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I’ve Said Too Much  

bustinout20202 64F  
766 posts
10/2/2021 9:51 am
I’ve Said Too Much


I went out with the girls last night. Had a glass of wine with my friends that I used to work with. Gilf and I usually meet up once a week, a habit started last year when everything was in lockdown. Back then the conversations were fresh and fun. Both of us were relishing our newfound freedoms and licking our wounds at the same time. We started to record our conversations thinking we’d start a podcast on sexuality as “women of a certain age”. I thought I lost a lot of them when my phone was stolen, but found some in emails recently.

We still laugh when we are together. She shares about her week; work and her out of town visits with her lover. I share about my life and my lovers. It’s just a nice exchange with a friend that I can confide in.

Except that she had told one of our coworkers about my situation some months back. I know because I’m getting ready to go back to the job part-time as a vendor. I met up with the coworker at the beginning of the summer to discuss scheduling and while there she said something about not being judgmental about things at all. My eyes got wide and I asked, “That’s nice. Judgmental about what?”

“Well, Gilf mentioned something...”

“Really???What has Gilf told you?”

“Not much at all” she back pedaled. “Just that your situation has changed. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything to anybody.”

Uh-huh.

It surprised me that Gilf would do that. She has always been so trustworthy in the past. I think we were both a bit unsteady last year: with everything changing in our lives, it might have made us both a bit vulnerable. I think she referenced it in the context of her re-emerging relationships, as much as mine when relating it to our coworker.

I left it at that that day last summer. Since we were gearing up for Fall classes, I met with the co-worker again yesterday afternoon and went to Gilf’s office afterwards. The coworker seemed stressed and tired [the job will do that to a person], so when we passed her in the hallway, I asked her if she wanted to join us for a glass of wine. She said “yes please! If it’s okay with you guys”.

We headed to our local dive bar to meet. We talked, well THEY talked about work, as I sipped my wine and listened. Somehow the conversation strayed off into Relationship-Land, with the co-worker sharing a few intimacies about her marriage, and Gilf talking about her latest<b> trip </font></b>with her boytoy. With the coworker there it was a little harder for me to share about my latest excursions, so I just sat back and watched those two chatting.

But there is something in me that wants to talk about my choices; my journey to this lifestyle. It’s an abhorrent choice to some, and something inside me wants to challenge some of those notions. I don’t know why…maybe it’s about justification for my own actions. Maybe it’s to illuminate the sub cultural trend that’s out there. [Even an AdultFriendFinder article cited that over 40% of marriages are experiencing infidelity*] Maybe I just wanted to take the glass slipper of fairy tale endings that we women have been enculturated with and dash it to the ground!

I started talking a bit about my story: discovering my hub’s infidelity, making the choice not to leave, recognizing my own culpability as to his straying…and how this 180 degree turn actually improved our relationship.
She-Who-Says-She-Doesn’t-Judge sat there with her mouth hanging open. She said, “I never have thought about my part in it”.

Yeah, well, I did.

I have never thought of myself as a strong person. In fact, choosing to stay in the marriage while Gilf “braved” leaving hers kind of made me feel weak. She’s always been the “I am Woman, watch me roar” type. There’s lots of reasons for leaving, but there’s lots of reasons for staying too. I look back on the reasoning and the circumstance now and I feel more empowered than I used to.

I said as much last night. I also said that I’ve learned that I can love more than one, just like the hubs said to me at one point regarding having me and the GF: “For the last two years, I’ve loved two women!!” he said. I also believe one can love others for different reasons as life goes on; and that there isn’t just a “one and only” for everyone.

Gilf challenged that one. Tried to tell me that there is a way to have a one and only that fulfills all your needs: physical, spiritual and emotional. The hubs and I had this conversation ages ago. In fact, I think it came up in the pre-marital classes we took after the fact: Do you believe that one person can be your “be all/end all”?? Why or Why Not? At the time, I thought “Of course!” [Yeah, I’ve got my friends Cinderella and Snow here to confirm all that!] As life went on and my Prince Charming began to get a bit of rust on his crown, I changed my view. It became more about percentages and ratios: like the 80/20 rule. Actually, maybe life, and our needs, became more faceted; where one person fulfilled one aspect, and another fulfills another.

Or, maybe I’ve just become more jaded in my old age. Either way, I don’t know that my small part of the world isn’t ready for my expansive views.
I think I said too much.

*From AdultFriendFinder online magazine article "Why Do People Look For Sex Outside of Marriage" by Rascal Solomon Sept. 14, 2021


~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/2/2021 9:58 am

I went out with the girls last night. Had a glass of wine with my friends that I used to work with. Gilf and I usually meet up once a week, a habit started last year when everything was in lockdown. Back then the conversations were fresh and fun. Both of us were relishing our newfound freedoms and licking our wounds at the same time. We started to record our conversations thinking we’d start a podcast on sexuality as “women of a certain age”. I thought I lost a lot of them when my phone was stolen, but found some in emails recently.
We still laugh when we are together. She shares about her week; work and her out of town visits with her lover. I share about my life and my lovers. It’s just a nice exchange with a friend that I can confide in.
Except that she had told one of our coworkers about my situation some months back. I know because I’m getting ready to go back to the job part-time as a vendor. I met up with the coworker at the beginning of the summer to discuss scheduling and while there she said something about not being judgmental about things at all. My eyes got wide and I asked, “That’s nice. Judgmental about what?”
“Well, Gilf mentioned something...”
“Really???What has Gilf told you?”
“Not much at all” she back pedaled. “Just that your situation has changed. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything to anybody.”
Uh-huh.
It surprised me that Gilf would do that. She has always been so trustworthy in the past. I think we were both a bit unsteady last year: with everything changing in our lives, it might have made us both a bit vulnerable. I think she referenced it in the context of her re-emerging relationships, as much as mine when relating it to our coworker.
I left it at that that day last summer. Since we were gearing up for Fall classes, I met with the co-worker again yesterday afternoon and went to Gilf’s office afterwards. The coworker seemed stressed and tired [the job will do that to a person], so when we passed her in the hallway, I asked her if she wanted to join us for a glass of wine. She said “yes please! If it’s okay with you guys”.
We headed to our local dive bar to meet. We talked, well THEY talked about work, as I sipped my wine and listened. Somehow the conversation strayed off into Relationship-Land, with the co-worker sharing a few intimacies about her marriage, and Gilf talking about her latest trip with her boytoy. With the coworker there it was a little harder for me to share about my latest excursions, so I just sat back and watched those two chatting.
But there is something in me that wants to talk about my choices; my journey to this lifestyle. It’s an abhorrent choice to some, and something inside me wants to challenge some of those notions. I don’t know why…maybe it’s about justification for my own actions. Maybe it’s to illuminate the sub cultural trend that’s out there. [Even an AdultFriendFinder article cited that over 40% of marriages are experiencing infidelity*] Maybe I just wanted to take the glass slipper of fairy tale endings that we women have been enculturated with and dash it to the ground!

I started talking a bit about my story: discovering my hub’s infidelity, making the choice not to leave, recognizing my own culpability as to his straying…and how this 180 degree turn actually improved our relationship.
She-Who-Says-She-Doesn’t-Judge sat there with her mouth hanging open. She said, “I never have thought about my part in it”.
Yeah, well, I did.
I have never thought of myself as a strong person. In fact, choosing to stay in the marriage while Gilf “braved” leaving hers kind of made me feel weak. She’s always been the “I am Woman, watch me roar” type. There’s lots of reasons for leaving, but there’s lots of reasons for staying too. I look back on the reasoning and the circumstance now and I feel more empowered than I used to.
I said as much last night. I also said that I’ve learned that I can more than one, just like the hubs said to me at one point regarding having me and the GF: “For the last two years, I’ve loved two women!!” he said. I also believe one can love others for different reasons as life goes on; and that there isn’t just a “one and only” for everyone.
Gilf challenged that one. Tried to tell me that there is a way to have a one and only that fulfills all your needs: physical, spiritual and emotional. The hubs and I had this conversation ages ago. In fact, I think it came up in the pre-marital classes we took after the fact: Do you believe that one person can be your “be all/end all”?? Why or Why Not? At the time, I thought “Of course!” [Yeah, I’ve got my friends Cinderella and Snow here to confirm all that!] As life went on and my Prince Charming began to get a bit of rust on his crown, I changed my view. It became more about percentages and ratios: like the 80/20 rule. Actually, maybe life, and our needs, became more faceted; where one person fulfilled one aspect, and another fulfills another.
Or, maybe I’ve just become more jaded in my old age. Either way, I don’t know that my small part of the world is ready for my expansive views.
I think I said too much.

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


crosstraining 68T  
7319 posts
10/2/2021 10:59 am

Very interesting , XOXO


positively4you 72F  
4512 posts
10/2/2021 11:15 am

I have learned to keep my private life private. I tell no one a lot of things I do, especially coworkers. They are the worst. They think I am the lonely sexless widow.
I am ok with them thinking that.


scoupe42 58M  
12820 posts
10/2/2021 11:17 am

A very good blog!


orno2314 26M
2 posts
10/2/2021 11:22 am

Ornoar7@
You what i trying to say babe


orno2314 26M
2 posts
10/2/2021 11:25 am

y0u thing .0rnoar7@
Sms me


mufdiver69er2 61M  
1803 posts
10/2/2021 1:06 pm

i think you said just enough...to get the other two to consider other points of view...and i think gilf should have considered that if you wanted things said to her to be passed to others...you would have said so..bravo on you for being so forgiving..

woop woop


scc1965 56M  
162 posts
10/2/2021 2:16 pm

That is a good read. I think what you said really strikes home...


JDMurray123 57M
2784 posts
10/2/2021 2:42 pm

Great story. After a health scare, my thoughts and views changed. Short of the story, here I am!! LOL


Paulxx001 64M
21892 posts
10/2/2021 3:15 pm

Situations, huh? 🤔
I was in one, once; ok, many times. Usually, things straighten themselves out over time. And I try not to poke my nose into another's.
But I've got this friend who loves to dig. Once in a while, I'll have had enough, and I'll tell him to fuck off.
That works for a while... until the next time he's slipped over the limit. I usually shrug and remind myself to keep my thoughts to myself.

I don't know who's worse; him and his opinion and remarks, or me for believing I could trust him. 😊


G000dbuddy 34M  
1216 posts
10/3/2021 3:03 am

also believe one can love others for different reasons as life goes on; and that there isn’t just a “one and only” for everyone.

goodbuddy781


MrWrong4RghtNow 55M  
2187 posts
10/3/2021 5:13 am

I used to be in the There Can Only Be One camp for most of my life. Like you, my now ex-wife's infidelity caused me to question everything. I ended up in online relationships but neither one was meant to be a real life situation and yet the feelings were there.
I too believe it is possible to love more than one person at a time. But in terms of living a life with more than one, relationship-wise, I'm not entirely certain that's feasible.
As for expressing your views freely I think it's just a matter of "reading the room" to see if your point of view can given without eye-rolling or lack of understanding. Too many times others try to place their moral standards on everyone else. I suspect that yes you spoke out because you may have felt left out or needed to balance the conversation.
There is no one right way to be in a relationship. We all make our own choices and decide whether or not to live with them.
You keep on going being You. That's what counts, right?

My name is MrWrong and I approved this comment


Erogedyne 69M
894 posts
10/3/2021 6:19 am

I love the photo at the top of the post! I need to ask: Is the photo mirror imaged, or is no wedding band part of the accomodation you & the hubs have come to in accepting polyamory as part of your marriage.

Personally, I think that staying and finding a way to allow the two of you to love each other and people outside your marriage simultaneously, is the path requiring more courage & strength. In my opinion, it's easier to say, "fuck it, I'm outta here", than it is to say, "how can we make this work?".

Perception of the situation may be part of the problem. As a society, we continue to call your situation infidelity. Perhaps the proper word is polyamory! Our laws prohibit multiple husbands/wives. Would our mental health be better if we went into a marriage accepting that it may be just two, but more than two is also acceptable, if all the partners agree. Binary marriages are a relatively new development in the history of humanity. Granted, in the past it has typically been one male & multiple wives, but is there any real reason that a marriage couldn't be multiples of both sexes, perhaps even including varied sexual preferences? The longer I live and the more Iife I experience, the more I am convinced that our view of marriage needs to evolve past the caveman view of the male being the protector/provider for weaker female. Either sex can fulfill that role, or both can share it. Our roles have evolved but the societal constructs have not. You are on the bleeding edge of that evolution! Your personal situation is not perfect, but it is a step in the right direction. THAT takes true courage!

Interesting discussion! Who says AdultFriendFinder is just another sex site?

Please check out my latest blog post "Happy Thanksgiving To One And All"


Erogedyne 69M
894 posts
10/3/2021 6:33 am

When I think about the people that will likely be involved with this post, I start to chuckle. I can see us all in a room sitting in a circle: There's that sexy woman with long grey hair & glasses that appears to have nothing on; over there is a naked guy with a laptop on his lap; over there is a disembodied, semi-erect penis; several sets of cleavage have chimed in; and then there's the guy with a cup of coffee keeping his dick warm!

Not your typical, philosophical discussion group! I love this place!

Please check out my latest blog post "Happy Thanksgiving To One And All"


Erogedyne 69M
894 posts
10/3/2021 6:35 am

Oh. . . and don't forget the naked legs in a bathtub. At least a couple set of them will be here too!

Please check out my latest blog post "Happy Thanksgiving To One And All"


CleavageFan4U 64M  
68285 posts
10/3/2021 7:12 am

Ha, love the mask!!

I have to say I greatly admire your courage in pursuing this most atypical path, as well as your bravery in being so open about it.

Exploring My Dating Options
The Trip from Hell Epilogue
DYOT, on HNW
Private Cleavage My Private Post - Tell Me ALL Your Secrets – Anything you write here is just between us


maika_666 53M/31F
29 posts
10/3/2021 7:50 am

Rstupenda


Kalbi54 66M
1387 posts
10/3/2021 8:03 am

That was way more than I expected to read.


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 9:52 am

    Quoting Kalbi54:
    That was way more than I expected to read.
Is that a good thing or ???

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 9:53 am

Thank you for the read! I appreciate that we have a place where we can be real, don't you?

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 9:57 am

    Quoting positively4you:
    I have learned to keep my private life private. I tell no one a lot of things I do, especially coworkers. They are the worst. They think I am the lonely sexless widow.
    I am ok with them thinking that.
I think the shock of how I entered into this gave me opportunity to be open about it. I certainly felt less crazy when I could share it with one friend. Thanks for commenting -- it's always appreciated!!

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 9:57 am

Thanks so much Scoupe! Appreciate you stopping by!!

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 9:59 am

    Quoting orno2314:
    Ornoar7@
    You what i trying to say babe
Ummm....
I'm not quite sure what you are trying to say. sorry!

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 10:01 am

    Quoting mufdiver69er2:
    i think you said just enough...to get the other two to consider other points of view...and i think gilf should have considered that if you wanted things said to her to be passed to others...you would have said so..bravo on you for being so forgiving..
Thanks for the read. Yes, I did confront Gilf when it happened. She said she didn't reveal too much, but my thought was that if she said it to one, how many more??

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 10:02 am

    Quoting scc1965:
    That is a good read. I think what you said really strikes home...
Thanks so much for the read. How does it strike home for you??

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


JustHere2CU 53M  
84 posts
10/3/2021 10:36 am

No one is everything in my opinion.
Does that mean everyone should look elsewhere?
No.
Does that people shouldn't look elsewhere?
No.
Does looking elsewhere mean you have to end what you have?
No.
You can.
Or you can evolve what you have.
Leaving is actually one way to evolve.
Online only, occasional affairs, long term affairs, living with the current situation without straying...
All options


JustHere2CU 53M  
84 posts
10/3/2021 10:56 am

I also tend to say both more and less to people online than in real life. Less identifiable info, more things about subjects like this to people online.


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 5:28 pm

    Quoting JDMurray123:
    Great story. After a health scare, my thoughts and views changed. Short of the story, here I am!! LOL
Yeah, I had a health scare too, prior to all this. It definitely contributed to the choices I've made! Hope all is well with you now! {=}

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 5:32 pm

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    Situations, huh? 🤔
    I was in one, once; ok, many times. Usually, things straighten themselves out over time. And I try not to poke my nose into another's.
    But I've got this friend who loves to dig. Once in a while, I'll have had enough, and I'll tell him to fuck off.
    That works for a while... until the next time he's slipped over the limit. I usually shrug and remind myself to keep my thoughts to myself.

    I don't know who's worse; him and his opinion and remarks, or me for believing I could trust him. 😊
Is that the friend you've written about in your blog...the one on a different site?
I still trust Gilf. She is the only one I share my life with on a regular basis. There's really no judgment there. Funny, when you consider that we met at church 20+ years ago!! LOL

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 5:33 pm

    Quoting  :

Thanks, luv!
Thanks for stopping by! mwah!
~Busti

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 5:35 pm

    Quoting G000dbuddy:
    also believe one can love others for different reasons as life goes on; and that there isn’t just a “one and only” for everyone.
Thanks! I appreciate that. Our culture surely speaks differently about that!

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 5:39 pm

    Quoting MrWrong4RghtNow:
    I used to be in the There Can Only Be One camp for most of my life. Like you, my now ex-wife's infidelity caused me to question everything. I ended up in online relationships but neither one was meant to be a real life situation and yet the feelings were there.
    I too believe it is possible to love more than one person at a time. But in terms of living a life with more than one, relationship-wise, I'm not entirely certain that's feasible.
    As for expressing your views freely I think it's just a matter of "reading the room" to see if your point of view can given without eye-rolling or lack of understanding. Too many times others try to place their moral standards on everyone else. I suspect that yes you spoke out because you may have felt left out or needed to balance the conversation.
    There is no one right way to be in a relationship. We all make our own choices and decide whether or not to live with them.
    You keep on going being You. That's what counts, right?
"Reading the room", so very true! And I did feel a bit left out...[hey, were you that fly on the wall to the left of us?]
I think I am just coming into being "me" at this stage.
Thanks so much for sharing!!
~Busti

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 6:03 pm

    Quoting Erogedyne:
    I love the photo at the top of the post! I need to ask: Is the photo mirror imaged, or is no wedding band part of the accomodation you & the hubs have come to in accepting polyamory as part of your marriage.

    Personally, I think that staying and finding a way to allow the two of you to love each other and people outside your marriage simultaneously, is the path requiring more courage & strength. In my opinion, it's easier to say, "fuck it, I'm outta here", than it is to say, "how can we make this work?".

    Perception of the situation may be part of the problem. As a society, we continue to call your situation infidelity. Perhaps the proper word is polyamory! Our laws prohibit multiple husbands/wives. Would our mental health be better if we went into a marriage accepting that it may be just two, but more than two is also acceptable, if all the partners agree. Binary marriages are a relatively new development in the history of humanity. Granted, in the past it has typically been one male & multiple wives, but is there any real reason that a marriage couldn't be multiples of both sexes, perhaps even including varied sexual preferences? The longer I live and the more Iife I experience, the more I am convinced that our view of marriage needs to evolve past the caveman view of the male being the protector/provider for weaker female. Either sex can fulfill that role, or both can share it. Our roles have evolved but the societal constructs have not. You are on the bleeding edge of that evolution! Your personal situation is not perfect, but it is a step in the right direction. THAT takes true courage!

    Interesting discussion! Who says AdultFriendFinder is just another sex site?
Ummm...the no wedding ring is because its usually off when we play...giggle!

I agree with all of your thoughts, Eros. When living through the hardest parts of my situation, I remember thinking about all the famous couples who've had lovers as their muses and yet their marriages survived. I think we would all breathe much easier if there was the understanding that there could be more than one or the option to look from the get-go. I find it fascinating on here how so many couples who have been married for decades monogamously, decide they want to experience the poly lifestyle to "spice things up" in their own relationship.
I wish we would have approached it that way in the beginning; in agreement to explore, but tbh, I would've hung onto the old mindset I'm afraid. Being forced to look at it through discovery of his choices might have been the only way for me to consider alternatives.
I support your view of either/both sex having the choice to pursue
other partners...gives a whole new twist to the term "marriage equality", lol.
And being "on the cutting edge" is what I think gives rise to my wanting to be more vocal about it at times.
I am appreciative that there is a place to discuss these things openly here.
Thanks so much for contributing to the conversation!
Mwah! ~Busti

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 6:04 pm

    Quoting Erogedyne:
    When I think about the people that will likely be involved with this post, I start to chuckle. I can see us all in a room sitting in a circle: There's that sexy woman with long grey hair & glasses that appears to have nothing on; over there is a naked guy with a laptop on his lap; over there is a disembodied, semi-erect penis; several sets of cleavage have chimed in; and then there's the guy with a cup of coffee keeping his dick warm!

    Not your typical, philosophical discussion group! I love this place!
Okay, this had me laughing out loud this morning!

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 6:06 pm

    Quoting Erogedyne:
    Oh. . . and don't forget the naked legs in a bathtub. At least a couple set of them will be here too!
We are going to need a really big conference room to accommodate the tubs!
Better still, let's have the meeting at the hot tubs!!!

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 6:11 pm

thanks Cleave! I bought several masks from an online seller. 1. Censored 2. WTF [Wear the Face mask] 3. "I swear its just allergies!" 4. "Will remove for Wine"[my personal fav]
You know, your encouragement from the very beginning of starting this blog [btw, it's been a year already!] has helped me to be brave and open...so thank you for that!! {=}

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 6:11 pm

Gracias!

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 6:16 pm

    Quoting JustHere2CU:
    No one is everything in my opinion.
    Does that mean everyone should look elsewhere?
    No.
    Does that people shouldn't look elsewhere?
    No.
    Does looking elsewhere mean you have to end what you have?
    No.
    You can.
    Or you can evolve what you have.
    Leaving is actually one way to evolve.
    Online only, occasional affairs, long term affairs, living with the current situation without straying...
    All options
See?? Options! I like that!
Btw, I popped over and read some of your blog. I haven't used the chat rooms much, tho' I've been in the local one. It seems a bit chaotic to me. But like you said, online can be both open or not.
Thanks so much for sharing!

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


Erogedyne 69M
894 posts
10/3/2021 7:57 pm

    Quoting bustinout20202:
    We are going to need a really big conference room to accommodate the tubs!
    Better still, let's have the meeting at the hot tubs!!!
Yeah! A BIG hot tub, slippery bodies rubbing up against each other, stimulating touch to accompany stimulating conversation! That would be erotic even if there was nothing sexual happening. I think that I would try to encourage you to sit on my lap. Just sayin'!

Please check out my latest blog post "Happy Thanksgiving To One And All"


scc1965 56M  
162 posts
10/3/2021 8:27 pm

    Quoting bustinout20202:
    Thanks so much for the read. How does it strike home for you??
I like how you talkd about leaving your marriage,but decided to stay and talk about it...then deciding to have an open relationship. Yes , hits home for me as my spouse is wonderful in every way, just not in the boudoiur.....we are opposites in that regard. I have a voracious appetite for sex and she has very little. Been wanting to have a conversation with her about opening up our relationship....and I am waiting for the timing to be right.....


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 10:01 pm

    Quoting scc1965:
    I like how you talkd about leaving your marriage,but decided to stay and talk about it...then deciding to have an open relationship. Yes , hits home for me as my spouse is wonderful in every way, just not in the boudoiur.....we are opposites in that regard. I have a voracious appetite for sex and she has very little. Been wanting to have a conversation with her about opening up our relationship....and I am waiting for the timing to be right.....
Hmmm...I get it. I've been there. Opening up about sex is hard if you've not been in the habit of talking about it. Like I've said in other comments here, it took the nuclear bomb going off in my living room of discovering he was out playing to make me really look at our relationship, and to open up about sex. Prior to that, I thought we had settled into a sexless relationship because that's what happens when you get older. I'm more active now than I was in my 20s...Yippee!

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/3/2021 10:03 pm

    Quoting Erogedyne:
    Yeah! A BIG hot tub, slippery bodies rubbing up against each other, stimulating touch to accompany stimulating conversation! That would be erotic even if there was nothing sexual happening. I think that I would try to encourage you to sit on my lap. Just sayin'!
Okay, so not many philosophical problems would get solved in that round table..er, tub discussion, but it'd be worth it to try!!

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


Paulxx001 64M
21892 posts
10/4/2021 12:56 am

FrankeeZee, my buddy from another site, is kool. He keeps me honest.


lindoboy100 58M
23884 posts
10/4/2021 9:08 am

As interesting as ever McBusti.

In my experience, no matter how much our story seems the same as every one else's, it's almost always so completely different, if that makes sense. Who really know what goes on to get us where we are, except for ourselves.....and so who is anyone else to judge us?

Nada más que fallas......


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/4/2021 1:08 pm

    Quoting lindoboy100:
    As interesting as ever McBusti.

    In my experience, no matter how much our story seems the same as every one else's, it's almost always so completely different, if that makes sense. Who really know what goes on to get us where we are, except for ourselves.....and so who is anyone else to judge us?
thanks McKilty! Yeah, if we could just get off the "judge and jury" train we'd be all the better for it!
Always appreciate you coming by!
Mwah!! {=}
~McBusti

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


spunkycumfun 61M/66F
39294 posts
10/5/2021 11:24 am

Infidelity is always a difficult topic to talk about whether it's with your partner, friends, family or colleagues - there are so many feelings and judgements involved.
But your choice to remain seems to have worked for you, which is great.


PieLover98033 63M  
5 posts
10/5/2021 11:51 am

Very interesting and thoughtful post. As to loving more than one person -it's totally possible and something I have experienced. When I had to break it off it was hurtful for both of us, but it made sense. I still love her and will not forget her, and I still love my wife. I have found that you can love people for different reasons.


Wantolder4fun1 33M
14 posts
10/14/2021 12:49 am

You could never say too much


bustinout20202 replies on 10/14/2021 9:36 am:
Aw...thanks ever so, Wantsolder! I've never been one to fall into the category of "Help!-I'm-talking-and-I-just-can't-stop!!" I have friends like that.[Not the ones I just wrote about] Thanks for the read!!
~busti

Dude14230 40M
5 posts
10/20/2021 8:07 am

Interesting take. Food for thought for sure.


lust4life59 62F
2371 posts
10/22/2021 5:07 am

My late husband and I were polyamorous. WE each had another partner for years I struggled at the beginning with feelings of jealousy, But worked through it, and ended up not just comfortable, but happy with the situation. Then cancer struck, and all the time consuming energy and emotions that go along with that. Our other relationships fell by the wayside. Not saying that putting our other loves on the back burner was the wrong path to take, but it was hurtful in some ways for our other partners.. who had no primaries of their own. Anyway, after he was gone, I contemplated entering into a few already established poly relationships. In the end, decided I cannot do it without having a primary partner of my own. I hate to admit it, I'm still too fragile to not to have my own support system in place.


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/22/2021 11:31 am

    Quoting lust4life59:
    My late husband and I were polyamorous. WE each had another partner for years I struggled at the beginning with feelings of jealousy, But worked through it, and ended up not just comfortable, but happy with the situation. Then cancer struck, and all the time consuming energy and emotions that go along with that. Our other relationships fell by the wayside. Not saying that putting our other loves on the back burner was the wrong path to take, but it was hurtful in some ways for our other partners.. who had no primaries of their own. Anyway, after he was gone, I contemplated entering into a few already established poly relationships. In the end, decided I cannot do it without having a primary partner of my own. I hate to admit it, I'm still too fragile to not to have my own support system in place.
Hey, thanks so much for stopping by!! Thanks so much for sharing, and I am so sorry for your loss of your husband; and for the path you have had to walk through. It is completely understandable that your time and focus would be on your hubs during that season. I'm sure the others understood that. Does the fact that the other loves had no primaries in place at that time affect your thoughts on playing now? thanks so much for your comments, I always appreciate your words!

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


flannel_light 59F  
4196 posts
10/26/2021 9:16 am

I loved this post. I keep things to myself about my lifestyle to my friends cause they will never understand it. I have a friend or two here I can talk to about things.

The Light is shinning and she is lonely and waiting in the darkness.


bustinout20202 64F  
929 posts
10/26/2021 10:27 am

    Quoting flannel_light:
    I loved this post. I keep things to myself about my lifestyle to my friends cause they will never understand it. I have a friend or two here I can talk to about things.
Thanks so much for stopping by, Flannel Light. I'm glad you like it. It is a bit complicated, don'tcha think? I mean, one has their friends "on the outside" that think they know about you. Then, there's this one side of you, this almost all-consuming side of you that they never see.
It makes me think of those police shows where the detectives find their phones with hidden texts from their secret "pals" on there.
I often wonder what folks will find after I'm gone...the secrets, the loves, the tales I've told here...

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


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