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~~~MY INTRO~~~
Hi gentlemen, I'm a female who is single/widowed, Caucasian, straight. I'm a Big Beautiful Woman(Fat Chick, Chubby). With many assets for man's desires. With loss you learn to enjoy life no matter what! Moving on with a positive attitude and a sense of humor to continue the journey before me. With that said...Right now I'm not looking for a commitment just desire FWB and ending with the only string attach is a friend. (On a side note if we meet and mutual connection would lead to something more that would be an option i would be open too.)
I love to play which includes foreplay lots of caresses, kisses, cuddles , pillow talk, sucking, tasting, rubbing, fingering, fondling, licking, hugging, lots of touching, massage, cumming, organisms and penetration which equals mutual intense pleasure.
~~~MY IDEAL PERSON~~~
I have fantasies/desires of playing with smiling men who are BBW admirer, who is Teddy bear type, caucasian, single, straight, divorced, widowed are welcome to join in the fun. My desired age is around my age 60 -70 range. Seeks a sexual,naughty, sensual, passionate, romantic friend(s) who's into intense pleasure. One who smiles a lot, good conversation, a sense of humor and a positive attitude with a Living, Laughing and Loving attitude is awesome! Open to fun in and out of the bedroom. Good conversation, music, comedy, movies, theatre, cooking, camping, day trips and sports lover |
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three mugs of Bud
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Posted:Feb 12, 2020 12:53 pm
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2020 11:51 pm 1934 Views
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A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.
It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.
One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my
condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
“It hasn't affected my brothers though."
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three mugs of Bud
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Posted:Feb 12, 2020 12:53 pm
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2020 3:37 pm 1891 Views
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A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.
It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.
One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my
condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
“It hasn't affected my brothers though."
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Babe is it in?"
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Posted:Feb 10, 2020 1:08 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2020 7:50 am 2721 Views
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"Babe is it in?" "Yea." "Does it hurt?" "Uh huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
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A family is at the dinner table...
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Posted:Feb 10, 2020 1:02 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2020 7:50 am 2373 Views
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A family is at the dinner table. The asks the , “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The , surprised, answers, “Well, , a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and . The asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just decoration.”
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Mother, where do babies come from?”
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Posted:Feb 10, 2020 12:56 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2020 7:51 am 2141 Views
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A is in the kitchen making dinner her family when her walks in. “, where do babies come from?” The thinks a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The looks puzzled so the continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, dear. Jewelry.”
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"Good God Holmes!"
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Posted:Mar 7, 2019 9:42 pm
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2019 12:16 am 4247 Views
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Doctor Watson was told by Sherlock Holmes' gardener that there was a
doubtful schoolgirl in Holmes' bedroom.
Watson heard strange muffled sounds coming from the bedroom and, fearing
that Holmes was danger, broke down the door to find Holmes and the girl
indulging in a 69.
"Good God Holmes!" said Watson, "What kind of a schoolgirl is this?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson, Elementary."
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"Good God Holmes!"
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Posted:Mar 7, 2019 9:42 pm
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2020 3:37 pm 4264 Views
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Doctor Watson was told by Sherlock Holmes' gardener that there was a
doubtful schoolgirl in Holmes' bedroom.
Watson heard strange muffled sounds coming from the bedroom and, fearing
that Holmes was danger, broke down the door to find Holmes and the girl
indulging in a 69.
"Good God Holmes!" said Watson, "What kind of a schoolgirl is this?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson, Elementary."
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2
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"Good God Holmes!"
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Posted:Mar 7, 2019 9:42 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2020 7:52 am 4268 Views
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Doctor Watson was told by Sherlock Holmes' gardener that there was a
doubtful schoolgirl in Holmes' bedroom.
Watson heard strange muffled sounds coming from the bedroom and, fearing
that Holmes was danger, broke down the door to find Holmes and the girl
indulging in a 69.
"Good God Holmes!" said Watson, "What kind of a schoolgirl is this?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson, Elementary."
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Fu, Bu and Chu
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Posted:Mar 5, 2019 12:18 am
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2019 12:17 am 4328 Views
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Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the US from China.
They decided to become American Citizens, and "Americanize" their names.
Bu - called himself "Buck"
Chu called himself "Chuck"
and Fu had to go back to China.
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Erotic poem
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Posted:Feb 27, 2019 9:01 pm
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2020 3:37 pm 4581 Views
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Jenny taught erotic correction,
Told her student "To get an erection,
Put your dick in my mouth,
Move it north, move it south,
Now, you're getting a sense of direction!"
Her instructions were very explicit,
And more than a little illicit:
"Please fill up my cunny,
With fresh clover honey,
And butter my buns like a biscuit."
"Then wrap me up nice in a blanket,
And I'll sit on your staff while you crank it.
I'll put on some feathers,
And laces and leathers,
And wiggle my ass while you spank it."
"Now that your fingers are stinky,
Tie me up in some chains that are clinky...
Bring in some goats and a sheik,
Give my big titties a tweak,
And now, we can start getting kinky!"
"Forget what the chain and the whip meant,
Get the straps and the slings and a shipment
Of high-grade Vaseline,
And a strong trampoline,
And all of that other equipment!"
"Now, when we get the bedsprings a strummin',
That's when I'll start in a hummin',
Then quickly, my dear,
Put it into my ear,
So I can hear the sound of it comin'!"
"I don't know how much this is costing,"
Said her student, still covered with frosting,
"But I can say with affinity,
That I've lost my virginity...
Quite frankly, my dear... you're exhausting!"
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Filing taxes
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Posted:Feb 27, 2019 8:41 pm
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2020 3:37 pm 4513 Views
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A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs
to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions."
He gets her name, address, social security number, etc.,and then asks,
"What is your occupation?"
The woman replies, "I'm a high-priced ."
The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That
is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end ."
"No, that is still too crude.Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm an elite
chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a or a ?".
"Well, I raised over 700 little peckers last year."
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