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While I was Dreaming
Welcome to The Dreamery. There have been a few changes, but my blog is still simply a random series of Thoughts and fantasies, examining my past and my impossible future. Nothing on this blog is a lie. When I say nothing that follows is made up you can be sure it is the truth. Even the dreams are real dreams that I have had . And all the fantasies are my real fantasies.

There are however some questions which may never be answered:
Is it possible to actually laugh your arse off?
How sick is a parrot?
Are sandboys truly happy?
And just how mad is a box of frogs anyway?

And mostly, I do have it all in perspective!
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Logged Out
Posted:Aug 28, 2013 2:56 pm
Last Updated:Sep 2, 2013 10:22 am

I have been having a lot of trouble logging in lately. So even if I had something much to say it might be a while before I can get round to it. I expect I will get it sorted out soon, but if I seem to have been neglecting my blog, and yours, that could be why.
Posted:Aug 15, 2013 3:51 am
Last Updated:Aug 22, 2013 8:51 am

I'm just not feeling very Dreamerish recently. No reason that I know of, just generally lacking in enthusiasm. Something is wrong with my life, (apart from the obvious) and I can't seem to identify quite what, or what I need to change.

I also realise, again without any identifiable reason, that I simply don't seem to have any erotic writing in me any more. Or at least not at the moment. That used to be a large part of what my blog was about, but for now, the inspiration is gone - it would feel clumsy and ugly.

No doubt the dreamer in me will resurface at some point. I'll let you know.
All about Orgasms
Posted:Aug 9, 2013 3:43 am
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2013 3:02 pm

Tigger had an interesting post up recently, and I am sure she won't mind if I quote from it here. Part of it was about how performance anxiety can affect a woman's ability to orgasm, but it also touched on how many different types of orgasm there are for women. The post deserved more attention I think, and although it may well have been aimed at men originally, I think aspects of it should also have been thought–provoking for women. She says:

You need to keep in mind that not every orgasm is a screaming squirting fireworks display. Some orgasms are little, some are huge and then there's lots of different sizes in between, some are quick, some are slow, and some are when you'd least expect then to be. And not every person in the world finds it necessary or convenient to announce the arrival of their orgasm, so you just might have to pay attention if it's really that important to you to make sure the lady cums first.

But let's keep in mind that while y'all men have a finite capacity, it's not quite the same for women. So perhaps it could be she who cums last cums best, or more, or more than once.......I'm not sure but let's ease up on the pressure to perform.

I agree. Yes it's great if, as a man, you pay attention to what your girlfriend seems to like, and try to make sure she has an orgasm - women don't like to be left hanging. But everyone has times when they feel that for some reason right now it's just not going to happen. It must be hell to be a woman in that situation, with a guy increasingly desperate to get you there. No wonder you sometimes feel you have to fake it, even though we hate it when you do. I would much rather be told, "let me concentrate on you, it's not going to happen for me right now."

Looking back over past relationships I particularly love the kind of woman who has a wide range of different orgasms. I am not sure that all women realise that there are so many kinds. Certainly when I was young, and sleeping with young women, I noticed they were sometimes surprised by a by a new kind of orgasm they had not previously experienced. But from discussions with some of my older female friends now, it still seems that many of them find one particular kind that they can usually get to, and tend to stick with the process that produces that.

I also enjoyed my time with a girl who liked to make me come first before concentrating on her own orgasm - she said getting me off turned her on more and made it much better for her. I loved being able to really get lost in what was happening to her rather than being distracted by my own pleasure. (And of course I was younger then, so that by the time she was coming I was usually raring to go again, which made for some good sessions, lol.)

Tigger also made a comment about how important it is to "get your head into it." Anyone who has read my blog for any length of time will know that struck a familiar note with me. This may not apply to men as much as it does to women, but certainly for me, the moment I am distracted, or not thinking the right thoughts I can lose the moment altogether. I think this is particularly true of some women - men can I think, usually can get it back again more easily. Although of course one of the odd things about these kind of discussions is that my female friends are hoping I can offer a male perspective, whereas in fact I have far more experience of how different women react than I do of men - the only experience I really have of men's reactions is of my own.
TV Spunk-up Sensation
Posted:Aug 7, 2013 11:14 am
Last Updated:Aug 7, 2013 11:17 am

You may remember I had a post a while back about music and masturbation, and I was pleased to find it is still getting comments - a new one today from my friend stormyroses, who says there were some 1990s rappers who were into songs in the key of self love, guys like T-Boz, (never heard of him) and Tweet (never heard of him either.)

She says "I was only thirteen and I was embarassed when they came on the telly."

She doesn't mean that the way it sounds.....does she? I feel it would have made bigger news at the time. Nowadays, serious music videos probably feature a few ropes whenever they feel like it. I wish I hadn't thought of that now.
The Lesbian Writes More
Posted:Aug 1, 2013 7:51 am
Last Updated:Aug 13, 2013 5:35 am

A Lesbian Writes More:

"Often a woman won't initiate because she does not want to be a "slut". That is what I meant earlier when I said women can be afraid of the label. If we are submissive by nature we often don't like to admit it, and are afraid to be the aggressor. I think many women are sexually frustrated because they can not come to terms with this. Perhaps one reason the Cougar exists is because of this. These women are able to get a guy that is all about sex, but she does not give up the power because she is older. And she does not worry about the slut label because the horny young cub is always ready anyway. Ironically, if they just allowed themselves that same vulnerability with their husband, they would not need the cub in the first place.

I have heard on more than one occasion that if they were more comfortable with how they feel about their own bodies, they would probably have experimented at least once with another girl. Part of that is because we women are extremely unkind to each other. Men don't realize this, but when we get dressed, we are not thinking about attracting men, we are thinking about how other women will view us. So I think women take this hang up with them into their traditional male / female relationship. Part of that is the thought; "how can he find me sexy when I am not?" and the other is that constant thinking about "how I look" that keeps them from being 100% comfortable in the moment.

The majority of the Women who post naughty pics, are not exactly the traditional "swimsuit model" type. Yet, within the comfy confines of an anonymous world, with their head chopped off, there they are posting themselves for all the world to see. And, even more interesting is all the positive and salacious comments they get from Men. The reverse of reality exists, because anonymity allows both parties to be themselves. The Women get to be the sexual creatures they want to be and the Men get to be attracted by what really turns them on... a confident Woman. If only we could all be that way in our real lives!

You know that whole book and theory of "Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars"? Well, I think that is bunk! We are from the same planet, we just are afraid to talk to each other in any real way. Neither sex is all that hard to understand, we are essentially the same. But again, that fear of rejection, that fear of being thought as a freak. Those emotions cripple us. But, when you see those who "get it", WOW, how amazing they are."

The point she makes about Cougars is an interesting one. No sooner has society in general made progress towards reducing sexual double standards, than we have invented a new one. I have read several accounts by women celebrating their ability to seduce younger men. Fair enough, why not? If both are loving it then great. But as an older guy, you daren't say anything that makes those same women think you are not interested in them because you are lusting after someone younger! For some reason this is starting to be viewed as almost morally wrong, insensitive, just plain caddish. Why is that?

(Of course in both cases, I can see the problem if you are using your more experienced worldliness to take advantage of someone immature whose emotional well being may be damaged, as if it means nothing to you.......but I am talking about grown up adult relationships here. )
A Lesbian Writes:
Posted:Jul 29, 2013 5:09 am
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2013 12:08 am

A Lesbian writes:

"When I hear women talk about sex, and how they use it as a tool for hooking their man, I just want to punch them. It is as if we are being taught to think of ourselves as inferior - like all we have to offer a guy is our vagina. Maybe that sounds bitter coming from a lesbian, but it is really just an observation. Heck, something I have heard my Mom sort of admit actually.... you know, during those early mother / sex talks. I also kind of fell into the trap a little myself before I came to terms with my sexuality. My view of heterosexual sex was that it was something I gave to a man as a reward. So I did it because it was what was expected of me, because it is supposed to be how we capture someone's heart.

That mentality has got to change. It's rooted in inferiority; the idea that we have to use sex as a way to secure someone. I think both sexes can learn from each other. Women need to learn a little bit of the male nonchalance about sex: that sex for the sake of sex is okay - act a little on your urge and don't be afraid of a label."

I want to add a little to this. I think there are two other places where this mentality comes from. Firstly, there are plenty of men, more than will be prepared to admit it, who, like me, tend to fall in love with a woman who really understands them sexually. It just gets into your bones; it makes you want everything about them. So you can easily get emotionally hooked on someone who wouldn't otherwise make a great life partner just because you have good sex with them.

Couple that with the risk of pregnancy in the times before there was easy and reliable contraception. It used to really make sense, particularly for a woman, to have sex only with someone who loved you, and that idea was so deep-seated that it was passed down from parents to , and continues to be, long after at least part of the danger has been significantly reduced.

The problem is that a some women, and strangely, especially mature women, seem to be their own worst enemies when it comes to hunting men in this way. (I admit, men are not unknown to do what I am about to talk about, and I know that up to a point I am unfairly generalizing. )

But I have several forty-something female friends who really do think that all it will take for them to be happy is to find the right man. This attitude is not just unrealistic. It's counter productive because it is obvious to the men they date. And not just like they will be the drug which makes everything else seem not to matter for a while. To these men it appears that they are wanted for no other reason than that they are male and might be coerced into a long term relationship which will somehow magically transform the woman's whole attitude to life. Even if what those men want actually is a long term relationship, they are not likely to respond well to this. Men, generalizing, may be naturally more willing to shag anything that wants them, but they still want to be chosen – to be wanted for something intrinsically special about themselves, not just because they just happen to be male. Approached like that, they feel just like the women who complain about pick up bars being like meat markets.

The Lesbian continues:

"I think being a romantic is gender neutral. But, society says a man is not supposed to be romantic when it comes to sex. Men are supposed to be conquerors of the fairer sex, emotion is NOT supposed to be part of the equation. So, I do NOT find it surprising that, even over a one off fling, a man would find sex more fulfilling with some kind of spiritual connection. Part of the pleasure is the emotional connection, the "orgasm" only finalizes it, it does NOT define it! And Men need to learn that sex can be even greater if the effort is given to that spiritual and emotional connection."

I wouldn't argue with that. But I would say that it is interesting that my lesbian friend thinks society doesn't expect men to be romantic. Because when I was younger, we were pretty much taught that we needed to be if we wanted to get women into bed. It seems to me that these days sex has begun to be seen far more as an equal desire between two people who want each other, rather than some kind of bargain. And yet my friend, who is much younger than me, still says she was taught to think of sex as something she could give as a reward. Maybe this idea varies from culture to culture, or maybe, we have shrumk away from the brink of equality, and are heading back to a less enlightened misunderstanding of each others motives?
Strange Things can be Erotic
Posted:Jul 12, 2013 8:16 am
Last Updated:Aug 7, 2013 11:43 am

The William Tell Fantasy

The strangest things can be erotic. I had proof of that today - or it may have been proof that I have a strange sense of the erotic, I'm not 100% sure. I did become 99% sure after I started having the Bacon Sandwich Fantasy, but I still harbour a 1% hope of turning out to be normal. (And before anyone who is taking this too seriously starts telling me there's no such thing as normal when it comes to fetishes and fantasies etc, Yes, I Know That. )

It was a lovely sunny day and I was walking along the stream into town when I passed a small patch of sunlit grass just off the path in which two attractive young people stood facing each other. It just so happened that I had just answered a telephone call, so I stopped as I talked and watched them. Both in their late teens or early twenties, a guy, shirtless in jeans, and a girl in a low cut dress. Ten yards apart, each was holding a toy bow, and they were firing rubber sucker-tipped arrows at each other. I ended my phone call, and Dreamer stared pervishly for a moment. Then his confidence got the better of him, and he walked over.
"Are you two actually trying to put each other's eyes out, or do you think those suckers would stick, 'thwuck,' on the skin?"
"They would," said the girl laughing.
I had a mental vision of her, shot in the breast, with the rubber arrow waggling about. I grinned. "You know I probably shouldn't say this, but to the casual observer the whole thing does look quite........exciting. Erotic even."
She smirked, "Really?"
"Yes, you should make a video for you tube or put out a busking bucket something, people would pay good money to watch you."
She giggled, and even he looked quite friendly.

I walked on into town, but they were still there when I walked back, this time embraced and kissing. They broke off as I walked by and she gave me a coy little wave. Who knows what they were thinking.

The funny thing is, I saw her again the following day, sitting on a bench in the town centre, her eyes flirting heavily with a different guy sitting next to her. In his hand was a toy bow and arrow.
Music and Masturbation
Posted:Jul 10, 2013 3:25 pm
Last Updated:Aug 7, 2013 11:09 am

The two don't really go together I find. (Although there's always Donna Summer's "Love to Love you Baby." But that isn't about masturbation, it just used to make me want to do it. )

I like to think I keep fairly well up to date with the current music scene – Foals, Florence, Chic (lol ) etc, but maybe I need an update on current slang. I was listening to the radio the other day when I heard the following lyrics:
"I want your body, everybody wants your body, so let's jack."
"They can't mean that," I thought. Can they? Maybe they can. I only know one meaning for the word jack used like that, but perhaps there is also a dance-linked usage of the word I haven't come across. After all there was famously "I'd rather jack than Fleetwood Mac." I kind of always assumed that was a masturbatory reference as well.

It set me thinking. Popular music has explored a lot of themes not always openly discussed at the coffee shop – politics, drugs, racism, love, infidelity, sex in all its forms......but not so much masturbation. "Songs about Wanking," isn't an obvious album title. Not like Songs in the Key of Life or Songs about Jane.

Okay, there was Chuck Berry's "My Dingaling" but that was a bit of a joke. I suppose there's the now obscure, but none the less wonderful, "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls, ("I don't want anybody else, when I think about you I touch myself." It's a kind of early 1990s post punk throw back to the Pretenders with a bit of Blondie thrown in in case you've never heard it, which I am sure you haven't. (Except Marysia might have because The Divynils were an Australian band. ) I have a copy of the single in my record collection, and the cover features a recumbent fishnet-clad female, presumably re-enacting the title.

But generally speaking, priming the portugese hand pump / polishing the little pink pearl is not a subject which features strongly in the great pop music back catalogue.........unless you know otherwise?
Losing Touch
Posted:Jul 9, 2013 3:32 am
Last Updated:Aug 15, 2013 11:46 pm

When you haven't heard from someone for quite a while – someone who is important to you – and you've tried to contact them a couple of times and they haven't responded, what do you do? You don't want to keep pestering them and risk alienating them, or to seem needy and ask "why haven't you contacted me?"

At the same time you want them to know that they still matter to you; you don't want them to think you've forgotten them, or worse still to feel bad that they didn't get back to you the first time. You know they've probably just been busy with life, that it's just that inertia that builds up once you get out of the habit of being regularly in touch.

But at the same time you worry. You worry, in case they might be feeling anxious about contacting you again after so long, especially when they know you were trying to get hold of them before and they kept quiet – as if they might think you would be upset about that. Or that there might be something wrong but they don't know how to tell you. Or that without knowing it you have annoyed them somehow.

Sometimes it is hard to work out whether this is in fact selfishly all about you - you just miss hearing from them and wonder what they are doing. Or whether it is really because you care about them, and feel that maybe they miss talking to you too, but for some reason they don't feel they can any more, or don't know how to get back in touch without making a big deal about the whole thing.

How do you decide whether to keep chasing them up until you do manage to speak to them, or whether to let them be, and trust that, if they wanted to talk to you, they would?
You are That Sperm
Posted:Jul 3, 2013 2:23 am
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2013 2:29 am

Have you ever stopped to think how special you really are? In this world there are a lot of important people – politicians, physicians, pop-stars, polyamorists, and it can be easy to feel insignificant.

But think about it.

You are the one.

You are the sperm that made it. Out of all the countless millions over the years that got killed by birth control, ejaculated down throats, into condoms, over hands or breasts. In the shower, wiped by tissues, on the carpet or even into arseholes, nightmare, what a way to go.


You got lucky.

Against all the odds, and then, having been given a chance, you waved your tail and really swam for it. Faster than all the other thousands of sperm who got the same chance. You worked harder. Maybe you were born with superior strength. Even so, you found the right tubes and kept on swimming. Maybe you were the fastest, or maybe you were the only one left when you reached the egg. It was hard. None of the others could keep going. Maybe you were the only one still strong enough to break through the outer skin. But you made it and you grew.

You grew into you.

That was a win of Olympic proportions. Something to be proud of for the rest of your life. You’re not going to give up now and stop trying your hardest are you? Stop trying to be the fastest, the strongest, the cleverest or most determined or just plain luckiest or whatever else it was that got you here are you?

No, you are not. You owe it to that sperm. To him, and the seventeen hundred thousand million of his mates who didn't make it, but didn't give up hope, and who died valiantly cheering him on. You owe it to him to keep swimming, to keep giving him the chance to be all he ever wanted.

To be you.
Do Not Expose My Butt
Posted:Jun 27, 2013 7:06 am
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2013 2:40 pm

I mis-read the instructions on a service provider's letter today. I must be going disc lexic as my music producer friend used to say. It was actually directing me to a web link "signmy....." and at a glance it did look like "butt." It reminded me of a lovely girl I know who used to go to night clubs and get drunk before asking guys to sign her tits. She was (probably still is ) very proud of them. I kind of get that. Okay it's a bit exhibitionist, but it is confident and sexy and I like that.

Then there was that famous Eric Clapton album where "EC was here" was written in lipstick on a woman's back. I liked that too. A pity the album was not one of his best though. Anyway, the thing is, I would quite like to sign someones butt in lipstick, but then what do you do? Surely not show it to everyone else? And anyway, it's a bit proprietorial in not a very nice way really. Plus it would wash straight off. Unless it was waterproof lipstick. I suppose that's why people get tattoos with their lover's names on and stuff. But I'm not interested in anything permanent.

Just thinking this through, I guess I would be quite into chocolate and cream painting on someones body. I'm not normally one for food play and props generally, but I could get turned on by doing the artwork I think. Not for public viewing, but just for the process of it. Yes, that's quite sexy to me.

Meanwhile, my coffee filter glass jug has just cracked and I need to get a new one. I notice it says "do not expose to extreme temperatures" on the side. What did they think I was going to do with it?
Gay Issues
Posted:Jun 14, 2013 1:03 pm
Last Updated:Jul 9, 2013 1:41 am

Gay Issues

I have become more aware of gay issues, or at least more attentive to them after becoming friends with a lesbian recently. (For those who follow regularly I should point out that this is a real life actual lesbian, not the imaginary red-haired one I occasionally dream about and who is in love with me. )

The other day I was watching an Australian day time soap opera, (the one with the koala bear adverts, ) and that great old character Lou Carpenter was explaining to his grand- why it might be a bad idea for her to fall in love with a gay guy. We'll gloss over that part seeing as how I am a grown up and I don't need telling that, (and really, I don't think I am likely to fall in love with a gay guy ) but what he said next really struck me as an unusually good piece of writing for a day time soap.

"Sweetheart, you can't fight nature when it comes to love. And anyone who tells you different, is either a fool........or a politician."

That says it all really.
Dreamer's New Girlfriend
Posted:Jun 13, 2013 4:40 am
Last Updated:Jun 21, 2013 3:58 am

"Look, there goes your new girlfriend," someone said to me, on the beach, on holiday last week.

It wasn't actually true, but I could see what she meant.

The first day we were there we walked past a woman on the beach playing cricket with her ten year old . He hit the ball up onto some inaccessible scrub land at the top of quite a high harbour wall and they couldn't get it back. Having been a boy once myself, I knew he'd be hating to have to end the game with a lost ball, so I went over, and seeing a few cracks and hand holds, climbed the wall, fetched the ball and threw it back to them.

For the rest of the week, every time I saw this woman she smiled or waved at me. It was rather sweet. I think she was just being friendly - she had a perfectly good looking husband of her own, although he didn't seem to be spending that much time with her and the - but yes.....maybe she had a bit of a crush on me. She was pretty fit looking and pleasant enough, but not my type really to be honest.

"It's not surprising - you did risk your life to get her 's ball back," I was told. I guess it might have looked like that to her, but actually, I really did it just for her , and there wasn't much risk involved. Not for me anyway, and that brings me to the point of this post.

On a blog I follow, someone asked, "What are you grateful for?" And I realised, that probably the thing I am most grateful for is my lifelong agility and general fitness. Yes, these days I sometimes have a bit of a back ache, I've got a constantly slightly tweaky hamstring and a dicey achilles tendon which means I have to warm up very thoroughly before even thinking about sprinting, but generally speaking, I can always shin up a tree or scramble over a fence or whatever when required, which most guys my age tend not to do so much any more. And I can't even remember when I last saw any of them sprinting.

This is important to me, because I am, and intend to stay, young at heart, and if you can't behave like it, it's harder to keep that mindset, I think. (No offense intended to any one who is injured, or doesn't go in for physical exertion or whatever. ) So that's what I am grateful for. Not because it made some woman on the beach think I might be a good catch, but just because that's how I want to be.

What was that quote again? "Find out who you want to be and then do it on purpose." Yes, I agree entirely.

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