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Thoughts on tomorrow
i am hoping this will be my best year...hoping to have more real friends to love...don't be shy, share your thoughts. It's amazing how much we grow in a lifetime.
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i need a sugar daddy
Posted:May 9, 2015 5:45 am
Last Updated:Jul 7, 2015 7:25 am

I have come to a place in my life where I know I am not self supporting and I actually need a bit of help. I am ok with a man having another life...just as long as he considers that I give so much of myself and he does not have to marry me...

things I think I need...

1. cameo ring from pawnshop on Broadway in buffalo

2. about 60 bags of black mulch

3. gift card for ulta so i can buy perfume

4. help with the convertible top on my car...it sucks that it doesn't work, two years of wanting that freedom you get from feeling the wind and sun...sometimes the only freedom we have is in our mind

5. some flowers for my garden....about 8 flats...and some bigger ones that keep coming back

6. a kitchen remodeling...having a dump for a kitchen has taken away my spirit in a way...making me feel as if i don't deserve better...who needs cupboards and a floor ....or a sink that isn't rusting away

7. a tattoo on my chest where i have no nipple due to surgery. There is an artist in MD that does amazing 3 d nipples ...I know it is vain, but i just want to look like everyone else...not be ashamed of how i look...for 7 yrs i have been hiding and embarrassed about my breasts...they used to be pretty and now i see the pain of going through cancer and what it took from me...and i mean self esteem...confidence and stuff like that

8. a gym membership...somewhere with a pool.

so I ask myself will these things make you happy....yes. I think the provider of these things would be a reflection of true caring...it seems that it isn't about owning someone a hundred percent...its about them caring enough about you to provide...I know that a man can get sex anywhere and certainly cheaper...but can he get everlasting gratitude?...I just couldn't imagine what i would feel like to know another human being cared enough. I know you can't put a price on sex or love...but you know how easy it would be to love a man that wanted to meet my needs....i guess i could ask only the serious need to reply...and to all those haters that say do it yourself...i say i don't have the resource to do so...so let me be and let me throw it all out there...kind of like a begging letter...we used to do that for the fish club i was in and companies sent all sorts of stuff for our auctions.

i have decided to quit pool...i was fired from my volunteer job at the hall for being late 6 minutes...it wasn't the first time....so maybe i had it coming to me...but i look forward to my garden work...my grandchildren and just not being pulled away from where i should focus. I am tired of being in this stand still position in my game...i was unable to move forward and with added hurt feelings i need to just let go.

please be kind when commenting I feel a bit beat up by life..last week someone left a post it on my car about my parking...i actually cried when i read it, so i hope they are proud of themselves...yes i park bad...but my defense is that i have a lot of pain in my shoulders and it hurts so bad when i am pulling in a spot that i don't tighten the wheel enough...i was only going to be a second...just a bad day...i don't understand why people get off on hurting others without knowing why i parked so poorly.
reposted comment/song
Posted:Apr 15, 2015 5:36 am
Last Updated:Nov 23, 2020 11:18 pm
hey call me the "wild rose" but my name was Elisa Day
Why they call me it I do not know for my name was Elisa Day...

From the first day I saw her I knew she was the one
She stared in my eyes and smiled..
for her lips were the color of the roses
that grew down by the river all bloody and wild...

When he knocked on my door and entered the room
my trembling subsided in his sweet embrace
He would be my first man and with careful hand
he wiped at the tears that ran down my face...

They call me the "wild rose" but my name was Elisa Day
Why they call me it I do not know for my name was Elisa Day...

On the second day I brought her a flower,
she was more beautiful than any woman I'd seen...
I said "Do you know where the wild roses grow,
so sweet and scarlet and free?

On the second day he came with a single red rose,
he said will you give me your loss and your sorrow?
I nodded my head as I lay on the bed
If I show you the roses will you follow?

They call me the "wild rose" but my name was Elisa Day
Why they call me it I do not know for my name was Elisa Day...

On the third day he took me to the river
he showed me the roses and we kissed
and the last thing I heard was a muttered word
as he knelt above me with a stone in his fist...

On the last day I told her where the wild roses grow
she lay on the bank,the wind light as a thief,
and I kissed her goodbye and I said "all the beauty must die"
And lent down and planted a rose between her teeth ...

They call me the "wild rose" but my name was Elisa Day
Why they call me it I do not know for my name was Elisa Day...

my name was Elisa Day...
my name was ...

Nick Cave - Where the wild roses grow
fight with me
Posted:Mar 29, 2015 10:21 am
Last Updated:Mar 31, 2015 7:04 am
we fought
i never felt is was going to be the last
my life is different now
i am searching for someone to fight with
they don't fight like you
it is final
nothing is the same with out you
i am left not knowing how to behave
i am left feeling this sense of being stranded
left with half a sentence
fight with me

i was told to heal
but that's not my way
i just keep at this life
rebounding till my pain is so deep
i cannot see or feel it any more

show me you care enough to share
let me know...fight with me.

world population
Posted:Mar 25, 2015 9:23 am
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2015 6:17 am
Current Population Clock
U.S. 315,553,601
World 7,229,476,571 if there's some one for every one why is it so trying ? Or perhaps this is why I have had so much trouble, I haven't gone through enough men yet. I am just trying to be funny....any comments or thoughts?
Posted:Mar 10, 2015 11:07 am
Last Updated:Mar 10, 2015 9:01 pm
today I am a bit sad...it seems so much of life is spent looking for the dream and that search is an adventure...there is loneliness about it all...I just heard a comment from my one from another...about how my husband had wished he would of left a long time ago...he said this to his future ex in law...So now their divorce is well on its way. I am left with this sick angry feeling of..."you messed up my life 16 yrs ago, and now your dispensing crappy advise to your step ...the one with the one yr old baby and seven yr old...encouraging him to be happy." WTF. Encouraging him to fuck up everyone else's happiness cause he is more important than his , his wife and everyone else.

Sometimes I think if he had just left I could get someone in this house to love...someone who might buy new carpets...put a kitchen floor in...someone to care a bit about upkeep...so that this house wouldn't fall down around me...maybe someone who liked saving and rescuing...I need so much help, and I am so very lost. There are days when I would do anything to make my life a little better than it has been for the past 30 yrs. applications now being accepted for handyman prince...someone I could actually trust not to hurt, lie, abandon me.

I guess I am feeling a little sorry for myself.

I got moved up a skill level with billiards...i am now level 4...the worst 4 in the league...it will take me at least a year to move out of this hole...it's taking the fun out of pool.
1 comment
loving the woman that I am
Posted:Mar 9, 2015 1:10 am
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2015 10:52 pm
I am feeling strong...that is when I love who I am. When I am not, that is when I need my friends to help me.

Ticks...important post!
Posted:Mar 9, 2015 12:51 am
Last Updated:Mar 10, 2015 1:16 pm

Visit to the Dr.
Posted:Mar 9, 2015 12:46 am
Last Updated:Mar 10, 2015 12:42 am
Oh my gosh!!!! How embarrassing!!!!! If that happened to me, I could never look that doctor in the eyes again! What about ya'll?

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week.Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor’s office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn’t have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort.
So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I’m sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.
I was a little surprised when the doctor said, “My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven’t we?” I didn’t respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal .. Some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6 year old was playing, she called out from the bathroom, “Mommy, where’s my washcloth?”
I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, “No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.”
Never going back to that doctor again……….. never.
1 comment
Under this moon
Posted:Mar 6, 2015 9:09 pm
Last Updated:Nov 23, 2020 11:18 pm
I love your voice
I could easily love you
As the moon caresses
my skin
I close my eyes imagining that it is your touch
feeling your lips against mine.
share this moon with me

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