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Thoughts on the GF...and On Being a GF and a Wife  

bustinout20202 64F  
775 posts
9/26/2021 2:10 pm
Thoughts on the GF...and On Being a GF and a Wife


I thought about her last night. At 2 a.m. as I lay awake in bed, I even offered up a little prayer for her well-being. That sounds crazy I know.

I may not like her. I may not ever want to meet her. I may never<b> forgive </font></b>her for the time she has taken my hubs away from me. I may always resent her for her demands and expectations she’s put on my hubs. But I would never wish the health problems and what she’s gone through the past year or so on anyone.

Not even her.

I thought about our similarities and our differences. Similarly, she has been the extracurricular other woman in my hubs’ life for the last three or four years. I’ve never been THE other woman in a man’s life, but I’ve been ONE of the other women in men’s lives. I mean, even if I have been the sole focus in a gentleman’s life at the time, 100% of the married/attached men I’ve been with this past year have had others on the side throughout their marriages [Oh the stories they tell!! ]

Knowing that, and knowing I have a moorage with my own marriage and family, I have NO expectations of the time I spend with the men I meet. I think I might be a bit of an anomaly in that. Even though I’m a solo flyer on this site, I am truly a no strings/no drama mama!

I feel a lot of women, whether on this site or others, have expectations of a relationship. We women tend to go down that road; our imaginations work overtime in the “what if” fantasy department. We tend to always look to the future and what could lie ahead. Admittedly, sometimes my mind does that with the intriguing men I’ve met. But it’s a brief excursion at best.

My friend, Gilfy, has done that as well. It’s interesting because she’s usually pretty practical and level-headed in most things. But she’s casually seeing a married man, one she’s known for years; way before he was married. There’s an intimacy in there that one does not have in a regular casual relationship. She told me about their latest conversation that ended with her cutting off communication for a bit.

“He told me he slept with his wife!” she lamented.

“Ummm, of course he did, they’re married” I thought to myself.

As she related her story to me, I kind of marveled at myself for my situation in that moment. Her complaint, that he would actually make love to someone else [uh, again…his WIFE] was ironic to me. It was as if I was having a conversation with the hub’s GF right then. I wondered if Gilfy realized what she was saying and to whom she was saying it to. “I told him that if he was with me, I didn’t want him fucking anyone else!”

WOW! That’s demanding, I thought. Does she really have a right to say that? I pondered it for a while. Is this an example of self-love on her part or her control issues? This is where being understanding or accepting of one’s place in the triangle is important.

It’s where monogamy and non-monogamy collide.

As my hubs has met others, and he tells me about their interactions/conversations [not about ALL of his interactions, tho’ I am curious…], I caution him about this aspect of women. “Be careful there! She might be expecting more than what you’re willing to give!!!”

Yeah, we talk openly about the women he’s met. No, he doesn’t tell me EVERYTHING that goes on between them, but he does tell me about them. I know they exist, at least. They, on the other hand, do not know I exist; or that I am around.

Recently he apologized to me for making our life so weird.

I appreciated that statement. I think that was the most normal thing I’ve heard in a long time...



~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
932 posts
9/26/2021 2:12 pm

Re-posting here because I think the word stealing gremlins are up to their ol' tricks

I thought about her last night. At 2 a.m. as I lay awake in bed, I even offered up a little prayer for her well-being. That sounds crazy I know.

I may not like her. I may not ever want to meet her. I may never forgive her for the time she has taken my hubs away from me. I may always resent her for her demands and expectations she’s put on my hubs. But I would never wish the health problems and what she’s gone through the past year or so on anyone.

Not even her.

I thought about our similarities and our differences. Similarly, she has been the extracurricular other woman in my hubs’ life for the last three or four years. I’ve never been THE other woman in a man’s life, but I’ve been ONE of the other women in men’s lives. I mean, even if I have been the sole focus in a gentleman’s life at the time, 100% of the married/attached men I’ve been with this past year have had others on the side throughout their marriages [Oh the stories they tell!! ]

Knowing that, and knowing I have a moorage with my own marriage and family, I have NO expectations of the time I spend with the men I meet. I think I might be a bit of an anomaly in that. Even though I’m a solo flyer on this site, I am truly a no strings/no drama mama!

I feel a lot of women, whether on this site or others, have expectations of a relationship. We women tend to go down that road; our imaginations work overtime in the “what if” fantasy department. We tend to always look to the future and what could lie ahead. Admittedly, sometimes my mind does that with the intriguing men I’ve met. But it’s a brief excursion at best.

My friend, Gilfy, has done that as well. It’s interesting because she’s usually pretty practical and level-headed in most things. But she’s casually seeing a married man, one she’s known for years; way before he was married. There’s an intimacy in there that one does not have in a regular casual relationship. She told me about their latest conversation that ended with her cutting off communication for a bit.

“He told me he slept with his wife!” she lamented.

“Ummm, of course he did, they’re married” I thought to myself.

As she related her story to me, I kind of marveled at myself for my situation in that moment. Her complaint, that he would actually make love to someone else [uh, again…his WIFE] was ironic to me. It was as if I was having a conversation with the hub’s GF right then. I wondered if Gilfy realized what she was saying and to whom she was saying it to. “I told him that if he was with me, I didn’t want him fucking anyone else!”

WOW! That’s demanding, I thought. Does she really have a right to say that? I pondered it for a while. Is this an example of self-love on her part or her control issues? This is where being understanding or accepting of one’s place in the triangle is important.

It’s where monogamy and non-monogamy collide.

As my hubs has met others, and he tells me about their interactions/conversations [not about ALL of his interactions, tho’ I am curious…], I caution him about this aspect of women. “Be careful there! She might be expecting more than what you’re willing to give!!!”

Yeah, we talk openly about the women he’s met. No, he doesn’t tell me EVERYTHING that goes on between them, but he does tell me about them. I know they exist, at least. They, on the other hand, do not know I exist; or that I am around.

Recently he apologized to me for making our life so weird.

I appreciated that statement. I think that was the most normal thing I’ve heard in a long time...

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


boobwhisperer69 58M  
7864 posts
9/26/2021 5:00 pm

That's very interesting!! I applaud you two for being able to talk about these things!!!! Just remember, he still comes home to you!!!! It's just a sex thing, not love!!!


bustinout20202 replies on 9/26/2021 6:13 pm:
Thank you Mr. Whisperer! I'm actually very glad that he tells me what's up. Life is still weird, tho'!

Paulxx001 64M  
21950 posts
9/26/2021 5:49 pm

The triangle — for many — is a symbol of sacred geometry; balance and harmony. I'm not sure if every triangle was built with THAT goal in mind.

But hey, what the fuck do I know about math? 🤔


superbjversion2 66F
23771 posts
9/26/2021 6:00 pm

I remember one gent I was seeing. He was separated - they were actually living in different states - but he went home at least every 3-4 weeks. He was a little more married than he liked to admit. While I was not naive enough to think he wouldn't have sex with his wife --- I did tell him that I didn't need to be TOLD

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


CleavageFan4U 64M  
68392 posts
9/26/2021 6:17 pm

Expectations is the main reason I prefer to date married women - or see couples. I've been pretty lucky though even with the ones that were single at the time we dated.

There was one exception, as as soon as she was foolish enough to express a fantasy of how it would be if things changed she was history. WHAT A LOSS - she was one sexy beast!!

Made It With Plenty of Help from OnHigh
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bustinout20202 64F  
932 posts
9/26/2021 11:35 pm

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    The triangle — for many — is a symbol of sacred geometry; balance and harmony. I'm not sure if every triangle was built with THAT goal in mind.

    But hey, what the fuck do I know about math? 🤔
Ha ha! I too sucked at geometry!! )

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
932 posts
9/26/2021 11:39 pm

    Quoting superbjversion2:
    I remember one gent I was seeing. He was separated - they were actually living in different states - but he went home at least every 3-4 weeks. He was a little more married than he liked to admit. While I was not naive enough to think he wouldn't have sex with his wife --- I did tell him that I didn't need to be TOLD
Well, yeah, Separated...that's what the hubs says. At least I know about the others and tbh, I'm past the hurt and now I am just curious....hmmm, is that wrong of me?

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
39465 posts
9/27/2021 3:07 am

Relationships are weird, or at least I often find them weird. I've learnt that being unhonest - not revealing the truth - is sometimes better than being honest, but being dishonest rarely works for all concerned. If nothing else, it must be difficult to remember the lies told whereas the truth is easier to remember!


scoupe42 58M  
12874 posts
9/27/2021 6:26 am

    Quoting boobwhisperer69:
    That's very interesting!! I applaud you two for being able to talk about these things!!!! Just remember, he still comes home to you!!!! It's just a sex thing, not love!!!
I dated several that said the same thing. Just sex not love. They fiqure I should had been glad that I was part of the rotation. I ended it, I just didn't wanted to a guy who'se number 20 in the rotation.


citizen4722 63M  
73569 posts
9/27/2021 9:38 am

Gilfy seems gullible and very naive!


Erogedyne 69M
955 posts
9/27/2021 12:50 pm

It's an interesting relationship that you have with your "hubs". I suspect we'd have fewer divorces if more couples could be as pragmatic as you & him. Kind of like swinging, but separately. Is he as aware of your trysts as you are of his?


bustinout20202 64F  
932 posts
9/27/2021 8:33 pm

    Quoting Erogedyne:
    It's an interesting relationship that you have with your "hubs". I suspect we'd have fewer divorces if more couples could be as pragmatic as you & him. Kind of like swinging, but separately. Is he as aware of your trysts as you are of his?
I have been as open with him as he wants. It has been like that...swinging separately.
I was talking with someone today about navigating a very long term relationship. He brought up the idea that its much easier to walk away from a marriage when you are young and don't have as much to lose. It's true...there's a myriad of factors to consider when you've been married 35 years. Tolerance becomes a much better option to divorce.

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


agelesssexylegs 78F
1058 posts
9/27/2021 9:27 pm

I have been with several younger married men,a few long term others just a fantasy for them,but i try to give what their wife does not,they tend to keep in touch more often,knowing how hard it is to get away,having been married myself and arranging to meet a toyboy i can see their predicament arranging time to be with me,certainly not a fool to think they not making love to their wife as well as having sex with me


JDMurray123 57M
2821 posts
10/2/2021 3:35 pm

What a healthy way to deal with this, bravo. You are a strong woman.


bustinout20202 64F  
932 posts
10/3/2021 9:30 am

    Quoting agelesssexylegs:
    I have been with several younger married men,a few long term others just a fantasy for them,but i try to give what their wife does not,they tend to keep in touch more often,knowing how hard it is to get away,having been married myself and arranging to meet a toyboy i can see their predicament arranging time to be with me,certainly not a fool to think they not making love to their wife as well as having sex with me
Hey Ms. Sexy Legs! Thanks for the read! I agree. I would expect they would be making love with their wife, unless she pretended to be asleep all the time [like I did for many years!] But things have certainly changed around here!
thanks for your comment!

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


bustinout20202 64F  
932 posts
10/3/2021 9:35 am

    Quoting JDMurray123:
    What a healthy way to deal with this, bravo. You are a strong woman.
Thanks so much J.D.
I'm just realizing that I am stronger than I've given myself credit for. thanks for saying it out loud!

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


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