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Liars and Lovers and Friends  

gymrat1974 45F  
1168 posts
9/23/2020 2:55 pm
Liars and Lovers and Friends

So what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to tell you that I lied to you when I told you that it was just fun for me because I didn’t want to tell you that I was already attached to you on some level? Should I tell you now that it was too late for me already? That I had already caught feelings for you? That I was already petrified of the idea of never seeing you again that I told you you meant nothing to me? And ever since that day, I’ve tried to pretend that it’s been nothing but fun when all along it’s fun but also gut wrenchingly painful, too? These are things I could never tell you. For as painful as it is to pretend, it would be a million times worse to never see you again. And I hate the fact that I cannot tell you how I feel. I hate that I’ve lied, but what else am I supposed to do? And what would you do if you were ever faced with the truth? And the lie was out of my mouth before I could even think about it. It just came out. I planted an easy going smile on my face and told you that we were just having fun and I didn’t want to stop. And, oh, how I wish I had told you the truth when maybe I could have walked away with at least a piece of my heart intact, but then again, I wish that you had told me from the beginning that you would never let yourself fall for me. And still, when you ask me what I’m thinking or you want me to share what’s on my mind, the only thing I know to do is smile and share the most trivial thoughts I can think of to continue to perpetuate the lie that I’m just with you for the fun of it.

gymrat1974 45F  
548 posts
9/23/2020 3:03 pm

I’ve learned my lesson, but I can’t take it back now.

Fuklikedogs 49M
1740 posts
9/23/2020 5:59 pm

As they say......repeat a lie long enough and it becomes truth. Not inside your head or your heart but it comes down to hurt; either not hurting the other person or just ourselves. However the consequences will play to it’s severity and when and if the real truth comes out only then can there be any possible reconciliation

gymrat1974 45F  
548 posts
9/23/2020 6:41 pm

It’s a mess. I wouldn’t trade him for anything, though.

Mr_Flirt_2020 47M

9/23/2020 7:45 pm

Wonderfully explained ..isn't it true that almost every individual might have expierenced such thaughts , these thiughts do make its journey in and out of our minds..some are shy to disclose, few never disclose ,but burry deep within and take them to thier grave, we all do have such imotions and feelings which are juicy..only time is the healer..
Stay safe and stay joyful buddy

newbieinco 58M  
10 posts
9/23/2020 7:51 pm

Don't know if this will help, as it depends on why you "can't take it back". If he's officially involved with someone else, you may be right about that, at least for now - no one knows what the future brings. But if it is just that you don't want to be caught in a lie, that's easily fixed by making a gradual transition to your truth. Start with "I missed you", and progress to "I think I may be falling for you a little", etc. until you and he reach an equilibrium point.
"I missed you" and "I like having you here" are very unlikely to cause any rebuttal. and who knows, he might start changing his mind about who he can fall for, in time.
OTOH, If you know it is true that he couldn't fall for someone like you, then it might be a good idea to allow the possibility of trading him in to enter your mind. Even if it is rare, there is more than one person for you in this world. I have loved 4 women in this life, and still love them even if I can't be with them (one which I couldn't stand to be with, but I still love her). No one replaces a true love, but you may find another true love when you look for him.

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