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While I was Dreaming
 
Welcome to The Dreamery. There have been a few changes, but my blog is still simply a random series of Thoughts and fantasies, examining my past and my impossible future. Nothing on this blog is a lie. When I say nothing that follows is made up you can be sure it is the truth. Even the dreams are real dreams that I have had . And all the fantasies are my real fantasies.


There are however some questions which may never be answered:
Is it possible to actually laugh your arse off?
How sick is a parrot?
Are sandboys truly happy?
And just how mad is a box of frogs anyway?

And mostly, I do have it all in perspective!
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Fifty Percent Women
Posted:Nov 23, 2012 6:55 am
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2012 2:46 pm
12764 Views

I realised today that I hadn't looked at the column which says "people who like this blog also like" for some time, so I looked.

Most of the people who follow my blog are women, and the first thing I noticed was that about 50 percent of the other blogs they also like are written by women. In the past it has sometimes been mostly male blogs but more often than not, when I have checked before, the list has featured a high proportion of women and it seems more pronounced now than ever. I'm not sure what that says about me, but moving on, I thought I should look at some of them as there seems a good chance I might find them interesting.

I didn't have a lot of time, so the first one I looked at was the one called "Private Ejaculations," by quaintwhore. I only had time to read three posts, but they caught my imagination, full of the kind of quirky writing I like, plus quotes from a song by The Kinks and stuff about lusting after a guy who had built a fairytale house in the woods. (I am in the middle of a big woodworking project at the moment, and I have always wanted to build a tree house luxurious enough to live in. But for the tree house first I have to earn the money to buy the land and then wait for the trees to grow...... )

But anyway, the last time she wrote anything was in July, and February before that, so I'm not going to get much out of following her blog am I? (Unless I read back and try living in her past, but that probably isn't a good idea, lol. ) Some of you guys must have been following this blog, so maybe someone knows whether she's likely to be back any time soon.

Maybe next week I should check out the others on the also liked list and see what I have been missing out on. Any recommendations anyone?
6 Comments
Camming, Anyone?
Posted:Nov 21, 2012 2:43 am
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2013 12:45 pm
12509 Views

Tigger commented on my previous post saying she preferred watching couples on cam rather than porn. I don't watch the cams very often, probably because I rarely find what I am looking for, (assuming I know, which perhaps I don’t) but when I do watch, one thing I have noticed is that I think it allows me to get to know something about the cammer much more quickly than I would by reading emails, blogs and profiles.

I realise of course that whilst the cammer might be pleased to have lots of viewers and comments, I am actually just a number on the screen to her and she probably isn't using that medium in an attempt to get to know me, lol, but I do find it exciting to know she is a real person with real thoughts and feelings. (I am always pleased if she has a blog, though from my limited experience it seems cammers mostly do not blog much. ) All this simply reinforces the realization that it is the process of knowing someone which I find attractive, and reminds me that however much I may wish I could just go out an get laid sometimes, it wouldn’t actually work very well for me. (The odd thing is that I do find promiscuity in women sexy, but perhaps that should be the subject of another post. )

I suppose I am mildly voyeuristic, and I like mildly exhibitionist women, especially if they seem comfortable with what they are doing.

But usually, on the AdultFriendFinder cams section, I get the feeling women are either trying too hard to look sexy - which can unfortunately give them an air of desperate attention seeker, and which doesn't really work for me - or they have an aloof "watch me if you want I don't care" attitude about them which also puts me off - hence I don't often watch. I suppose many guys watching cams don't really care much about how the woman they are watching feels, so I shouldn't be surprised that those women who do cam won't be looking to make contact with a man who would actually like to get to know them!

I suppose what I would like to see is more of a sort of confident entertainer who gets off on being watched, but also likes the idea that I am watching, and wants to be seen as a real person rather than a piece of meat. I suppose if I watched often enough I would come across someone like that, but usually I find the blogs more uplifting than the cams so I tend to spend my AdultFriendFinder time there instead.

I did once have a sexy on line relationship with a girl who liked to cam, and I admit it felt good when she would open up a private one-to-one IM with me and tell me what the other guys who were watching were saying, before closing the cam and talking to me on the phone. But that was different somehow - she is a very special woman.
3 Comments
Wank to a finish?
Posted:Nov 7, 2012 2:04 pm
Last Updated:Dec 20, 2012 2:27 pm
15549 Views

The last time I was blogging, a few days ago now, I was interested by the discussion generated by one of synndarella's posts, which included the plea "I want you to experiment with turning me on, not replicate cunt-numbing porn!”
"


It became a really fascinating thread of comments, and ended up by examining the question of why we have to see the cum shot, as well as why the guys have to wank to a finish. It's a good question, and one which everyone seems a bit bemused by, because as one guy queried, sarcastically, "guys prefer to see the guy cum?"

Well, no, in the main, I don't think we do. In fact sometimes I sort of wondered whether the obligatory cum-shot was there because it was at least one thing a woman might like to see. But really I doubt that, as clearly most mainstream porn is aimed primarily at men.

On the occasions I bother to look and see if I can find some satisfying porn, I get frustrated by the fact that so rarely does it appear as if the woman is really having a great time (or the man either really but that's another discussion.) I think that holds true even where the orgasm appears real. I mean even a woman can come without it being really that fabulous can't she? (Am I right about that? It is certainly true of men.) On the odd occasion in porn when you see two people really getting off on each other, lost in their own little sensual world, that's sexy. Isn't it?

So I am forced to the following rather worrying conclusion. That the reason why so much porn is hard and fast fucking, followed by the obligatory cum-shot, is because it is predominantly made by the kind of men who are basically misogynistic, and whose sexual psychology is geared towards the ritual domination and humiliation of women. They think that we, the men in front of the screen, secretly find beautiful women unattainable and frustrating, only their bodies of any value, and like seeing them effectively defiled, spoilt, used and abused by men. Even when the pre-amble to the scene shows what appears to be a confident sexy woman enjoying taking control of a man's cock, what we nearly always end up with is a "lie back and take this while I cum in your face, bitch" style finish. Which is why I usually find that kind of porn so unfulfilling.

I only hope that it is not beginning to completely subvert people from the previously widely held view that sex should be a mutually satisfying experience between two equals.
18 Comments
.....but not as we know it
Posted:Oct 31, 2012 10:07 am
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2012 1:54 pm
12439 Views

I was watching re-runs of Star Trek whilst finishing a woodworking project the other evening, when I was startled by Commander Data saying to Guinan,
"Lieutenant D'Sora just gave me what can only be described as a very passionate kiss in the torpedo bay."
My inner schoolboy smirked happily, but perhaps he didn't mean it quite the way I heard it. I looked at Guinan. She was smiling knowingly too. But then she always does that.
3 Comments
Two Desires
Posted:Oct 30, 2012 2:10 pm
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2012 10:02 am
12530 Views

A couple of other interesting thoughts occurred to me following on from my previous blog.......

Firstly, that the need to feel love can be the product of two very different desires I think. To me it seems that one kind is what you feel when you are craving someone to love you.....and the other is when what you really need is to find someone you can love. When they happen at the same time it can be magical, but they do not always. The need to love and the need to be loved come from different places inside I think. Sometimes those desires can lie dormant within you for long periods.

Unless you are the sort of person who works very hard at denying and suppressing your own feelings, then feelings for another person can just creep up on you when you aren't necessarily looking, maybe because of something that person brings out in you, or because of something you admire about them, and then BANG, just when you weren't expecting it, that small spark ignites a whole raft of previously dormant emotions, some of which you can't control and which lead you down paths you never before considered exploring. Well, if you are me that can happen anyway, lol.

Sometimes they have been wonderfully worthwhile paths though........
6 Comments
Thinking like a Woman
Posted:Oct 29, 2012 10:47 am
Last Updated:Dec 20, 2012 2:27 pm
12292 Views

I once said to someone, "I know we sometimes have a bit of a problem with the whole love romance and sex thing, but otherwise everything about our relationship is pretty good."
And she said "that's the whole problem, there in that sentence: you think love romance and sex are all part of one whole. To me they are three different things."

Like I say, people often say I think like a woman.

Meanwhile, on one of Zoe's blogs I found a friend of hers had made her wonder if;

"what I am seeking, I am not really capable of enjoying because of my heart"

Yup. I know what her friend means and I think it may be true of me too. That's fair enough if we are talking about situations where you are worried about how something might make you feel.

But if we are considering the effect our actions might have on others, shouldn't we be able to say "other people are adults - as long as I don't mislead them, or deliberately try to hurt them, oughtn't I be able to follow my own feelings towards them and let them make up their own minds about what they are going to do about it?" I know I have made a lot of mistakes in my life by thinking I had to be responsible for other peoples feelings. You need to take them into account, be considerate, not be selfish, yes. But if other people have decisions to make about how to relate to you, and you try to make them for them quietly on your own, you usually get in a mess.
8 Comments
Hot Legs
Posted:Oct 19, 2012 8:39 am
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2012 9:32 am
14943 Views

Women's legs are amazingly sexy. I have noticed. There is a fashion in Britain at the moment for women to wear relatively thin lycra leggings with nothing, or nothing much, underneath. Sometimes a very short skirt, or a long tank-top style T shirt or a jacket over. But the figure hugging lycra really emphasizing the thighs.

The interesting thing is that, to me at any rate, this style makes nearly all legs look sexier. You'd think that for some poor girl not blessed with the best shape, it would be the opposite, but I am not finding this to be the case, and as a result the number of "oh-heavens-get-me-a-pair-of-those-to-fuck-right now" moments in my life have pleasantly increased, lol.

And it set me wondering. Leaving aside the James Bond type of tuxedo, which I know most women love, is there a male equivalent of a girl's day-to-day-sexy lycra leggings? Something which you find makes pretty well any man look sexier? (I ask only out of academic interest you understand. )
20 Comments
Under Her Clothes
Posted:Oct 15, 2012 5:01 am
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2012 10:13 am
12249 Views

Thanks for your comments on my last post. It wasn't only about the music. But I had been listening to the radio play "Lady (hear me tonight)" by Modjo followed by Eminem (nowadays everybody wanna talk like they got some' to say but nothin' comes out when they move their lips) and it reminded me of a theme I have examined before in which I fantasized about having the luxury of more than one life.

You know; "One life to be a sports star, one life to be a fisherman, one life to be ruthless slut-fucker etc." One life to be a bass player.

I know you don't actually need more than one life to like different kinds of music, but there is so much, it can be hard to find enough time to pay it all the attention it deserves. I was listening to P!nk’s "Nobody Knows," again after seeing the excellent audition by Jessica Espinoza on X factor. I've liked
P!nk ever since "You're just like a pill, instead of making me better, you keep making me ill," but have I got time to go through her back catalogue, buy her albums and find out what else I like of hers? Not really, it will have to slot in wherever it can find a moment between Kasabian and James Taylor.

(By the way does anyone else think that "Two Fingers" by Jake Bugg, which seems to be a big hit with the young, just sounds like a ripped-off cross between "We're Alright" by Supergrass and some early Marc Bolan? I can't decide if I love it or loathe it, but it certainly isn't anything new. )

Anyway, when I first really discovered music at the age of about ten, I used to listen to the baselines a lot, and imagined myself solidly fleshing out the roots of chords for a wild rock band. But then at about twelve I discovered the guitar, rapidly followed by BB King and Peter Green and for a long time I never looked back at the bass. I don't suppose it was a conscious thought at the time, but I found the guitar more......versatile: it lets you do a wider variety of things on one instrument. Not that I'm really that good at any of them even after forty years of practice. Maybe it's some kind of weird parallel for my life – like I've tried doing all kinds of things and never really focussed on a speciality.

But I still find I love base lines. I listen to the baselines. A good baseline is like a beautiful woman – you think you've liked it the first time you hear it, but really you don't know it at all. All the intricate make up of chords, melody, singing and structure are clothes which overlay it, seem to give it more meaning, but they also distract you, both from its essential simple perfection and from its intricate variation and warm insistent pulse. When you listen more closely you find that the baseline is like flesh and bones, not just creating the foundation, but affecting the way everything over it sounds. It moves through the song like a beautiful woman dancing naked.

I want another life to be a bass player.
6 Comments
A Different Clef
Posted:Oct 12, 2012 8:55 am
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2012 1:46 pm
13336 Views

What do you do if you have spent all your life learning to be a guitarist, and then you wake up one morning and you suddenly realise you always wanted to be a bass player?
15 Comments
Captive Audience
Posted:Oct 11, 2012 11:45 am
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2012 10:11 am
11554 Views

A friend invited me for a drink at the pub tonight and I agreed, partly because I have been too reclusive recently and need to get out more, and partly because he is a good bloke and I haven't seen him for a while.

But mainly because there is a girl who serves behind the bar in that particular pub who has a body that looks like it should be fucked firmly for an extended period of time with a good hard cock, preferably mine. I've seen her around town a bit too, and I never fail to be moved to seriously lustful thoughts whenever I see her.

I don't actually think I've got any chance – apart from anything else she is the aloof type, and they rarely fancy me. Or if they do they don't let on. Plus I am way older than her, and even if I wasn't, why on earth would she choose me to fancy? And I probably wouldn’t let anything happen even if there was a chance. Not that I worry about being a lot older than her. Gothic Girl, and others, have taught me that really doesn’t matter as much as I would have expected it would. She did smile at me once as well which I consider a rare triumph.

But I do love to sit in a pub or a restaurant and watch a pretty girl moving between the tables, picking up empty glasses. It's like she’s on a stage for us, but unlike some distant actress, we get to talk to her: "Two pints of London Pride please."

I suppose that unless they are mildly exhibitionist, this must be uncomfortable for the women in question. Perhaps though, to be a good waitress you have to be a little bit exhibitionist. Anyway I try not to stare and be too creepy, and I hope I manage it. And my friend will be there too of course – I forgot about him for a moment.
8 Comments
The Price of Non-Conformity and Forgetting to Title your Post
Posted:Oct 9, 2012 10:00 am
Last Updated:Oct 11, 2012 2:19 am
11492 Views

A blogger I have been reading wrote:

"Sometimes, I kind of wish there was a path I could follow, that had little check boxes with instructions of how to get from point A to point B safely."

I know how she feels, but I replied:

"You know most people feel like this most of the time. That is why so many people focus on things that provide a framework and rules - their religion, politics, their work, their hobby, their families etc etc. The fact that you want to be your own person rather than follow someone elses rules marks you out as special, but it comes with a price. The price of sometimes having to be stronger than you think you can be."

Sometimes I have written fairly deep and painful blogs about how I feel about various things and people who have known me for a while here have said to me "that's what makes you who you are - most people don't have the courage to let themselves feel all those emotions so sharply." I don't think I am proud of sometimes being a little over emotional, but being understood like that by someone certainly warms my heart.

I think sometimes being strong is really just denying what life is all about. Like people who "keep strong" by moving on from a relationship without a look back, without dealing with what went wrong, either for their own benefit or that of their exes. I'm not saying that we should all wallow in sadness all the time, but to allow yourself to recognize where you are weak, where it hurts most, and not to hide from the things that make you feel that way can sometimes be what takes the greatest strength.

I think that's why I am missing some of the friends I used to know here. Many people are here because they have chosen to deal with how they feel, and being here helps with that. And knowing there are people here who understand that helps too.

Incidentally I want to scream "FUCK IIIIIIIT!" I just lost the above post and had to re write it and it has made me very cross. I hadn't titled it and when I clicked "post" up came the "information missing" bar but I had already clicked to move to another page and it all disappeared. And of course I normally write a blog in word and then copy it over, but this time I hadn't. It was a better post the first time, but I'm fed up with trying to recapture that feeling now as well. FUCK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.
4 Comments
In Love With Bloggers
Posted:Oct 5, 2012 6:21 am
Last Updated:Dec 3, 2012 3:34 pm
12598 Views

I have been feeling a bit nostalgic recently. Okay, those of you who know me well will say "what's new there?" but as you may have noticed I have been blogging a bit more recently and I suddenly realised one reason why.

I am missing someone. And I don't know really who it is. Of course I always think about the Lioness. But it is so long ago I don't know if I could truthfully say I really miss her any more. I'd love to see her, but the idea scares me stupid too, and she wouldn't be the same.

I can't say I miss "The Blogger Who Loved me" because I still hear from her often, and I am happy with how our relationship is now. I don't think she reads my blog any more, but she wouldn't be embarrassed if I say here that although I doubt we could ever go back, I miss having her in love with me. She knows. She knows how much I love her.

I miss The Girl Who Read Everything. Even though she still does. But she has her own life, I hear from her sometimes, and being in love with her turned out not to be terribly good for me, lol, so I am comfortable about how things are with us now. But I do miss having her around all the time.

And I hear from Prairie Girl sometimes too. She has a guy who makes her happy, and I am so glad about that. She isn't good when guys make her unhappy, and I probably did that a bit, so we are better off how we are now. but still I miss flirting with her like we used to.

I miss seeing Gothic Girl around. I caught a glimpse of her in town the other day, but she didn't stop to chat - I think she's rightly scared of where it might lead both of us back to.

All these things are connected by this blog. I wrote about The Lioness and got her memory into perspective here; I fantasized about Gothic Girl here, and amazingly it nearly came true. I fell in love with The Blogger Who Loved me here, and wow, look what happened there.

And then there's The Girl Who Read Everything. I wonder if she gets the same value out of my words now. Maybe she'll give me a smile in some secret place inside her for the good times when she read this. It's her kind of post I think.

So I guess I miss what this blog used to mean to me, and I have been blogging more in the hope of recapturing a feeling, but I don't know if I can. "Pick a star on the dark horizon......."
10 Comments
Do you actually LIKE the opposite sex?
Posted:Oct 3, 2012 4:17 am
Last Updated:Oct 9, 2012 7:20 am
11613 Views

I'm talking from a straight person's view point, but you can swap it round if you like, I don't think it changes anything - lots of gay guys have mostly female friends.

I notice that women seem to fall into two distinct groups - those who like men, and those who spend most of their time complaining about what men do. Men do the same about women. This is not a question about being drawn to the opposite sex, or whether you love someone or not. It is the question of whether you actually like them. (I'm not saying one is right and the other wrong, I'm just interested. )

When reading blogs, or listening to friends talking, I see that some women just really like the way men behave. They like their company, they don't feel slighted if they aren't always the centre of attention, they don't mind being looked at and they are amused rather than disgusted by men's bad habits. Men are the same - we may not always understand women, but there are those of us who mostly love the crazy things they do, are intrigued by their fixation with clothes, amused by their trouble with self image, fascinated when they talk, and love to watch them doing that sisterly bonding thing. And then there are those of us who, despite wanting to fuck you, and have you in our lives, actually find women pretty poor company, and would rather be at the pub or the football with our mates.

Do you ever wonder which one of these scenarios is the best fit for you? I know the answers I would get from some I have blogged with. It is obvious from their blogs that men are great fun for them, despite our obvious flaws! But it might be hard for someone to admit if they realised they were one of those who doesn't really like men.

I have often been told that despite being outwardly quite masculine, my thought process can be quite feminine. And frankly, thinking about it from that point of view, I admit that don't often like men very much, lol. But I just love women. I really do like the stuff they do, even when I hate it.

Think about it next time you are reading one of your favourite bloggers, male or female. Do they love the opposite sex generally, or, can you detect from their words that deep inside, they actually don't really like them very much?
8 Comments

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