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Thoughts on tomorrow
i am hoping this will be my best year...hoping to have more real friends to love...don't be shy, share your thoughts. It's amazing how much we grow in a lifetime.
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winter river
Posted:Mar 3, 2015 10:56 pm
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2015 12:50 pm
Its still cold...

Posted:Mar 3, 2015 10:51 pm
Last Updated:Nov 23, 2020 11:12 pm
Winter has been tough for me, it seems I have tried to keep my life busy but, it gets kind of lonely....I have tried to get out and have some fun. Tonight I went out to the casino, I did not win but still enjoyed the evening. It seems there are many who lie and don't care whether they keep their word or not...Life has been challenging...I guess I am lucky I didn't sell the farm, as they say...because if I had, I might of made myself homeless because of empty promises.
1 comment
no gray area
Posted:Feb 25, 2015 7:57 am
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2015 7:42 pm
For me, I prefer to be straight...there is no gray area ...it is what I want. I have been disturbed lately at the number of men with very little straight friends on their profile, writing me...which leads to my own thoughts of...what do i not look like a woman? All the bi curious men wanting to be buddies...forget it....I'm not interested in a man who is more interested in men or just being a sexual opportunist. At this point my profile might also note that if your not seriously straight ...don't flirt...just a thought.

All of this undermines the deep connections that a man can have for a women and the like wise. We are more than creatures that seek to masturbate with anything...

Now, let me add that persons of same sex can love each other, can have relationships...that is the beauty of being human. But, somewhere alone the way this strange coldness for relationships of quality has gone to the roadside.

I think this might just start a riot...
new photo
Posted:Feb 14, 2015 4:19 pm
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2015 1:11 am
cooked dinner, did game face and stayed home...i'm so restless
Posted:Feb 14, 2015 10:19 am
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2015 1:09 am
Tired of the snow...I need to see the sunshine and feel the warmth on my skin. If I could do anything it would be sit on a white sand beach...drinking fresh lemon aid.If any one has an extra ticket to the sun...invite me.
Posted:Feb 1, 2015 4:19 am
Last Updated:Feb 14, 2015 4:21 pm
today was pretty busy , i lost a real big tourney...it sucked cause this was my chance to shine and i was like an old penny...i really fugged up. The up side of things is that now mark will never play with me again...he berated and critiqued every shot for every game. we lost first game out of gate then we went on to win four more before we lost...just one from the money. Ya ...i keep thinking the casino and buffet would have been real nice...but, its done. The pressure and the nagging really got to me. my fault.

I feel settled today...after seven hours of pool. I will watch the game with family...but, in all honesty its the food i will be after.
Life seems so segmented sometimes...one little hurdle and then the next.

Its funny when I see photos of perfect people doing sex it's odd because I feel the way it looks when doing "it", but most certainly do not look the same.
Posted:Jan 27, 2015 4:24 am
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2015 7:21 pm
lately i have been plagued by the most gruesome of nightmares...i would say it is the death of my friend, my best gf's mother had a hematoma and she described it to me and i had the flu, so in my weakened condition my mind played wicked tricks. So right after the night mare this is what i wrote...now i am still thinking that if i got lucky before bed i might sleep a bit more solid...just saying.

I am the angel of death
There is no mercy in my calling
I am there each time
You call to me and I am there
In each bloody
Silent scream
You are there and I cradle your head in my arms
You are so afraid
I will calm you
As a mother does her babe
We are on the dock
Together again
There are crabs in the water below
The stairs are unsteady
You have fallen
They do not call the ambulance right away
You bleed into me
Not understanding
In a city we do not know
A boardwalk I have never seen
They toss you recklessly upon the gurney
Your eyes open
In that brief moment
The jokers
The laughing jackals of death
Have taken you
I am incensed at this
There is no gentle passing
Just a rude abduction
From your gentle sprit
You fought so hard in that moment
Those last seconds
I will cradle you
Each night
Through each death
Till we are together
I will dream this
Each night
My only way
Until the jackals in their raucous cry
Call no more.
Each night
I will cradle you.
1 comment
the kicker for the day
Posted:Jan 26, 2015 7:14 am
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2015 10:26 pm
well, it appears something was wrong with the leg photo...its been deleted? every filthy snatch and male orifice proudly displayed and my leg pic is blocked? who the frig is the worm that scummed that up?
Posted:Jan 23, 2015 1:39 pm
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2015 10:35 am
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to the new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"

As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"

"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."

"Huh," the younger doctor said, "pretty sneaky. I think I'll try that at the next house."

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with another woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did, "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."

You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"

"Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."
1 comment
The calm
Posted:Jan 22, 2015 9:41 am
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2015 10:43 pm
I feel strange lately, an odd sense of calm. It’s not where I want to be, but, where I am. My life is like a storm in general and now I am left with its wake.
The part of me that is most creative is fueled by the emotional ups and downs. So I am sitting in stillness now…there is a literal silence in this stillness.
I’m feeling gentle and soft and so much a woman…I am fragile to the actions of others. My imperfections scare me, often thinking that no one will love me because of them. My scars are on the inside as well as the outside. It seems that although many say it doesn’t matter, it does. Because, so many look so hard for physical perfection…mental perfection. I am neither.
Often I see myself as broken…but, I know I am perhaps everything but. Living through life is often difficult and it leaves us shattered in so many ways. When the storm passes we pick up what is left and we piece our lives back together…I think of myself as being fragile, but more often, I toughen up and get a bit bolder and shine a little bit more.
So today, I put my pretty face together and hopefully play a better game of pool. I would kind of hope I would get asked out to do something fun…By that I mean a hike, movies perhaps hearing a nice band…there must be someone who is just as restless as I am.
Today I open my heart ...the bruised, beaten heart ...today I will make a difference in someone's life...I will make them smile. I will make someone feel good about themselves.In return I will make today just a little bit sunnier.
need snuggle partner
Posted:Jan 14, 2015 10:41 am
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2015 9:25 pm

am i the only one who feels this lost feeling every night because i sleep alone...i really hate it ...today my phone buzzed , i was actually excited someone was thinking of me...it was just my phone wanting to update the cloud...grrr.

this sat is the big tournament for my friend, the money raised will help his mom off set funeral costs...the pool hall owner is hoping to make a couple of thousand dollars...i pray it happens...she did so much right in her life and to lose a when your in your eighties is terrible..

I hate being alone...i seriously need a snugly buddy but i can't figure out why the perfect match is so hard to find...it kills me. Sure there are lots of men who would like to dilly dally in my vagina but they have an agenda that is not aligned to snuggling on a regular basis...they want to poke and run. It disgusts me for the most part because I have found that they usually lie about shit just to get a place to dump their stuff...whats wrong with the truth and then working out a trade...i am finding friendship is too much for most. Boy, am i cranky today....i probally will re write this as i get more sensible...xx

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