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Only Fools and Angels  

hotdreamer1000 60M
9101 posts
12/11/2014 2:56 am

Last Read:
1/5/2015 5:40 am

Only Fools and Angels


Looking for the perfect person is a lot more dangerous than you think.

I’m not arguing with the people who say they want the real thing, that they don’t want to “settle” for second best. But leaving aside the view that actually, there is no such thing as the perfect relationship, the fact remains that the more perfect the person you fall for, the worse it feels if it all falls apart. Real "true love" carries an almost unbearable burden. The knowledge that by loving this person, we put ourselves in an extraordinarily vulnerable position.

Sometimes the person you love changes, or turns out not to be quite who you thought they were. Or you change. Or, even if the love never changes, people can be unexpectedly taken from you by illness or accident. The greater the love, the harder its loss is to bear, the more ways in which you will never be quite the same again.

Thankfully, we are all born ignorant of - and for a time remain capable of ignoring - the potential cost of really loving someone. Some people become less able to face it as they accumulate what is often euphemistically called "baggage. " Others soldier on, forever hopeful, perhaps not even noticing if they have become slower to take risks with their feelings. Some, a brave and wonderful few, stay young at heart. Setbacks never phase them, however much they hurt. They have the faith to take the risk again, whatever the potential cost.

The most dangerous thing of all is the knowledge that sometimes love works out. Some couples really do live happily ever after. Most of us believe that whether it lasts or goes wrong, being in love is usually worth it, and we secretly harbour the hope that maybe this time, (or next time, ) this will be the one that lasts forever.
Sometimes we come into contact with a person so in tune with us that our sub-conscious convinces us that here at last is the one within whose love we will be forever safe........and, (like fools, or like angels? ) we rush in and take the greatest risk of all.

Or maybe we are looking for that kind of safety in the wrong place? Some people say that this is the most persuasive argument for belief in the existence of God, that being in whose love we will be forever safe?

sexysixties2 72F  
38886 posts
12/11/2014 3:16 am

I have found love that lasts a couple of times....one I ran away from but deep down I still love him and one I lost to death....I think I am too set in my ways now to want another....or maybe just too afraid to take the risk of being hurt.

"Age does not protect you from love, but love, to some extent, protects you from age."

~~Anais Nin~~


MyNameIsKay 58F  
11807 posts
12/11/2014 9:02 am

"Sometimes we come into contact with a person so in tune with us that our sub-conscious convinces us that here at last is the one within whose love we will be forever safe........and, (like fools, or like angels? ) we rush in and take the greatest risk of all."

I think this is a great line. It wasn't until I met the man that my last real post was about that I would have even considered marrying again. Up until that moment (or that week we spent together), I wanted to keep my space but have a mate that was never more than a boyfriend...sort of perpetually date. It wasn't until I experienced the bliss that came from someone that truly aligned with how I function (a compatibility on every level I've never seen before) that I realized that maybe sharing space with a man again would really be something that I could want again. It's certainly something I want to explore.

And people do change over time, but I've always seen marriage as a path that is traveled together. Whatever challenges may come, they are not his or mine alone but ours to figure out together for the benefit of us as a unit...not for one of us singly.

That's what I've always thought of marriage to be. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one that thinks that way anymore.

Swim...Bike...Done


marysia4u 64F
15362 posts
12/11/2014 9:40 am

I'm in a new relationship.

I'm trying hard not to fall in love with him, as I don't want to be hurt again, but I'm finding it hard not to. We get on so well together, and have so much in common, so no matter how hard I try not to fall in love with him, slowly the barrier is crumbling.


hotdreamer1000 60M
11652 posts
12/11/2014 10:55 am

    Quoting marysia4u:
    I'm in a new relationship.

    I'm trying hard not to fall in love with him, as I don't want to be hurt again, but I'm finding it hard not to. We get on so well together, and have so much in common, so no matter how hard I try not to fall in love with him, slowly the barrier is crumbling.


That's great news Maysia! I wonder why you feel the need to fight against falling in love? It's going to hurt of it goes wrong anyway, so why not go for it? I mean, I know it's frightening, as you can see from my post. But what I was thinking when I wrote it, is that it is always better to be brave than to miss out. Why not make the most of it? Even if it does turn out only to be for a while, why not get the best out it now while it is at its best?


hotdreamer1000 60M
11652 posts
12/11/2014 10:59 am

    Quoting sexysixties2:
    I have found love that lasts a couple of times....one I ran away from but deep down I still love him and one I lost to death....I think I am too set in my ways now to want another....or maybe just too afraid to take the risk of being hurt.
I am so sorry to hear the sad tale of your losses Sixties, seriously. But part of what I was trying to get across in my post is my feeling that it is a shame that we become scarred and scared later in life. After all, falling in love feels good, and we have the experience to know that we can in fact get over the pain. Isn't it better to make the most of it, even if possibly it is not going to last?

I felt sad after I had watched the last ever episode of Seinfeld. And again after "How I met Your Mother " ended, but I am still glad I watched them while they lasted!


hotdreamer1000 60M
11652 posts
12/11/2014 11:00 am

    Quoting MnSweet:
    I am ever hopeful of finding true love again! Am willing to risk another broken heart just to experience that sweet joy one more time...
One of the brave few. I salute you and wish you good success!


hotdreamer1000 60M
11652 posts
12/11/2014 11:04 am

    Quoting MyNameIsKay:
    "Sometimes we come into contact with a person so in tune with us that our sub-conscious convinces us that here at last is the one within whose love we will be forever safe........and, (like fools, or like angels? ) we rush in and take the greatest risk of all."

    I think this is a great line. It wasn't until I met the man that my last real post was about that I would have even considered marrying again. Up until that moment (or that week we spent together), I wanted to keep my space but have a mate that was never more than a boyfriend...sort of perpetually date. It wasn't until I experienced the bliss that came from someone that truly aligned with how I function (a compatibility on every level I've never seen before) that I realized that maybe sharing space with a man again would really be something that I could want again. It's certainly something I want to explore.

    And people do change over time, but I've always seen marriage as a path that is traveled together. Whatever challenges may come, they are not his or mine alone but ours to figure out together for the benefit of us as a unit...not for one of us singly.

    That's what I've always thought of marriage to be. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one that thinks that way anymore.
Thanks Kay. I have mixed views on marriage. I think people in theory do still think of it as a collaboration of sharing good times and bad times for mutual benefit. But of course sometimes a couple finds they are no longer helping each other for one reason or another.

Actually, I think a lot of people nowadays get married because they think it is one way of making sure their partner will never leave them. Or worse still, they think it will help them to be faithful themselves! Frankly, I think that is stupid. I think commitment is about what you mean to each other, not what you promise. Promises get broken, but if you carry on loving - then you will carry on loving!


hotdreamer1000 60M
11652 posts
12/11/2014 3:21 pm

    Quoting rainbowsox:
    So what you are saying is... "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
    Never make a pretty woman your wife
    So for my personal point of view
    Get an ugly girl to marry you"?!!!!

    So here I am, in what I believe to be the perfect relationship, with the most perfect person in all the world. Crafted excessively "for me" by angels upon high. I cherish this for all it is worth and know it is not promised to me for any longer than this very moment. And if by some cosmic cruelty, I was denied having to have it for one more millisecond, I would not regret one incredible moment of the journey. The pain would last me an eternity, but the joy would last me an eternity and a day!

    I am not afraid to be hurt.... I am afraid of never allowing myself to be hurt!

    Love,
    -E'

At no point did I ever say or mean "get an ugly girl to marry you, " lol. In fact as I recall, looks were never mentioned. Neither did I mean get someone you don't really care about to marry you either!!! You know what I meant, lol.

Meanwhile, I celebrate your beautiful relationship and I truly hope it lasts you both a long long lifetime. But I also love the way you cherish every moment, whether just for now or for forever.


hotdreamer1000 60M
11652 posts
12/11/2014 3:23 pm

    Quoting PassionCork:
    What would life be without the promise and hope of true love, it is after all eternal.

    Love is beauty . . .there is beauty in pain, there is beauty in the love we give and receive, whether it lasts a lifetime or moments, the thought of life without love is not a life I care to live.
Beautifully put Pash!


tigger678902 53F  
4549 posts
12/11/2014 11:43 pm

hmmm while I have felt I had found love, I appear to have been wrong at all times,..I have always jumped in headlong headless of the potential for hurt,...I am actually holding myself in check from investing too much of myself at the moment,...a position that is very foreign to me, and very difficult though I think I have found a way to tap dance along the edge for awhile,...I have seen the "value" in the past of being the person who loves least,...as having typically been the person who loved the most provide to be extrememly painful,...the difficulty is if I can't fling myself into it and give myself to it completely I lose interest, I'm not good at half measures even in an effort of self preservation,...so time will tell if I can tap dance for long,..if I fall off the edge or simply walk off the stage in search of something more,..

Good girls go to heaven,....Bad girls go EVERYWHERE!
I love to travel

Come visit my blog tigger678902


hotdreamer1000 60M
11652 posts
12/12/2014 2:36 am

    Quoting tigger678902:
    hmmm while I have felt I had found love, I appear to have been wrong at all times,..I have always jumped in headlong headless of the potential for hurt,...I am actually holding myself in check from investing too much of myself at the moment,...a position that is very foreign to me, and very difficult though I think I have found a way to tap dance along the edge for awhile,...I have seen the "value" in the past of being the person who loves least,...as having typically been the person who loved the most provide to be extrememly painful,...the difficulty is if I can't fling myself into it and give myself to it completely I lose interest, I'm not good at half measures even in an effort of self preservation,...so time will tell if I can tap dance for long,..if I fall off the edge or simply walk off the stage in search of something more,..
Yes, I understand what you are saying Tigger. Personally, I think it is best to go with how you feel - so if you feel tap dancing is right for now, then tap dance!

But personally I have never seen the point in worrying about who loves more or who loves less. Mostly that varies throughout a relationship anyway, unless one of the partners is deliberately taking the other for a ride. Sometimes I may have to make a choice about what to do.......but not about how I feel. If I love someone then I love them, and if I don't I don't. When loving someone coincides with them loving me then halleluiah!


Wildfire9600 106F  
6572 posts
12/15/2014 10:54 am

I blame Disney. We all grew up with fairytales of Prince Charming whisking us off to be princesses in castles, ridiculously in love with Mr. Perfect. The reality is, if you manage to find Mr. Decent who has a good heart and treats you well, you're already ahead of most people.

You want to stop the flame from burning. I just want to let it go...


hotdreamer1000 60M
11652 posts
12/15/2014 3:38 pm

    Quoting Wildfire9600:
    I blame Disney. We all grew up with fairytales of Prince Charming whisking us off to be princesses in castles, ridiculously in love with Mr. Perfect. The reality is, if you manage to find Mr. Decent who has a good heart and treats you well, you're already ahead of most people.
I agree, although I can't blame the movies in my case. The first films I saw, aged eight or nine were Bluebeard's Ghost and Those Magnificent men in their Flying Machines,and the third, if memory serves me, The Heroes of Telemark, aged about twelve. (My family were not great movie goers!

From what I can gather most English girls spend half their lives looking for Mr Darcy.


Violette001 48F
4497 posts
12/16/2014 7:44 pm

I was thinking about the meaning of marriage/ commitment, and such. and I wondered why is it necessary? you never make an official commitment with your closest friends, and yet, you just know that they're there for you, always. you don't have ceremonies and vows and bits of metal to prove your friendship... you just build it together. so... what does a marriage ceremony do? what does an engagement ring accomplish? it seemed to me, unless the commitment grows out of the heart, these external signs of commitment simply turn into a prison. I haven't figured out if it has any benefits, if it goes right.

As for falling in love, I do it a lot.. it's about the only exercise that I get. what I dont' know is, if anyone has ever fallen in love with me. lol I'd really like to know what that feels like... it's sort of my secret, background wish, it flickers and dies a lot, and then I start to wonder again... sort of like that birthday candle they used to have that can't get snuffed out... lol

guess I'm just a fool. I do know what it feels like to be loved by my kids, my dog, and my friends. you'd think I'd just be satisfied and get on with my life, instead of harboring secret desires.

"Do not put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket"
--Author Unknown



hotdreamer1000 60M
11652 posts
12/17/2014 12:05 pm

    Quoting Violette001:
    I was thinking about the meaning of marriage/ commitment, and such. and I wondered why is it necessary? you never make an official commitment with your closest friends, and yet, you just know that they're there for you, always. you don't have ceremonies and vows and bits of metal to prove your friendship... you just build it together. so... what does a marriage ceremony do? what does an engagement ring accomplish? it seemed to me, unless the commitment grows out of the heart, these external signs of commitment simply turn into a prison. I haven't figured out if it has any benefits, if it goes right.

    As for falling in love, I do it a lot.. it's about the only exercise that I get. what I dont' know is, if anyone has ever fallen in love with me. lol I'd really like to know what that feels like... it's sort of my secret, background wish, it flickers and dies a lot, and then I start to wonder again... sort of like that birthday candle they used to have that can't get snuffed out... lol

    guess I'm just a fool. I do know what it feels like to be loved by my kids, my dog, and my friends. you'd think I'd just be satisfied and get on with my life, instead of harboring secret desires.
Did you see my reply to MyNameisKay's comment? About marriage?

Heavens V, no one in the world would ever think you are a fool for wanting to know what it feels like to have someone fall in love with you. It's like.......oh blimey, I will have to think hard about how to put that into words! Even harder than how not to be upset by world events!


Violette001 48F
4497 posts
12/18/2014 1:50 pm

yes, i did see your reply to MyNameisKay's comment! and i freaked out, because it was so similar to my thoughts...

so i had to write down what my thoughts were, so i'd know i wasn't imagining things... lol

maybe, some things are just communicated best without words? idk.

"Do not put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket"
--Author Unknown



hippiechick1967 41F
12074 posts
12/27/2014 1:33 pm

Interesting... I never considered 'young at heart' as having to do with being willing to take romantic risks.

I'm not looking for perfection - I think it would be boring. I'd like someone who loved me because of my quirks rather than despite them, and I'd feel the same about him.

Elevate me...


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