Slut or man ? You tell me...
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Posted:Feb 28, 2009 4:01 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2023 3:14 am
13153 Views
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What defines a slut or a man ? What is it that could make someone a slut or a man ? What, in your opinion, is the difference between someone nice to be with, and a slut/man ? Lets assume that there is a woman/man who meets the same 3 different partners once every month, a meeting every 10 days or so. They all know about the others. The first one offers companionship with friendship ( the listening, the holding hands, the '' seems to care about me'' bit ), the second offers excitement with exploration (always unpredictable, always doing something new, always making sure there is plenty of shared fun ), and the third one offers a mix of the 1st and 2nd with stability ( no huge surprises, happy to be with just the one partner at a time but keeping independence, clean honest and light ) . Every meeting is ending up with a bit of sex, to keep the other one happy, as it is not just about what you been offered but what you offer as well. Would such person, in your eyes, be a polyamory enthusiast, someone who is just living life to the full, or a slut/man ? Someone nice or someone you would never meet again after knowing the score ? And what about if instead of the same 3 there were the same 5 or 6 every single month ? What about if they were not the same but different 3 or more every month ? Slut /man or something else ? In my view, this is something I could try but not live with for a long time. We all like to be special to/for someone. When that stops, it is time to move on. What about you ?
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Do you speak gibberish ?
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Posted:Feb 16, 2009 3:26 am
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2023 3:13 am
13238 Views
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Some testimonials I receive these days are just beyond belief. They ,of course, all asking me to add them on this or the other IM and I bet if I did they would soon be asking me to join their private site....
Today I got one from one from London,Berkshire(?) and another one from Accra ,Greece (!!!)But this one was the best...........
I love different films. In music of restrictions is not present, all depends on mood. To me it is not clear, as it is possible to not love animals and the nature. Things I love convenient and qualitative, and in general the more the wardrobe and is more various, the better, but accessories should be worthy. In the world much beautiful women, certainly it is possible tell long what the woman should to be, and it is pleasant to me " loving ". I appreciate in men tenderness, caress in beds and mind on a life. My small secret is an erogenous zone, but it it is not complex if you want to know me more just add me up on..........Lost in translation I think !
In fact it seems like coming from customer services on this site. I have been promised a free month for my troubles but nothing showing yet.Recently I reported a problem I had with logging in and viewing profiles, I send them the usual info about how I log on,ISP,my browser type , said I had cleaned out my cache, cookies etc.I also questioned the fact that though I have payed for standards to contact me there were restrictions in place for someone to reply.They send a mail back asking me for details ,like how I log on,ISP,my browser type,and if I had cleaned out my cache, cookies....etc ! May be they had a problem reading.They also said that any standard member was free to reply to me as long as ... they're intrigued by what I present to them.... as they are limited to few messages per day. The e mails kept flying back and forth until I asked for something and they replied for something totally different. I mailed back and asked to note their last reply, and how I felt sometimes I was speaking to a server ! They replied.....
Dear Member,
We apologize for the inconvenience.
Our Programming Department has been notified of the issue and will look into this matter as soon as possible.
For future reference, please refer to Bug #60278
Astounding ! I was totally unaware that the operatives at customer services suffered from bugs !
So, it seems, it is all Greek to me, and I need to learn how to speak gibberish and gobbledygook to communicate with them !
Do you speak gibberish ?
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Things we learned in a credit crunch...
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Posted:Feb 2, 2009 5:28 am
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2023 3:13 am
13226 Views
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1 ) It is acceptable to hang around the '' reduced '' aisle in the supermarket seeking a bargain,you just pretend you on your mobile.
2 ) Picking pennies from the ground is considered been a future chancellor of the Exchequer.
3 ) Primark is really a chic, fashionable shop,especially if you pull the buttons from a new garment and ask for further reductions at the till.
4 ) Lidl, Co - op, and Pound land are posh too.
5 ) Wearing an orange high visibility jacket to and from work can get you free rides on the London tube.
6 ) Having a shower every three days is worth the stink and you claim you do it to save the planet.
7 ) Smuggling miniature drink bottles in the pub/club causes you to visit the toilet every 10 minutes.
8 ) Pretending your car does not start gets you a lift with the neighbor, until you caught out.
9 ) Bargaining does not only occur when buying rugs in Turkey on holiday.
10 ) Having a wages check every Friday is like winning the lottery.
11 ) Listening to the music from next door saves electricity.
12 ) You can sell empty CD covers on E-Bay one week and the actual CD's the next.
13 ) Dropping dead batteries in hot water for 5 minutes gives your rampant rabbit 5 minutes extra life.
14 ) Speaking very quickly on your mobile allows you a free pizza on the week end.
15 ) Switching the car engine off when driving down hill saves petrol.
16 ) Having a self loving session saves a load of money in drinks and hotel bills.
17 ) Standing outside the fire escape door on a cinema, you can hear the movie, same as seeing it but with added imagination.
18 ) Nothing wrong with using thin string, painted black for shoe laces.
19 ) If you save the shampoo foam from your head you can shave for free.
20 ) Using the same tea bag for 3-4 brews still makes a decent cuppa, with a bit of effort.
I hope you don't think that this is what I been getting up to lately !
Read my blog here greekphilosopher
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Between a rock and a hard place...
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Posted:Feb 1, 2009 12:16 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2023 3:14 am
13046 Views
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With all this trouble looming about ''British jobs for the British'' and the constant requirement by companies to cut costs and sometimes employ foreign workers I can't help but find myself in a bit of a dilemma. You see, although I am Greek and came in this country 20 years ago, I have kept my passport and nationality, I was never an economic migrant, just came here at the request of my British wife (then,ex by now ), done it for love not money. During the last two decades I have been self employed, so I never actually took a job from anyone else, as I generated and still generate my own. I always payed my taxes due, bought, supported mortgages for, and sold two homes, and claimed unemployment benefit once for just two weeks. Never asked or received any other kind of benefits and always worked for what I had and what I wanted. When I go on holiday to Greece I say to myself ''I am going home'' .And when I am coming back I say to myself ''I am going home'' too. So if and when there is a march, a strike, or any other action taken, or even for moral support which side do I support ? The ones ( like me ) who rightly believe that jobs in this country should by right go first to people who pay their taxes and leave all their money in this country supporting it, and not some scroungers who come in only with one thing in mind...how much they can get in benefits, state hand outs, health care, education and the likes ? Or the ones (again like me, by definition ) who say, I am European and so I am allowed to work anywhere I fancy in Europe and mind your own business ? Difficult question here. Instead of breaking my head to find an answer I am gonna get another beer and support no one. But I can see the right and wrong in both situations. Can you ?
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A game of poker...
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Posted:Jan 29, 2009 11:32 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2023 3:14 am
13056 Views
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The company I work for uses several employment agencies to supply their work force. One of these agencies supplies thousands of workers to the company nationwide.So it was not a huge surprise, a couple of months ago, when the company asked the agency to reduce their rates on the existing contract or else, for that agency to reply yes sir,anything you want sir,three bags full sir.
The company last week decided to ask the agency I work for to do the same, but after a negative reply was received they called us all in a meeting two days ago and told us '' we got to let you go '' and '' you got until next Wednesday '' .
Because I try to pay back credit card debt, I am always a month away from going bust.
That night I drunk a bit , then drunk a bit more,ended up unconscious on my bed.Of course I woke up late yesterday morning, and thought fook this for a game.
So I phoned my boss and told him I jacked it in.You surprise me he said and I replied you surprised me yesterday.
Then the bigger boss rung and asked me to reconsider,but there was nothing I could do.Then the agency boss rung and offered me the same job but with a reduction which again I refused and told him to ask the next available immigrant fresh off the boat.
To cut a long story short,it took about three hours until I was called and told I can have my job back at the same money as before !
What has this to do with poker I hear you ask.
On a game of poker it does not matter how many chips you have in front of you but if you have the balls to call other peoples bluffs and raise them ! Have you got the balls ?
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From the diary...the conclusion
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Posted:Jan 29, 2009 6:52 am
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2023 3:14 am
12968 Views
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The door was locked and I did not want my date to think I was a coward so decided to stay.She grabbed my balls and squeezed them whispering in my ear,go do my mum first, then we can have the rest of the night for ourselves.I will be doing the filming and oh.... her name is Paula and she loves anal...
'' Mum '' was about 70 yo but I thought I could easily invade her brown star and finish her off quick enough,so I could spend the rest of the night with my date who I evidently fancied by now.I climbed up the stairs rearranging my fully erect cock, by now. After all an arse is an arse...
I opened old lady's door, her room was poorly lit but I could see she was on her back and her hand on her crotch. Ha, I thought, she could not stop herself and started having a warm up play already.
When she seen me she just turned around on her knees and stuck her ass up in the air.I want you in me straight away she said,I am open,oiled up and ready....
Her voice sounded a bit deep and she looked kind of chunky in the dim light, but I was hard enough already and did not think about it any more. I did not even bother to take her knickers off...
She still had her hand on her crotch...playing with her self.I positioned my self behind her and started fucking her well lubed brown star.She was ok for an old lady , I thought. Quite tight as well. Her moans were getting louder and louder as I was giving it to her fast and hard. My date was in the room too,camcorder on hand and a peculiar smirk on her face...
After a few more thrusts and loud moans I was ready to cum.Old lady's deep husky moans were telling me she was ready too.I spilled my load deep in her ass and I wanted to see how wet her pussy was, so I pushed her hand away...
What I held made me freeze and lose my erection. Have you guessed already ? It was indeed a meat and two veg !
I turned to my date,she was laughing out loud by now.
Meet Paul she said,he is my gay neighbor and I wanted to repay him for fixing my fence the other week. I grabbed my clothes and run away.As I escaped via the back door and the garden fence semi naked I could still see them both having a laugh and still filming !!!!Serves me right for been a con merchant ?
Ok fiction ends here.Hope you enjoyed it.P.
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From the diary...Part 2
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Posted:Jan 20, 2009 5:13 am
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2023 3:01 am
13126 Views
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From the diary part 2The message landed in my in box like a ton of bricks !
It said...
'' You sound fantastic, what a man, so intelligent, so different, such an intellectual, such looked after toned muscly body, what a catch. I love your long hair. I want to meet you as soon as possible. How about tonight ? Call me on...''
I knew sooner or later my personality would shine and lead to a meeting. It was time to get ready.
I did not bother having a shower, just washed my armpits under the sink with plain water ! They were smelling a bit sweaty but I just sprayed some aftershave on top. Old spice and sweat make a lovely aphrodisiac I thought. I even changed my vest. Well I did not put a new one on, just turned it inside out to cover the mustard stains from the burger I had for dinner last night.
I put a new clean shirt on, from the '' wear again before washing pile '' , the one I usually wear on a first date. It was white...originally. The collar had a black line at the inside but it looked like a seam, designer gear has that...
My trousers were ripped so I just put on some track suit bottoms. The ones I used last week to get up in the loft.
Then I jumped on my trainers and was on my way. My cheesy cock was already starting to feel alive....
I arrived at the pub quite early, did not want to miss the chance to have a few pints before I met up with my hottie. I just settled with my pint watching the footie when I got a text. Where are you it said. I looked around, it was a busy place, there were a few women about but none looked like the profile pic of my date, so I texted back : I am there already, are you late ? The next text came in a few minutes later.'' I am there too '', it said. That got me thinking. Had I been conned? Had the woman used a different picture like me? Damn those con merchants I thought...
After a few more texts like '' what are you wearing '' and '' where are you sitting '' I spotted her. She was sitting a couple of meters away on the next table ! She looked nothing like her picture but I thought I am here now, I might as well have a drink with her and see if she still wanted some fun...
The conversation flowed freely, we both had a laugh about using other peoples pictures and we were getting along just fine. I had to explain that my hair had all fell off last week due to stress. She seemed to believe me. Then she turned to my ear and whispered : I am in a mother and team and we do like to share our lovers. Are you up for it ? I nearly came in my pants. They were also white...originally! I thought wow, my friends will never believe me, a mother and together ! As my date was about my age I could not stop thinking about her lovely younger ! I would love to, I replied. Let's go. I am so horny.
After a short journey in the taxi we arrived in her house. The evening was getting on by then. It was about 10 o'clock. I just could not contain my self. We got in and as she shut and locked the door she shouted upstairs....Muuuuuuum, are you still awake ? 
PS: Ok, I did mix in an old joke in there at the end but could not help it.It could of been a true story, and it could of served him right !
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From the diary...
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Posted:Jan 14, 2009 11:05 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2023 3:14 am
17063 Views
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of Joe Public, part 1....
Joe public, a fake, a man, joins the ...as if AdultFriendFinder. Well it could be Jan Publique, or Jon Van Der Publikk, Ivan Publicovski, Joshua Publicshteinberg, Jose Elpublico, Jan Publicincintas, Gianis Publicopoulopoulos, or any other .
This is an imaginary post, and all names, places and events were changed. Also no wild life squirrels were hurt during posting, no carbon footprint was recorded at all as we had to sell the footprint recorder last week to get a piece of stale bread and it all complies with current health and safety regulations.
There I was just browsing the net as usual when this pop up ...errm popped up. Get laid it said ! Hook up with a local hotie tonight. As I was watching a footie game, I was already quite turned on, so I did not hesitate to click on the '' join up for free '' button of the pop up.
This took me to a strange page, where my credit card details were required, I found this strange as I remembered the pop up said ' join up for free ' but, as I said I was quite horny already. So after a short process I was a full gold member. Now, what do we have here, edit your profile it says, so I click on that to start with. Me been a smoker and having rotten teeth, and also been totally bold, I thought it would be a great idea to name myself '' long haired lovely smile '' . I managed to upload a picture of my cock too, while still editing my profile, so I would not miss out on the local hotie, later on .
Well it was not mine, I downloaded it from the net and photo shopped it on my body, like everyone else does ! I did the same with my profile picture, although this time I photo shopped someone else's face on to someone else's body, as I would only conduct meetings in dark dingy alleyways, wearing a hat and rarely smiling, and no one would ever notice.
I subtracted a few pounds from my weight and a few years off my age and added them up as inches to my height and manhood !
Then on with the profile details editing .
I wanted to be different, shine out from the rest of them, so I started typing.......I am a tall man looking for loads of fun. I like going out and also like staying in. I enjoy food and drink, going to the cinema, and having fun with friends. I play footie every Saturday. (Ha, I felt special and different already and I did not mention that the footie was played on my PS for hours on end, from the comfort of my sofa...)
I like to keep fit and eat healthy. ( Again no mention of the sport I play from my sofa, or the cheese and onion crisps diet, after all onion is a vegetable ... )
I was sure that would stand out !
I also fished out of my pictures a photo from years ago, of me swimming with dolphins. So I thought it apt to fill in my profession as a dolphin trainer.
After a while I had my profile approved and was able to conduct a search and send messages !
The first woman that came up on my search was named '' never fuck me '' so I thought I would message her. She mentioned that she liked women only and said on her profile '' no men '' and '' no dick pictures '' so I thought I would send her a pic of my member, just to wake up her confused feelings. Then I thought hard about writing something witty and original so I settled for ''hey babe, I had a look at your profile and liked it. Shall we fuck later on tonite ? '' I was certain that she would be pleasantly surprised from my ability to express my deepest thoughts and individuality !
I kind of liked that message so I copied and pasted it and send it to another 375 profiles on that day. Now all I had to do was sit back and wait for my in box to fill up.
Then I made a blog and inventively named it...'' my blog '' I copied and pasted some material from the net again and posted it in there.
The next day I eagerly looked at my in box. There were many messages in there. One said fuck off dick head. Another one said Go fuck yourself saddo. I started to feel good, enjoying all that sexual innuendo, hidden in those replies. Obviously they all wanted to have sex with me, hence including the word '' fuck '' in their replies...
Some women had even tried to disguise their hot feelings for me by naming their reply as an auto reply but that was not going to deter me, I could read the hidden message in there and how mad they were to meet me. I kept messaging those ones for weeks later and they always send me back the same message, always called an auto reply for some reason, but I knew they were just playing hard to get.
To be continued when I feel like it, but meanwhile, if anyone wants to re-edit / add the next part(s) here, please be my guest. Maybe a word about him preparing himself for a first date, brushing his teeth , and his dentist's, with acid. Applying olive oil as a substitute for hair gel. Shaving his hairy nose and ears. Buying condoms that glow in the dark. Anything goes...
Disclaimer : As mentioned above there is absolutely no connection with any characters or events described above with anyone you may know from real life, or this site ...but the really scary thought is that I actually knew someone like that a few years ago, in real life. He was just a member on some other website so you lot are safe for now....or are you ?
Although I thought of him when I wrote this I am sure that there are women like him out there....
Do you know any real life characters like the one above ?
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Had enough !!!
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Posted:Dec 30, 2008 3:16 am
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2023 3:01 am
13389 Views
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No. Let me reword this. I never bought enough food for Christmas. I bought far too much! Had to clear the fridge out of just expired, uneaten, unopened food that was bought for Christmas. The blue stilton went, followed by it's brother, the stilton with apricots, the pate went, the Cesar's salad, the brandy cream, smoked salmon, along with the rest of almost eaten leftovers like the turk, sprouts, cabbage, stuffing balls, the pudding, and the mince pies. It makes me sick to the teeth to throw food away. I kept the brandy butter, is it good on toast ? When I bought it, the young was toying with the idea of coming to spend the day in here, and so was older daughters boyfriend, now I know she was just toying with me! Next Christmas I am going to just get a turkey sandwich from the garage! Plus I will have to start the diet now, can't seriously take the current beer flask to Greece in August ! ( Well is not that bad really but I think it makes me '' average '' than the wanted '' slim with a smile '' ! ).
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It was a few nights after Christmas ...a home made poem...
Nothing to do again, for this new years eve
can sudden dates happen, I really don't believe
was looking for a cutie, to go for a drink
I think I'll stay in, I might make some bling.
Still looking for a hotie, to get to know her better
few sleepless nights to spend with, exploring my pecker
in February she 'll see me, she be my Valentine
in March on my birthday, she 'll show me good time.
Things on the site were, running extremely slow
nothing seemed to work again, morale was low
then a message came in, do miracles apply?
I thought this couldn't be, one more auto reply.
It was from a new friend, she looks quite a hotie
saying how she liked, my nice looking botty
she asked what my plans were, for the eve of the new year
I said to drink too much again, and be feeling no fear.
So out we went, some nice drinks and dinner
during which I thought, I wish she was keener
thank you for the company, I said as I kissed her
already thinking in my head, I am really going to miss her.
I am making some coffee, I got a stamp collection
why not come and see them, is that an erection?
She pulled me in and kissed me, I felt my shaking knee
she smiled and whispered....I want some Greek in me !
.........and then I woke up...!
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TEN THINGS TO SAY ABOUT GIFTS YOU DON'T LIKE
10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would've fit.
9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.
8. Perfect for wearing in the basement.
7. Well, well, well...
6. I really don't deserve this.
5. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!
4. I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. If the buries it, I'll be furious!
2. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program.
1. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
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SICK OF THE HOLIDAYS
Signs You're Sick of the Holidays
8. You've got red and green bags under your eyes
7. You're serving reindeer pot pie
6. When you hear, "Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin'?," you scream, "No! I'm not listening!"
5. You climb on your roof and start shooting carolers with your air gun
4. You think you hear your Christmas tree taunting you.
3. Instead of spending time with family, you're watching some guy make photo copies
2. You've got eggnog coming out of your ears
1. Two words: tinsel rash
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Doing my nuts...
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Posted:Dec 24, 2008 2:09 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2023 3:16 am
13262 Views
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My chess nuts that is, mixed with the sprouts already and the red cabbage for tomorrow. Steamed them all. Now all I have to do is the turkey, the potatoes, the cauliflower cheese, the sausages wrapped in bacon, and the stuffing balls. All oven stuff so that should be easy. Oh, the starters and the pudding as well as a great big tidy up as I have been very busy lately. Got the presents for the girls today, and done the decorations. And all that after I been to work all day! One great benefit of living in something just bigger than a phone box is that you can do the place up in no time at all.
Now, what really does my nuts in is all those people who just go on an '' I am a nice human '' mode just for Christmas. Oh well, it is Christmas they say....and guaranteed, by mid January it is all forgotten and the revert back to their devilish, indifferent old selves.
In the past I had neighbors who never even said a good morning to me when meeting going opposite ways on a pavement, in fact some just turned their heads a bit pretending not to notice me, but at this time of the year they would grab my hand and shake it, wishing me a happy holiday. Is this pretentious and a characteristic of English society ? Do you know any people like that where you are ?
Shelters in London have had to turn volunteers away as they are oversubscribed for just the Christmas period. During the rest of the year they are screaming for any volunteers to go help, with their time, in a homeless shelter. I find that just so pretentious. What annoys you about Christmas where you are ?
Doing my nuts part 2
When reading profiles in here and I notice...
1) Prefer not to say ( but we can all guess why...)
2) Happily married looking for fun ( happily ??? )
3) My friends will say ( do we believe them ? )
4) I am not changing my life, I am just making it more interesting ( if it is not interesting and it becomes as such, then that is classed as a change ? )
Anything similar on your list ?
And finally...
Do have a great day tomorrow, those who spending it with families and friends and those who spending it alone.And do try to remember that been a nice person is not just for Christmas !!!
I hope the new year brings to all of you everything this year has forgotten,P.
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ON THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, MY A,F.F GAVE TO ME
December 14 '08
Many sexy profiles for me to look at, generated by their servers.
December 15
Many auto replies generated by the same servers as above.
December 16
A load of flirts and winks from Ghana.
December 17
A feature that did not work.
December 16
A incomprehensible reply from customer services.
December 17
2 free weeks for my inconvenience.
December 18
A few stalkers.
December 19
A threat to account deletion.
December 20
A points burglar
December 21
A blog watchers thief
December 22
A useless bling maker
December 23
A different bug for every week
December 24
A useless VIP feature
December 25
Players, and cheats
SIGNS YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH HOLIDAY CHEER
1. You strike a match and light your nose.
2. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.
3. You hear a duck quacking and it's you.
4. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.
5. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
6. You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"
7. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.
8. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
9. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.
10. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place.
11. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
12. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
13. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror.
14. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.
15. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.
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Knowing me knowing you....Walking in an empty house...
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Posted:Dec 11, 2008 12:03 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2023 3:01 am
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She has gone! I told my gal many times if she was caught telling lies she would be returned to sender. Well, since April we had many laughs in this place as well as many dramas. She was caught telling me lies many times and every time I told her : Next time is your last chance. And the next time she was caught telling me lies it was again her last chance. Of course I love her dearly but enough was enough last night. Caught her on a dark street snoging some boy who legged it as soon as they show me, caught her telling lies, yet again,including seeing that 16 year old boy (she is still 13 ) who has pix of him on my space with guns and swords and the likes, ( a proper gangster boy who actually threatened her on her phone last night,and I am still looking forward to meeting him...) So after hearing her saying to him : What do you mean you are going to fuck me up ? I had to step in... asked her to hand me her mobi over and live under my rules (which were not very strict ) or choose not to. And she chose to keep her secrets and move out ! I had to take her back by cab as I had a drink already, in the middle of the night. She would not even tell me goodnight! Just finished taking her stuff back to her granddad's home where she will stay until her mom haves her back. She did break my heart but as it was already broken, it was not too bad. Walking in an empty house might seem sad but I feel this is the time to really reclaim my life, as it was kind of put on hold while she was living here. Of course I refuse to play her game of playing me against my ex and vice versa, so that is it. I thank God that I am working and that will help me staying sane. So now ALL the women in my life have repeatedly lied to me......it feels like a real long way till I can trust anyone.....
Do you accept liars and forgive them or is it once a liar always a liar ?
Please sign My guestbook
Have a read at my new My profile for standard members
Tell me a secret Private messages
And in a recession busting mood ...
All my bling is FREE Free bling anyone
Quote of the centuries.....
No woman will ever be truly happy,
because no man will ever have
a chocolate penis that
ejaculates money ! ! !
Some funny thoughts....
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round
table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size
from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan
island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved
her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra
class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got
a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll
still be stationery.
7. A gave birth to puppies near the road and was
cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies - like an arrow. Fruit flies - like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the
hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay
here, I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken
to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned
to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was a small medium at large.
19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper
spray is now a seasoned veteran.
20. A backward poet writes inverse.
21. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism,
it's your count that votes.
22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste
of religion.
23. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
A PARENT'S NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."
The were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While dad and I faced the evening with dread:
A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!
We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....
Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!
When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.
More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."
And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With "assembly required" till morning's first light.
We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.
Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.
Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"
Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,
Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...
I'd forgotten that batteries are never included!
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