A baby. Let’s not forget I’m also married with . Obviously I can’t be upset that he had a life before we met. I can be mad that he lied to me, after I repeatedly asked him if there was someone else. But I decided to sit with the information, let myself process all of the emotions that have flooded my thoughts.

For the next week or 2 I played it cool, never letting on that I knew. We were both pretty busy and it was a rough month already. I lost my best friend last month, Boo and I had attempted to create a benefits situation with the girl we were supposed to meet up to play with. That didn’t pan out so much. And then of course, like clockwork he disappeared for a week. This time was different though, I called and texted him, he left me with no response. Again. It had me questioning whether I did something wrong. What did I say? And finally when I got ahold of him he said he had been busy, stressed. I realized that if he could blow me off so easily that maybe I needed to remove myself from the situation. Step back, protect myself, be ready for the end. So that’s what I did. The month of August passed by quickly. I was doing ok with keeping my distance and not responding to his messages. I know now that it won’t ever matter if I make clear my intent to end our relationship, if he can find me and look me in the eyes- he owns me.
0 Comments
Change
Posted:Apr 19, 2021 7:45 pm
Last Updated:May 1, 2021 5:10 am
1588 Views

That look on is everlasting
These books I read don’t have the answers I need
Never thought that I’d be where I am today
Never thought that I’d see who I am today
Fading on the floor with all my thoughts
All I ever do is watch the leaves
I keep running back to you
I don’t know what for
I just cannot seem to find my peace
And still I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I wait
But you never came
And still I'm waiting, I'd wait, my mistake
Knowing you'd never change
I'm ashamed, I'm ashamed, I'm the only one
I've got to blame
I'm a fool for your love,
I'm afraid because You'll never change

I wrote a letter to you I'll never send
Oh what a feeling to know I'm not healing
And still I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I wait
But you never came
And still I'm waiting, I'd wait, my mistake
Knowing you'd never change
I'm ashamed, I'm ashamed, I'm the only one
I've got to blame
I'm a fool for your love,
I'm afraid
You'll never change.
Joy.
2 Comments
Glow
Posted:Apr 19, 2021 7:16 pm
Last Updated:Jul 7, 2021 12:01 pm
1852 Views

You lost your heart, you can’t wake up
Too late to try, your minds made up
Your minds made up

She said, you’re mine, you can’t break free
We made a deal you belong to

But I choose
break away from you
Cause if I don’t I’ll never leave
But that’s where you want be
And I choose
Today to run away
And find a place that I’ll be safe
I’d rather die than go insane

You leave red and blue like a cop car
You want back in your arms again I know
My heart in your palms again til it’s broken
You leave red and blue like a cop car
Put my hand on my heart I swear I’m goin
Left in the dark and now I’m glowin

You make it dark so I can’t see
So I can’t leave
I let down my guard again
Fire, it sparks again
Felt like a drug when you told you loved
Just wanna stop the pain

So I choose
Today to run away
And find a place that I’ll be safe
I’d rather die than go insane

I can’t see you with the green light anymore
It won’t t work, you can’t keep tricking
I can’t live with the same damn envy
You know I put you in the button down Fendi
No more running on empty
I’m gassed up, I’m fucking gassed up

You leave me red and blue like a cop car
You want me back in your arms again I know
My heart in your palms again til it’s broken.
Left in the dark and now glowin.
4 Comments
The surprise
Posted:Apr 12, 2021 9:10 pm
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2021 3:02 pm
1629 Views

When you want something so bad you can ignore the red flags that are right in front of you. The gut feeling you get that just won’t go away, you push it out of your mind because you want to believe in his eyes and voice that he’s real. I know I’m smarter than that, and yet somehow I missed it. Even after early July when I received a saying we were done... he says he didn’t send. Hmm ok.

The night of his surprise 3some he left me hanging. I texted him something along the lines of “I need you” or “I want you inside of me”. And he didn’t respond. My friend and and I waited, went to dinner and he never responded. By now I’m kind of used to him disappearing at night. Why? I don’t know. The naive part of me convinced myself it was because he was tired. Had other things going on. First of all, I hate being ignored, but this night I was so excited to gift him with the experience of us two sexy females that I could barely think straight and as the time passed and I realized that wasn’t going to happen the hurt that built up was indescribable. Sure I could’ve said....”Hey I have a surprise for you” would that have mattered? I don’t know.

The next day I said nothing. I went on about my day, work went by quick but when I got home I texted him. I don’t remember what it said. I just know that again, I didn’t get a response. “Still ignoring me?” a little later and this time when he responded I wasn’t just sad to see his name on my screen, I was mad. I took my phone to the room and cried. And in so many words told him I was done. And I was. I meant it. I mailed his ass the card I bought him and decided to focus on work. I had a lot of it. For a week we said nothing to each other . His actual birthday came and went and I didn’t realize until it was too late. Keeping myself distracted had worked better than I thought.

But then one night just before I decided to shut my computer down I decided to research one more account, coincidentally the I was looking for lived somewhere around my boo’s home. As I dug in curiosity got the better of me. I clicked on the address for him and it led me down a spiraled path that I always knew existed but maybe just didn’t take the time to clear. And at the end of it, I had my answers. Staring at me in my face, was the name of his fiancé.

But If you think you know what my reaction was... you don’t know me at all.
2 Comments
Sloppy Head
Posted:Apr 6, 2021 3:57 pm
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2021 7:20 am
1636 Views

I know I’m not the only one who enjoys giving good head. Witnessing the pleasure of others especially when I’m the reason is a hot trigger for me. It’s so sexy to get messy, sloppy and dirty for and with the guy who brings out the fire in you.

Makes me pussy wet just thinking about it.
Now, if you don’t enjoy giving head, I’m not going to say you’re not doing it right but maybe you’re not looking at it right. Making your man cum by giving him exceptional head is hot girl shit. You’re a goddess. Use that mouth!
3 Comments
Where are you?
Posted:Mar 14, 2021 9:21 am
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2021 5:22 am
2491 Views

We could stay on the phone for hours, talking about anything and everything. Things we’ve done, want to do, fantasies, sometimes not ending until one of us was pulling into the driveway. It still made me mad when he would disappear, the weekends, some nights, mid day out of no where. I’ve talked to him about his divorce, I’ve asked him flat out if there were other women he was talking to and his answer is always no so what could I say? We’re grown, we have our own things going on. I dealt with it the best I could, give him the benefit of the doubt.

I hadn’t seen him for almost a month. Time goes fast. If it were up to me I would’ve seen him at least once a week. Finally one random Friday in June, just before a weekend camping trip- I met him near his house behind a 7-. My heart still races when I hear his car pulling up. He parks beside me and I hop out and give him a hug. We hold each other in the parking lot long enough for me to notice a security camera staring right at us. Well great. I point it out to him, he thinks it over, but there’s no time to go anywhere else, he’s in a hurry.

My backseat it is. It’s a little awkward with the car seat in the way but we make it work. I try to position myself and he makes it clear that he wants his dick in my mouth. Well that was the plan. I’m on my period so I’m here to please. I get off on hearing him moan, his sounds drive me wild.

As I pull him into my mouth he tells me how much he loves how I feel. How my lips glide across his head so smoothly. “Fuck” he says as I start to work his shaft, I take him deep while my tongue massages him from top to bottom. He fucks my throat and god the way he takes control of me is hot. I can feel the tension building when he says he’s going to cum, he holds my head down and I feel his warmth at the back of my throat. I can’t breathe. I try to suck in air but he hasn’t let me back up yet. When he does I gasp and somehow I’m even more turned on.
I love to lick him clean, every last drop. He checks his phone and responds to a message. As we’re getting out his phone rings, he answers once he’s in his car and the Bluetooth picks up the call. With his windows rolled down I can hear a woman’s voice..... “Where are you?!” I don’t catch his response as he’s pulling away.

....Interesting....
4 Comments
I wish you were here
Posted:Feb 19, 2021 2:29 pm
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2021 5:22 am
4710 Views

2 days! 2 days is how long I waited to hear from him after our first time. He had told me before he left that day that he’d be busy with family, helping someone with a tree.... Ok fine, it’s fine even though those 2 days felt like a lifetime. In that time I was left with all my thoughts. You’re a cheater now? What are you doing? Now what? What if you don’t hear from him again? What if you just lost part of who you are for him? Was it worth it?

I cried in the shower.
Distracted myself with Netflix comedies and tried to relax. Just relax bitch damn.

I played it cool until Wednesday. Just as I’m overthinking again and about to lose my shit... New message. You can breath now. It’s ok.

Next Monday is Memorial Day. I’m going Glamping with the family and my little sis is coming along... I don’t get to see her often. When I say little I mean younger. She’s grown but she’s the baby of the family and she keeps me laughing. The resort is near the lake, I love the water. All the amenities you could want and need are on site and a cozy luxury tent/suite to rest my head.

We arrive mid day and unpack, unwind. Before dinner I lay down to nap... wishful thinking because I have a 2 year old that wants to explore everything.

J: “Hey Babe” Wyd?”
M: “Glamping”
J: “What’s that?”
M: “Fancy Camping”
J: “Oh lol. I miss you”
M: I miss you too, wish you were here.
J: “I wish I was there too”

I told him I’d be back on Monday, got to be back to work on Tuesday. I promised I would let him know when I was back in town.

The campfire 🔥 was right outside our door, I spent most of that night looking at the stars and wondering if he was still thinking about me too. This is a problem. I’m caught up and he’s not mine.

The rest of the stay was amazing and I was glad for the getaway. The loved it and I’m sure we’ll go back soon. Maybe when it’s not so cold.
I was supposed to call him when we got in. Instead I went to Walmart. My phone rings...it’s him. I’m looking around wondering what kind of radar he has on me. I don’t answer. I should’ve answered. I do that sometimes. Too scared to be bold, too scared to hear his voice and be convinced to see him. I want to see him but what does that mean??? My mind is fucked.

Back to work and my assistant goes home early, an adjustment in hours due to Covid. It’s a pretty smooth day. J and I are texting back and forth. He sends me a picture of himself, in his car, cute face, those lips, mmmm full view of his arm and tattoos. Til this day I have it saved on my phone. Damn this guy is sexy.

“I’m coming to see you”
M: but babe I’m not really feeling myself, I’m not feeling sexy
*I’m in leggings and a spaghetti strap and I have literally no makeup on.
J: All I know is that I’m on my way and clothes will be off and you’re going to feel sexy soon.
M: Ok. Fiiine.

I see him pull up. Where was he? Around the corner? He’s wearing the clothes from the picture so I know he took it just for me. I let him in and lock the door behind us. I greet him with a kiss as has become the usual.

I lead him to the back room. It’s dark but enough natural light seeps in from the office through the glass window and door. Not the cleanest or nicest room you’ll ever see but it works.
He pulls me closer. His mouth is one mine. Passionate kisses, his hands on my face. My hands on his beard. Yea I have a thing for pulling on his beard. He’s undressing me, he takes my boobs into his hands. The way he touches me makes me hot, I react to him. I can feel the wetness in my panties.
I remove my pants and thong, my face in close proximity to his cock. I need to taste him. I work him from tip to base. My tongue tracing circles on his head as I moved him in and out. His groans are music to my ears. He stands me up and leads me to the open floor space. “Lay down.” I do as I’m told. He enters me and he fits me just right. The way he moves and the way his lips feel on my neck... he owns me. Feeling his head up against me, my hands on his back, in his hair. I’m cuming, my legs are wrapped around him shaking. He’s the only one that has ever made me cum through intercourse.

He wants me to turn around. Oooh from the back?? Yes please. He ducks be good from behind, so deep, so filling. He opens me up and spits on my ass. Oh shit, is he about to do what I think?! I haven’t done anal since high school.

He pulls out and massages my opening with the tip of his rock hard dick. I’m tight. It’s not going to work. But he’s not one to take no for an answer. “Baby please.” I beg him. “Go slow”
I lay on my stomach and try to relax. Apparently that does the trick, it’s a hard entrance and I gasp from the intrusion and pain. I’m sure my screams can be heard next door. Fuck it feels good but this is going to hurt later I know it. I lay there and take it, taking breaths between each thrust. I can feel him cum in my ass, I love the way that feels.

I turn over and meet his stare. I sit up and kiss his chest. I don’t even want to move but I have to. I have to get dressed. He helps me with my bra. “My ass is a mess” I said, as we start to walk towards the door. He chuckles and slaps it.

“Thank you baby”
We kiss and he leaves.... but not before he glances back at me and smiles.
He’s going to be the end of me.
3 Comments
I’m a Pisces... It’s what I do.
Posted:Feb 13, 2021 4:38 pm
Last Updated:Apr 23, 2021 7:16 am
4160 Views

I believe in the stars. The universe aligning to bring you to the place in which you sit and read this. The decisions you make surely you along the way but no matter what you do those experiences were meant for you and how you react shapes the next one.

Like 2 people meeting and spiraling into something you never had imagined for yourself. And because you’ve never been in this position you allow fear to dictate your reasoning, the late night over thinking, the tears that come when you’re driving down the highway and that one song comes on because It never used to apply to you but now it hits you where it hurts. So instead of reveling in this new found love or experience you imagine every scenario that could go wrong and you brace for that day because you love so hard you know the pain that’s coming, you’re planning for it.

Being so passionate about everything can be exhausting but exhilarating. It’s hard for other people to match your energy or to know which one you’ll be rolling with at any moment but they don’t need to understand. They need to love you. Just as hard as you love them. That’s all that matters. I wish people had the balls to tell you when they don’t, just say it. Speak your truth. Don’t string someone along because they can feel that too. And they aren’t going to be the one who lets go first. They will feel every hurt, every word unsaid, and choose to stay because their love makes excuses for the tears. They’ll carry it all until one day they lose the sparkle in their eyes that once shined for you. They can’t look at you same. No one actually did anything, it’s what wasn’t done that spoke the loudest.

If you find someone real, someone worth the because they make you feel alive you should be scared to lose them not to someone else but to the silence you let get between you. If you’re not scared then it’s not real.
3 Comments
That wasn’t supposed to happen
Posted:Feb 11, 2021 6:30 pm
Last Updated:Jul 9, 2021 12:04 am
4312 Views

The feeling I get when his name flashes across my phone...It’s indescribable. The sound of his voice makes me swoon. I’ve never been able talk anyone the way I do with him and yet I’m still scared. I want him so bad and I know it’s wrong.

Waking up this Monday I dragged my ass out of bed and tried look decent. I put on my not so favorite shirt which now hangs in my closet untouched. My baggy black pants that need a serious hemming and my flats. Yep. Let’s do this.

When I get to the office I receive his text. Send me pictures he says... Umm nah. I’m not feeling myself today. But he is so damn persistent. Fiiiine, I walk to the bathroom and a picture of my boobs. Not good enough? Of course not!!! He wants a picture of my pussy. Well I’ve gotten away with not sending one up until this point. “I’m self conscious about my spots” I replied.

“Babe please... you know I don’t care about that”

Instead I sent him a picture of myself in my panties, they were see through so it counts!!

No. It didn’t count.

“I’m coming see you.”

Oh my god.... he would come see me today. Damnitt. I look like shit.

“I’m here, parked in the back. Climb in the backseat”

....My heart is racing. I’m not going to pass up the opportunity to see him, he’s already here. There’s no getting out of this and I guess we’ve been talking now for a month and a half, I at least owe him a blow job.

“I need to make a phone ” I tell me assistant as I walk out the door.
I’m making my way the back parking lot and I text him...
“Ok. On my way but we need make it quick.”
-My assistant was still fairly new, and she was eating subway at her desk...

I find his car parked up against the gate. It’s running and I open the back passenger door. There he is, in a t-shirt, basketball shorts, and tennis shoes. Mmm. “Hey Baby”

I lean in for a kiss from those soft juicy lips. God I miss these lips. His hands find the heat between my thighs. They move around my body and I respond. With my eyes closed my fingers find his cock through the softness of his shorts. He’s hard and big. Oooh he’s big. I’ve seen pictures but actually having my hands on him has me panting. I want him. He undoes my pants and I pull them down. He pushes my legs apart gaze at my pussy. “God you’re so sexy babe”. Mmmm. “Hurry please, but go slow... I want feel you”.

I turn towards him in the seat and scoot closer. His shorts are down and he looks so damn good. He pulls me closer...”Are you ready for this?” I nod my head.

Even as I write this, I can remember the way he felt when he entered me. He filled me and with each thrust opened me. His lips find mine and my hands are on his chest. The moans that are coming out of me I’ve never heard before. He pushes himself deep and I lose my breath. “Oooh fuck baby”. He’s only a few pumps in and I’m going to cum, I can feel it and I try to hold it back. Not in his car. You can’t let go in his car. The orgasm escapes me, my legs tremble, I can barely control myself. He’s still moving and tearing apart my whole world. I bring my hips to his, matching his thrusts and rhythm. He responds to me with a groan and I feel him release into me all the with his warmth and throbbing against my walls. He kisses my forehead and looks at me. His eyes are mesmerizing.

As he pulls out can feel my body begin to relax. I’m soaked. He’s looking at his handy work. I sit up and accidentally bump my pussy against his knee. Lol way to go! You got cum on his knee, so embarrassing. He wipes it off with a blanket on the floor...where did that blanket come from???

“That wasn’t supposed to happen” I said out loud. He glances at me “Yeah, but it did.”
1 comment
You’re not mine
Posted:Feb 5, 2021 7:55 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2021 8:31 pm
5027 Views

After our rendezvous in the back parking lot I headed back work a . It’s I could think about the rest of the . He felt so good against and yet I pushed him away. A million thoughts going through my head- You’re not a cheater was the loudest. In years I’ve never given another man the time of . Many have tried but never succeeded, him.

He sends a message “You’re so sexy”....
“So are you” I respond.

It was ’s weekend so I finished the and headed home. Walking into my house felt wrong, different, I felt like an imposter. I tried to brush it off, took a shower and go about my normal life. My phone was glued to my hand waiting to hear from him....but I didn’t. I reached out and sent a few messages, still nothing. Ok.

The whole weekend went by and while I put on a brave I was panicking inside. Was it something I said? Didn’t say? Was it that I pushed him away? Did I just let another man touch me and now this is what I’m left with???

What the Hell.

Monday morning at 5am ish the familiar sound of my messages alerts me. I lift my phone expecting it to be my sister or co worker but IT WAS HIM. Instead of being happy I was mad as hell. Where the fuck has he been? And why am I so upset? “He’s not yours”, I reminded myself. I read the message but didn’t respond. He sends another and again I ignore him. Finally he asks...Why are you leaving me on read?

I don’t remember what I said but it was something to the effect of...
How dare you.
I don’t have time for this.
Do you.
I don’t want to hear your excuses...”Camping”
You’re not mine anyway.

“But I am yours..I’m in love with you”

No. You can’t be. No. “Don’t say things you don’t mean.”
3 Comments

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Change (2)fishing1365
Apr 29, 2021 2:14 pm
Glow (5)wilscox
Apr 20, 2021 5:04 am
The surprise (6)upsidedownsky
Apr 15, 2021 12:20 am
Sloppy Head (4)rubberduck10
Apr 14, 2021 2:21 pm
I want him (2)NJGUY08090
Apr 9, 2021 6:33 pm
That wasn’t supposed to happen (1)NJGUY08090
Apr 9, 2021 6:30 pm
Where are you? (4)NJGUY08090
Apr 9, 2021 6:27 pm
I wish you were here (4)Davey_T1219
Feb 19, 2021 6:37 pm
I’m a Pisces... It’s what I do. (3)Fuklikedogs
Feb 14, 2021 2:48 am
You’re not mine (4)SingleInGR
Feb 7, 2021 10:55 am