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Clown Suits for Christmas and Other Ritual Humiliations  

kzoopair 69M/67F
9066 posts
6/27/2015 5:54 pm
Clown Suits for Christmas and Other Ritual Humiliations


Body Count Body ImageImagery Is The Topic For The Ninth Virtual Symposium

Clown Suits for Christmas and Other Ritual Humiliations
By PD

Body image is a thing now, but what I love are stories that put the fun back into 'dysfunctional', the family dramas and other bizarre social conventions that chip away at women and keep us in our place.

Feeling ugly and grateful for whatever we get is an essential part of being a woman because 1) if we don't feel that way we won't buy a bunch of stupid expensive stuff that is supposed to make us look beautiful, and 2) how are guys going to catch us at all if we don't run from them in high heels?

Genital mutilation is frowned upon in the U.S., but reminding your daughters that they are undesirable and had better snag a mate pronto before all the men are taken is not only fair, it's a capitalist responsibility that every American mother and grandmother and great-grandmother is tasked with carrying out.

That's how it worked with in my family anyway.

Grandmothers did their part on holidays and family gatherings. Usually the routine would start with an elderly family member approaching a pubescent female and smoothing or rearranging her hair while staring intently at her face. "You'd be such a pretty girl if only…" was a much-used sentence that never ended well and, because we were expected to respect our elders, we had to endure it.

You'd be such a pretty girl if only….

You'd fix your hair.

You'd cut your hair.

You'd lose some weight.

You'd get a better fitting bra.

You'd fix yourself up a little.

And so on and so forth.

My own mother was especially gifted at this kind of ritual humiliation. She showed up days after my third was born with a pair of beige pants and a top that would have been three sizes too small before I got pregnant the first time, never mind the third. She regaled me that day with stories of how, after each , she curled her toes around the foot of the hospital bed and did sit ups right there, right then, right afterward.

That story was bullshit of course. But it was brilliant ritual humiliation.

She insisted I try the outfit on but I politely declined with some lame excuse. I knew my mother pretty well, and she'd already made her point--I wasn't going to let her wallow in it.

My sisters and sister-in-law were not so quick.

When we all had reached -bearing age, my mother started a tradition of buying each or -in-law an outfit several sizes too small for Christmas, then insisting that everyone try on their new outfits and be photographed together wearing them.

The larger the recipient, the more outlandish the outfit. One of my sisters and my sister-in-law were very large women indeed, and their outfits were always so garish they took to calling them 'clown suits', as in "I wonder what color clown suit mom will get us this Christmas."

I usually got something beige, because I hate beige, and I'm not a huge woman, and of all the colors out there, beige is probably the one that does the least for me. I never tried mine on, but my sisters always did.

I always wondered why they fell for it. Maybe they were healthier than I was and could laugh it off easier. Maybe they thought it was funny.

I don't know.

I do think it wasn't that funny. My mother was a perpetual dieter, yet she never lost weight. When we were little , we learned that when my mother announced she was on a diet it meant the house would be full of pies and cookies within a day or two. As I got older, I learned it was a signal that I'd be getting the "You'd be so pretty if only you'd lose ten pounds," routine from Mom.

I did not need to lose ten pounds. Mom did not need to lose ten pounds either.

She was ritually humiliating herself. If your female relatives do it right, you do get to that point.

My mother died of a sudden major stroke in her late 50's, the kind that can only happen when you've been binging and purging, or just purging. She was on the phone to one of my sisters when it happened, so an ambulance was called and she was kept alive with very little brain function for three days. Eventually, one of my sisters took her off life support and she died.

At 62 I like my body fine, more than I ever have, even though I surely looked 'hotter' when I was young. In some strange way I gained respect for myself as my attractiveness faded with age. In some ways losing my looks has been a loss, but in more ways than not it has been a relief and a release. I also rarely see my original family, and that helps too.

I feel free from all that crap for the first time. Sure, once in awhile I still catch some 30-year-old looking at my tits in the supermarket. That still shocks me. (I'm 62!) But most of the time, men leave me alone. Women talk to me. People seem to trust me. sit on my lap when they don't know me. Dogs approach me for pets.

I like that.

As for "getting a man" before all the good ones are gone, I've learned that that is just not necessary. Men are all over the place. Always. Many of them are very nice. And the very best way to 'get one' is to not want one. Try it, it works. It takes all the pressure off and drives them crazy.

Just remember, once you 'get one' you have to feed him, and walk him, and fuck him, and listen to him and be loyal and tolerate his farts. Show up naked and bring food, as they say.

They make bad pets, men, but often, good friends.

And your body?

From a man's point of view, the most beautiful body in the world is the one he knows he's going to slide into within the next several hours.

That body could be yours. And you get to decide.





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kittyliquor519 55M
2734 posts
6/27/2015 6:24 pm

Excellent post Mrs. Kzoo! Interesting to hear about things that happen as a result of upbringing...family "advice" passed on to the next generation. Luckily, since I have hangy down naughty bits, I didn't have to deal with that kind of mental manipulation. Glad to see you saw through it all

Thank you so much for sharing!

Everyone is on a different plane of intelligence. Some people's plane has not taken off yet!!


GloryUnBound 50F
518 posts
6/27/2015 6:27 pm

A very insightful and personal post. Thank you for sharing it.

Red lipstick and "fuck me" shoes. What more could you want?


SlenderGal88 54F  
10357 posts
6/27/2015 6:44 pm

Much more valuable post than the Putin one.

"To Be Consumed" Blog : I want to be your drug of painful withdrawals.


nightsoul1962 58F
17846 posts
6/27/2015 7:32 pm

Dear PD, this is excellent!!! I might be 9 years younger but I still clearly remember the ritual family humiliations growing up. I find it grand that you're at peace with your bodily image, that's a milestone not many get to know!

WITHOUT PASSION LIFE IS NOTHING


NaughtyInSO 109F
9755 posts
6/27/2015 7:35 pm

It seems, family humiliation was not that rare. It existed in my family too. Thanks for sharing.

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KItkat1415 58F  
20001 posts
6/27/2015 9:52 pm

Wow PD,
This was an excellent post. I have to admit that the most I got from my mom was I was called "petacona" right after the birth of my 2nd child; it means "big but woman" in Spanish. I was told years after she had done that, that she meant it as a compliment. My mom had a flat ass, and in Latin American culture, a shapely ass is much desired. I guess I was too "americanized" at that point to see that she meant it any way but bad, but then again, my mother was an embittered woman who beat the crap out of me as a small child, so why wouldn't I think she was trying to hurt me with her words.
Kk

The observant make the best lovers,
I may not do right, but I do write,
I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life,
Kitkat
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tickles4us 58M
7174 posts
6/28/2015 6:17 am

I remember one of my Grandmothers being that way with the girls and all praise with the boys. I never really cared for her much but that is another story. My Mothers Mother was less that way but still critical only of the girls. My Mother wasn't that way with her Daughters. She had a difficult relationship with her Mother and her Mother-in-law. It's interesting sometimes to look back on the influences that formed your life.

I guess the development of that attitude and behavior isn't surprising given the male dominated society.

Maybe you all should have gotten together and bought your Mother an outfit three sizes to big to figuratively slap some sense into her. Sometimes you just have to be rude with people.

Vive La Difference


sweet_VM 62F
81053 posts
6/28/2015 8:59 am

KZ great post here.. ty for sharing your family one! Some good advise to pass on too the next generation too.. I had several nicknames when I was younger and few of them stuck today! hugssssssss V

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mature_951 59F  
3343 posts
6/28/2015 9:09 am

PD, great post.
I'm finding that my other traits are more important to me as I age - being smart, being competitive, being outspoken, giving a great BJ

"You can stroke people with words."


spunkycumfun 60M/65F  
36114 posts
6/28/2015 10:44 am

Very true!
Dysfunctional families are always more intersting than functional families. I still remember the Waltons!


kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
6/28/2015 10:46 am

    Quoting kittyliquor519:
    Excellent post Mrs. Kzoo! Interesting to hear about things that happen as a result of upbringing...family "advice" passed on to the next generation. Luckily, since I have hangy down naughty bits, I didn't have to deal with that kind of mental manipulation. Glad to see you saw through it all

    Thank you so much for sharing!
Thanks kittyliquor! It's funny some of the advice that gets handed down, isn't it? You gotta laugh at some point.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
6/28/2015 10:46 am

    Quoting GloryUnBound:
    A very insightful and personal post. Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you for reading it gloryunbound!

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
6/28/2015 10:48 am

    Quoting SlenderGal88:
    Much more valuable post than the Putin one.
Au contraire Slendergal! I loved Bill's Putin post. And the photos were hilarious. He keeps me almost sane with his screwy sense of humor. It doesn't get any more valuable than that!

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
6/28/2015 10:49 am

    Quoting  :

He's my best friend. And as for the farts... you have no idea...

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
6/28/2015 10:50 am

    Quoting nightsoul1962:
    Dear PD, this is excellent!!! I might be 9 years younger but I still clearly remember the ritual family humiliations growing up. I find it grand that you're at peace with your bodily image, that's a milestone not many get to know!
Thanks nightsoul! And thanks for the validation. I know this has to happen in lots of families, and it does have a funny side.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
6/28/2015 10:51 am

    Quoting NaughtyInSO:
    It seems, family humiliation was not that rare. It existed in my family too. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks back at ya naughtinSo. Sounds like it isn't rare at all.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
6/28/2015 10:53 am

    Quoting KItkat1415:
    Wow PD,
    This was an excellent post. I have to admit that the most I got from my mom was I was called "petacona" right after the birth of my 2nd child; it means "big but woman" in Spanish. I was told years after she had done that, that she meant it as a compliment. My mom had a flat ass, and in Latin American culture, a shapely ass is much desired. I guess I was too "americanized" at that point to see that she meant it any way but bad, but then again, my mother was an embittered woman who beat the crap out of me as a small child, so why wouldn't I think she was trying to hurt me with her words.
    Kk
Oh kitkat that is terrible. I'm glad you survived the beatings to share your thoughts here. It's amazing how many people have been through hell getting to adulthood. Thanks for your comment and your insights.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
6/28/2015 10:55 am

    Quoting tickles4us:
    I remember one of my Grandmothers being that way with the girls and all praise with the boys. I never really cared for her much but that is another story. My Mothers Mother was less that way but still critical only of the girls. My Mother wasn't that way with her Daughters. She had a difficult relationship with her Mother and her Mother-in-law. It's interesting sometimes to look back on the influences that formed your life.

    I guess the development of that attitude and behavior isn't surprising given the male dominated society.

    Maybe you all should have gotten together and bought your Mother an outfit three sizes to big to figuratively slap some sense into her. Sometimes you just have to be rude with people.
That's the truth tickles, rudeness is sometimes required. I feel bad for my mom from the distance of years and hindsight, but at the time it was annoying as hell.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
6/28/2015 10:56 am

    Quoting _Lady_X_:
    I didn't have to suffer that sort of ritual humiliation. Mine was the reverse, actually. I took after my dad's side, physically, so I was taller than my mom and her side of the family, and I never had a weight problem. But they did, and were constantly trying every new diet without being successful, because of their love of new recipes. My mom made me feel guilty for not needing to diet.
Yes LadyX, dieting could be an entire topic in itself.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
6/28/2015 10:59 am

    Quoting Fel7114:
    Great post PD!

    It's quite common in Asian families to give nicknames and sometimes these nicknames are not at all flattering. My grandma called one of my aunts "fatty" in dialect, and that unfortunate nick stayed with my aunt all her life. I'm not sure if it became self-fulfilling as she struggled with weight issues till today.

    An uncle was called "baldie" (also in dialect) as he had a crew cut for years as a child. Even though he has a glossy head of hair today, he's still "baldie" to the rest of the family.
Thanks for sharing that Fel7114. One of my sisters was nicknamed "Weener" and it stuck. She's fifty now and still Weener. We're not Asian, but the bad nicknames seem to be popular all around.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
6/28/2015 11:00 am

    Quoting sweet_VM:
    KZ great post here.. ty for sharing your family one! Some good advise to pass on too the next generation too.. I had several nicknames when I was younger and few of them stuck today! hugssssssss V
Thanks SweetVM! I was "Knuckles" for awhile. Didn't mind that but didn't like it either.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
6/28/2015 11:01 am

    Quoting mature_951:
    PD, great post.
    I'm finding that my other traits are more important to me as I age - being smart, being competitive, being outspoken, giving a great BJ
Thanks BJ, I feel that way too.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
6/28/2015 11:02 am

    Quoting spunkycumfun:
    Very true!
    Dysfunctional families are always more intersting than functional families. I still remember the Waltons!
The Waltons! lol! Goodnight John Boy!

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rm_Nezzie1959 61F
35 posts
6/28/2015 11:42 am

Wow. The crap we put up with from our families... It is a wonder we are all sane...hmmm.... here I go again, making assumptions...

Thanks for sharing a great story.


39lawless 55F
6871 posts
6/28/2015 2:18 pm

so very true...that ritualistic humiliation and it comes in many formats. One used on me was...are you sure you really want that second helping?

So much wisdom in this post including the downside of having a man (lol)...love it!!!

Always tell the truth
Use kind words
Keep your promises
Giggle and laugh
Be positive
Love one another
Always be grateful
Forgiveness is mandatory
Try new things
Say please and thank you
Say your prayers
Smile

~Author unknown


canyaz 52F
17145 posts
6/29/2015 4:32 am

My mother and yours must have been related. Great post!

There is a difference between a good BJ and a bad BJ.
canyaz


Seraphim13 105M/49F
726 posts
6/29/2015 8:40 am

So many of us had to put up with family humiliation... I find it wonderful that you're at peace with you and your bodily image! Thanks you {=}


tigger678902 53F  
4549 posts
6/29/2015 11:24 am

so true so sad and so well written,...and there were all of us thinking it was only our families who did the back handed compliments,...but you win hands down with the christmas clown suits ... WOW!

Good girls go to heaven,....Bad girls go EVERYWHERE!
I love to travel

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author51 57F  
100451 posts
6/30/2015 3:30 am

boy does this one bring back memories....People forget their words and actions can really hurt someone's feelings and putting the emphasis on our looks is narrow mindedness at it's best...I am so glad I am at the place in my life where I really do not care about how others view me.Very freeing it is.....Great post.....

One can never have enough JOY in their life...


christylovesfun 47F  
16854 posts
6/30/2015 7:57 pm

Well written, though I'm sorry about your mom. My grandmother purged, too.

Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety. Other women cloy
The appetites they feed, but she makes hungry
Where most she satisfies. For vilest things
Become themselves in her, that the holy priests
Bless her when she is riggish. ~~ from Antony & Cleopatra


kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/1/2015 8:44 am

    Quoting rm_Nezzie1959:
    Wow. The crap we put up with from our families... It is a wonder we are all sane...hmmm.... here I go again, making assumptions...

    Thanks for sharing a great story.
lol! Sane? I wouldn't go that far either...

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/1/2015 8:45 am

    Quoting 39lawless:
    so very true...that ritualistic humiliation and it comes in many formats. One used on me was...are you sure you really want that second helping?

    So much wisdom in this post including the downside of having a man (lol)...love it!!!
Oh yes, the second helping thing... Great to grow up and eat when we're hungry, isn't it?

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/1/2015 8:46 am

    Quoting rascalQUALITY:
    I now feel so lucky that my parents completely ignored me for the most part. [wink]

    Thanks for sharing: beautifully written as ever.
Rascal, benign neglect is one of my favorite things!

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/1/2015 8:47 am

    Quoting LadyLeo1949:
    Wow, all of you make me feel like the freak, outsider.....My family had no humiliating situations where we were made to feel any less than who we were, no dress up, no funny pics that showed us in humiliating situations, none of that.....no talk of too fat or too skinny....

    Damn, that missed us and must have hit some other family!!!!!
Lady Leo, that is wonderful! Give your folks a hug if they are still around.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/1/2015 8:48 am

    Quoting canyaz:
    My mother and yours must have been related. Great post!
Thank you canyaz!

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/1/2015 8:49 am

    Quoting Seraphim13:
    So many of us had to put up with family humiliation... I find it wonderful that you're at peace with you and your bodily image! Thanks you {=}
Thanks Seraphim. We all adjust to all sorts of stuff and come out with a sense of humor if we're lucky.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/1/2015 8:50 am

    Quoting tigger678902:
    so true so sad and so well written,...and there were all of us thinking it was only our families who did the back handed compliments,...but you win hands down with the christmas clown suits ... WOW!
Thanks Tigger! I enjoy telling the clown suit story too. I think it's kind of funny, in a twisted way.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/1/2015 8:52 am

    Quoting CalypsoFlame:
    I really enjoyed reading your post...ahh moms...mine still think she could have an influence on me including what I would wear or at least to spoil my good mood if she sees I am happy looking good in wearing something. But I've learn to ignore her... thank you for sharing.
Thanks calypsoflame. My mom has been gone a long time. I feel bad for her now, from the distance of time

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/1/2015 8:53 am

    Quoting  :

Good point Eros. You can spend a butt load in those departments too!

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/1/2015 8:54 am

    Quoting author51:
    boy does this one bring back memories....People forget their words and actions can really hurt someone's feelings and putting the emphasis on our looks is narrow mindedness at it's best...I am so glad I am at the place in my life where I really do not care about how others view me.Very freeing it is.....Great post.....
It really is freeing, isn't it, author51. I love being old enough to not care too.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/1/2015 8:55 am

    Quoting  :

Apollo, what a nice thing to say! Thank you!

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/1/2015 8:57 am

    Quoting christylovesfun:
    Well written, though I'm sorry about your mom. My grandmother purged, too.
It's a horrible disorder. So many young girls struggle with it. It's sad.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/1/2015 8:57 am

    Quoting  :

Megan, I thank God for your sweet mother too!

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kinkyfem73 47F

7/1/2015 3:29 pm

What a great post!! Sadly I think humiliation within families is more common than it should be. If we were all the same size and shape, what a dull world it would be!

Cum visit my blog Kinkyland


humorlife 115M
5716 posts
7/7/2015 12:52 pm

There's an old saying: Reformed whores are the first ones to point. Oddly enough, in both my case and yours, it seems as though it was our overweight parents (a father, in my case) who tormented us about our bodies. Jeez, if we're gonna get mocked for how we look, could it least be from someone NOT of the "do as I say, not as I do" school?

The clown suit ritual, however, goes beyond this... it's a form of sadism. Glad you did your own version of "Non serviam"... and that you're at a point where you're comfortable sharing it.

Kinda makes you want to start an organization called "Adult Survivors of Parents"!

Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic


kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/7/2015 6:55 pm

    Quoting kinkyfem73:
    What a great post!! Sadly I think humiliation within families is more common than it should be. If we were all the same size and shape, what a dull world it would be!
Yes it would be a dull world!

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/7/2015 6:56 pm

    Quoting  :

Thanks Snugglbunni. I hope you ducked when that Bible came at ya!

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/7/2015 7:05 pm

    Quoting humorlife:
    There's an old saying: Reformed whores are the first ones to point. Oddly enough, in both my case and yours, it seems as though it was our overweight parents (a father, in my case) who tormented us about our bodies. Jeez, if we're gonna get mocked for how we look, could it least be from someone NOT of the "do as I say, not as I do" school?

    The clown suit ritual, however, goes beyond this... it's a form of sadism. Glad you did your own version of "Non serviam"... and that you're at a point where you're comfortable sharing it.

    Kinda makes you want to start an organization called "Adult Survivors of Parents"!
Ha! Maybe not. Have you ever read Chuck Palahniuk? He does some darkly funny send ups of such groups. Fight Club starts out that way.

But yes, it does seem that we tend to react to stuff in others that we hate in ourselves. I feel like the worst stuff in my life has also been some of the best stuff so that keeps me from hating my folks, who are long dead. People who never have crap in their lives don't grow. Compost, I guess.

Bad Dad Syndrome comes in many forms. I'm sorry you had some of it in your early life. You don't deserve that. Thank you for your thought.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/7/2015 7:06 pm

    Quoting kzoopair:
    Ha! Maybe not. Have you ever read Chuck Palahniuk? He does some darkly funny send ups of such groups. Fight Club starts out that way.

    But yes, it does seem that we tend to react to stuff in others that we hate in ourselves. I feel like the worst stuff in my life has also been some of the best stuff so that keeps me from hating my folks, who are long dead. People who never have crap in their lives don't grow. Compost, I guess.

    Bad Dad Syndrome comes in many forms. I'm sorry you had some of it in your early life. You don't deserve that. Thank you for your thought.
I meant thoughts. Plural. Thoughts.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25778 posts
7/10/2015 6:02 pm

    Quoting  :

Bill: Unless you want to grab a bottle of ketchup and eat a clown suit- yes!

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