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Feeling Sad  

ladyj_1957 63F
3080 posts
11/30/2013 2:12 pm
Feeling Sad

My friend used to get mad when his coworkers expressed sadness or surprise when they lost their elderly parents. He would say "what were they expecting, for them to live forever...." I understood what he was saying and pretty much felt the same way.

That is, until today. My mom entered the hospital last night and is in an intensive care unit. She's almost 86, she has lived a good long life. However, as we face losing her, I feel horrendous. I feel as if a weighted ball is chained to my leg, and weighted pads sit upon my shoulders. I want to cry. I want to be held. I want to shrivel up in a corner.

To answer my friend, "yes, I guess I did think she'd live forever.""I can't imagine my family living a joyful life without her."

"Don't count the days, make the days count"

KtMnDu 68M
6214 posts
11/30/2013 4:44 pm

When I think back on my mom, I focus on the good times, the ways she brought me along, and how she lived a pretty good life........after she passed, I told her grandkids to remember her by the times she spent with them, and the joy she got from those times......the weight lifts after a while, but she did good.....and that's how I remember my mom.....she did good......

Masternys 63M
15 posts
11/30/2013 11:11 pm

I doubt anyone can console you right now or even offer some words to make it all go away. But I think, judging by what you said, those words are already within you. Because you have something so special that no one can steal or take away from you: the memories. Its devastating to see them become "shells" of who they were. So take strength in those days, those memories. Nom it wont stop the tears or lessen the ache. But it will remind you how lucky you were to have her in your life for so long...and how much a part of her now resides in you.
Courage and strength, My friend!

compl1cated 73M
109 posts
12/1/2013 6:33 am

My mom is 96 and "living" in a skilled nursing facility. She still has most of her mind but physically, she never leaves her room. Bed to chair to bathroom and various combinations 24/7.

One is never prepared or ready for the passing of a parent. Thankfully, both of her great grandchildren were born this year and she has seen them several times. They have given her great joy and the smile on her face when they visit or she talks about them or looks at their pictures adorning her room lets me know that regardless, her life in these declining years or months or days have given her pleasure.

You are in my thoughts during this trying time. You are a special woman and I'm sure your mom is very proud of her daughter. All I know, for me, as much as I wouldn't want my mother to pass, if it means she would not be suffering or in intolerable pain, passing would be a blessing regardless of how selfish I would be wanting her to stay.

Celebrate her life, the fullness in her life and keep your family close to her. We all pass at one time or another. She will not pass alone for you are all with her and she has been with you.

Only one piece of advice I have for you. Keep telling her that you love her and never miss an opportunity to do so. We never know when the last time we tell those we love that we love them will really be the last time.

GerK321Cum 62M
7352 posts
12/5/2013 7:49 pm

Am sorry to hear this, but just remember that we take on the mantle of those who leave us and they do live on through the next generation. But at this time it is hard to see beyond the next moment, but my thoughts are with you as I write.

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