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It's Not You, It's Me  

hotdreamer1000 60M
9101 posts
7/4/2016 3:18 am

Last Read:
7/11/2016 11:08 pm

It's Not You, It's Me


I had a dream over the weekend......something about a girl asking me for my opinion on a poem she had written, which I gave her (there were details but I forget them now ) and then it turned out she wanted to have sex. I think it was a good dream, and I was going to write it up as a story for this page, but perhaps my heart wasn't in it, I don't know, but it is gone now, and the opportunity is lost.

A while ago I wrote something which, although it wasn't meant to, sounded like I was saying goodbye, and The Girl Who Read Everything thought it might be going to be my last post. But it wasn't meant that way, and we had a discussion about what I would, or might write, if ever I decided I wasn't going to visit these blogs any more.

I have been tempted to start a blog with those words a few times lately.

But I am not going to, because if I ever do write the words I told her I would for saying goodbye, I would have to really mean I wasn't likely to be back. And I like coming back here, so I don't want to stop. Once upon a time I used to find this was a place I could play a game of being this Dreamer, a person who really is totally based on the real me, but who here, in this kind of half-world, could come out and be completely himself too.

The trouble is, at least in part, that these days I can never really think of anything I want to say. I come to read the couple of newish blogs I like to follow, and to see if anyone else I have been following for a long time has written anything, (which they usually haven't ) and that's about it.

Although I have often read blogs which say "the site isn't how it used to be, " usually I think they are missing the real point. The rules, and even the atmosphere of the site may change, but usually the real truth more closely is "we are not how we used to be." I no longer find I want to spend the time looking at new blogs, hoping I will find someone sexy or interesting or both to follow. So it isn't surprising I have very few new ones which I am following. Neither is it surprising that those of you I have been following for a long time write a lot less these days - probably we are all running out of the kind of things we would come here to write about, or worse still, the desire to write about them.

It matters to me to write either interesting, amusing, philosophical or sexy blogs which will actually catch people's interest and generate some comments or discussion. And it depresses me that my head is no longer full of those ideas. It comes and goes I know, but it has been gone for quite a while now. And after having nearly got myself in a mess a few times, I wonder if deep down, I have been avoiding looking too closely for what I might call a muse, for want of a better word, here, or anywhere else for that matter, for fear of getting too involved, and the difficulties that can involve.

It can not be a coincidence that whenever I have a dream about someone who loves me, or who I find sexy, they are always of the "willing gift" type - someone who totally understands what makes me me, what I need and desire, and wants to give themselves to me either sexually or emotionally, but doesn't need anything in return. Who doesn't want to alter my life, but just wants to be an additional part in it, on whatever terms suit me, for a moment, now and then. In real life I think I am pretty much incapable of being that selfish. That's something I am glad about. But it also pretty much rules out me being anything other than a one-woman-and-total-commitment man, other than in my dreams, unless I want to give myself a lot of stress.

And yet............

Sometimes, just when I think I understand myself, maybe I don't understand myself at all. Or maybe I just can't find a way to accept what it is that I understand.

marysia4u 64F
15362 posts
7/4/2016 10:26 pm

I do think the site has changed. Too many good bloggers have left, and the new ones I have a look at all seem to want to know what the reader thinks of his dick, or he tells how good he is in the sexual department.

I hope you decide to stay, I would hate not to see the yellow line attached to your name.

I don't blog as much as I used to or as much as I'd like, only because I haven't come up with any blog ideas.


hotdreamer1000 60M
11652 posts
7/5/2016 4:33 am

    Quoting marysia4u:
    I do think the site has changed. Too many good bloggers have left, and the new ones I have a look at all seem to want to know what the reader thinks of his dick, or he tells how good he is in the sexual department.

    I hope you decide to stay, I would hate not to see the yellow line attached to your name.

    I don't blog as much as I used to or as much as I'd like, only because I haven't come up with any blog ideas.


Oh I'm not planning on actually leaving really. Just had a bot of a "what's the point" moment I think, lol.


hotdreamer1000 60M
11652 posts
7/5/2016 3:06 pm

    Quoting rainbowsox:
    Yes, "we" have changed quite a bit more than the place, and therefore, see it differently and the thing that actually changed. What I certainly needed for when I first came here, is definitely not what I need it for any longer. Honestly, not sure that I "need" nit all. Seems more habit than anything else. And of course, a handful of people that would be lost if our presence was suddenly removed.

    In many ways, it almost feel as much a chore... of course, that could just be code for "I have no idea what to write about anymore"! For me anyway, I feel like I have visited all the topics important to me. Maybe, once I change again, a new set of topics will rise to the surface. Or who knows, maybe I will wake up and suddenly have a need to write porn and post pics of my "who hah"! OK, that is REALLY going out on the limb of improbability! But who knows, right?

    Dreaming, it is a wonderful means to discovering what we really want in life. I had a dream about a soft pretzel. I think my body was trying to tell me something!!!!

    Love,
    -E'


You sound terribly grown up for an eighty three year old


zandigal 55F
13002 posts
7/7/2016 5:49 pm

so much to say, don't want to "write" it all down..
we are on the same page, maybe even the same paragraph, Dreemy


Respond to every call that excites Your Spirit
~Rumi


..


Wildfire9600 106F  
6572 posts
7/7/2016 7:14 pm

We are living in the same space, Dreamer. I've been feeling the same for a very long time, and haven't posted a thing in six months now. I only log in to check on you these days.

Been thinking about coming back to blog, but not sure the things I want to write about should be said anywhere but in my own my head.

You want to stop the flame from burning. I just want to let it go...


hotdreamer1000 60M
11652 posts
7/8/2016 7:58 am

    Quoting Wildfire9600:
    We are living in the same space, Dreamer. I've been feeling the same for a very long time, and haven't posted a thing in six months now. I only log in to check on you these days.

    Been thinking about coming back to blog, but not sure the things I want to write about should be said anywhere but in my own my head.
Lol, I only log in to check you! Well, you and a couple of others. I would love to hear what should only be said in your head Wild.


hotdreamer1000 60M
11652 posts
7/8/2016 8:00 am

    Quoting zandigal:
    so much to say, don't want to "write" it all down..
    we are on the same page, maybe even the same paragraph, Dreemy

I always like listening to what you have to say Zandi.

There were a lot of paragraphs....which one in particular?


zandigal 55F
13002 posts
7/8/2016 5:02 pm

from the paragraph about us not being who we use to be when we first came here... not even a little bit...
to not wanting to get involved with new bloggers (or new anyone for that matter) because its just a hassle. it's too much work or it's too much drama, I don't know. But i don't want to go thru all of that again. like ever. lol
and i understand the dreaming of someone who totally gets you, but we both know you have what you want and need, and even though you may be missing a thing or two, the big stuff is there. I had the same thing... the big stuff was there, but I'm spoiled. I want just as much of the little stuff. And he is incapable of such a thing. And after all these years, either I will find it, or i won't, or I'll give it to myself. the big stuff isn't all its cracked up to be, in my viewpoint. Going thru life as miserable as i was, totally not worth it.
and lastly, I will never understand myself. so I know that know one else will either. but that's ok with me. if they can't take me for me... that's on me. I just don't think it's that difficult. maybe i'm wrong. i don't think I'm a bad person.
make sense?
lol
sorry. your post was awesome. i don't know if i covered it all, I will check later
happy weekend, Dreemy enjoy!


Respond to every call that excites Your Spirit
~Rumi


..


hotdreamer1000 60M
11652 posts
7/11/2016 3:46 am

    Quoting zandigal:
    from the paragraph about us not being who we use to be when we first came here... not even a little bit...
    to not wanting to get involved with new bloggers (or new anyone for that matter) because its just a hassle. it's too much work or it's too much drama, I don't know. But i don't want to go thru all of that again. like ever. lol
    and i understand the dreaming of someone who totally gets you, but we both know you have what you want and need, and even though you may be missing a thing or two, the big stuff is there. I had the same thing... the big stuff was there, but I'm spoiled. I want just as much of the little stuff. And he is incapable of such a thing. And after all these years, either I will find it, or i won't, or I'll give it to myself. the big stuff isn't all its cracked up to be, in my viewpoint. Going thru life as miserable as i was, totally not worth it.
    and lastly, I will never understand myself. so I know that know one else will either. but that's ok with me. if they can't take me for me... that's on me. I just don't think it's that difficult. maybe i'm wrong. i don't think I'm a bad person.
    make sense?
    lol
    sorry. your post was awesome. i don't know if i covered it all, I will check later
    happy weekend, Dreemy enjoy!

Perfect sense Zandi. Like one of the deepest comments ever.

"... the big stuff was there, but I'm spoiled. I want just as much of the little stuff."

"I will never understand myself. so I know that know one else will either. but that's ok with me. if they can't take me for me... that's on me. I just don't think it's that difficult. maybe i'm wrong. i don't think I'm a bad person."

Oh I could sail the world, search through the darkest waters but, I'll never find those golden eyes - From To Be With You, by The Honey Trees. I am listening as I write - check it out. If you do, go for the El Ganzo session, rather than the official video, the singing is better. But the video is really sweet too.


hotdreamer1000 60M
11652 posts
7/11/2016 3:49 am

    Quoting  :

Hey,

Thanks so much for coming over. Sorry I have been so insular......

"I am learning that understanding is not a destination. I will never "get there." It's a matter of choosing to accept those pieces that make us ... us. Who we are. "

"Hear Hear" to that.


zandigal 55F
13002 posts
7/11/2016 7:06 pm

"Oh I could sail the world, search through the darkest waters but, I'll never find those golden eyes - From To Be With You, by The Honey Trees. I am listening as I write - check it out. If you do, go for the El Ganzo session, rather than the official video, the singing is better. But the video is really sweet too."

loved that video! thank you, Dreemy

Respond to every call that excites Your Spirit
~Rumi


..


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