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Crickets  

kzoopair 69M/67F
9037 posts
12/24/2017 8:06 pm
Crickets



Crickets (from my personal archives)

Most men are probably assholes, at least, in the eyes of their mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends…Ok, pretty much any woman. Not all men are insensitive clods, to be sure, as long as Alan Alda and Phil Donahue are still alive, which, I think they are , even though they don't look like it. But there are times when we demonstrate our worth. Like for example when you say you're going to paint the house and you place your ladder under the eaves and then can't remember where you put it and it's too scary to crawl along the edge of the roof looking for it. So you bang on the roof and hope that your husband is hungry enough to eventually come looking for you and help you down.
Or…well, we had the following conversation just a few minutes ago.
"Bill, there's something weird in the bathtub."
"Does it have tattoos, and piercings?"
"It's a bug."
"Does it look anything like Vincent D'Onofrio?"
"Really- it's a bug."
"Hand it a towel and give it a little privacy."
"It's a really BIG bug."
"Hand it a really BIG towel."
"No, come and look."
I go look.
"It's a cricket."
"What are you gonna do?"
Singing: "Think it over, what you've just said
"Think it over in your pretty little head." Confirming that I'm an asshole, but I'm an asshole who's not scared of bugs and who loves Buddy Holly.
"Are you gonna get rid of it, or not?"
Singing again: "Well, that'll be the day, when you say goodbye
Yes, that'll be the day, when you make me cry
You say you're gonna leave, you know it's a lie
'Cause that'll be the day when I die."
"Should I smash it?"
I picked it up, took it outside and released it into the yard, to run free and unrestrained like the wild and unfettered creature that it was meant to be- you know, like capitalism. Would Phil Donahue have been able to do that? Not fucking likely. He'd have recommended that Marlo form a focus group to study the problem and consider the environmental ramifications of his actions, and called for a film crew to document the event.





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sweet_VM 62F
80988 posts
12/24/2017 8:09 pm

Great post my friend. Brings back memories. Merry Xmas to you and your beautiful wife hugs V

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
12/24/2017 8:13 pm

    Quoting sweet_VM:
    Great post my friend. Brings back memories. Merry Xmas to you and your beautiful wife hugs V
Bless you, Sweet V, you must have been right outside the door when I posted!

Merry Christmas, my friend. Huggggggs B

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dayzeeme 51F
6996 posts
12/24/2017 8:45 pm

that was so damned funny ... and I was singing along with ya!!!! Merry HO HO Bill xoxo


kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
12/24/2017 8:47 pm

Merry Christmas Dayzee!

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sexysixties2 72F  
38886 posts
12/25/2017 1:26 am

Too funny Bill....Merry Christmas.

"Age does not protect you from love, but love, to some extent, protects you from age."

~~Anais Nin~~


HamburgDave2 76M
16567 posts
12/25/2017 3:26 am

Best Wishes to you Both

[image]



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kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
12/25/2017 4:05 am

Merry Christmas, Sexy!

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
12/25/2017 4:06 am

    Quoting  :

OK. No pat on the back for me and Matt Damon.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
12/25/2017 4:07 am

Merry Christmas, Dave.

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azriel1970 49M  
30009 posts
12/25/2017 5:33 am

LOl So true good sir.

Merry Christmas!


kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
12/25/2017 6:23 am

    Quoting azriel1970:
    LOl So true good sir.

    Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, Azriel!

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gardenboy321 57M  
41190 posts
12/25/2017 7:24 am

Never did understand a woman's fear of a bug one hundredth the size of herself. lol

Thoughts from the Garden...


ProfPlayful 56M
3867 posts
12/25/2017 11:49 am

Jiminy Cricket!

Well done, sir! You are the Rock Star of Cricket tamers! Thanks for re-sharing this story, which must have come from a different season.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
12/25/2017 3:43 pm

    Quoting gardenboy321:
    Never did understand a woman's fear of a bug one hundredth the size of herself. lol
Well...I can understand it, sort of. I hate and fear hornets and yellowjackets, but, a cricket? My wife's big creep-out is worms, though. If there'd been a worm in the tub she woulda flipped.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
12/25/2017 3:48 pm

    Quoting ProfPlayful:
    Jiminy Cricket!

    Well done, sir! You are the Rock Star of Cricket tamers! Thanks for re-sharing this story, which must have come from a different season.
Thanks! I wrote this a long time ago but never posted it. I was rummaging around yesterday and found it. I remember that day. I was working on something so I didn't really want to stop and go confront the giant radioactive sabre toothed cricket, but she was pretty insistent that I get my ass in there. When called upon, I come.

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lindoboy100 57M
21586 posts
12/25/2017 4:54 pm

Cricket......

Oops, sorry, you meant summink else.

Aw the best tae yoo and the McPam too tae.......

Pull ma finger.........


Annie_34 61T
5945 posts
12/25/2017 11:22 pm


Bonjour Kzoopair
Je regrette toujours que le tradution ne soit pas parfaite
De tout les grillons c'est Jiminy que je préfère
Bonne fin d'année et à l'an prochain
♥ Poton ♥ Bisou ♥ Annie ♥

Hello Kzoopair
I still regret that the translation is not perfect
Of all the crickets it is Jiminy that I prefer
Good end of the year and see you next year
♥ Poton ♥ Kiss ♥ Annie ♥



Notre vie est un voyage-♦-Dans l'hiver et dans la nuit
Nous cherchons notre passage-♦-Dans le ciel où rien ne luit .

Pour laisser un message cliquer ici Boite aux lettres secrete Annie
Sommaire du blog Annie la Pute


kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
12/26/2017 9:46 am

    Quoting Annie_34:

    Bonjour Kzoopair
    Je regrette toujours que le tradution ne soit pas parfaite
    De tout les grillons c'est Jiminy que je préfère
    Bonne fin d'année et à l'an prochain
    ♥ Poton ♥ Bisou ♥ Annie ♥

    Hello Kzoopair
    I still regret that the translation is not perfect
    Of all the crickets it is Jiminy that I prefer
    Good end of the year and see you next year
    ♥ Poton ♥ Kiss ♥ Annie ♥


Happy New Year, Annie. It's great to see you again.

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KtMnDu 67M
6216 posts
12/26/2017 8:16 pm

Ah, Men Are Bums, and yet, some of us work to get past that......as Annie mentioned Jiminy, I am reminded that he was here first......such a noble gesture to have helped him on his way......All the best in the New Year.....


kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
12/26/2017 9:00 pm

    Quoting KtMnDu:
    Ah, Men Are Bums, and yet, some of us work to get past that......as Annie mentioned Jiminy, I am reminded that he was here first......such a noble gesture to have helped him on his way......All the best in the New Year.....
I wish the same for you and yours. Happy New Year!

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KItkat1415 58F  
19985 posts
12/26/2017 10:30 pm

I catch my own crickets with a glass, sometimes talking to it before I release it.
I tend to not want spiders in my house.
But now that I have cats, I wonder if they will chase the crickets?
Hm,
kk

The observant make the best lovers,
I may not do right, but I do write,
I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life,
Kitkat
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kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
12/26/2017 11:33 pm

    Quoting KItkat1415:
    I catch my own crickets with a glass, sometimes talking to it before I release it.
    I tend to not want spiders in my house.
    But now that I have cats, I wonder if they will chase the crickets?
    Hm,
    kk
Kittens will chase anything that moves!

I leave spiders alone. They eat bugs, a public service. The only time I take them outside is if Pam sees them. I'd have left the cricket alone too but the son-of-a-bitch used all the hot water.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
12/27/2017 12:43 pm

    Quoting  :

I can understand wanting to smash yellowjackets or hornets, but an innocuous aphid eating cricket? And even if he had used up all the hot water, at least he didn't leave any pubic hairs on the bar of soap. It's true- my wife may have complaints, but still she has a husband who sings- badly, but with enthusiasm- to her. And I'm not much of a bug smasher. I always feel guilty when I kill a bug that hasn't stung me or shared my drink uninvited.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
12/27/2017 1:01 pm

    Quoting  :

Sometimes when you punch the "Quote" button it pops up "Respond" instead and if you aren't paying attention it won't post as the quote you intended. It happened with my first answer to your comment. This is frustrating, the way much of the site is technically. In fact, technically the site is a fucking minefield. It's hard enough communicating with other people both online and off without this site attempting to facilitate the process and butchering it instead.

I prefer "quoting" to make my answer rather than "responding", mostly due to habit, I reckon. I've had this discussion before with some members. There is the school of thought which suspects that you're pumping up comments, but is it not these spoilsports themselves who are counting comments? If comment count is unimportant then who cares, right? But I reckon they'd be suspicious of this particularly wordy "Quote" as well. But in fact, I was just feeling talkative and wanted to point out that the buttons here do not always function as they're expected to.

Another pet peeve is a more recent glitch. Formatting a post these days is a crapshoot. I post bold font, size three and in Times New Roman, on every post. The html font and format tags can be entered correctly, but the post will not appear as you have chosen. I have to fiddle with it several times, deleting tags and re-typing them in a new order. Sometimes I end up with exactly the same order that I originally selected after making numerous attempts. I have to confess, this irritates the everlasting hell out of me.

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kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
12/29/2017 10:55 am

    Quoting  :

We did. Thanks Rock! How about you?

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wickedeasy 70F  
32438 posts
1/9/2018 11:27 am

so, how many times did she smack you?

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
1/9/2018 5:22 pm

    Quoting wickedeasy:
    so, how many times did she smack you?
Not once. She didn't want to get near that giant radioactive saber toothed cricket. We do not settle our disputes with violence in this home, unless it's got a big stinger and knows how to use it. I even release bees and wasps when I can manage it. Death to all hornets and yellowjackets, though- no exceptions!

I won her over to my method of pest management when I revealed my catch and release program for bat control.

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BeccaLuvs 58F  
18546 posts
1/14/2018 12:46 pm

Makes me think of that saying K - "You can't live with em, you can't live without em" - "Men", not "crickets"! Some women do reckon that! Harmless a cricket, it jumps, and can make a huge racket if in the house so taking it outside - the only thing to do!

..... And always 'hold onto all those sexy thoughts'!
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kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
1/14/2018 5:56 pm

    Quoting BeccaLuvs:
    Makes me think of that saying K - "You can't live with em, you can't live without em" - "Men", not "crickets"! Some women do reckon that! Harmless a cricket, it jumps, and can make a huge racket if in the house so taking it outside - the only thing to do!
Yeah, it works both ways, don't it? Women pull rank in their own areas of expertise, as do men. I was kind of surprised in this instance to see my wife so put off by a mere cricket. I couldn't resist teasing her. But she'd have done the same for me- and has done!

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mature_951 59F  
3350 posts
2/24/2018 7:53 pm

catch and release crickets for good luck!

"You can stroke people with words."


canyaz 52F
17146 posts
5/13/2018 5:01 am

And the hero saves the day! Good thing you came along just in time to save the cricket!

There is a difference between a good BJ and a bad BJ.
canyaz


kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
5/13/2018 9:08 am

    Quoting canyaz:
    And the hero saves the day! Good thing you came along just in time to save the cricket!
And that's just about the extent of my heroism. I spared one bug.

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