Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now

Maybe I was too friendly  

nerdygirl721 30F  
1894 posts
8/21/2016 9:11 pm
Maybe I was too friendly


Something happened tonight that kind of spooked me. Before I get to that let me start with what lead up to it. A few weeks before I joined this site I was looking to replace the guy I was fucking. We have been having sex exclusively for 2 yrs. He started to want a commitment, but honestly I'm just not ready for it.
While I was looking for an replacement, I met this guy. He lived in the apartment next to me and was my type.So I did start flirting with him, until I found out he was married. I let him know that I dont get involved with married men, but we can be friends. I set the boundaries and he agreed to them.
We would text, but nothing intimate. We would talk about his marriage and discuss ways to make it work. Soon he started popping up wherever i was. I thought nothing of it cause this is a small community. One of my girlfriends started noticing and she raised a concern. But since I had already spoken to him about where I stood, I thought she was just being overprotective. I told her he was harmless.
Two weeks ago, he followed me into my building, cornered me and tried to kiss me. I was able to stop it and let him know that I would tell his wife if he tried that again. At this point, I told him that I couldnt be his friend cause he couldn't respect my boundaries. While he did stop texting, he kept popping up.
This evening I was at the park with my friend and our daughters. He popped up and tried to instigate himself in our conversation. We tried to be polite and let him know that we were having a private discussion. He left. We stayed at the park. I got 3 text messages from him, but ignored them.
It was dark by the time I got home. I really dont worry in my neighborhood. Most people know us and look out for us. I guess I got too comfortable, because I didnt notice him approaching until my said something. He grabbed my arm, telling me he had to speak to me in private. I thought something bad had happened so I was asking questions ( I know, stupid). I wouldnt let him pull me away, cause I had my . He seemed more distressed then violent. My don't have too much exposure to adult males unless it is a group setting or family, so she was getting afraid and upset as well.
I was trying to calm them both down, when he started to pull me towards my door. I started speaking louder so that people can at least hear if something happens. He had no regard for my , who wasnt crying but you can tell that she was scared. I kept her behind me as we were pulled into the building.
He started to tell me how much he loves me and how he wanted to leave his wife. He grabbed my face and started to kiss me. I froze, because my was there and I was shocked. I was angry and felt violated. I pushed him back and slapped the shit out of him.
How dare you put my in an adult situation? Who the fuck do you think you are? Most people respect the fact that they will never be around my . I do not let men around my . In the 2 yrs that I was with my ex, he saw her only once and that was because he popped up unannounced. Trust that he was thoroughly cussed the fuck out.
By the time I cussed this guy, who disregard my cause he had something to say, one of my neighbors was coming up, while on the phone with the police. She was asked if I needed the police to come. I declined. He walked out the building.
I calmed my down and spoke to my neighbor. I let her know who he was and not to let him in the building. I'll speak to the others tomorrow. I settled my in and read her a story.
As I sit here, I wonder about so many things. Is it me? Did I do the right thing? Should I have done something different? What if there had been a different outcome? So much have been taken from me and I've fought so hard to maintain the peace within.
Calmness is a state of mind. Fear is as well. Maintain one and acknowledge the other.
Today, I share something with you that isn't just about sex.
It's funny. In my day to day life, I'm very private. I keep my life to myself. But in this blog, I've been able to talk freely about sex and what I seek and not get shamed for it. Just that acceptance, gave me something that I didn't know was missing.

nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
8/21/2016 9:16 pm

I hesitated on posting a comment.


nwburbsman 57M
147 posts
8/21/2016 9:20 pm

From what I read, you did nothing wrong, BUT this guy may be a problem. Since he lives next to you, you would have heard any loud arguments or fights no problem I would imagine. If you have not heard anything, that's a good sign that he is not violent. But I would tell his wife and then see about moving, may be best to separate yourself from any further discomfort.


Hard1969Cock 50M
1 post
8/21/2016 9:28 pm

I'd love to get you!


kzoopair 69M/67F
25844 posts
8/21/2016 9:34 pm

I don't think that you did anything wrong. We aren't going to get through life without any misunderstandings or miscalculations. Don't second guess yourself. It sounds like you handled this pretty well and you set a good example for your daughter. Not all lessons are pleasant, but she has an experience now that taught her something about this kind of situation. I'm glad it ended as well as it did.

Become a member now and get a free tote bag.


Peter12953 66M
83 posts
8/21/2016 9:41 pm

get some pepper spray or keep your keys in your hand and be ready to use them.


pauljames44 75M  
294 posts
8/21/2016 10:02 pm

I'm awfully sorry you had to encounter one of the major assholes of our species! You were lucky that you weren't harmed. Men who ignore spatial boundaries, rarely if ever stop there. They can quickly escalate to violence, and due to their sociopathic nature, have no qualms about causing harm, and then justifying their behavior by thinking that YOU MADE THEM act that way! Telling his wife might just enrage him enough to take revenge on you. Please be careful, and don't assume that just because you stated your boundaries that every man will honor them.

If moving to another location is a feasible option, I highly recommend it. Boundary violators ALWAYS escalate!


BiggLala 48F  
28372 posts
8/21/2016 10:17 pm

You did nothing wrong. I'm glad you and your daughter were able to get out of the situation unharmed. You'll be hyper-sensitive for a while too, which is probably a good thing as you should continue to be mindful of your surroundings when coming and going.

I like Pauljames' feedback. Some things to consider.

Glad you're okay.

Need a way to message ALL members?...click here for helpful instructions in setting up a private messaging blog post.


nicelipss66 44F
23665 posts
8/21/2016 10:51 pm

Be very careful. you know what. I have been taking self defense classes. cause lately some guys have gotten very pushy. so sorry to her about all this. this is what I was telling you the first time I spoke to you. to be very careful. to always be alert. don't rust just anyone. and do not mingle with disrespectful people that won respect boundaries. Good thing you and your daughter are OK.

Check My Doctor Post

Here is the link: Too Hot Body Heat Rises Oh so Thick


luckyhands21 42M
289 posts
8/21/2016 11:06 pm

you brought it on yourself.


porterpiper1 53F
3767 posts
8/21/2016 11:40 pm

GLAD YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER ARE OK, be very careful people who have never been violent can be violent when it is something or someone they want, Don't brush this off, please, too many stories about people losing their lives because someone wanted them and they didn't want them, you never thought he would do something like this, but he prove to be more violent than you thought, Please be careful


zeke53028 61M  
1093 posts
8/22/2016 4:00 am

No, I don't think it's you. You clearly set boundaries right from the beginning. He agreed to them, then he starts to get aggressive when he wants something more. And in front of your daughter! There is never a reason for a man to get aggressive with a woman. Having never met the guy I don't know if he's harmless or not but I'd try to find out. Court records are public and there should be a way you can go online and check them. Just be very careful around the ass. Good luck.


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
8/22/2016 5:45 am

Thank you for your thoughts and advice. All last night, after I posted this. I was wondering if I overreacted or maybe if I should have let the police come. I will be more careful in the future and not be too quick to dismiss warnings.


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
8/22/2016 5:47 am

    Quoting Recalcitrant72:
    All women on this site take note: luckyhands21 is of the opinion that if you flirt with a guy you are responsible for any stalking or harassment that follows.

    Flirt with luckyhands21 at your peril.

    Luckyhands21: thanks for letting everyone know you are a creepy fucker who approves of other creepy fuckers.
Thank you for nipping that in the bud.


BiggLala 48F  
28372 posts
8/22/2016 7:16 am

    Quoting nerdygirl721:
    Thank you for your thoughts and advice. All last night, after I posted this. I was wondering if I overreacted or maybe if I should have let the police come. I will be more careful in the future and not be too quick to dismiss warnings.
After re-reading this, and reading Recalcitrant's comment, I'm wondering if the same thing as you are. Perhaps it would have been useful to allow the police to come. This guy put his hands on you without your consent. That is battery. If your neighbor actually witnessed his hands on you, then perhaps you can ask if they'd be willing to give their statement (I'd suggest the neighbor and leave your daughter out, or she'd be a last resort so as to not upset her further). Maybe just call your local station for their advice on how you should handle it. If nothing else, you might be able to get the incident on record.

In the end, though, don't second guess yourself too much (and please don't think I'm second guessing you). This was a very scary incident and none of us really know what we'd do if faced with a situation like this...until we are. You handled it the best way you knew how, which was quite smartly I'd say.

Need a way to message ALL members?...click here for helpful instructions in setting up a private messaging blog post.


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
8/22/2016 2:39 pm

    Quoting BiggLala:
    After re-reading this, and reading Recalcitrant's comment, I'm wondering if the same thing as you are. Perhaps it would have been useful to allow the police to come. This guy put his hands on you without your consent. That is battery. If your neighbor actually witnessed his hands on you, then perhaps you can ask if they'd be willing to give their statement (I'd suggest the neighbor and leave your daughter out, or she'd be a last resort so as to not upset her further). Maybe just call your local station for their advice on how you should handle it. If nothing else, you might be able to get the incident on record.

    In the end, though, don't second guess yourself too much (and please don't think I'm second guessing you). This was a very scary incident and none of us really know what we'd do if faced with a situation like this...until we are. You handled it the best way you knew how, which was quite smartly I'd say.
I don't think you are second guessing me, but I'm second guessing myself. This whole day I've been replaying everything up to this point in my mind. But you're right, I shouldn't do that. If anything, going forward I should think how can I better protect myself and my child. While I know how to fight, it's different fighting in front of your child. You and several others gave me food for thought. I dismissed him as harmless and ignored red flags. I can not think of it as harmless anymore. All last night, my daughter had nightmares. It angered me that someone put fear in her heart. One of my brothers will be staying with me for a few days so that she will feel safe.


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
8/22/2016 7:07 pm

What you did do wrong:

-You failed to identify [your neighbors status] his status [married or single] before you started flirting with him.

-You discovered he is married, [and according to you , you don't get involved with married men], but you invited him to be friends anyway.

Even as far back as the 1960s [and beyond], women who wanted to be "Friends" with married men, eventually had the married man making a pass at her, or she him. This is just historical behavior of married men.

.. I met this guy. He lived in the apartment next to me and was my type. ... You didn't know he was your type yet. You acted without doing proper recon.

I let him know that I dont get involved with married men, but we can be friends. .... That's the other thing you did wrong. You got "Involved" with him through flirtation. [After flirting], you told him "..but we can be friends".

I set the boundaries and he agreed to them. ....Ha... No, actually you scrambled the boundaries. That's called mix messaging. Most of the time, they never really agree to the woman's boundary terms. Keep that in mind. This is the equivalent of , "Playing with fire".


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
8/22/2016 7:12 pm

    Quoting Recalcitrant72:
    All women on this site take note: luckyhands21 is of the opinion that if you flirt with a guy you are responsible for any stalking or harassment that follows.

    Flirt with luckyhands21 at your peril.

    Luckyhands21: thanks for letting everyone know you are a creepy fucker who approves of other creepy fuckers.
Don't be a hysterical numbnut, first be a man and ask him what he meant by that.


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
8/23/2016 5:43 pm

    Quoting Recalcitrant72:
    Fuck you. What he said was perfectly clear.

    And I'll be perfectly clear to you: you have made it blatantly obvious that treating women with disrespect and lying to get what you want is acceptable to you. I despise you and do not subscribe to your view of what it is to be a man.

    When you posted your offensive drivel to my blog I told you to get off my blog. You posted to my blog again anyway so I blocked you. What pauljames44 says above about boundary violators applies to you IMO.

    What it comes down to is that if you won't respect people's boundaries on their blogs the rest of us have no way of knowing where you draw the line. When a woman says no to you in regards to sex, we don't know if you'll suddenly gain a new respect for people's boundaries or if you'll behave the same way you consistently do here on the blogs.

    The only evidence we have indicates the worst conclusion. I'd like to think you're only an asshole on the internet and in real life you'd behave like a decent human being but it seems like a very risky thing for a woman to put to the test.

    Nerdygirl721 has been stalked, harassed and assaulted. None of her mistakes you pointed out are justification for that. The perpetrator is entirely responsible.
Like I said, don't be a hysterical numbnut.


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
8/24/2016 12:24 pm

    Quoting Heathen_G:
    What you did do wrong:

    -You failed to identify [your neighbors status] his status [married or single] before you started flirting with him.

    -You discovered he is married, [and according to you , you don't get involved with married men], but you invited him to be friends anyway.

    Even as far back as the 1960s [and beyond], women who wanted to be "Friends" with married men, eventually had the married man making a pass at her, or she him. This is just historical behavior of married men.

    .. I met this guy. He lived in the apartment next to me and was my type. ... You didn't know he was your type yet. You acted without doing proper recon.

    I let him know that I dont get involved with married men, but we can be friends. .... That's the other thing you did wrong. You got "Involved" with him through flirtation. [After flirting], you told him "..but we can be friends".

    I set the boundaries and he agreed to them. ....Ha... No, actually you scrambled the boundaries. That's called mix messaging. Most of the time, they never really agree to the woman's boundary terms. Keep that in mind. This is the equivalent of , "Playing with fire".
When I first read your response, I felt pissed off. My kneejerk response was to tell you off. But intellectually I paused. I considered at great length what you said. My conclusion. You are right in the harshest way possible. But since you have never tried to soften your approach with me, I doubt you would start coddling me now. If I had did recon, I would have know he was unstable and couldn't accept boundaries. I don't agree that I was giving mixed signals cause I stopped flirting and stated I wasn't interested. After the point that I stated no, it should go no futher. Futher more, knowing how I feel about my child he should have never approach us in that kind of manner, that crossed a line.


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
8/24/2016 12:29 pm

    Quoting Heathen_G:
    Don't be a hysterical numbnut, first be a man and ask him what he meant by that.
Let's be adults and have no name calling. I applaud and appreciated Recalcitrant72 for nipping that in the bud. Unlike you who stated the reasons why you felt the way you did and contributed an intelligent response that made me think, the guy just blamed the injured party without stating why. I certainly won't ask him why he felt that way because he didn't offer a reason. If he would like to come back and elaborate then I would listen, as long as it is not abusive.


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
8/24/2016 12:39 pm

    Quoting Recalcitrant72:
    Just name calling? You got nothing. You blamed the victim of a creep right on this blog.

    I prefer a society where women feel free to flirt without fear of attack. If that makes me a hysterical numbnut in your eyes I'm fine with that.
I agree with you. Women shouldn't have to fear attack. But let me interject that I'm not a victim. Yes I have been stalked, harrassed and touched without my permission. But I'm not a victim. I had worse in my life happened, so that was nothing. I can and will protect myself. If this had happened while I was alone, we wouldn't be talking about it now. There is no fear for myself, but there is great fear for my child. Yes I can protect her physically, but what about her mental and her emotional state. She was place in a situation she shouldnt have been in. For the past three nights, she has had nightmares. It makes me sick, that someone broke her peace. That someone had put fear in her. Yes she has regular fears that children have, the dark and monsters. But a person, something that is not imaginary, broke her security. That what angers me.


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
8/24/2016 2:47 pm

    Quoting Recalcitrant72:
    Thank you. I understand why you don't want to identify as a victim. You are correct in that you resisted and didn't succumb to attack.

    To clarify: you made a social faux pas. The guy in question committed a criminal act. Your social misjudgment did not cause his behaviour. That's what people mean when they say you did nothing wrong.

    I don't think refusing to blame you for someone else's actions is coddling you, I think it's the bare minimum to pass as a decent human being.
I didn't think that he was blaming me, maybe I'm wrong. Heathen_G, am I wrong? I saw it more as pointing out what I can do in the future to better stop something like this from happening in the future. Could he had put it in a nice way? Perhaps. Now the other guy, I fet he was assigning blame. Like what happen was justified. Update: Later the guy kept approaching me while I was alone (different outcomes). It's been suggested in the comments that it might escalate so I spoke to the police. They in turn spoke to him, since he couldn't accept no from me.


kzoopair 69M/67F
25844 posts
8/24/2016 3:11 pm

    Quoting Heathen_G:
    Don't be a hysterical numbnut, first be a man and ask him what he meant by that.
Oh, do you mean like YOU always do? Come to think of it, I've NEVER seen you do that. You are always confrontational and aggressive. Recalcitant72 was exactly right, and you're simply looking for an argument.

Become a member now and get a free tote bag.


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
8/25/2016 1:27 am

    Quoting nerdygirl721:
    I didn't think that he was blaming me, maybe I'm wrong. Heathen_G, am I wrong? I saw it more as pointing out what I can do in the future to better stop something like this from happening in the future. Could he had put it in a nice way? Perhaps. Now the other guy, I fet he was assigning blame. Like what happen was justified. Update: Later the guy kept approaching me while I was alone (different outcomes). It's been suggested in the comments that it might escalate so I spoke to the police. They in turn spoke to him, since he couldn't accept no from me.
What you did do wrong:

-You failed to identify his status [married or single] before you started flirting with him.

-You discovered he is married, but you invited him to be friends anyway.

-------------

You shoulder the important part of the blame, because you're old enough to lookout for yourself, plus you also have the responsibility of your daughters safety.
Sure, we can blame him, no problem, that's really easy, but that would be like blaming the car that clips you while running across the street without looking both ways, in the first place, while you were carrying your daughter.

You know, you won't make that mistake again, even if you didn't write about it in a blog. And you will consider it a mistake, since the result was you having to call the police.


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
8/25/2016 1:36 am

    Quoting nerdygirl721:
    I agree with you. Women shouldn't have to fear attack. But let me interject that I'm not a victim. Yes I have been stalked, harrassed and touched without my permission. But I'm not a victim. I had worse in my life happened, so that was nothing. I can and will protect myself. If this had happened while I was alone, we wouldn't be talking about it now. There is no fear for myself, but there is great fear for my child. Yes I can protect her physically, but what about her mental and her emotional state. She was place in a situation she shouldnt have been in. For the past three nights, she has had nightmares. It makes me sick, that someone broke her peace. That someone had put fear in her. Yes she has regular fears that children have, the dark and monsters. But a person, something that is not imaginary, broke her security. That what angers me.
I agree with you. Women shouldn't have to fear attack. ... We don't live in the utopian society where bad people don't exist. Even if we do raise our daughters to be strong, we still have to instill common sense , for situations like that one. [And that's just one, just one, we have to be careful about].

And btw, men shouldn't have to fear attack either. But it happens.


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
8/25/2016 2:28 am

    Quoting Heathen_G:
    What you did do wrong:

    -You failed to identify his status [married or single] before you started flirting with him.

    -You discovered he is married, but you invited him to be friends anyway.

    -------------

    You shoulder the important part of the blame, because you're old enough to lookout for yourself, plus you also have the responsibility of your daughters safety.
    Sure, we can blame him, no problem, that's really easy, but that would be like blaming the car that clips you while running across the street without looking both ways, in the first place, while you were carrying your daughter.

    You know, you won't make that mistake again, even if you didn't write about it in a blog. And you will consider it a mistake, since the result was you having to call the police.
While I do agree that I should have did recon, I was flirting as a single woman. He was flirting back like a single man. With the first hello, he could have said he was married and I would have left it alone. But he didnt. If I say that I dont want to fuck you cause you're married, does that then give him the right to stalk me or approach me while I was with my child? Or to take it a step futher, if he just took it would I still be to blame? At any point in time, when new information is made available I may change my mind on if I want to fuck. So since my mind was changed does that means that he is justified to still pursue me? I want to put on record that I do have married men as friends, some of them I know their wives and some I don't. I don't agree that I shouldn't be platonic friends with married men. None of the other married men I know have ever came at me like that.


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
8/25/2016 2:40 am

You shoulder the important part of the blame, because you're old enough to lookout for yourself, plus you also have the responsibility of your daughters safety.
You are right. I do have a responsibility of my daughter's safety. While I can do all I can to protect her and keep her safe, I wasn't able to keep her from this adult situation. I wasn't able to predict his unstable tendencies and when I did notice them I dismissed them as harmless. But like you stated in another post, we don't stay in an utopia society. There will be things that I wont be able to protect her from. But I can show her how to respond to things and how to stand up for herself. Even though I do feel guilt, it's because this situation has shown me that as a human being I won't be able to keep bad shit from around her. But I can minimize it.


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
8/25/2016 3:12 am

    Quoting Recalcitrant72:
    There he openly blames you. You flirted to soon then changed your mind? So what? If you're going to go down that road why not follow it all the way? Why weren't you covered up like with a burqua or nun's habit? Why were you outside the house without a male relative?

    Your daughter saw you fight back and that's good. The responsibility lies with the aggressor not the flirt. If you really feel the need to make changes, consider fighting back faster.

    If some men are like cars, innocently running over foolish women who deviously throw themselves in harms way, can those cars be sold for parts?

    I've said my piece. I'd not have said anything to him except he replied to me in support of the other guy. But I want you to understand that you will never bear up under misogynistic demands to change your behaviour enough for those poor cars to develop a mind and conscience and stop running over you.
You are right. There is no justification for it. I for one will not live in fear. I should be able to change my mind or decide if I want to be with someone. I will put up better safeguards. But maybe there should be a blog (meaning debate) about this. To be forced to do anything against one's will is abhorrent.


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
8/25/2016 3:26 am

    Quoting nerdygirl721:
    While I do agree that I should have did recon, I was flirting as a single woman. He was flirting back like a single man. With the first hello, he could have said he was married and I would have left it alone. But he didnt. If I say that I dont want to fuck you cause you're married, does that then give him the right to stalk me or approach me while I was with my child? Or to take it a step futher, if he just took it would I still be to blame? At any point in time, when new information is made available I may change my mind on if I want to fuck. So since my mind was changed does that means that he is justified to still pursue me? I want to put on record that I do have married men as friends, some of them I know their wives and some I don't. I don't agree that I shouldn't be platonic friends with married men. None of the other married men I know have ever came at me like that.
While I do agree that I should have did recon, .... Okay so that's all there is to this really.

With the first hello, he could have said he was married ... Sure, but men won't always do that, when they see a chance for some good tail.

If I say that I dont want to fuck you cause you're married, does that then give him the right to stalk me or approach me while I was with my child? .... You want me to say , "No it doesn't", but again, in the first place all this was up to you to do proper recon, and use common sense because we don't know how others are going to react.

if he just took it would I still be to blame? ... Partly, yes, because you put yourself, and your daughter, in that situation. You didn't think. But meanwhile he would be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

At any point in time, when new information is made available I may change my mind on if I want to fuck. ... So at anytime when that happens, you can go see him.

So since my mind was changed does that means that he is justified to still pursue me? ... You want me to say "No" again, you can't control what others will or won't do. You can only control your own actions.

I want to put on record that I do have married men as friends, some of them I know their wives and some I don't. .... Okay, and I'll put on record there will always be a chance you'll be sought out for sex, when their wives have a headache, too many times.

I don't agree that I shouldn't be platonic friends with married men. ... Fine, but again, you're creating a potential situation, where you're going to be shocked one of them wants to have sex with you. He ...is....a ... male.

None of the other married men I know have ever came at me like that. ... Not yet.


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
8/25/2016 3:32 am

    Quoting nerdygirl721:
    You shoulder the important part of the blame, because you're old enough to lookout for yourself, plus you also have the responsibility of your daughters safety.
    You are right. I do have a responsibility of my daughter's safety. While I can do all I can to protect her and keep her safe, I wasn't able to keep her from this adult situation. I wasn't able to predict his unstable tendencies and when I did notice them I dismissed them as harmless. But like you stated in another post, we don't stay in an utopia society. There will be things that I wont be able to protect her from. But I can show her how to respond to things and how to stand up for herself. Even though I do feel guilt, it's because this situation has shown me that as a human being I won't be able to keep bad shit from around her. But I can minimize it.
But I can minimize it. .... If you use your head, yes.


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
8/25/2016 4:19 am

    Quoting Heathen_G:
    While I do agree that I should have did recon, .... Okay so that's all there is to this really.

    With the first hello, he could have said he was married ... Sure, but men won't always do that, when they see a chance for some good tail.

    If I say that I dont want to fuck you cause you're married, does that then give him the right to stalk me or approach me while I was with my child? .... You want me to say , "No it doesn't", but again, in the first place all this was up to you to do proper recon, and use common sense because we don't know how others are going to react.

    if he just took it would I still be to blame? ... Partly, yes, because you put yourself, and your daughter, in that situation. You didn't think. But meanwhile he would be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

    At any point in time, when new information is made available I may change my mind on if I want to fuck. ... So at anytime when that happens, you can go see him.

    So since my mind was changed does that means that he is justified to still pursue me? ... You want me to say "No" again, you can't control what others will or won't do. You can only control your own actions.

    I want to put on record that I do have married men as friends, some of them I know their wives and some I don't. .... Okay, and I'll put on record there will always be a chance you'll be sought out for sex, when their wives have a headache, too many times.

    I don't agree that I shouldn't be platonic friends with married men. ... Fine, but again, you're creating a potential situation, where you're going to be shocked one of them wants to have sex with you. He ...is....a ... male.

    None of the other married men I know have ever came at me like that. ... Not yet.
You want me to say , "No it doesn't", but again, in the first place all this was up to you to do proper recon, and use common sense because we don't know how others are going to react.
The only thing I want you to say is what you really think. I don't want you to pander to me.
You want me to say "No" again, you can't control what others will or won't do. You can only control your own actions.
Look above at my first statement. I'm aware that I can only control my own actions.
In every responses I've made, I've admitted to things I should've done differently. But I refuse to make excuses for someone who is significantly older than me and should know better. Using the excuse that he is a male does not give him the right to try to force the issue. I'm not saying that you have to agree with me, but I refuse to go around acting like a bitch just because one man couldn't control himself. I tried to keep things peaceful by being nice. Things got out of hand. With everything that happened I tried to do the right thing. I appreciate your comments and it gave me alot to think about.


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
8/25/2016 11:12 am

    Quoting nerdygirl721:
    You want me to say , "No it doesn't", but again, in the first place all this was up to you to do proper recon, and use common sense because we don't know how others are going to react.
    The only thing I want you to say is what you really think. I don't want you to pander to me.
    You want me to say "No" again, you can't control what others will or won't do. You can only control your own actions.
    Look above at my first statement. I'm aware that I can only control my own actions.
    In every responses I've made, I've admitted to things I should've done differently. But I refuse to make excuses for someone who is significantly older than me and should know better. Using the excuse that he is a male does not give him the right to try to force the issue. I'm not saying that you have to agree with me, but I refuse to go around acting like a bitch just because one man couldn't control himself. I tried to keep things peaceful by being nice. Things got out of hand. With everything that happened I tried to do the right thing. I appreciate your comments and it gave me alot to think about.
The only thing I want you to say is what you really think. ... Okay, use your head, nobody know how others will react to us.

But I refuse to make excuses for someone who is significantly older than me and should know better. ... You would not be making "Excuses for him", you'd only be covering your own ass. Making sure you and your daughter don't get into trouble.

Using the excuse that he is a male does not give him the right to try to force the issue. ... Didn't say it did, but because they are male, and because they may be attracted to you, you can bet some will try "to force the issue". It's not an excuse, just a fact.

.. but I refuse to go around acting like a bitch just because one man couldn't control himself. .... Why do you think you need to be a bitch to avoid or get around trouble? Just use your head, and listen to your motherly instincts. Between the two, you should be okay.

In terms of protecting yourself, being polite is the safest measure, getting bitchy should be the last resort.

I tried to keep things peaceful by being nice. ... That's one way, probably the safest way because you don't know what might trigger a guy into rage. Just be more careful with the men you approach.


MsRising 37F

8/26/2016 6:02 pm

This post became truly interesting but the harsh guy was correct if we are going to at least enlighten her our an outside perspective. Many of you are just coddling her and she has learned that she has no luxury to be coddled or to play victim and needs to be more discerning even if only for the sake of her daughter. I personally didn't see too much wrong in her interactions. I have chatted up married men but I also sleep with married men so it's neither here nor there and makes me wonder what him being married had to do with his blatant creepiness. We will never know if we are missing any details and don't really need to know. Having kids means playing by different rules sometimes and let's all be glad she is safe since she chose to share.
I personally wouldn't be seeking random sex buddies and I have a daughter to look after. I gather I'd be pretty concerned with how I'd manage that time wise but I don't have kids so one less thing for me to consider. Be safe.....and as I tell all younger women......don't chase dick....let the dicks chase you. Women do have to be more cautious than men.....hard truth but it is the world we actually live in; not the one we wish we did.


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
8/27/2016 1:44 am

    Quoting MsRising:
    This post became truly interesting but the harsh guy was correct if we are going to at least enlighten her our an outside perspective. Many of you are just coddling her and she has learned that she has no luxury to be coddled or to play victim and needs to be more discerning even if only for the sake of her daughter. I personally didn't see too much wrong in her interactions. I have chatted up married men but I also sleep with married men so it's neither here nor there and makes me wonder what him being married had to do with his blatant creepiness. We will never know if we are missing any details and don't really need to know. Having kids means playing by different rules sometimes and let's all be glad she is safe since she chose to share.
    I personally wouldn't be seeking random sex buddies and I have a daughter to look after. I gather I'd be pretty concerned with how I'd manage that time wise but I don't have kids so one less thing for me to consider. Be safe.....and as I tell all younger women......don't chase dick....let the dicks chase you. Women do have to be more cautious than men.....hard truth but it is the world we actually live in; not the one we wish we did.
don't chase dick....let the dicks chase you. .... No. A successful dick doesn't chase. Poon comes to him. That guy doesn't sound like he's successful, but may have a certain amount of game.

Women do have to be more cautious than men..... No. Men still need to be cautious, too. Women just have a different kind of agenda, a man has to be cautious about.


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
8/27/2016 1:47 am

    Quoting Recalcitrant72:
    You will never stop men being creepy assholes by changing women. No matter how hard you try. Otherwise places where women are required to wear burkas and only go out with a relative would be havens of women's liberation.

    Show me a country that has lowered rates of male violence against women that achieved it by restricting women. Go ahead and take your time finding one, I'll wait.
Don't knock burkas, some women look pretty hot in them.


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
8/27/2016 5:40 pm

    Quoting Recalcitrant72:
    Illustrating my point perfectly: that men who are willing to violate boundaries will not be put off even if she goes so far as to wear a burka.

    I didn't say anything against burkas but they won't stop creeps being creeps. It's a good thing for anyone to exercise wisdom but being more careful how she flirts won't stop this type of behaviour. Fighting back and getting the police involved seems to have done the trick for now.

    Your premise that we can't change men's behaviour so we have to focus on changing women is wrong.
You will never stop men being creepy assholes by changing women.... What are you going to do? Go out there and yell, "Be nice you big bully!"

Everyone, including men, needs to consider their own safety, and always take necessary precautions.

being more careful how she flirts won't stop this type of behaviour. ... Being careful about with whom she flirts will greatly reduce her encountering that type of behavior.

Your premise that we can't change men's behaviour ..... That has nothing to do with this. The primary point is , everyone is responsible for their own safety and the safety of those they are acting as guardians.

so we have to focus on changing women is wrong. ... Actually it isn't, and has already been done. Also the attempt to change men has been done , as well.

Now go unblock me and we can further discuss your own woman problems.


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
8/28/2016 2:07 am

    Quoting MsRising:
    This post became truly interesting but the harsh guy was correct if we are going to at least enlighten her our an outside perspective. Many of you are just coddling her and she has learned that she has no luxury to be coddled or to play victim and needs to be more discerning even if only for the sake of her daughter. I personally didn't see too much wrong in her interactions. I have chatted up married men but I also sleep with married men so it's neither here nor there and makes me wonder what him being married had to do with his blatant creepiness. We will never know if we are missing any details and don't really need to know. Having kids means playing by different rules sometimes and let's all be glad she is safe since she chose to share.
    I personally wouldn't be seeking random sex buddies and I have a daughter to look after. I gather I'd be pretty concerned with how I'd manage that time wise but I don't have kids so one less thing for me to consider. Be safe.....and as I tell all younger women......don't chase dick....let the dicks chase you. Women do have to be more cautious than men.....hard truth but it is the world we actually live in; not the one we wish we did.
While I dont fuck random guys and my daughter hasn't been exposed to incidents like this before, I do appreciate your comments. But since I'm grown and single, I'm looking for an exclusive fuck buddy. Just because one guy couldn't take no for an answer, I won't be celibate. I'm don't chase dick, it just follows me around. He is harsh, isn't he?


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
8/28/2016 2:16 am

    Quoting MsRising:
    This post became truly interesting but the harsh guy was correct if we are going to at least enlighten her our an outside perspective. Many of you are just coddling her and she has learned that she has no luxury to be coddled or to play victim and needs to be more discerning even if only for the sake of her daughter. I personally didn't see too much wrong in her interactions. I have chatted up married men but I also sleep with married men so it's neither here nor there and makes me wonder what him being married had to do with his blatant creepiness. We will never know if we are missing any details and don't really need to know. Having kids means playing by different rules sometimes and let's all be glad she is safe since she chose to share.
    I personally wouldn't be seeking random sex buddies and I have a daughter to look after. I gather I'd be pretty concerned with how I'd manage that time wise but I don't have kids so one less thing for me to consider. Be safe.....and as I tell all younger women......don't chase dick....let the dicks chase you. Women do have to be more cautious than men.....hard truth but it is the world we actually live in; not the one we wish we did.
Btw last guy I was with was for two years, before I was with him I was celibate for two years. My child is 4. I didn't fuck the married man. So please before you judge me for being a mom trying to get laid, ask first. Because I feel like I've been pretty cautious since becoming a mother.


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
8/28/2016 2:33 am

You both have good points. Heathen_G, I should be more careful. Maybe pull back on the friendliness. Recalcitrant72, I shouldn't have to change who I am, I agree with you on that. But Heathen_G is valid in pointing out I can't control other people and no matter how clear the boundaries are, they might cross it. If more men thought like you, Recalcitrant72, I wouldn't have to think about being too friendly, but they don't. That night could have had a different outcome and that thought makes me uncomfortable. In the moment, I only thought about how to keep him as calm as possible. Me slapping him, could have went badly. I'm glad I wrote about it because all the comments helped me to go about things differently.


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
8/28/2016 5:38 pm

    Quoting Recalcitrant72:
    The answer is in the post you are replying to. Fighting back and getting the police. You should read comments before replying.

    Women get attacked in their own homes and out on the street, whether they flirt or not. Your argument is nonsense. Why aren't the countries where the burka is in common use havens of women's rights? Don't ignore this, explain the abysmal failure of your strategy worldwide and why you think it will work for nerdygirl.

    Now go unblock me and we can further discuss your own woman problems.
    So long as you are rude, misogynistic and disrespectful: never. I'm doing fine women usually come to me. If nice guys don't get laid I'm the exception that 'proves the rule'. I don't need your lying manipulative bullshit.
Fighting back and getting the police. ... For men, or for women, this is what you do when faced with a threat, however, in her case, she would not have to fight back nor get the police if she first exercises reasonable judgment with whom she might flirt with.

Women get attacked in their own homes and out on the street, ... So do men.

Why aren't the countries where the burka is in common use havens of women's rights? ... Go do your own research, they're an entirely different culture. We can't just march in and tell them how to behave with each other.

Don't ignore this, explain the abysmal failure of your strategy worldwide .... You mean the strategy of using good judgment and observing for awhile with whom you want to flirt, -that works great in cultures that permit.

and why you think it will work for nerdygirl. ... Already did that. She understands. You seem to want all the men to be mamas boys and put women on a pedestal. That doesn't solve anything.

Now go unblock me and we can further discuss your own woman problems. So long as you are rude, misogynistic and disrespectful: never. ... But you're willing to carry on a conversation with someone you feel is rude, misogynistic and disrespectful on another persons blog? That's so funny.

I don't need your lying manipulative bullshit. ... According to your blog, you certainly did.


phenomjohn24 30M
126 posts
8/29/2016 11:48 pm

You did all the right things. You flirted until you realized he was married, then you set limits and boundaries, which was perfect. He couldn't and didn't respect them, clearly and turned into a stalker of sorts. And then do disregard you and your daughter they way he did and disrespect you two and to bring that kind of fear, no, not kool at all! You were never in the wrong, he had some serious issues!


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
8/30/2016 4:55 am

    Quoting phenomjohn24:
    You did all the right things. You flirted until you realized he was married, then you set limits and boundaries, which was perfect. He couldn't and didn't respect them, clearly and turned into a stalker of sorts. And then do disregard you and your daughter they way he did and disrespect you two and to bring that kind of fear, no, not kool at all! You were never in the wrong, he had some serious issues!
Thank you for voicing your opinion. I agree he did have serious issues.


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
8/30/2016 9:25 pm

    Quoting Recalcitrant72:
    You seem to want all the men to be mamas boys and put women on a pedestal.
    If you think holding the perpetrators of crimes responsible instead of blaming the target of the attack is being a 'mamas boy' there's no helping you, you're either being deliberately antagonistic or you are actually too stupid to understand. Either way you're a lost cause.

    I haven't said to put anyone on a pedestal just that they should not be blamed for crimes committed against them. Sorry this doesn't appeal to your awesome sense of your own masculine manliness and entitlement.

    I don't need your lying manipulative bullshit. ... According to your blog, you certainly did
    There is nothing of the sort on my blog. As you have admitted previously, you're a liar. Anyone who cares can check out my blog.
Each and every person is responsible for their own safety. I didn't say any such thing supporting the actions of that guy. Clear your tears and think about what you are reading.

It's unfortunate I've gotten you upset.

As for "Lying". Unblock me and we'll study that remark, and how it was used in context. ...Okay sport?


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
9/4/2016 6:13 pm

    Quoting  :

{=}


Gina_L07 63T
372 posts
9/6/2016 6:50 am

Wow. Not that you did anything wrong but sometimes we don't see our situation as well as our friends do. Apparently they saw some things that you didn't. What we perceive as innocent talk could be seen as flirting by those close to us. There are many things we do that we don't see from their perspective. How are we talking? Are we using our eyes to communicate silently. What is our body language as we communicate? Even a type of laugh to someone can be construed as something different. I am glad the situation did not escalate to more than it did. Life is all about learning. Learn from this and trust your friends more. Be safe. Ciao.

Gina


69forevr88 39M  
76 posts
9/6/2016 7:08 am

Few things are as obvious in real time as they are in retrospect; you set boundaries and followed them. He didn't, though, so the only thing that you could have done differently would be to stress over and over that the relationship was platonic. The bottom line is that he was the one in the wrong.


Mike766512 62M
57 posts
9/6/2016 5:29 pm

You did the right thing


rm_Fl_couple624 35M/33F
10 posts
9/6/2016 8:09 pm

Guys like that can't be trusted.


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
9/11/2016 6:31 pm

    Quoting  :

Thank you for voicing your opinion. I did, at the encouragement of those who left comments, talk to an officer to see if I could put the occurrence on file. The police did speak to him and he since then hasn't approach me. I struggled with it because I didn't want to hurt his family. Like some said if I had did my recon, I wouldn't have flirted and the situation probably wouldn't have occurred. I don't think he wouod have hurt me, but it's the disregard of my child that upset me. She had nightmares for a few nights because of it. But what's done is done and I can only try to do better in the future.


wrcman1 52M
38 posts
9/12/2016 3:47 am

what happened


nokarm12 47M
45 posts
9/15/2016 3:42 pm

Ok well as far as I can see you didn't do anything wrong at all besides flirting with the damn guy. Ok so what he was married big deal, you found out and ended it, end of story then...tis not your fault he turned into Jacob Goodnight (ya ya in know bad reference) and took your niceity and revamped it towards his own needs/wants
He shouldn't have done what he did in front of your daughter plain and simple anyways besides which how can anyone these days do any bloody fuckingn reaserch on anyone anyways before ya want to flirt (sorry my bad) flirts happen out of the blue when you don't want them to happen so suck it up chalk it to a loss and learn all we can do
/rant off
Besides which it don't no one anyways that you have male married peeps in your life all well their your friends and no one else's but yours so who the fuck gives a damn what anyone here says about them anyways lol
As a father myself I bet your a wonderful mother and I know for a fact you love your daughter she is the main person in your life so no matter what just remember she loves you no matter what happens

it is not the gentle shower,but thunder.We need the storm,the whirlwind,and the earthquake


nerdygirl721 30F  
1149 posts
9/19/2016 3:28 pm

    Quoting nokarm12:
    Ok well as far as I can see you didn't do anything wrong at all besides flirting with the damn guy. Ok so what he was married big deal, you found out and ended it, end of story then...tis not your fault he turned into Jacob Goodnight (ya ya in know bad reference) and took your niceity and revamped it towards his own needs/wants
    He shouldn't have done what he did in front of your daughter plain and simple anyways besides which how can anyone these days do any bloody fuckingn reaserch on anyone anyways before ya want to flirt (sorry my bad) flirts happen out of the blue when you don't want them to happen so suck it up chalk it to a loss and learn all we can do
    /rant off
    Besides which it don't no one anyways that you have male married peeps in your life all well their your friends and no one else's but yours so who the fuck gives a damn what anyone here says about them anyways lol
    As a father myself I bet your a wonderful mother and I know for a fact you love your daughter she is the main person in your life so no matter what just remember she loves you no matter what happens
Thank you. I appreciate your opinion.


Become a member to create a blog