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While I was Dreaming
Welcome to The Dreamery. There have been a few changes, but my blog is still simply a random series of Thoughts and fantasies, examining my past and my impossible future. Nothing on this blog is a lie. When I say nothing that follows is made up you can be sure it is the truth. Even the dreams are real dreams that I have had . And all the fantasies are my real fantasies.

There are however some questions which may never be answered:
Is it possible to actually laugh your arse off?
How sick is a parrot?
Are sandboys truly happy?
And just how mad is a box of frogs anyway?

And mostly, I do have it all in perspective!
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The Time
Posted:Oct 19, 2021 2:13 am
Last Updated:Oct 25, 2021 3:29 am

Some days I breeze along and get things done. Sometimes all life around me makes me smile. Sometimes I wish I had a river to skate away on.

Sometimes nothing seems worth the trouble - I notice everything that's wrong. Sometimes my heart is gladdened by the rain.

I wake each day and estimate my outlook - a day to muddle through or one to fly?

And sometimes, by my second or third tea cup, I manage to achieve something with my time. But lately the whole process seems much harder; less light, more shade. I'm not sure where I'm aiming.

And the time passes. It seems like there is much less of it left, but I'm no nearer knowing what I want it for.
That Thrill of a New Experience
Posted:Oct 12, 2021 2:34 pm
Last Updated:Oct 25, 2021 3:29 am

Lots of missing words in this one - see my first comment for a readable version.

I read a question somewhere - "Where will all end? When you get used a kink does become normalised and then you for something new?"

The thrill of a new experience? Is that, really? sometimes is that. sometimes what you are looking for is more of an instinctive mental connection, the one which seems always just half out of reach. The one you had once or twice didn't you, a long time ago, at least you think you did, now you can't quite remember what it felt like....

He / she looked at you, your insides caught fire and you just melted. Suddenly you found yourself thinking how much you wanted do all those things that would seemed a bit too animal until you saw that on their face. That electric moment when you first know they want you the way you want them. A shiver that goes through your veins when they touch your hand, that buzz when your lips first meet. I'm not sure matters whether they picked up on your kinks or whether they just looked inside and seen the real you. in the end that is almost the thing, and that's why the two feelings seem so similar?

I don't enough experience know, but me, a kink feels a bit like another way experience that initial hunger. You can't replicate the feeling of falling in love, but you can come close with a lustful kink? Especially if your partner knows and understands, or better still, shares your kink. But can a true kink be temporary, something you can move on from? me, a fetish seems grow if you feed , not become old. I don't know where came from, but the gothic always turns me on. But lies dormant in me until I see a woman with a black square-cut fringe. Or when Gothic walks by my window. I saw her yesterday, just as I was getting out of my car. She stopped and we chatted. She was smiling and happy. made me feel good. A few years back when we nearly got together she wasn't really in a good place, and made me happy see her now with her life all sorted out. And I know all the time we were both still thinking, "I wish we could slept together." I could see in her eyes. But we aren't going revisit that. We both know it wouldn't ended well. The hunger is still , but we don't feed . if we did then in the end would get old. I don't want find out. We are both happy with it the way it is. But then she doesn't wear all black and the dark purple lipstick or her hair like that anymore. I don't know how easily I could control myself if she did, lol.

's another kink I but I don't talk about anymore. 's not particularly unusual but could be detrimental someone wanted share with me, and I don't want encourage that. But stays with me, I can't imagine needing move on for a new one.

"Where will all end?" was the question. Do you always move on the next kink, like a jaded porn addict? I don't think so. From the I know I don't imagine the person asked the question really feeling like that either. Or that's just me.

Because I am lucky. For me, if I a meeting of minds, then whether brings lust or friendship, I always feel a new thrill.
Rough Fuck Fantasy?
Posted:Oct 5, 2021 8:46 am
Last Updated:Oct 11, 2021 1:31 pm

Her user name and short profile portrayed a woman who wanted to be fucked pretty rough. Thrown down, hands held behind head and hair pulled back.........I suspected a fake, but the picture; perfect breasts half covered by a figure hugging cross-wrap shirt had caught my eye and was making me feel sexy.

It isn't often I find myself unsure of what I want. (Unsure what I am going to do about it, yes! But not uncertain about my feelings.) Rough porn doesn't turn me on, and generally I prefer fairly gentle sex, where the mental connection and the soft touch brings out the fire. Although I suppose that can sometimes lead to unexpected heat, and I can work hard when I need to. But I never want to hurt anyone. Why was I so attracted to this image?

One that really screams

Once, years ago, a blog friend asked me to write a fantsay about rough sex. I pulled out all the stops and in the middle of writing it I found I was scaring myself! I managed to write vividly, and I kept wanting to stop and say "this isn't the real me." And yet writing it was a turn on too. Someone who didn't know me might say maybe I am frightened of a side of me which might get out of control, but I don't think it is that at all. I have been out of control with women - it doesn't play out like that lol, and it is usually me that ends up getting hurt!

In day dreaming about this fantasy, I realised that if I met this woman and she wanted me, I probably wouldn't be able to treat her rough, even if that was what she really wanted. I imagine that I would just be my strong-but-gentle sensitive self, and she would warm to that, realising that she could be giving without being taken. I guess my fantasy is to soften a rough-sex-junkie into a babe, lol.

In between the wrong and the right.

I suppose fantasies fall into two categories: The day-dreams you have about situations or events you really would like to experience, and the ones which you think about, play out in your head, but which you know you wouldn't want to actually happen.

Sometimes I am not entirely sure which one this is. Mostly it is just a mental turn on which in real life I wouldn't even like. Sometimes I wonder though, whether there is a hint hidden within it about the kind of woman which, if I had my life over again, I would have been best suited to. Maybe I have always known that. Maybe I have imagined a few bloggers to be like that over the years. No names to mention now, but you might know who you are. Maybe that is how I see Maria Andrejczyk.

In between the dark and the light.

I don't think I am likely to find out now in real life.............but as always, I love to examine what goes on in my head and see if anyone else recognises the same thoughts.

One of These Nights
Heart Warming
Posted:Oct 1, 2021 4:26 am
Last Updated:Oct 5, 2021 10:52 am
Not a post I was expecting to put up!

You may just remember that a little while ago I posted a blog about how much I love to watch women athletes, and one of the people I mentioned was the Polish javelin thrower Maria Andrejczyk.

I heard today that after coming second at the Olympic games, (I was watching her on TV with a mixture of lust and admiration,) she auctioned her silver medal to raise money to help a sick in Poland get heart surgery.

Then unexpectedly, the people who bought the medal gave it back to her!

I felt the tears in my eyes as I smiled at hearing this lovely heart warming story. What absolutely wonderful people.
Where are they all now?
Posted:Sep 29, 2021 5:39 am
Last Updated:Oct 25, 2021 3:33 am

I was looking through some old business files today, before throwing things away in a clear-out.

Names sprang out from old correspondence - people I used to know and like, but haven't heard of for nearly thirly years. It made me realise how long ago all that was. But also how fast the time has gone. I wonder what happened to those people? Did they have happy lives. Are they even still with us? And what are they doing if they are.

Not being much of a one for social meadia, I don't keep up with people other than my actual current friends. To be honset I can't see the point, and it seems to take up so much of people's time. I have never had hundreds of occasional friends; I'm more of a lifelong committment kind of guy, and I keep in close touch with about six or seven special people. Maybe I have become a little reclusive as I have aged too.

Of course I could probably trace most of these people through the 'book or the tweeter or whatever if I actually wanted to.

But it set me thinking about the friends I have made over the years on these blogs. Some, like Amakamaria, Rose, V, Zandi, Wildfire and Stormyroses email me from time to time, and sometimes we up date each other with news. I love hearing from them.

Others: the Rainbowsox girls, Partygirl, Softasaswan, Sassicat, Skierchick, Bubblevisious, Jakedrake8, WillHe69You2, neofreone - oh far too many others to mention, I felt really close to, either because we had shared deep insights into our lives, or because they had helped me through hard times, or because I was helping them. But I have no way of contacting them now. Some dissappeared, some said goodbye, some just drifted away. Sadly I know, or I think I know, that TheRedheadinHeat sadly died all too young. Her amazing blog is still here and I never know whether it is appropriate to read it or not. Her take on everything was always so uplifting.

Most of these people left partly because they had dealt with what brought them here, or had more important real lives to get on with, but others were struggling with life and looking for difficult answers, and I often wonder, are they ok?

That's life here I guess. I don't usually worry about them. But sometimes I wonder where they all are now..........
The Lust in my Soul
Posted:Sep 27, 2021 1:07 pm
Last Updated:Oct 4, 2021 8:12 am

I'm just back from a long trip away. The scenery was amazing, the beaches divine and the hills and lakes were awsome.

So were my dreams.

In my dream she knows. She knows that I would never hurt her, but that it turns me on that she wants me to use her as my plaything. She says to me, "just fuck me how you want, concentrate on you, it's what I want, that's what makes me come. The thought of you wanting me. The idea that you lust for me in secret........Well the secret's out, and it's making me ache inside that you want me."

I look into her eyes and I can see it's true. The way to give her what she needs is to take what I want. Gently, maybe. With consideration yes, but use. Just for my pleasure. I am normally so fixated with putting a woman first, taking my lead from her. A light touch, never getting too close too soon, waiting until she is more than ready, then satisfied. "Don't do that," she says. "Concentrate on you. Let me see the lust right from your soul. When you come in me it will make me come."

She reaches down, somehow we are both naked now. She is on all fours in front of me and the view of her hard nipples and the way her breasts sway slightly when she moves is sending electricity through all my senses. She bends her lips to my cock and then looks up at me, smiling. "Can I?" she asks.
"Of course."
She slides her tongue over the sweet spot under the head of my cock and sucks me in in deeply. She murmurs something appreciative in her throat and swallows. I can feel the constant pressure of her tongue. I feel like I have to stop her or I will come straight away - something she is doing has started the tingling already. I try to pull out but she won't let go and the pressure starts building up inside me, the tingle expanding and tightening into a growing, rolling wave until it gives way and smashes onto the beach in a series of explosive throbbing pulses.

She keeps swallowing and then looks up and smiles again. "Don't worry" she says, we've gpt time. Now you'll have to fuck me hard to get yourself off again won't you?"

Like I said. Divine
Life is Fire and Rain
Posted:Sep 2, 2021 4:02 am
Last Updated:Sep 27, 2021 10:37 am

Sometimes I think I want to be James Taylor. Well not really, but you know what I mean.

I’ve been watching some of his recordings and interviews on line - I have been practising my American songbook folk guitar playing recently and he is one of the best, and some of his songs are great to practice on.

In his 2015 interview on the Late Show with Stephen Colbert he said he considers his songs to be living things which constantly need updating, for example in respect of Fire and Rain he says “I wrote that song in 1970, and back then I really hadn’t seen that much - just fire, and rain. Now I have seen so much more, like those little pizzas which are folded over at the corners…….calzone. I hadn’t seen those back then, but if I had I definitely would have added them to the song.”

I feel my life is a bit like that. I need to update myself a bit maybe, write some new lyrics.

Just while I am dealing with that interview – doesn’t Stephen Colbert have a great voice! And Taylor is just so amazingly laid back about his legacy of great songs, somehow managing to gently send himself up without diminishing the quality of our memories. Maybe our lives should be like that too. Relaxed about what has happened, good and bad, but without diminishing the memories.

Of course you can’t be James Taylor without the history of drug addiction and recovery, and I would not want to have to go through whatever the demons he had which lead to that. Or its aftermath. I have had the emotional equivalent and that is enough for me. In this and other recent interviews, he just seems like one of the nicest all round decent, funny guys you could ever hope to meet. And I look a bit like him too. Okay that part is slightly worrying because he is actually ten years or so older than me, but I like the way he looks so maybe I should find that reassuring.

Now all I need is to learn to play and sing like him.
Teach a Young Man Sex?
Posted:Aug 17, 2021 9:18 am
Last Updated:Sep 28, 2021 12:43 pm

I have serious questions.

I read a fascinating post on another blog recently regarding the subject of teaching partners about sex.

Anyone who has read my blog for a while will know that I had a very formative experience with a woman I blogged about a lot in my early day here, and who I called "the Lioness." (If you weren't reading then or want a reprise key posts are for example say: First Orgasm, reposted and A Night in Grey Satin Sorry if they seem a bit wordy - I was in wanna be writer mode, lol.)

Nowadays I am kind of off the market, (at least in any respect other than virtually) although it doesn't stop me wishing I had a chance of another experience like that. I have noticed that in dreams and fantasies there is often a certain amount of learning and teaching between me and my Dream Lovers. Sometimes they are beautiful women of my own age or thereabouts, sometimes they are younger, sometimes we are both younger, lol. (I often find I seem to be about thirty in my dreams.) But nearly always the understanding between us is that we each need to learn about the other in bed. And I love that.

The blogger whose post I was reading had been asked by a much younger man if she would consider meeting, with a view to teaching him from the benefit of her experience. But she respectfully declined, saluting him for his openness and willingness to learn, but saying teaching young men about sex was not in her bag of kinks.

So here are my questions:

Why would an older woman not be interested in a younger man? (Other than simple preference and always assuming she liked him in another ways of course.)

What would it be about his younger age which would turn her off rather than on?

Could it be related to a desire to be with someone more capable - in the same way that sometimes younger women like an older man?

Or would it be more to do with the sheer number of years in a large age gap - making compatibility of interests and attitudes so much less likely?

I have met younger women (who may or may not have been interested in me) with whom I had so little common mentality that even sex would have been lacking in communication, and that would never be a turn on for me. But I have met others who were beautifully in tune with the way my mind works and I would like to have had the chance to learn and teach with them.

I suppose one thing which might worry me now if I was with a much younger woman would be whether I was still fit enough, still good looking enough, whether I could feel relaxed and sexy enough, whether I could get hard enough often enough to live up to my role as mentor, if such a role was required. But I think that is largely paranoia, lack of confidence and being a bit out of practice. I reckon in the right hands, if we clicked and she really wanted me, I would soon spring back to life!

So is that different for women?
Dreamer's Hidden Thoughts
Posted:Aug 9, 2021 3:17 pm
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2021 10:05 am

I have been wanting to write a particular blog post for a while. There is something in my head, or in my heart maybe, that wants to be expressed. But I can't find the words. I honestly can't think of how to explain this to myself, let alone to anyone else. That is unusual for me. On another blog someone asked me how I had changed since I first discovered this site, and it triggered a thought process which almost brought clarity to the surface but I couldn't quite grasp it. Like, you know, when you are trying to remember the answer to a quiz question or a crossword clue, and you know you know it, but you can't dredge it up.

I realised that I have learned a lot, and I have grown and changed, And yet I still have the same image in my head that brought me here all those years ago. For a long time it had receded to the extent that I fooled myself into thinking it had gone.

But now I find myself thinking that maybe I am closer to repeating a past mistake than I have been for a while, and I want to find a better way to deal with that feeling this time. I don't simply want to rely on the fact that getting the chance to make the same mistake is unlikely, (which I have certainly done in the past.)

I know I am not being very clear. It isn't just that I don't have a clear explanation. It is that I also don't want to spell it out, even to myself.

Then there are the dreams. I am getting glimpses, but they are hard to remember, harder still to put into words. There is an instant connection. She knows, somehow literally knows what is in my head. She knows we want the same things. There is no wondering how it will be - there is only closeness and loving eyes and soft warm skin and understanding. It is almost as if I have some telepathic lover who can only reach me when I'm dreaming. I long to know her in real life. But there would be a price and this time it is a price I really don't want to pay. Somewhere a long long time ago on this blog I told another story which ended with those same words. "Because there is always a price."
A Day in my Life
Posted:Jul 22, 2021 2:36 am
Last Updated:Aug 10, 2021 9:33 am

(For glitch free version see first comment. )

Wake early. Go back sleep.

Get , wash, make tea see if there is any work do. There isn't. Make more tea.

Open door go out and drink tea in garden before it gets too hot to go out. Flies rush in. Flies buzz round trying to find their way out again.

Spend morning killing flies. Sometimes, compassionately, open window, folded magazine in hand and say "out or death." They want to go out but can't find the way. More flies come in.

Fly gets caught by spider on the window sill. Ghastly.

Have lunch. check AdultFriendFinder to see if I have any new comments. I haven't.

Spend afternoon clearing mess left by dead flies and spiders and wiping away cobwebs. Have a cup of tea and watch spider re-building it's web.

(I have pause here. The two flies that prompted start writing this blog are currently flying back and forwards IN BETWEEN AND THE SCREEN, buzzing loudly. They have five minutes live.)

Brave the heat and go for evening walk by river. Lovely. return, check doorway for flies before opening. One tries rush , but I repel it and shut the door.

Eat, sleep repeat.
Starter Boyfriend?
Posted:Jul 16, 2021 6:42 am
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2021 3:48 pm

So I was watching TV, and this girl is sad because a guy she used be in love with but left because his life was a mess has turned himself around and things are going well. She's not jealous, but it makes her think about her current boyfriend, away on army duty, also used a little on the dark side, and she wonders if is a repeating pattern, based on her attraction people need help.

She says her grandfather, "I think I was just his 'starter girlfriend.' You know, like how sometimes you need training wheels learn how ride, and then one day you don't need them any more."

The grandfather replies sagely, " you just need pick people don't need fixing, or teaching."

And I sit thinking: I wonder how many times I have done that? happens me with friends as well as lovers.

I love help people. I listen problems and I try not offer a glib solution, but lead a discussion towards how the person I am talking to might work things out for themselves, from within. I like the cross flow of ideas about how life and relationships work. But is no doubt I have sometimes fallen in love with women needed help. can take varied forms. I am not, I am glad say, one of those men preys on damaged, needy women. If anything I am more prone finding a way in with someone is self-contained normally shuts people out. But I have been left behind by someone has found a new future armed with skills learned from me more than once.

I don't regret this - if they have better lives and are happy, then that's good. And if I was right for them, they would have wanted stay. I guess I was right for them before they got better. What does that say about me?

has happened me again recently, albeit in a slightly different way. I have a really close, lifelong friend I have helped through two horrible break ups. Both times we became closer when she needed me, and then, when all was well again, I heard from her less and less. That's okay, and 's not unusual. A good friend helps when you need them, not just when they feel like helping. But I don't feel so great myself these days, and I could use a bit of help. But my friend is busy with her new life and I don't see her so much. It wouldn't be fair of me criticise her for this. She would be horrified if she knew I needed her and didn't say. And actually I don't want talk her, because I am not ready answer my own questions - I'm not even sure I know what they are. And I don't feel bad enough go looking for comfort. But I would at least like be asked, you know what I mean? I think I come across as being all okay inside. I guess that's probably how I want come across.

But I am just people's "starter" sometimes.
Olympic Fascinations
Posted:Jul 12, 2021 11:14 am
Last Updated:Jul 12, 2021 4:59 pm

If you have followed my blog for many years you may not be surprised by the following revelations.

I genuinely do appreciate performance in women's sport of all kinds, but privately, here on AdultFriendFinder, I feel able to admit that I get very turned on by quite a few women sport stars. Heather Watson, the English tennis player, springs to mind. It's her smile and her tenacious underdog spirit. I love watching her play. Maria Andrejczyk, the Polish javelin thrower - sexiest face in athletics. She looks as if she knows she's turning me on. And while we are on the subject of names ending in czyk, what about Desirae Krawczyk, the USA tennis player, star of this year's Wimbledon mixed doubles? Something about her pushes all my buttons and makes me want to pinch my nipples. She is such a gorgeous shape.

The High jumpers - Levchenko, Lasistkene, well, all of them really: they are so tall and supple. Pole vaulter Siderova - best bum in sport.

Dina Asher-Smith. The faster she runs the more I love to watch her, And in her post-race interviews she giggles like the girl next door. I love that. (Have you noticed how it is important to have a double barrelled name if you want to be a women's sprint contender? Dina obviously, Marie-Josee Ta Lou, Shawnee Miller-Uibo, former champion Florence Griffith-Joyner and the great Shelley-Ann Fraser-Pryce. Even Elaine Thompson has recently added Herah to the end of her name!)

So, in the run up to the Olympic games, I find myself wondering, is this okay? Some of these women clearly do want to look sexy as well as to win. But they are not posting pictures of their naked bodies on AdultFriendFinder for me; they are competing in top level sport. What would they actually think of men like me who lust in secret after them, wonder about their sex lives and wish they could be there to help them unwind after their event?

Do I sound depraved and pathetic? I hope not, but I fear that in real life I might be judged. I don't feel depraved. I feel healthy and normal, celebrating the perfect physique yes, but appreciating the dedication, skill and effort that goes into their condition and performance as well.

I don't think I am likely to mention this outside of AdultFriendFinder. But I hope you guys understand. If you are watching the Olympics in a few weeks time, think of me when the sexiest women are on.
What do you Remember?
Posted:Jul 9, 2021 4:02 am
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2021 6:41 am

When years have gone by, and you reflect on past relationships (if you ever do) what do you remember the most?

Is it the pain of the break , or the sweetness of the first few months? Is it the companionship and the things you did together, or the sex? Or is it something less tangible; the feeling of who you were when you were with that person, or the sense of who they were and what being part of their life meant to you.

Maybe it is different in each case, and for different people. I don't know what I think, I just found myself day-dreaming about past loves today, and what they meant to me. And for me, it seems there is a kind of atmosphere about each relationship which defines it, and that is what I remember. I don't know if I could put that into words.

I do remember the sex too, and the heart ache. But mostly I think I remember how each time I felt differently about myself. And each time, I saw and shared my lover's hopes and dreams as well.

I hope she found them.

To link to this blog (hotdreamer1000) use [blog hotdreamer1000] in your messages.

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Where are they all now? (17)Violette001
Oct 22, 2021 11:35 pm
That Thrill of a New Experience (15)Violette001
Oct 22, 2021 11:12 pm
The Time (9)missthee
Oct 20, 2021 12:21 am
Rough Fuck Fantasy? (7)Jules1590
Oct 6, 2021 6:52 pm
Heart Warming (16)lindoboy100
Oct 4, 2021 8:45 am
The Lust in my Soul (4)lindoboy100
Sep 27, 2021 2:11 pm
Life is Fire and Rain (13)hippiechick1967
Sep 4, 2021 12:12 pm
Teach a Young Man Sex? (23)MyNameIsKay
Aug 29, 2021 1:20 pm
Dreamer's Hidden Thoughts (11)BeccaLuvs
Aug 17, 2021 7:11 am
A Day in my Life (24)lindoboy100
Aug 10, 2021 4:40 am
Starter Boyfriend? (18)lindoboy100
Aug 9, 2021 9:34 am