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While I was Dreaming
Welcome to The Dreamery. There have been a few changes, but my blog is still simply a random series of Thoughts and fantasies, examining my past and my impossible future. Nothing on this blog is a lie. When I say nothing that follows is made up you can be sure it is the truth. Even the dreams are real dreams that I have had . And all the fantasies are my real fantasies.

There are however some questions which may never be answered:
Is it possible to actually laugh your arse off?
How sick is a parrot?
Are sandboys truly happy?
And just how mad is a box of frogs anyway?

And mostly, I do have it all in perspective!
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Starbucks Lovers?
Posted:Oct 21, 2015 4:17 am
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2015 4:37 am

Starbucks Lovers?

In my own kind of romantic wistful dreamer way of idealising unconventional love affairs, second chances and lost opportunities, I love the idea of Starbucks Lovers.

The rest of the world doesn’t know what a Starbucks Lover is yet of course. But in the same way as even when you’ve never heard the expression before, you immediately understand “Champagne Socialist,” “Lipstick Lesbian,” “Shabby Chic,” etc, I think you will have an idea of where I am heading with this. Because I think most of us have been Starbucks Lovers at one time or another in our lives. Maybe you even have one or two here on this site.

I remember when I was sixteen or seventeen I used to hang out all summer with a girl in my village when I was home from school. We hung out at a tea shop in Henley called The Copper Kettle, because there was no Starbucks or Café Nero back then, but it’s the same thing. She talked to me about boys, I talked about my then relationship with the one I call Lizzy. We laughed, we had deep conversations about what life meant to us, how we both lost our virginity, what we thought was funny – all intimate stuff, but we never once talked about the fact that we fancied the hell out of each other. With her I was lucky – she went to university in Durham a couple of years later and I hitch-hiked all the way up the M1 at dangerously high speed with a mad guy in a trailerless lorry cab to visit her. We went out somewhere, I forget where, but I remember when we got back it was cold and there was nowhere for me to sleep in her student lodgings, but we ended up sleeping together in front of an open fire in the sitting room. As we were both single at the time it seemed the natural thing to do, and afterwards we carried on being friends as always. The innocence of youth I suppose.

But I am digressing.

A Starbucks Lover is the person you are in love with but neither of you ever quite admits to the affair you are not having. Someone with whom either there is no sexual attraction, or more usually, someone with whom you decide to completely ignore that aspect of the relationship’s potential. Maybe a work colleague or a local friend…….a friend’s partner perhaps. You meet regularly, either by design, or through circumstances, perhaps at the gym or a book group, or alone together to discuss some common interest, for a drink, or at Starbucks.*

There is probably a reason you can’t take things further – social or work rules dictate; one or both of you are in a relationship; other priorities prevent you from spending more time together. Otherwise eventually something would happen. (For example Monica and Chandler in Friends. Or for younger audiences, Barney and Robin in How I Met Your Mother. ) And there may be ideally matched couples all around the world who by virtue of fear of rejection or lack of communication or whatever, never manage to get it together and remain Starbucks Lovers for life. I find that a little sad.

But this is not your typical forbidden fruit, admired-from-afar, unresolved lust situation. True Starbucks Lovers have something rare and special. They know what is going on and decide to go with it but without letting it become more than a close friendship. They know that they adore each other’s company. Maybe they share interests in a subject their regular life partners don’t quite get. Maybe they just feel comfortable, more themselves when they are together. They have that kind of instinctive understanding of each other which is so compelling - they “get” each other. Or maybe they are from different worlds altogether - almost as if it is the lack of understanding between them which is so intriguing. But they avoid ever letting each other know too openly how much they have feelings for each other. Perhaps they avoid allowing those feelings to germinate and grow. A difficult skill.

They know that if anything started it probably wouldn’t end well, to coin Gothic Girl’s phrase. Thinking about it I suppose she treats me as a Starbucks Lover in a way, although we did talk about the affair we were never having. If you can manage to keep a perspective on these relationships they can be very rewarding.

But it can be a dangerous toy to play with. I suppose I thought the Lioness and I could be Starbucks Lovers, but our relationship took charge of us in a way neither of us had foreseen or could possibly control and it totally changed my life - the jury is still out on whether in a good way or a bad way. So Starbucks Lovers beware…..be careful what you wish for.

Of course some people find they have rolled the whole Starbucks Lover experience into their regular life relationship and I think they are the kind of couples who just seem to be permanently in love, and what lucky souls they are.

(In researching this post I discovered that apparently even Taylor Swift’s own mom heard the lyric as “All the lonely Starbucks Lovers.” When in fact, as I am sure you all know, it is really “Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I am crazy.” Thank you Taylor, for accidentally putting a name to this interesting phenomenon. )

*Other coffee shops are available.
Don't Want to be a Richer Man
Posted:Oct 19, 2015 4:08 am
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2015 8:44 am

Stormyroses, (whohoooooooo Stormyroses is back ) asked where I went on my holiday, and the answer is the Canadian Rocky Mountains, and it was fantastic! But you would need to like fabulous mountain views, friendly small town people, extremely variable weather and a bit of wildlife watching, mountain hiking or fishing to fully appreciate it.

And as always after my annual September trip, I came back full of enthusiasm for life and with lots of fun projects in mind. Of course after a while reality always sinks back in. But having said that, my reality is pretty good, I am extraordinarily lucky in the advantages I have had, and still continue to have in life, and my enthusiasm, which is the one thing I do find varies considerably, isn't bad at the moment really.

So why haven't I been posting much recently? (A question I have been asking myself on and off for years now. ) Well, I don't know really. Ideas for posts do pop into my head. I still have the dreams. Last night I bumped into an old college friend of mine with a party of his friends having dinner in a pub. In reaching over the table to shake his hand, I accidentally spilled his 's drink and had to buy her another, which somehow became a whole round for about ten people, one of which was this sexy woman of about thirty who stood up and said into my ear "As you have so kindly bought me a drink, and it looks as if most of the others will all be drifting away home soon, I thought I might just mention that I am not ready to go home yet, if you would be interested in making a longer night of it....."

But the reality is, for some reason I haven't been thinking about sex as much as usual for a while. Maybe I have even been avoiding thinking about it, at least in real life situations, and perhaps this leads me to avoid posting too much here. I know it doesn't have to be about sex - other people post about their daily lives and stuff, but I have never really wanted to do that, and I doubt many of you would be interested. Those of you who would be mostly have my email address anyway.

Plus I have had more work on recently, so although, in the words of David Bowie, and reprising a theme from an earlier post of mine, I don't want to be a richer man, and I don't actually feel like I want to make too many Changes at the moment, I find when I sit down to type, I tell myself I must just get some work out of the way first........after which the urge to write, and the idea for the post is gone.

But at least you know I am still here, unlike others who suddenly disappear without warning!

Although some of them do come back, which is nice.
A Mountain Retreat
Posted:Oct 5, 2015 3:30 am
Last Updated:Nov 11, 2015 6:39 am

That makes it sound as if I have been hiding away communing with monks or something doesn't it, which is not what I have been doing.

(Not that there is anything wrong with that if it is something you like to do. )

But on my annual holiday (some of you may have noticed that I am often away during September) I did have an extended trip to places where there was no phone signal and sometimes no internet, and as I had decided to keep well away from any contact with work or my other usual distractions I have not been "on line" as it used to be called, for nearly a month.

Now I am back I have a few things I might blog about, I may even include the dream I had about the waitress in the local restaurant, who was extremely sexy, but for now I must just say Hi and then dash, as for some reason work seems to have been piling up while I was away.

What's new with you?

It's That Time Again
Posted:Aug 25, 2015 9:31 am
Last Updated:Oct 6, 2015 1:56 am

Those of you who know Dreamer know that he is always likely to make a lecherous appearance during an international sporting event.

Especially track and field. And the world championships are on. If I can't have alpine sports, track and field is next best, and I am entranced by Daphne Schippers, the Dutch heptathlete-turned-sprinter. She smiles a lot, interviews well, (silver medal in the 100 metres, 200 metres to come ) and is scarily sexy. In that kind of Amazonian way that actually I'm not sure I would go for in real life, but I can't help staring at. And my goodness she can run fast.

Beautiful technique. As she got close to catching winner Shelly-Anne Fraser Price in the final the commentator was shouting "and Schippers is coming and coming! " which didn't help my state of mind either.

I'm watching for the right reasons as well as the wrong ones. I think. Women's high jump, pole vault and long jump still to come too. Love it.

Actually, I think I get it too
Posted:Jul 21, 2015 4:16 am
Last Updated:Aug 10, 2015 6:18 pm

I suppose if I were advising myself, I would say, "Be careful to make the most of what you have got, rather than wasting energy wondering about what you haven't got."

I think if I wanted change enough, I would change.
You get it, don't you?
Posted:Jul 13, 2015 3:58 pm
Last Updated:Oct 5, 2015 3:17 am

Lately there are things about the way I feel that I don't really understand. I mean for most of my life I have been used to understanding myself pretty well. That doesn't mean I have always known what to do about it, or made good choices - my goodness there have been enough things I would like to have handled better......found a different way of doing. But usually I knew why I was doing it. Why I felt the way I did.

But lately.....

It's not just that whole "Other life" thing. You remember that blog I wrote about wanting to have more than one life. Because sometimes to have a different life you have to give up what you already have, and I don't want to stop having this life. But that isn't it. I don't know what it is I want. I don't understand why I feel so.........what's that word Americans use? "Conflicted."

There are too many things I want to do which are just completely mutually exclusive. But how do you make choices about things you don't understand? I don't have any way of even putting into thoughts, let alone words, what the choices are even all about.

You get it don't you?

Someone here always gets it somehow.
Permission to Speak Freely
Posted:Jun 22, 2015 8:01 am
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2015 2:10 am

Please note, this post is in no way intended to belittle the real difficulties of having any kind of mental disability or speaking disorder............

But there are times when I wish I had Tourette's syndrome - you know, the one where you just say what you are thinking with no filter. Sometimes I think I may have it very slightly, although thankfully I have it under control.

Like today, when I was in the coffee shop and the girl serving me said "is there anything else you would like?" I was very tempted to reply, "yes please, could I have a quick feel of your really gorgeous breasts?" But without being able to prove a genuine case of Tourette's, I think it is possible I may not have got away with it.

And yesterday, confronted by a man I find I am totally unable to like, I wanted to say, "go away you horrible person, you are a man on whom I would not piss," (Dreamer likes to be grammatically, if not politically correct, ) "even in the event your trousers should catch fire."
Right Outside the Area!
Posted:Jun 19, 2015 7:49 am
Last Updated:Jun 22, 2015 7:53 am

I have been watching the women's world cup. (You all know how Dreamer loves to watch women athletes. )

So anyway, I have been struck by how lenient the referees have been with regard to physical contact. I think a lot of tackles, obstruction and body checking which would have been penalised in the men's game have been allowed to go without a whistle, and in some ways that can make the game flow better, although I think it has begun to encourage physicality and foul play rather than skill, which isn't always as much fun to watch.

Anyway, imagine my surprise while watching, I think, Brazil V Costa Rica, when a Brazilian forward was almost through on goal, and the defender, tussling for the ball, put her arm across the Brazilian's chest, trying to keep her away from the ball, like defenders do. The Costa Rican was behind her so couldn't see what she was doing, but, suddenly, in close up on the screen, her groping hand made contact with the Brazilian's succulent left breast, cupped it, and then clearly took a firm full-fisted grip and started pulling, really hard. Yeouch! The Brazilian went down, (on the ground I mean) and play carried on.


The TV coverage re-played it a couple of times as well, and I couldn't believe my eyes. That has to be a foul doesn't it? Right on the edge of the penalty area too, in more ways than one!
I Could Stay Awake.......
Posted:Jun 12, 2015 5:53 am
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2015 3:42 pm

..........Just to hear you breathing.

I was thinking about her today, listening to this song.

She was trying to make a new start in life, working two jobs and going to college at the same time, somehow managing to cope on less than four hours sleep a night and still finding time to be in love with me. We had a....well you know...... a kind of long distance virtual love affair. And sometimes, when we had been talking on the phone, I could hear her voice beginning to slow, and I would tell her it was time to go to sleep and she would ask if we could talk a little more.

She told me once that the sound of my voice made her feel like everything was alright in the world.

More than once her voice slowed down so much she stopped talking. I could hear her breathing. It made me think of this song and how much I wanted to stay awake "just to watch her sleeping." But I knew that really I ought to say her name loudly - to get her to wake up, hang up the phone and get to sleep properly.

She got qualified, amazed herself by landing the job she had dreamed of, made a better life for herself. She still works all the hours she has, but I guess she gets a bit more sleep these days. I hear from her now and then, I think she's happy. Mostly happy anyway.

I still miss you babe, and I don't want to miss a thing.
Six blogs in one
Posted:May 7, 2015 3:18 am
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2015 3:18 pm

Things I want to blog about:

1) Politics. Okay, you may have noticed I almost never do politics on my blog. And I am never one to blame any problems I may have on The Government, or "They" as they are often called. But I have to say British politics is currently a complete mess. I dread to think what sort of ham-strung government we may end up with after today's election.
(For those who don't know or follow British politics, good for you, but the simple version is that as well as a general public mistrust and disaffection with politics we have seen a massive rise in the popularity of single agenda political groups recently, so much so that it is very likely that whatever party wins this election, they will have to plead with one or more of the smaller, single interest groups in order to form any sort of government, and most people think that is not likely to be a Good Thing. )
I am not sure why this has happened or how we can stop it.

2) Sex. You may have noticed that I used to do a lot of sex on my blog but that I don't any more . There are a number of reasons for this, none of which I can be bothered to go into in any length right now, especially having just wasted a large part of what little blogging time I have on politics. But the simple version is that whilst I do still feel sexy, I find I am increasingly unwilling to do anything about it - even the kind of virtual sex I used to find here, which was actually surprisingly satisfying. The result is that I don't seem to want to write about it, and I also don't seem to want to open up and explain why I feel this way, even here, where you can write about anything and always find friends who will understand.
I am not sure why this has happened, or how I can stop it.

3) Advertising. I used to quite enjoy watching the adverts on TV and in the cinema. But now I find I am completely out of step with what is going on a lot of the time. In the old days, adverts used actors who looked cool or sexy using their products. "If you use this product you will be like this guy....." Now there seems to be a trend to portray people who use the product as being either ugly, stupid, or acting like a complete and utter wanker. How does this sell? I must be out of step with the majority of the population, because I assume advertisers know what they are doing.
I don't know why this has happened or how we can stop it.

4) Complaining. See points 1 - 3 above. I seem to complain more. I am not less happy, but I feel the descent into being a grumpy old person may be beginning.
I don't know why this has happened or how I can stop it.

5) Dreamer Towers. Here at Dreamer Towers, the whole place is a complete mess. I don't know how this has happened or how I can stop it, so I am going on holiday for a week to forget about it.

6) Blogging five blogs in one. See points 1 - 5 above.
I don't know why this has happened or how I can stop it.

That's actually six now.
Telepathic Insemination
Posted:Apr 28, 2015 8:06 am
Last Updated:Jun 19, 2015 7:53 am

I don't want you to think I am going deaf now that I am......a month older than when I last posted. It's just that the public address system in my local supermarket just isn't very clear. Honest. That or a guilty conscience.

I was at the checkout. It was quiet, so I had the luxury of selecting the prettiest girl. I know, some people might think I am a bit sleazy, but beauty doesn't look any different just because the eye of the beholder has been around a bit of a long time, does it? And I was only looking.

I admit I was going too far this time though. I blame it on the sunshine. (Or was it the good times? ) She made the mistake of smiling and asking if I was having a good day. I was tempted to say "I am now," but I resisted. I couldn't resist mentally undressing her though. Running a gentle tongue over her clavicle and down towards the lower pastures.

Then the announcer came on: "Birth Control to checkout six, Birth Control to checkout six! "
What?!!!!!! Ohhh, Price Control. Thank goodness for that. I thought they'd got a psychic on the CCTV for a minute there.
Thank goodness I have no one to have sex with!
Posted:Mar 24, 2015 10:35 am
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2015 11:11 am

Six weeks ago I had a sprained ankle. That got better, but I pulled a calf muscle. That took three weeks, but I was off and running again last week.

Friday I tweaked some muscle in my back just getting up from my desk and I could hardly move all weekend! Honestly it was ridiculous. I was laughing at myself - there was only one chair I could sit in: a long deep one with two arms so I could almost lie flat and use my elbows to get up again. I wouldn't have minded if I had done something stupid like moving a piano or digging up tree stumps, but honestly, I just got up and walked into the other room and yeouwch! I can't really see how I can have done enough damage to be in this much pain. And it is referring all the way down my leg and round into my bollocks, which is no fun I can tell you!

Three days in front of the TV not doing much else. But when I got in the car to go and get supplies, I was like a ninety year old! I literally took two minutes to get out of the car. It made me realise why really old people look the way they do. Mostly it isn't that they can't move, it is just that it hurts too much!

Where is Violette when I need a pain relieving massage? You know, one of those Indian oil ones.

It's easing up now. I can walk. I feel like I will soon be back to normal. I even mowed the lawn today. Although I doubt if I could hump anyone, even if I could remember how. Imagine if Gothic Girl came by and said, "I've had enough of this playing about, lets get it on" ? I'd have to say, "Errr, well okay, but only if you don't mind if I just lie back and let you get on with it." Not Dreamer's usual playfully submissive but actually inventively masterful style. Might be a good thing in fact, seeing as how I am seriously out of practice. A good excuse for a total loss of technique!

If anyone wants to imagine having sex with me at the moment, they will have to imagine themselves on top. Taking charge. Gently trailing their fingers over my........

Hang on, how did I get sucked into writing about that subject?
A Perfect Gift
Posted:Mar 19, 2015 4:53 am
Last Updated:Apr 13, 2015 1:40 am

I was sitting next to a beautiful woman. She was tall, slim, curvy, and her voice had a gentle charm to it. She was telling me about a friend of hers who had been with us up until a few minutes before. I had sensed that her friend found me attractive, and she confirmed this, but I told her I was reluctant to get involved.

She asked me why, and I found it hard to explain. Because although her friend was sexy, something about her stuck me as in some way demanding too. It takes time to put into written words, but I was instantly aware of what the problem was. I love to be committed to a woman, and I have no difficulty in extending myself to give emotionally and physically to a relationship. But all the women I have fallen in love with in the past have been self sufficient - wanting me, but not needing me.......not needing me to be committed unless I wanted to be. Valuing what I give, but not wanting things I can not give. Wanting to help me be the best I can, but not wanting me to become a different person.

I've learned over the years that for me, even for casual sex, I need to feel something like falling in love.

"We've been friends a long time," she said to me, her eyes searching deep into mine. It struck me as odd, because she only looked in her twenties. We couldn't have been friends for that long. Maybe it seemed a long time to her.
"Ye-es? " I queried.
"Has it ever occurred to you to wonder if I was attracted to you?"
"I always have been you know."

There was silence, because I wasn't sure what to say. But my eyes must have spoken for me, because she leaned forwards with her hand on my shoulder, kissing me gently, working my lips open and and flickering her tongue against mine. I felt as if someone had lit a fire somewhere inside me.
She pulled back, still looking straight into my eyes. "Only as far as you want, " she told me. Some deep memory stirred in the back of my mind - this was just like that red-headed lesbian I used to dream about who had always been secretly in love with me.

Later she was lying in bed next to me, her skin was so warm and soft it was like having an extra blanket of security around me. She was kissing me again, and nuzzling her face and hair into my neck. I felt that I was going to give in to her, that it would be safe to let myself begin to take control of the gift she was giving me. I wanted show her how strong I could be if she was on my side.

Then I woke up.

To link to this blog (hotdreamer1000) use [blog hotdreamer1000] in your messages.

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