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My Second Act
 
Welcome to my blog! Definitely better than my first Act!! You'll find my plot points, some some good lines, and so-so acting in this Second Act! Hopefully it's worth the admission ticket!! Thanks for stopping by!
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Musings on my Second Act
Posted:Oct 11, 2020 2:32 pm
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2021 11:33 am
2732 Views
"Life is both fucked and fuckable."

He laughed when I wrote that.

My take o.n the iconic Dickens opening line of “A Tale of Two Cities”, updated into the modern vernacular because it is a more perfect summation of my life these last few months. I mean, 2020 has crept up on al.l of us unawares, but it creeped
up &then sucker-punched me right in the gut.

For once, I’ve got a secret and it’s my secret keep or tell. I’ve kept others’ secrets, often for years, but this one? This one is mine t.o do with as I will.
So, I have t.o write about it, talk about it, blog it, vlog it, even wrote a song about it.

yeah, and b.a.d. poetry, I’ve written some really bad, drunk poetry.

This is my journey now; this road I’m meandering down.
I’m inviting you come along for the ride. I’ll try stay the course between those painted white lines on the highway; between fucked and fuckable, and hopefully discover what the new normal looks like for m.e.
13 Comments , 1 Pending
Whatcha reading?
Posted:Jan 15, 2021 12:26 pm
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2021 8:13 pm
507 Views
2021 is certainly a year of hope [the vaccine]; of change [a new administration]; and of resolves. I am purposing this year read more after a year of spending way too much time in front of a little screen.

I am going back to the analog style, with pages and cover in hand. In fact, I am reading three books simultaneously. Here’s a quick at what I find interesting and why:

Men In Love: Men’s Sexual Fantasies: The Triumph of Love over Rage by Nancy Friday.
I picked this book up at a thrift store one day. Written in 1980, the author had already written several books on women’s sexuality, most famously My Mother/Myself.
This volume looks at hundreds if not thousands of responses from men, sharing sometimes for the first time in written form, their deepest, darkest secret fantasies. The author takes from a sometimes dated psychological perspective on sex, and sexual tendencies. Each chapter explores a different category from masturbation to BDSM and so much more! I thoroughly enjoy reading the fantasies from men; but not so much her attempts at Freudian explanations of their desires.
The Ethical Slut by Janet W. Hardy & Dossie Easton.
This book was given to me by someone I met from this site is new the lifestyle like me. is the third edition in 20 years of this “primer” the polyamorous lifestyle. This book dovetails beautifully with Men In Love, because it modernizes the psychological aspect of the above mentioned book into a matter of personal choice and exploration. The updated version also focuses on the newer generation’s perspectives on sex and sexuality that I find refreshing as it expands my own.
Bag Man by Rachel Maddow.
I was a young high schooler when Nixon was in office. I remember when Agnew resigned as Vice President, when the Watergate scandal broke and Nixon’s eventual resignation. I lived through it, but didn’t understand or follow it.
Reading the story in detail and the comparison to the times we are in now just reminds me that is “nothing new under the sun”. I also like Maddow’s style, ’s easy read and looks historically at both sides of the political spectrum during a tumultuous time much like where we find ourselves in now.

So, what about you? Whatcha reading? Digital or Analog?
10 Comments , 2 Pending
Episode IX: Venturing Out: Mr I See You!
Posted:Jan 1, 2021 11:56 am
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2021 4:06 pm
928 Views
OY! The word gremlins are at it again! Read the first comment for the full story!
Thanks for stopping by!
~Busti

By this point I had been conversing online with folks on a regular basis. Some were my avatars guiding and prepping me as I stepped into the lifestyle, mentally, at least.

“Maui Wowie” had been in the lifestyle for quite a while. He was the first one that I told my full story to. He wrote messages in a mini essay form that were both humorous and inquisitive and I did the . He relished my words, wanting hear every detail of my adventures and my cast of characters. He even laid odds on I would with first! [He was right on with his predictions, by the way]. One thing “Maui” told me that stuck with me was the comment that people in the lifestyle, and on this site would flow through my life like water so I needed to steel myself for that. That thought was hard to take because I had grown accustomed to hearing from them, most on a daily basis. But as I lay in bed in the morning, after saying the usual good mornings and sexy pic exchanges with my friends, I talked myself back to reality and told myself that was – I wasn’t looking for any further complications than that.

I ventured out fairly slowly. Again, 34 years of monogamy and suddenly being set free explore with no questions asked was kind of daunting. It required a huge paradigm shift on my part; one where I would flip flop between “Wheee! and What the f**k?!!” at least ten times per day. I assumed TOG [Torso of the Gods] would be my first adventure out in this world. We talked/texted pretty much daily; all times of the day. But Covid and life’s obligations certainly puts a crimp in plans.

So, he was not my first.

My very first meet and playmate was Mr. ICU. He had sent brief messages to me on AdultFriendFinder for about a month or so telling me to text him. Of course that’s frowned upon on the site, and the brevity of his comments turned me off. Besides he threatened to report me to the authorities as a fake account if I didn’t respond. Go ahead, Dude! I had no skin in the game [ha! yet], so fine with me!

One Saturday, I was bored and decided I’d respond to his request. I texted him a hello. He responded nicely and after a few texts he asked for a picture and my . I told him my and his reply was, “Holy Shite! That’s you??! No need send a picture I know exactly you are!!”

Well, that made me smile!

He went on say that I was his “Holy Grail” [Now how’s a refuse that??]. He said I was pretty much everything he was looking for: height-wise, age-wise; eyes and smile that he liked. Well this sounded promising! He wanted me go on an app where we could talk, etc. Once I did that, he immediately contacted me for a video chat. He was very anxious get this show on the road! I had never skyped or zoomed before so I felt really uncomfortable. Texting is still somewhat anonymous; I feel more comfortable with that. After a couple of awkward conversations, we agreed meet.

was a brief meeting, minutes or so, but my heart was in my throat! I was so nervous meet him; his straightforward style in and media was a bit off-putting at first. But, I figured I had dip my toe in the pool sometime!

I stepped out of my car as he drove up. He was smiling as he got out of the car. was an immediate embrace greet each other. He was handsome, with piercing green eyes, and strong muscular arms.

He held my hand out an arm’s length, asked me twirl around…I now know what a cow on an auction block feels like! Apparently, he was satisfied with “Bessie” as he wanted see me again.

That was really hard do. We were in full lockdown at that point. We met once at a local park walk and talk further about what we wanted get out of this. We stopped to sit and snuggle on a picnic table right beside the walking path. We ignored the people walking by until one lady was rubbernecking while we necked.

She called out my . UH-OH!

I recognized her voice immediately. I was panic stricken as I abruptly pulled away from Mr. ICU. He stared straight ahead looking out at the ocean away from her. I walked away from the picnic table at a good social distance and said a polite “Hello, how are you?” We exchanged a couple of pleasantries as her feet kept moving, Thank God! She kept walking and gawking till she was past our scene. Mr. ICU exhaled with an “Oh My God!!” With that, I laughed and said, “Yeah, I have a feeling that’s what she’s saying right now!” I went on explain that she was my “Church Lady”. I knew her from the last church we had attended.

She knew me. She knew my hubs.

I think she must have prayed in tongues all the way home!
Amen!
4 Comments
Welcome 2021!! TBT New Year
Posted:Dec 31, 2020 8:37 pm
Last Updated:Jan 1, 2021 9:14 pm
1041 Views
Wishing all a Happy, Safe and -filled New Year!

A friend just sent this pic from back in the day. I'm toasting the day when we can dress up and paint the town RED again!
6 Comments , 2 Pending
@#$%! Sweary Christmas 2020 !%$#@
Posted:Dec 18, 2020 1:42 am
Last Updated:Dec 26, 2020 10:58 am
1243 Views

My family sent me this pic last week. It’s from my niece. It’s one of her neighbors’ decorations. I think it was the outsides that matched my insides last week.

We were off to such a good start too. We got our8 boxes of decorations out of storage, and the tree up the very day after Thanksgiving. I am not a Black Friday shopper. Not even online. I did that once…nevermore! Nevermore! However, this was a record for us. It was the first year we ever had the tree up and décor sprouting around the house the very next day after Turkey day; I mean before one could say I’m stuffed on stuffing, we had that sucker up and ready to go, and the stockings were [ahem] well hung with the utmost care.

Except...two whole strands of lights on our pre-lit tree wouldn’t light. No problem. We’ll just get replacement bulbs for them. We did, but they didn’t, They wouldn’t light. At all. Huge dark spots in the middle of the tree, it looked naked but not in a good way.

Now, we could have simply bought new strands and just added them to the tree. We could have…but, we both agreed it would look, well, messy and weird. No problem, he says. We’ll just remove the pre-lit ones and get some more new ones.

Have you ever removed lights from a pre-lit tree? Any idea how many lights are on a pre-lit tree? It’s a lot like the 1000 Faces pattern I’ve been finding lately when thrifting vintage Kutani china. They have a thing for the number 1000. There is a belief that if you create 1000 paper origami cranes within a year’s time; at the end of a year, not only would it grant you health and healing, but the gods would grant you your wish. Yeah definitely a thing for 1000.

Every light has a clip of some sort. Those clips are green, The very same green as the pre-lit burned out tree. And just like the eternity symbol there is no beginning, there is no end. Like the journey of a thousand miles, one just must begin.

So we did. The hubs took the taller parts of the tree; however, I had the very top because it was easily removed and I could sit down to work on it, slowly…very slowly, and being of short stature, I had the bottom section. The clips blended in so well, I couldn’t see them. It all had to be done by Braille; feeling my way on a branch with eight or so clips on it. Sometimes my hands were enough to remove the clips; other times we had to result to wire snips. As we worked over the next few days, our tree devolved into a paltry Christmas bush with the lights looking much like the picture above. My language devolved even more so.

Each time I had to work on it, I would try to get into a meditative state, I’d think of it as a Zen garden, and I was just raking rock. Enlightenment would come soon. Instead, I would walk away from the heap after 20 minutes or so, swearing and wondering why do we go to all this trouble anyway?

I noticed we were almost halfway through December with our living room still looking a disaster. And I could never find the end of a strand until the very end. Did you know they will splice three strands together at times? No beginning. No end. Only a very long effing middle that trailed off three ways! Isn’t that a fire hazard?

It took taking the tree down to its stand before we were ready to build it back up. The Holiday pilot light had just about gone out on the inside of me. I didn’t care about decorating for the holiday. My fingers had lost all their prints from blindly reaching into branches, twisting and pulling on clips prying them loose with whatever means possible. The floor was covered in clips and fake needles.

It was my 1000 origami crane project, I wanted to see it through. It took the better part of two weeks t.o finally see it finished. But we did it. Tree is up. Lights are on. Its decorated with my favorite vintage ornaments. And It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
8 Comments
Episode VIII: The Ongoing Adventures of MIlf & Gilf: Women of a Certain Age
Posted:Dec 13, 2020 1:26 pm
Last Updated:Dec 28, 2020 12:07 am
1601 Views

I just don't trust those word stealing gremlins, so see the post in the first comment below!
Thanks for the read - Comment below or Whisper in my mailbox!
Mwah! {=}
Busti
3 Comments
Episode VII: TOG and The Bistro
Posted:Dec 7, 2020 9:46 am
Last Updated:Dec 28, 2020 5:09 pm
1785 Views
See the first comment below...
Thanks for stopping by!
Mwah! {=}Busti



12 Comments
Interlude: The Naughty Pics
Posted:Dec 6, 2020 11:24 am
Last Updated:Dec 26, 2020 11:18 pm
1930 Views

Ha! I knew that title would get your attention!
But I must post this before I post the next episode…

See the first comment for the whole story!
Thanks for the read!
6 Comments
Episode VI: Role Reversal
Posted:Dec 3, 2020 11:20 am
Last Updated:Dec 23, 2020 10:42 pm
1970 Views

See the first comment below for the post. Thanks for the read!

Was going to try to show my 'still life' but it shows up bigger than life on the post!] How do you hide photos on this blog?? Still learning
5 Comments
Episode V: Carrying On and Peanuts, Peanuts, PEANUTS!!
Posted:Nov 25, 2020 8:51 am
Last Updated:Dec 31, 2020 2:39 pm
2144 Views
It really bothers me to have the word stealing gremlins loose, so will post in comments as well for the work around. Thanks for the read and following my story!

You know how browsing on the internet can become a time suck? How Facebook beckons for all to like, comment, or emoji all the happy posts from friends…food posts, pet posts, we’re so in love posts, etc., etc. ad nauseum?
Fuck Facebook!
I gained a new time suck that week. AdultFriendFinder was my new go-to every morning with that first cup o’ joe. I was almost late for my class that day because there were so many penis pics, sigh…and so little time! I responded to a few on here that reached out to me with more than a two-word comment or dick pic. [I’m sorry, but “wanna fuck?” just doesn’t cut it for me].
I went in to the office to get my music when my dear friend greeted me with a whispered, “I met someone!”
“Gilf” took over my job when I retired at the beginning of the year. We had been friends for about 20 years and tho’ she had been a stay at home mom all those years, I knew she would do well in my position. She returned the favor by hiring me as a free-lance teacher of dance and art as no one else could fill those shoes adequately. I can’t lie, it was a rocky transition at first: balancing a friendship with a work relationship is hard, but I knew she was the right person for the job. The previous year of me scaling back, and her asserting her ascending position was rough on the friendship. Add to the mix the stress of her marriage beginning its descent to ending-well, suffice to say, nerves were fraying a bit.
Her comment that day fast-tracked our healing however.
“You did? Ohhhh, grrrrl, we gotta talk!”
We met after her shift was finished that very day for drinks and downloads. She filled me in on her re-acquaintances: Facebook had reunited her with a former lover. He was her Rock n Roll, Harley riding “Friend with Benefits” before such a term was coined. Now, married, he struck up conversations with her as if the years and life had not separated them at all. When she was done sharing her good fortune, I swallowed hard and screwed up the courage to tell her about my screwed up life.
Soooo, here’s what’s new in my life…
With that I brought her up to speed with my story. I could see her anger rise up for the hubs. I was okay with that.
I went on to explain my new activity and how admiring eyes wanted to know more about me. [Wait! That’s “inquiring minds”, isn’t it!] Those kind ogles and compliments did a girl good, I must say! They really helped me get through those initial, very dark days. I was surprised at the response on the site and it felt good to know that maybe I could be considered attractive to some. It helped me to be better grounded; no longer insane; less obsessed with the hubs’ goings on now. [well…kinda]
Who needs counseling? Just go on a hookup site, lol!
Even more helpful, I now had a friend I could confide in. What a relief that was! Gilf is a good listener, too. She took in the whole story and then after a short silence, she said, “Good for you! I say, Go for it! If you and the hubs are in agreement, then, Do it!”
“We’re not getting any younger, right?” I said as I raised my glass.
At that, we clinked our glasses and said, “Till next time!”

How about you? Do you have someone you can talk to about ‘the lifestyle? Do any of your closest friends know?
9 Comments
Turmoil: A Song
Posted:Nov 16, 2020 11:25 am
Last Updated:Dec 23, 2020 10:49 pm
2296 Views

I wrote this one night after some bedtime conversation. I picture it as a country song, with me singing in some dark bar, sitting on a stool, dressed in a black tank top and overalls, cowboy hat down over my eyes...crooning the words. check the first comment to see the song.

Thanks y'all for the read!!
7 Comments
Episode IV: How I got from There to Here
Posted:Nov 6, 2020 9:42 am
Last Updated:Dec 13, 2020 12:45 pm
2663 Views
{image]
Okay Dear Readers – remember how I said life was both fucked and fuckable? Today we’re in the “fucked” part of the story…
I’m going to be honest here. This one was hard to write; because retelling is also reliving.

So rather than re-write the whole thing, I’m going to jump in the middle of a treatise I wrote one night after 2 Crown Royals, two glasses of wine, screaming expletives in the car as I drove home from the bar and then taking a two mile walk at 2 o’ clock in the morning, still yelling expletives. So some of this might be repetitive, but please bear with me as it fills in some details, too…

…Throughout this time, I was a mess. I woke up every morning realizing I couldn’t breathe.

I just couldn’t catch that first breath.

I was scattered; aimless; completely unsure of what I was doing, where I was going, totally inadequate to form a whole thought and completely obsessed with his every movement.
Though he said he wasn’t hooking up anymore, he would hide his phone. He would put windows down on his computer if I came into the room, and at that point I was too gutted to challenge it much.

Week Three

Had me looking through his desk one day. Found more “toys” and a receipt for a hotel stay at the beach. FUCK! He takes his hook up to the beach and not me!! Fuckity Fuck Fuck! This is right about the time we went to San Diego! Granted it was a fuckless trip at the time, but Fuck all the same! [*UPDATE: when I confronted him on this it turns out the receipts were actually FROM our fuckless San Diego trip! Oops! My bad!!]

At this point my fight or flight response kicked in. I couldn’t stay in the house any longer. So I fixed myself up and took myself out. “Gotta learn to do this for myself now”. I didn’t want to be like my friends who were content to curl up with a good book each night. I wanted more than that.

So, I went out. I danced, I drank new drinks, wrote some godawful poetry that sounded awesome at the time, and when the music was over, I couldn’t bring myself to go home. I went to our favorite karaoke bar, with George Michaels’ “Careless Whisper” running through my head. Of course, someone had to sing that song, badly. The DJ, a friend, couldn’t help but notice I was upset, but, I didn’t care. In fact, I don’t even know why I was there; it was just some place to go to that I knew.

After that, I parked somewhere and slept in my car. Yeah, in that Mini Cooper [not recommended]. I just couldn’t make myself go home.

The good news is, with all this going on, I started walking. Outside, the water, it let me learn to listen more. Ocean. Birds. Creek. I loved it. I could meditate with it. The rhythm allowed me to clear my head and formulate questions. Lots of questions. Which aren’t bad things, really. I’ve always felt that knowledge is power. Questions lead to knowledge.

I saw a counselor that week. I mean, I thought I couldn’t tell anyone…my friends really liked him and I didn’t want to man-bash him [is that a term anymore???] in front of them. This was our problem, not theirs and I didn’t want their anger and protectiveness for me to cloud any decisions I would make.

I found a local counselor who did a free consult with me. She said her two takeaways for me were:
1. This is not my fault
Really? But I was the one turned off, and closed up shop.
Yes, you are the one who closed up, and you have to take responsibility for that, but if he would have come to you to discuss that he had needs that he may need to look outside the marriage in order to fulfill, it would have given you a chance to choose how to respond. You were never given a choice in this decision that can affect the entire family.

2. I am worthy of love.
Easy statement to say; hard to realize. Even now…

The counselor also said that what I was experiencing was likened to PTSD because a trauma had been inflicted on me. She said that I would experience a lot of highs and lows. And if I opted to not pursue counseling, to find a confidante that I trusted to confide in. I could not have agreed with her more. High and Low is right! I have done some wacky things of late. Tracked him, researched him online [TruthFinder.com – eye-opening], and started looking at porn.

After my night of sleeping in the car, we started talking about the porn. Me confessing that it turned me on, and that had he come to me, I would’ve gotten therapy sooner. The porn did turn me on, that and the fact that other women had found him attractive! After all those years, OMG it was a miracle! I turned on for my husband! Truly I surprised myself. I became a:

#SexuallyAWakenedGirl.

Yes, miracles of miracles, the Ice Princess had thawed out! “I could do porn,” I thought. [By “do”., I mean “watch” not “do”] He was happy. He went to bed for the next couple of weeks happy. But because I am a curious sort, I looked through his computer desk.

Hey, he lied. So, I get to!

I found what looked like to be a username/password. I wrote it down, went to my computer and did a google search with the username. Sure ‘nough, I got a hit. Swingin’ In OurTown! And I found a receipt to Lovers Package dated for Sept. of this last year, just a couple of months’ past, not the five years ago he said it was.

NOW, I LOST IT! I threw something across the room. As it shattered, I yelled, “You liar!” I ran into the bedroom, turned on the lights where he was sleeping soundly and ripped the covers off him and down to the floor in one fell swoop. “You Asswipe LIAR!” “You are going to tell me everything or we are done NOW!”

What are you talking about? He says.

Really? You want to lie about this now!

I woke him out of that dead sleep yelling like a crazy woman. Finally, he confessed he’d had a FWB* for the last 2 ½ years!! (*no, NOT an FWB, a GF. There’s a difference, more on that later)
FUCKMYLIFE, BATMAN! Does this get any worse?????!!!

Once again using the “you weren’t doing anything” catch all phrase, I stopped him mid-sentence. No! You don’t get to use that now. I thawed out! I became a #SexuallyAWakenedGirl!

You got a #SexuallyAWakenedGirl now!

Believe it or not, after more hysterics, we talked through it. He said he [well…they] had a plan if I ever found out; she offered him a place to stay. But because I “Thawed Out” it threw a wrench into that “InCaseShekicksMeOut”contingency plan. Though the idea was a tempting one, I did not want to simply toss him over to her like a ball in her court.

Nosiree!

I won’t say the thought hasn’t crossed my mind numerous times over the last few months, but 34 years is a lot of life lived together. We KNOW each other. Of course, there are highs and lows, but a genuine affection and respect exists for one another. He is my rock, and I am his light. He brings the logic; I bring the laughs. I wouldn’t say we “balance each other”, but we do kind of ‘right rudder” each other. So, I wasn’t going to give up easily. He said he would be willing to “just be friends” with her. [Note that he didn’t say he would stop seeing her.] He said that he actually liked having women as friends; in fact, he’s one of those guys that prefers women to men friends. [yeah, I knew that about him, yet I kept him from that early on in the marriage]

He showed me the site…AdultFriendFinder, let me browse through his profile and others. We talked more about his explorations, how this FWB happened, and how he liked dabbling ‘in the lifestyle’ overall.
And though I was extremely hurt the new revelation, we even had more that night.
Make up , what can I say?

The next day I said, “Okay, I want to try it. I want to know what this site is all about.”
So I signed up.
Just to see.
Very curious.
Not really with the intent to follow-through, unless sufficiently persuaded .

I write my profile. Titled it SecondActNow., thinking that the Second Act will be better than the first…for US. In a total ironic twist, I thought this would add some needed spice to our marriage...or blow it to smithereens!

For the next couple of nights, the hubs played photographer and took the pics for my profile. Now that was wicked fun! Never thought I would enjoy that, but I did.

So I launched on 3/1/2020!

I had/have no idea what this will be like for me. After all, online dating didn’t exist when I was single.

This site is one Helluva way to break in to it, don’t ya think?!
Stay tuned!
10 Comments

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