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awakening  

mysexualgoodtime 57F  
831 posts
8/24/2020 11:15 am

Last Read:
10/13/2020 4:45 pm

awakening



“I am not a Sunday morning inside four walls with clean blood and organized drawers.
I am the hurricane setting fire the forests at night when no one else is alive
or awake
however you choose see it
and I live in my own flames
sometimes burning too bright and too wild
to make things last
or handle
myself or anyone else
and so I run.
run run run
far and wide
until my bones ache and lungs split
and it feels good.
Hear that people? It feels good
because I am the slave and ruler of my own body
and I wish to do with it exactly as I please”
― Charlotte Eriksson, You're Doing Just Fine


the last six years of my life have been a challenge since the big C
you learn alot about your body while in recovery
recovery from<b> drugs </font></b>(chemo) that almost destroy your body while killing off the big C cells
they dont tell you that your body will never be the same....that your joints will start to slowly disintegrate....that you will catch everything coming and going and its harder to get over those catches.....newest on my list is that my body doesnt want process to process sugar and now ive become an insulin dependent diabetic.....just another one of the gift that just keeps giving (chemo)....hence a few days in the hospital with cellulitis in your toe and now with an open wound the size of a quarter and youre not allowed to put weight on it and go to work....for a frigging toe injury.....four times a day testing your blood and giving yourself injections....

but, im alive, right?

all of the above changes your mood, your demeanor, your free will....in the last 6 yeard ive gone in and out of funks.....but this time, even with my new normal (no donuts, ice cream and cupcakes, which are LIFE)........im determined to LIVE and have fun....with all this virus shit, i havent been able to get out and do my normal, which is see my friends, good food and of course MUSIC! and yes, i can go and do some of this but im afraid too with the compromised immune system i have been gifted with......

delving back into AdultFriendFinder always brings with it a longing for what is missing....which is intimacy, and sex......which is important to but for some reason, it always seems to take a back seat when things go down hill

which leads to my previous blog about wanting something.....the fella that ive been in a friendship with is a very honest man....meaning, he knows what he likes and what he wants....and he is strong for admitting that he enjoys exploring with clothing, shoes, makeup and his body.....most men wont admit that....we all have thoughts and ideas of the same sex....but its the strong ones that will admit it and experiment and enjoy it without feeling regret.....

it lead to an ongoing conversation with him yesterday about exploring these things with him and i gotta admit, im kinda excited about the thought of it.....helping him into his other side, enjoying the handiwork and being able to record it and enjoy it....he TRUSTS me with it - id never and no need to ever share any of this with anyone else.....but oh, the thought of seeing his pleasure and being on the possible receiving end of it sends a shock of warmth down my body....

will it happen, who knows? the thought of being entrusted and the endless possibilities mean the world and send a thrill my best spots......


"....My heart used to be 'The sweet shop of love'....
But now the sign on the door, It says sorry, we're closed" --
Edwin McCain

my blog: mysexualgoodtime


AmandaRideswell 54T  
4 posts
8/24/2020 1:06 pm

You are an amazing writter, I feel your emotions in your words.
I sense the excitement inside and can share that with you not just through you.


mysexualgoodtime replies on 8/24/2020 4:14 pm:
i love to write - after taking a creative writing class in 11th grade and having to describe a simple match in 500 words had me hooked!

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