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Set awkwardness on full....Engage!
Posted:May 28, 2014 10:32 am
Last Updated:May 4, 2018 6:13 pm

So far we have hosted a few single people for sex. That's right...sex. There is no dinner....prepared cocktails.....no one shows up with a Blockbuster bag and snacks. (...and even if that happened this would still apply.)

Initiation is always weird.....it's like a first kiss in high school. There's a lot of staring.... I would almost prefer people show up to our door and take off their pants before they knock.

She and I have talked about some sort of secret code, so we know when the other is ready to "pull the trigger"..

You definitely want to get to know someone. However, I have been wondering how long conversations should go. I find myself 5 minutes in thinking, "I wish this guy would just pull is dick out, already..." Then I think..."Wait...this is my house, it is probably polite to let me pull mine out first....but I don't want to do it too early and make it weird...."

Maybe I need to buy an egg timer.....

i'll call ya.
Passive Agressive Masturbation
Posted:May 8, 2014 5:07 pm
Last Updated:May 4, 2018 6:16 pm

...or PAM. (Do not spray this in your frying pan.)

I have decided, from now on, when my significant other is not in the mood, to lie next to her and masturbate in open rebellion.

Unfortunately, I don't have any good animal noises to go with it.....

But mark my words.....when she wakes up sticky and cold....she'll know whats up!

i'll call ya.
Is your daddy a meat burglar?
Posted:May 5, 2014 2:23 pm
Last Updated:May 4, 2018 6:17 pm

Cause it looks like he stole two fine hams and stuck them down the back of your dress. (Courtesy of Tim Meadows, The Ladies Man)

What is the worst way someone has tried to initiate sex with you?

Were you at a meet and greet? A dinner with couples? Or just someone you invited over for some fun times.

I always wonder about those who come over for a first time meet....who show up under the assumption that sex is implied.

How about the worst thing someone has ever done to "get you in the mood"?

Let's hear it!
It's not us....it's you....
Posted:Apr 30, 2014 5:49 pm
Last Updated:May 4, 2018 6:17 pm

I was reading a blog and want to reply by way of this post and at the same time reply to a couple of messages.

We apologize for not answering every email. We try....truly. For the most part, it's not a form of silent rejection. We aren't perfect, and we're not judging.

However, this site is a fun trip down the rabbit hole, at best. Beyond the (maybe 10 minutes?) a day we spend here, we have lives to live...family to tend to...video games to play...snacks to eat...

So if we don't get right back to you....we're just busy. If we do not respond at all.....it is usually because your profile is everything on our "do not want" list and you messaged anyway. While we appreciate your effort, we would rather respond to those that made an effort to meet our requirements and send us more than a single sentence message.

If we enjoyed your company, we will write something on your testimonials....if you enjoyed our company get with us again. However, if you decide not to message us, we will assume we didn't work out and move on. No hurt feelings here.

So again....if you meet our "simple" requirements and are interested....be patient and we will try to make it worth the wait.

i'll call ya.
Two things to a "less rapey" profile...
Posted:Apr 26, 2014 8:16 am
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2014 5:59 pm

I hope on some level this helps. Unless "psychopath" is the image you hope to project.

1. Your chosen name. I used "therapevan" on my myfitnesspal profile, because I thought it was a hilarious joke from Workaholics. Turns out, not to many people will friend someone with that name. Even my friends who knew it was me preferred not to have that in their friends list. In a split second decision based on an admittedly bad joke, I alienated myself. Seriously....you might be a great person...but a profile name like "conantheassstretchingclitdestroyer" is a little intimidating and whether it is a joke or represents you....it will turn a few people off.

2. STOP POSTING PROFILE PICS WITH GUNS AND KNIVES. Seriously....are you trying to look like a murderer? I understand that you might have interests....and you might be excited to meet people with the same interests.....but for a second...just step back and imagine you are looking at your profile for the first time. You see it now, don't you. You want your profile pic to say, "I'm real" or "Look at my giant cock" or "Taste my juicy pussy". Not....."There may be a body in the basement."

You're welcome.

i'll call ya.
Sex toys more advanced than light sabers
Posted:Apr 24, 2014 10:57 am
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2014 8:18 pm

(Her) and I were in Castle the other night, wandering around like we do. I find so many of the toys intimidating. Not because of some conservative sexual hang, but because they all look like tiny robots.....and i've seen Maximum Overdrive.

Seriously, if the machines ever took over, I would stay the hell away form that place. Unless I needed lube....maybe a preemptive oiling before being mercilessly robot-pounded.....

I have a feeling that I need to avoid caffeine before bed.

i'll call ya.
1 comment
Where are all the hot supermodels?!?!?!
Posted:Apr 23, 2014 10:13 am
Last Updated:May 30, 2014 5:24 pm

I wonder how many people miss out on making great friends and connecting with people because of physical hangups. A friend of mine the other other day points to a pic and says, "She is brave putting pics like that up..." ...and I thought, she is "brave"...or "confident", which for me translates directly to "sexy".

Attitude and the way you carry yourself goes a long way. I find myself more attracted to people who are my shape and size, just because I know they MUST like fried chicken, too.

Sure, I try to take care of myself. I am an average sized dude....but I love cake....and I want to surround myself with people who love cake.....and sex....

So, to all those of you out there eating cake and gettin' busy.....Stay sexy!

i'll call ya.
Selective Profile Comprehension Disorder
Posted:Apr 19, 2014 10:00 am
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2014 5:57 pm

We should all be aware of this terrible affliction affecting many on this site.

I am amazed at the messages we get, from people who have clearly not read our profile. I admit, it needs some tweaking from time to time, however, it is pretty specific.

Many times, the messages are complimentary and not a big deal, but I try to go a long way to not be offensive when I ask, "Have you read our profile?".

If you message me a vague, "can we meet up?" message, I will respond by asking if you have read our profile. Why is yours incomplete? My BF is bi, are you okay with m/m contact, since we only play together. Tell us more about yourself.

If you respond by ignoring those questions, we will discontinue the conversation.

We are really easy-going and would genuinely like to get to know you.....so don't be a dick. Don't be shy. We are here for the same thing you are.

i'll call ya.
Our first meat up. (Ha! Puns are hilarious.)
Posted:Apr 14, 2014 11:33 am
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2014 6:00 pm

Last night was our first meet up.....ever. I cannot possibly explain the importance of not eating a full meal beforehand. I felt super nervous. Pretty psyched that I didn't throw up. That would have been awkward.

Without getting into details, we had a great time.

For my first time, I was 99% good. I don't know about anyone else, but I am about to see the love of my life with another man.....and it was my idea. With a decision to try this come thoughts about how you will feel during or afterward. That was the 1%.

All I can really say is, I was overwhelmed, during and after. Looking down at her, while she is having sex with someone else....allowed me the opportunity to enjoy her in a way that I never have....i am typically so focused on doing my part to please her that I don't get to appreciate and enjoy how beautiful and sexy she truly is.

I look forward to doing this again. I feel richer for having taken something other than sex away from this experience.

i'll call ya.
Are we stalkers?
Posted:Apr 13, 2014 12:36 pm
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2014 2:18 pm

I was talking with my sexier half today and was wondering about peoples status updates. I feel the desire to post my updates by location so that someone might be compelled to seek us there. In my head, saying something like, "headed to Brewsters for lunch" creates an invitation for those that are interested to to approach us in the daylight without feeling weird.

Outside of M&G's how do you most often interact with potential friends? Do you look forward to seeing them in the daylight or do you prefer to keep your "after hours" and mundane lives separate? Post in the comments. Let us know how you do it.

i'll call ya.

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