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Musings and mayhem of my mind
Just some ramblings on and small glimpses into what's going through my head on any given day. They're definitely not all about the same thing!

Feel free to comment, it's all good fun here.

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All shined up and perty :D
Posted:Sep 12, 2009 9:22 am
Last Updated:Jun 3, 2011 6:56 am

Alright, so as promised I cleaned up my act. Now anyone that wants to navigate the twisted thing that is my blog can do so with ease and without a personal guide. Yeah, yeah I'm all thoughtful and stuff. Some of it may be a bit of a mix between the categories and of course I try to put a funny picture to almost every post, but hell, it's all for amusement of one sort or another anyways right. Don't get so damned picky! Anywho enjoy your travels through my mind.

To all my watchers and those that leave me comments, My Profile, BaseFook and such

Permission slip: Please sign so I can you! May I use you

Jokes and just plain funny stuff:
Three little inches, Wanna see what my cock is doing, Can't quite put my finger on it, It's not the same street I grew up with, Repeat after me, It happened one night long ago, My heart is full of pride, A proper hair cut, Kidspeak, What do you do with your bananas, Short and sweet, Who hired them, ahem, It's never too late, Anybody else, Query, Attention , A pic for Monicker, Heaven or Hell, Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn, Craving something sweet, Disturbing or hot fun, There's something scary in my pants, Don't look, A little prank, I'll do you, then you do me, How about a pity fuck, Mistakes, Seeing pink, Hold your nose, My fudge is all packed, Sometimes, Hmmm, in my yard perhaps, Confess, Your call, No more blogging cranky, I'm sure everyone can agree, How to tell if you have too much time on your hands, Help a chick out, For Huck, my bush stalker, Easy chairs, Penis breath, Troll uprising, I find comfort in the oddest things, On web cam now, Is it just me, Confuzzled, It will never come back, It would have been good to know, Why I need a muzzle, Fuck me, All Peeped out, Bondage chick, Hot, hot, hot, What would you do if, Mutha Fucka, Give head, Minions

Games and polls:
Go on you know you want to too, I just gotta know, Go blondie, The walking dead, So uh, did ya, Wanna play, What do you want, To cut or not to cut, Lie to me, Truth or dare

My wee farm:
Chicks and cock, How girly I've become, My not so secret garden, I know it's wrong but, Before I took out the weed whacker, Chick house, Still alive, Look what I attracted, All cooped up, Yeah, it's that much, Fertile eggs, A cute chick, Shucks, My chicks, When they are wrong, Again we try

A ringing endorsement, That name, What39s the oddest thing you39ve ever been askedtold, Recipe for disaster, How I got fucked, Who39s right, About last night, Move along, nothing to see here, Opinions, WTF, Advertising, Penis pictures, Common sense, More fun emails for moi, Ouch, my eye, Update on my eye, Stalker magnet at large, Shaking my head in disgust, I hate that man, Let me call you sweet heart, A penis for me, Embracing my inner bitch, It happened, Don't you just hate it, Uh, really, Sometimes there is no right answer, Some people, Those vicious bastards, Why the drama, Damned gremlins, Midgets for sale, Gawd damn it all to hell, FFS get me a gun, I39d like for the ride to stop now, Fuckin' rain, Issues, issues, we all has 39em, Oh the weather outside isn't the only frightful thing, What the fucking fuck, Stupidity should hurt, Censorship, What would you do, Bitches

at work This is a list of some really great posts by some of my favorites. Check 'em out, I add to it every once in awhile. Pimping post, Sharing the love, Tigger39s poetry contest

Sexual content:
Spanking the monkey, What's your sexy, My first time, Location, location, location, What's the best vibrator, So cold yet so hot, Mutha Fucka

Drowning out the sound of goodbye, Break my heart, but my liver is mine to destroy, Dam it up, A poetic rant, The measure, Grrr baby, grrr , I can sense you, What it is, On a different note, Fear

Pics of me:
No, I am not ashamed, My one night stand, Does it show, Over the years

Random thoughts about love, life, and people in general:
I read that being a realist was a sign of depression, that made me sad, Multiple truths, Contradictions in our natures, Change, Musings about my midgets, Loss, Spring fever, Waves, Which me do I put on today, Inside, I've been that girl, Regrets, Expiration date, Deep love, Invisibility, Letting go, Taken for granted, What lies beneath, The bigger picture, Truth serum, It39s getting hot in here, Impulses, Perhaps he exists, Animal Instinct, What will you settle for, Temptation, I am my own worst enemy, You asked for it, my scary, Ow, my head, Ink, Who do you see, Shit, Curiosity, Inside my head, 50 facts all about me, Differences, Circling about in my head, I think I39d like some noise, Pet Peeves, Conception prevention, Worth, Fear, Need some help, Be nice' Family, turkey day, and a bit of history, Attraction, Pride, Guts, Gaining perspective, Let's get ready to rumble, I'm not as innocent as I look, That ominous feeling, How do you know if you're an asshole, Accuracy, [post 2225358], Them silly holidays, Need a good cry, Fucking bullies, How lucky I am, I think I found the right cream for that rash, Not everything is as it appears, Can you believe it, The perfect gift, Oh brother, What do you call 'em, Team Captain, Comparing, The illusion of control and a certain future, I'm a dirty dirty home wrecker, Pain, Valentines Day, Dreams, False advertising, Where's my 4 leaf clover, A second look, Carpets, Fucked up shit, Trustiness

Some other stuff:
What I can39t do for myself, You don39t belong here, Me version 30, The music in my head, Why can39t I cry, The gift of laughter, Where39d that come from, You just can39t keep me on my back, Let's get loud, Smile, Dream a little dream for me, Rain, Have you seen it, School is almost here, The last day of Summer vacation, Pot Luck, It's a brand spankin' new day, So much to do, Sensory overload, Summer heat, I'm off, What39s that fishy smell, I can hardly wait, What should be happening in my bed, So tell me, Coming soon, You put what in your mouth, Super Powers, Mmmm tasty, How about you, Another busy weekend, First time, Get away, My excitement for the day, The dreams of a , It's really too early, Obsession, Wanna rub it, To watch or not to watch, Why don't I ever listen to myself, No, I am not ashamed, That embarrassing little problem, Me scary, Trick or treat, What's your word, I didn't know how much I loved you, The hunt is on, Not enough hours in the day, I swear it's not me, Trying to find the spirit, Imagine if, People as fish, Squirrel, Tipsy tonight, Wahoo, Lookit what my midgets did, Good god, I'm actually excited about this, How it all went down, Swinging, It's time, I'm taking a day, Escape, Toodles 2009, Is it almost Springtime yet, How do you know when you're burnt out, Ok, ok, so Monday then, Sometimes too, Just so you know, Huh , Drawing a blank, A hot date without midgets and some other random stuff, What's the craziest thing, It works, Zip zip zoom, I survived, so did the minions, I love my little tax deductions, Oh crap, Awww shucks, Motivation, Loss for words, I am so freaking easy, Phew , I got some new toys today, No worries, Out of balance, The cure for what has been ailing me, A few quick things, My new do, Happy egg shitting rabbit day, Tee Hee, giggle, giggle, When will I learn, I39s been busy, The red dragon and my brown thumb, High enough, Shame, Pater Familias, Well huh, Blasts from the past, Rock on, Colder than a , 21 people gone, Stormy, OMG OMG OMG, My road trip, Sometimes, How odd, Just a blonde chick with a nice pussy, Choices, I got served, Gawd help us all, To be continued, It's time to think about, Don'tcha, Super Insomnia Unleashed, Poor midgets, The Queen of No Pants had her party, Faking it, Caustic Bitch, Positivilutely, A rose by any other name, Dude, Egg watch and some drama, So far so good, Holy rabbit chick man, Yes, it was good B, Figures, ^J I39m so freakin39 happy right now, Dear John, Practice, Brains, So cold yet so hot, For you Solar My dare D, Social skills, Tick, tick, tick, sigh, Of course size matters, Zombified

Yes, I finally wrote about sex, get over it, sheesh

Posted:Dec 1, 2017 8:25 am
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2018 11:03 pm
Some people leave deeper scars than others, touching different areas and causing different emotions and reactions. Sometimes I think I've healed completely and the hard lines are just there as reminders, then some words are spoken, some memory is rekindled brightly, or out of nowhere there's a freshly ripped open wound unexpectedly. I'm not sure anymore if some wounds can ever be fully healed, especially when it's impossible to completely sever contact with those doing the damage. Emotional abuse, gas lighting, manipulation, defamation, the narcissistic self righteous and selfish behavior is nothing I can change or accept. It's truly acrobatic how the mind can switch up reality with perceived notions. I'm tired. I won't quit, and I ignore all I can, but I see the harm it's doing to one I love as well. I have no idea what to do about this yet, but I know it can not continue. The scars should remain with me, not spread to the innocent.
Oh ick, I got some feelings on me
Posted:Apr 29, 2016 3:03 pm
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2018 11:08 pm
Between the abandoment issues and trust issues I developed early on, its always been easier to be distant and aloof, to pretend that my feelings don't exist. They haven't meant that much to anyone else anyways. Feelings can and will be exploited. Words are so easy to say, but then the actions come along to prove the words were just beautiful lies. I love you, forever, id never hurt you, I'm here for you, you will never have to do it all on your own again, I'm not like those other guys, I want to marry you, you're the best thing that ever happened to me, I'll never leave you, I'll never do that again, I'm yours, ect, ect, ect. I don't understand saying what someone else wants to hear in order to get what you want. I don't understand the dishonesty and manipulation. You want to fuck me until one of us gets bored? Thanks for being honest. You want to just have fun, no commitment or expectations? Thanks for being honest. You're deeply flawed and incapable of loving another human being? Thanks for being honest. You're not looking for the same things I am? Thanks for being honest. Really that's all I've ever asked for. Honesty and reciprocation. If he doesn't love me, I'm not going to beat my heart against a wall trying to get him to change his mind. But if he tries with all of his might to convince me that he does love me, he damned well better. Trying to open a battle scarred heart with no intention of actually loving that person is just cruel. I don't say words I don't mean. I don't play with anyone elses hearts or feelings like they're a disposable toy. And I don't understand why or how anyone else can do that to another human being and feel good about themselves.
Moving forwards, the feelings I've developed are scaring the hell out of me. I want to push them away but I'm forcing myself not to. Fear is a bitch. The worst part is, its all in my head. He hasn't done anything wrong. I believe him to be the sweet and wonderful person I see him to be. I believe he's sincere. He actually sees me even when I'm trying to be the coolest version of me. I am just so terrified of being hurt again that I want to hide that insecurity that I thought id abandoned quite awhile ago.
Self therapy written down and walked away from for the moment. Any words of wisdom or cheer for me?
Narcassist vs Empath
Posted:Apr 28, 2016 12:49 am
Last Updated:Dec 1, 2017 8:27 am
Delving deep and looking at all of the painful memories, I realized that I mated with a narcassist, while I myself have always been an empath. It finally clicked. The verbal and emotional abuse, the entitlement, the inflated ego with no real or solid reasons for it, the inability to see his own mistakes or take any criticism regardless of how constructive it was meant to be.
Its strange how far I allowed it to go now that I see from the outside. It shames me. Lesson learned though, painful as it was. Now I know the path I must take to not be a doormat any longer when it comes to our . It hurts me to know but not be able to change anyone elses behavior but my own. I am only in control of me and what happens on my time, and can only hope that the manipilation and deceit doesn't effect or change the sweetest part of my life.
Its a shame he is unable to be a thoughtful adult, but that is not my failing. Dirty tricks and shameful behavior is sure to begin in earnest now that I have put my foot down. I battle reluctantly because its not my nature, but I will not be run over anymore.
Before and after
Posted:Apr 24, 2016 2:14 pm
Last Updated:Apr 25, 2016 3:24 pm
I've been spending a lot of time in my own head lately thinking about history and figuring myself out a little more, sifting through the damage done and pulling the good stuff out to be polished. It occured to me that each relationship has had a beginning and an end and that I was a slightly different person at each point. Naive to broken adult. Newly discovered and completely renovated adult to mother with much abusive damage emotionally. Hardened and jaded single mother looking to use as id been used, to the most dysfunctional moments of my life. Uncertain and scared woman settling for something I knew to be undesired to a confident woman ready to just be and play and have fun. Completely blindsided by promises and dreams that I had hoped for and believed in as a young girl, to blindsided by lies and broken promises thinking I should have known better. To searching for a companion to spend some time with and finding a believably sincere widower that I'm falling for, but still feeling the pain of being fooled before. I've never been the kind of person that has tried to punish or gyp the next because of the last, but the more times I've heard the same words and promises from multiple men who either could not or would not deliver, the more the words themselves cause a reaction of instant disbelief. There is no fault here by the next in line, its purely a rememberance of the last few which completely unfair to the present. I want to believe and a part of me does, but the broken parts let some of the darkness in. I'm hoping that time will correct the hurt and pain done, and make those words not cause such an instant jagged tear to rip through me. Because in the end, hope is all I have left that has not been shattered.
1 comment
Timeline of my mental illness
Posted:Apr 20, 2016 10:22 am
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2016 7:46 pm
I saw this meme awhile back that said something to the effect of beiing able to track ones mental illness via a timeline of their exes. I couldn't debate it too much. I kinda think its more of a tracking my innocence and naivity though. First man I fucked I married. Same with second. Then I stopped marrying them and just tried to figure it all out. Drank a lot, experimented a bit, and learned more than I think I wanted to know. I've been asked 5 times for marriage. Its kinda fucked up seeing what it meant to them vs what it meant to me. I love with everything I've got when someone captures my heart. But I've been taken for granted and scarred deeply every time. When it comes down to it now, I don't ask for anything but good companionship and great sex. Not a lot to ask for in my opinion. Be good to me, be good to my minions, have some fun, share some laughs and fuck me silly. Just don't hurt anyone or lie. I take care of me and us. Anyone I let in is in a spot that can be kept or not. It all depends on his behavior and sincerity. I almost miss being innocent with all of the jaded thoughts and feelings I have now, but I'm moving forwards, not backwards in this life. I'm falling for someone that hasn't been in this kind of position ever before. Spared the pain of trial and error with a marriage that ended in the pain instead of death, not divorce. I'm so used to the man mentality that I feel I've met a treasure. I am scared of my feelings. But I'm not afraid of his. Call this cautious optomism, because I can't allow myself to be too afraid to jump.
1 comment
Trust me, I'm a professional
Posted:Apr 1, 2016 9:15 pm
Last Updated:Apr 13, 2016 6:09 am

Working in a nursing home we have lots of travelling nurses both male and female. Its really interesting learning about different people from all over the country. Getting back on the fishy site I happened to see one of them. He caught me peeking and we proceeded to have a really long and sexual conversation which was a lot of fun. Tonight we are on the same floor. Its funny because I can see he's a lot more weirded out by the proximity and our statuses than I am. Especially when he had to give a rather vocal resident a suppository with my help. Meh, I'm a professional. I can just smile.
Lies, all lies
Posted:Mar 29, 2016 9:46 pm
Last Updated:Mar 31, 2016 6:13 am
As my last post suggested, I was torn about wether or not to give a second chance to the runaway. I did, and surprise surprise, it didn't work out the way promised. One sure way to burn my feelings away is to lie. Lie to me, lie to my , lie to anyone. I mean damn, what's the point? It doesn't end well. It doesn't make you an awesome person. Throw that fucking L word around...it doesn't mean shit when the actions are so very clearly not what love is about.
Lesson learned. Next!
Seriously though
Posted:Feb 12, 2016 9:58 pm
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2016 9:07 pm

My partners killed my cat today. They'd been peacable for 7 months. He was wussing out from her this morning. No idea what sparked what as we were picking up a from rehab after a 3 month hospital stay due to west nile virus today. are naturally upset as are both of us, but what should happen next? 2 cats left in the household, he was a champion that saved his life twice. Neither of us know what to do with the devastation. Should he lose his beloved pet because I lost mine? There is no easy answer. Thoughts?
Second chances
Posted:Jan 3, 2016 11:02 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2016 9:40 pm

When someone fucks up and hurts you, but recognizes their mistake and tries to fix it, how many people give second chances?
Depends on the feelings for this person
Yes but with limitations
13 Comments , 57 votes
The mind is a beautiful thing to fuck
Posted:Dec 17, 2015 11:43 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2016 9:59 pm
I woke up to one of the most spectacularly sensual email recently. Its been a long time since I've read something like that written specially for me. It made me extremely excited and anticipating the real thing is driving me wild. I've been promised a lot of things sexually with tons of bragging about how good they are, how much they're going to satisfy me, ect ect ect, but few have actually lived up to their boasting. If he's half as good as his writing suggests, I'm in for a hell of a great time. We did get to meet in person for a short time yesterday as we happened to be near the same place at the same time. He smelled and tasted divine. Just his kisses left me aching for more and I could feel his arousal and regret that there was not time for more immediately. Patience is overrated. But I must wait as our schedules dont mesh for a few days. I'll be working on some new ideas until then. I want this to be really memorable.
Best way to get over a man is to get under another
Posted:Dec 15, 2015 2:22 pm
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2015 4:13 am
Or so I've been told. I dunno, I'm not doing the bargaining, useless wishing, crying thing. I mean it hurt, but maybe the clean break and completely shitty act just cauterized that wound so the whole grieving thing isn't something I feel the need to do. Angy, yet accepting of what is.
Anywho, I have a date next week barring any unforseen disasters. He seems really nice, is very intelligent *swoon* and fun to talk to. I find him really attractive in every way so far.
Regardless of what happens or doesn't, I'm enjoying the now. Holy fuck, have I matured?
How long does it take you all to bounce back and try again?
And then there was this
Posted:Dec 13, 2015 10:16 am
Last Updated:Dec 22, 2015 1:20 am
My partner ran away from home. I guess that's what adults do nowadays. No word, no real reason given and zero warning. in the hospital, couldn't find a job, normal related stuff, just ditched and ran while I was at work.
I don't understand how people can say they love someone and then do something so hurtful.
Back to fishing. Id never try to make anyone stay that didn't want to anyways.

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Scars (6)citizen4722
Dec 22, 2017 3:41 pm
Oh ick, I got some feelings on me (11)wildnwanton
Jul 13, 2017 7:09 am
You put what in your mouth? (8)nhbeefbat03766
Apr 29, 2016 6:33 am
Narcassist vs Empath (8)citizen4722
Apr 28, 2016 3:50 pm
Before and after (1)citizen4722
Apr 25, 2016 8:12 am
Timeline of my mental illness (2)citizen4722
Apr 20, 2016 3:30 pm
Trust me, I'm a professional (6)citizen4722
Apr 2, 2016 11:36 am
Lies, all lies (2)citizen4722
Mar 30, 2016 8:44 am
Seriously though (7)syndeeangel
Feb 14, 2016 3:00 pm
Second chances (18)6969phantom666
Jan 23, 2016 9:37 am
The mind is a beautiful thing to fuck (7)citizen4722
Dec 18, 2015 7:16 am