Sensitivity
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Posted:Jun 11, 2015 5:16 am
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2015 11:12 am
13180 Views
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Its funny how easily some people can take offense to any random statement and personalize and internalize it as if the world and all in it rvolves around themselves. Half heard conversations become fuel for their victimization. If anything remotely resembles anything they've been through or are doing its automatic anger and hurt. Often they go on the defense without realzing that there is and was no offense.
Honestly, if I'm not saying something to you personally, its not about you. Anything you're feeling is a guilty conscience. Go deal with that. I'm going to keep working on me.
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Its not what you say, its how you say it
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Posted:Jun 9, 2015 7:27 pm
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2015 11:51 pm
12373 Views
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So my caulking went a little...well okay, a lot wrong. The bottom blew out squirting sticky white stuff everywhere all over my tools, counter top, floor and hands. Now if I was saying that I played with my caulk and all of that happened, one might wonder exactly what it was I had going on. And that's the difference between written and spoken words. Sometimes the written is misunderstood without the proper tone, as can be orally spoken statements as well. No worries, whatever it is, I'll naughty it up in my head anyways. 
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Benefit of doubt
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Posted:Jun 8, 2015 5:59 pm
Last Updated:Jun 9, 2015 6:52 pm
12419 Views
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How much benefit of the doubt is emotionally healthy? If connections keep being cancelled or put off with a vague 'soon', how long do you continue to wait without getting frustrated and quit trying? No doubt that people get busy and have their own lives, but I don't ever intend on settling for the scraps of affection and attention of anyone ever again. I'm busy too, but if I'm interested I'm not going to just say so, I'm going to do everything in my power to make the time for actual face to face time.
My fight or flight is super sensitive so I'm willing myself to wait a bit more before bailing.
I'm not going to chase. I have too much self respect for that. I guess he will have to figure it out, or be just a pleasent memory tinged with disappointment.
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Who the fuck am I and what have I done with myself?!
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Posted:May 24, 2015 8:53 am
Last Updated:Dec 15, 2015 7:15 am
13353 Views
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I had a moment of absolute terror. I have begun to have feelings. Quickly. I'm freaking myself out. I do not do feelings quickly. I observe from a distance. What the fuck is this, where I want to ask few questions and just be as I am so comfortable just being myself with no walls and no barriers, no brakes? I'm not talking just sex, I mean the whole shebang. I mean yes, I want sex too, but thats not all of it. I actually REALLY like another human being in that special way. The part of my brain that's been DTA (don't trust anybody) for so many years is shutting itself off randomly. I actually want this guy to know ME. All of me, even the not so pretty parts. And I actually want to know him too. And I'm terrified. But I'm not holding back, and I'm not trying to sabotage myself out of fear.
I have the feeling this will be amazing. I haven't felt so comfortable with anyone before. I think I could actually fall in love again. And I'm afraid that I could just be fooling myself, but the hopefful area buried deep inside of me is whispering shut up.
Whatever it is, whatever its going to be, I'm going for it. I'm opening myself up. Bring it on.
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Posted:May 22, 2015 4:01 am
Last Updated:Jun 8, 2015 7:49 pm
13441 Views
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I work 12 hour night shifts at a nursing home, take care of 7 at home and am renovating a bigger house in my 'spare time. I shared this with someone that came back with "There must be something good in it for you to be in that situation."
Id never thought about it In that light.
I love my job. I take care of human beings. I share love and laughter and comfort tears and fears. I comfort shame and emberrassment with compassion and empathy. I've helped with both rehab and hospice care cheering on progess and shed many tears for the dying after leaving the room. I've been hit, spit on, kicked, called every name imaginable and worn every bodily fluid. I still go home happy and wear a smile to work. I've been hugged, kissed and appreciated too. Bonus: I get paid to do what I love.
I love my . Even the ones I didn't help create. They're amazing human beings deserving of love and being cared for. They're not a burden, they're my family. I could help those in need, so I did. No regrets, no reward unless you count that warm fuzzy feeling from making others happy and seeing their gratitude. Bonus: A house full of midgets wards off shallow and selfish men better than garlic to a vampire.
I love my new house. Its going to be an amazing home with room for everyone. We will be able to have company comfortably and share good times with more people. We are all learning how to do new things and bonding though hard work. Bonus: The teenagers have friends willing to workfor food.
So I guess thinking about it, there is something really great in it for me. Love that spreads outwards in ripples and comes back to me. A life I am proud of. that know empathy and compassion and know how to pay it forward without looking for personal gain. And memories, lots and lots of precious memories.
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A pox on your cocks and a runt in your cunt
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Posted:May 21, 2015 7:22 am
Last Updated:Dec 15, 2015 7:15 am
13739 Views
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Justify cheating. Call it " a bit of fun". Then explain how it doesn't make you a "bad person". Go ahead. Try.
Picture the person you promised to love honor and cherish broken. Picture your hurt and confusion. You taught them to be honest, loyal and loving right? Explain to them why its okay.
Imagine every person you know learning your dirty little secret. Good times.
No one forced you to get married and no ones forcing you to stay.
(Swingers honest with their mates obviously excluded. Party on.)
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Bang head here, repeat
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Posted:May 20, 2015 1:55 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2015 4:13 am
13107 Views
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Its funny how the faces change but the players don't. There's "wanna fuck" guy, "text me" guy, "adhd" guy, "ages doesn't matter" guy, "green card guy",, "bipolar guy", "can't spell to save his fucking life" guy, "lying cheating" guy, "side bitch" guy, "studley do right", "man whordiot", "sexy and I know it cause I work out" guy, "official redneckier than that redneck" guy, "overly sensitive emotional wreck" guy, "growing up is overrated so I won't" guy, "mamas basement" guy, "video games are my life!" guy, "high" guy, "pushy obnoxious can't take a hint" guy, "party forever!" guy, "mama complex" guy, "all women are bitches/whores/objects" guy, and "my penis is my only feature" guy. I may have missed a few.
To be fair they're dealing with "buy me toys daddy" chick, "all men are assholes so I'm gonna flip out over nothing" chick, " Tee hee" chick, " I'll suck your dick for dinner" chick, "its okay to treat me like shit everybody does" chick, "I'll show the players how its played" chick, "shopping and pink and doggies in a purse!" chick, "a baby will make you love me" chick, and "crazy? I'm not crazy! I'll show you crazy!" chick.
Is everybody for everybody? Of course not. But there's this little thing called a profile. Its kinda like an advertisement. It says exactly what someone wants and doesn't want if filled out properly. It has likes, dislikes, preferences, and a little thing I like to call a clue. Its okay if we are not looking for the same things, move on to someone that is!
When I say "If you cannot write complete sentences and only write in text talk that shows me that you are lazy in your communication skills and we are not going to get along." Seeing "Hey u sxy! Wan fuk?" is not going to get a positive response.
If we are on one of those sites where I can see you're online but it takes you hours or days to reply, I know you're otherwise occupied and not interested in being choice number 105 after everyone else is asleep.
When I say I'm not looking to just have random anonymous sex, but a real relationship that can be built on, getting hook up messages isn't going to make me change my mind.
When I say I will not tolerate abuse of any kind and you are rude, demanding, condecending, belittling and disrespectul, how do you think that's going to work out?
I'm a grown up with adult responsibilities. I don't want or need an additional . I've supported myself and several others for many years. I do not need to add to that. Support your own self.
I'm a human being. I have a heart, a soul, feelings and a brain that functions very well. I will treat you as such as well. I am not a toy, game, plaything, penis ornament or disposable piece of plastic. Treat me as such and that doesn't define me, it defines you. And the species weeps.
The nice guys, the respectul men that were either raised right or learned to behave as decent human beings, I applaud you even if I am not your cup of tea or shot of whiskey. I know the assholes make it harder for you, just as the girls that nver made it to real womanhood make it for those that did.
Honesty is not overrated. If you just want to fuck, find someone down with that. Its cool, really. I respect that a hell of a lot more than someone that tries to get what they want with no regard for who or how. Don't come at an intelligent woman if you're a dumb ass. Just don't. It won't be pretty. And for fucks sake, respect each other and yourselves. Stop making it so easy to be shitty to one another. The golden rule and all of that.
Anywho, rant done. Back to fishing. 
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Expectation of privacy
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Posted:May 19, 2015 3:46 am
Last Updated:May 19, 2015 7:28 pm
13057 Views
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If I plan to meet someone in person, I will google the heck out of them trying to protect myself from harm. A first name a location and a picture is all I need to get started. I've found tons of men that were married, engaged, have girlfriends, one was a violent felon on the run, and a sex offender this way. Does that make me a creepy stalker? Am I invading their privacy? I feel if its on the internet its no longer private. Its not as if I'm hacking someones phone or computer Me personally, I have nothing to hide and no secrets. But I'm also a brutally honest person. I'm not trying to punish or blame anyone for others lies, just proactively protecting myself and my family from unneeded drama and pain.
Am I wrong here?
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Single use society
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Posted:May 18, 2015 3:48 am
Last Updated:May 19, 2015 4:01 am
12663 Views
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Paper plates, styrofoam cups, yesterdays gadgets, plastic bottels and people. We use, we dispose, we don't think a thing about it. And we won't, until its on our . We've created a society of unfeeling, self centered me first users. Where anyone foolish enough to care is crushed by the inability of others to truly feel. We medicate for depression for so many. But what if the problem is that there is a reason to be so depressed? There is no pill to make caring, generosity, honesty, kindness, compassion, trustworthiness, and just good people doing no harm surrounding you. There is no drug that can cure what's so messed up.
Its funny in a really sad way when someones thrown you away and tries to pick you back up as if it was alright to be so callous to begin with. Just like the other disposable things, no one is quite the same when tossed out. Recycled, repurposed, refinished, but never quite who they would have been had they just been taken care of and treated preciously as we all should be.
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Pet names and pet peeves
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Posted:May 16, 2015 6:11 pm
Last Updated:May 17, 2015 7:08 pm
12245 Views
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Someone once told me that if you're juggling more than one person pet names are all you should call them. Honey, baby, sweetie, whatever. Makes sense. Slipping up would be awkward. Like calling my house, getting a and forgetting who you're supposed to be asking to speak to. I was amused. Really. We are not exclusive. We have not been intimate. Enjoy, have fun, sow all your oats. But don't lie to me, and don't try to make me feel something if it isn't anything. If its just a good time, I might be alright with that. But don't be stringing anyone along. That's just bad karma and causes hurt feelings. I don't want to be the reason anyone else cries, and I don't want to get attatched to anyone that's not gong to feel the same. Now is that so hard?
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Fucking for peace
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Posted:May 14, 2015 9:16 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2015 8:30 am
12502 Views
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I've come to a point in my life where I realize I only want two things from a man. The first is decent companionship and the second is sexual fulfillment. Obviously the decent companionship comes with all of the attributes one would desire; trustworthiness, kindness, manners, fun and witty banter, ect. And sexual fulfillment would be mutual desire and attention, and for me, exclusivity. Anything else is bonus. I'm tired of the struggle. I don't need a fight. Is it cold to share this information or just brutally honest? Nothing much impresses me anymore. You have bucks? Good for you. You are hung as hell? Congratulations! You're about to win a nobel prize? Fantastic. Honestly, just be kind, want to spend quality time with me and I'm going to get excited.
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Eat it
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Posted:May 14, 2015 12:36 am
Last Updated:May 14, 2015 9:56 pm
12418 Views
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I don't know why anyone would try to treat me like an appetizer, side dish or dessert when I am clearly always going to be the main course. Silly potato head, I'm just not interested in chasing after something not good for me. I respect me and demand it from anyone I allow into my life. I'm picky as hell about what I put on my feet, you think I'm going to not be particular about who I put in my body? Your sweet words won't fill me up when your actions speak so much clearer.
Play your games. You won't win. I'm smarter than your average pussy cat.
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Hard wood and soft walls
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Posted:Apr 22, 2015 3:57 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2015 12:24 am
12811 Views
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My house renovations are going pretty well but I ran into an issue with the oak boards and my circular saw. A smoking power tool doesn't seem like a good thing. I've stripped so many screws I lost count and broke both a jig saw blade and a drill bit. I did find my stud finder though. I've had a lot of teenage help with taping and lifting heavy objects, spotting and some painting so that's going well. My kitchen floor is in so all I need to do now is seal and trim it. I just may be able to finish moving this month! Hard work feels great especially when you see the progress!
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To link to this blog (peekabooicu2ucme) use [blog peekabooicu2ucme] in your messages.
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