Geezer Magnet...WTF!
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Posted:Dec 7, 2007 7:42 pm
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2007 2:07 pm
1037 Views
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OK...I'm a pretty open person.
I appreciate people for themselves,but I've gotta ask this out loud (so to speak)...WTF is it about me that seems to attract people old enough to be my father or friggin GRANDFATHER...C'mon...really now!
It seems like every time I open my mail there is a message or pix (god forbid) from some elderly gentleman and I sorry to be so rude, but it takes everything I have not to throw up in my mouth!
Once again...these pix are not cute, I don't appreciate them and OMG...if you're 60 or 70 do you honestly think I'm interested in screwing you ...and the language....OMG...First of all I'd NEVER consider it and second...I'd be afraid I'd kill you...not that it would EVER happen.
SERIOUSLY....Someone check my damned forehead...is there something that says friggin GEEZERS welcome...WTF...Shoot me now!
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Is It Time to Give Up?
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Posted:Dec 6, 2007 2:21 pm
Last Updated:Sep 28, 2008 8:52 am
1019 Views
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I don't need a lot. I don't need a list or a line....
I'm nothing special,and I've never thought that I am, let me make that abundantly clear. I'm just me. I can get pretty wound up and that can be unnerving. I get that maybe I'm not as good of a communicator as I thought I was. Know this...sometimes I can't contain my excitement, and maybe I should. I overwhelm people.
I'm at a loss and even though things are supposed to be settled, I don't feel like they really are. What is it about me that eventually makes a person feel inadequate. Do I just suck the energy out of people? Do I shut them down. I feel sick and lost in SO many ways, distraught.
It is so difficult to find people that you genuinely connect with. The ones' who get the unspoken and appreciate you for you. Once you find them, how do you keep the excitement and appreciation of that connection from destroying it? It has been made quite clear that I apparently haven't figured that out yet.
I'm ready to give up, because no matter what I do or say I've lost their confidence. It takes a lot of energy to be me and I'm not sure I want to be anymore, it's painful. I may need to give up on being me and be what others want me to be; live in their expectation. I had such High hopes, and I guess that's stupid.
I could always feel it ...it just had to be said...and it was.
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Wound up and Bouncin!
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Posted:Dec 3, 2007 6:47 pm
Last Updated:Aug 23, 2011 6:53 pm
1056 Views
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OK...Today was INSANE... Sometimes...I'm just SO hyper that it doesn't take much and I'm wound up and bouncin of the walls.
I'd love to try & describe this ....this insanity when it takes hold, but I'm not sure I can do it proper justice, but I'll try.
Today I woke up just buzzing. When I'm like this, everything is just AMPED UP! The way things taste...the way they smell..sound..every one of my senses is in overdrive. So, it doesn't take much to set me off... little suggestions, some discussion...OMG>>>
So, I'm already zooming and I'm up early reading back through conversations I've had with certain individuals who shall remain nameless (Mr. this is what I want you to see when you think, FUCK ME), and I'm getting VERY warm, which is kind of not good when I'm this way...because my mind just races in an insane way and I can't think...I need to be able to think...So, I back away and decide I'm headed out to do errands.
I decide that I'm going to have some breakfast and T calls me...I tell him I'm going for breakfast and he volunteers to come too...KEWL...company is always good, BUT sitting there taking and just the fact that he's a guy and pretty darned hot...is causing me problems...again..heightened sense of smell ...all senses on overload and the thoughts running through my head are BAD man...but, I need to get things done, so, I manage to resist temptation...head to the post office...forgot the damned package..SHEEEEUUUT...went to the body shop..the don't have the estimate...OK..this BLOWS and somehow..being pissed off just winds me up more...WTF!
So, I'm back at the house making phone calls and I get a message from "the guy" ...wondering what has me so wound up...cause I left him a little good morning message...lol. He can tell I'm still wound up...just from my responses to his questions... and the questions he's asking are making me a lil crazy. I'm thinking I'm going to have to have a session with my BOF after this conversation.
Fortunately, he can sense this insane energy. The stuff that is coming out of my head and into that chat is completely without reservation, or inhibition. I'll answer anything, I'm open to anything...and I want it! I"m A LOT wound up... this is bad ...and sometimes...this can last for days!
At this point, he knows he'd barely make it in the door and exactly how I'd greet him. His response " was just thinking how I'd walk in, rip off my shirt, and slip out of my shoes only to drop my pants to be naked in front of you just to see what you would do...first...LOL" just had me spinning in circles.
I have to say I seriously clapped my hands like an excited little when he said "Ok...that's it...give me 10 mins...I think I can be there by 1:00....*S*" NO LIE...I really did. THEN..I jumped out of my chair and spun around in circles. Now, just why I did that I couldn't tell you for the life of me. After that I stood here shaking and pacing....I'm damned impatient. I need to get this under control, or I'm going to hurt him!
This poor guy barely makes it in the door, but he makes good on his statement...and its ON!
The bad thing about being this way is that SO much runs through my head that I almost don't know what to do...the only thing I can think of is kissing..cause god knows I LIKE IT. There are SO many things I want to do ...SO much of him I want to touch...and I just want to look at him... my eyes will only close because they have to today...I want to see everything.
This guy has the ability to get into my head..he knows what's going on...doesn't have to ask..just reads me like a book... knows where to go and how to get there. I know that I can be pretty difficult to keep up with especially when I'm like this...AND, he's doing an awesome job of keeping up with me ...even if he doesn't think so.
As wound up as I am...during I become very comfortable, very into it...almost serene and relaxed...very willing. I can just watch his face the whole time and be good, because everything I need to know, see, or hear is right there. Again, this is beyond hot....this is insane. And again...I like this too much...but..I love it when a guy cums.
So, how wound up can I be...I'm STILL bouncing...I'm still amped...and my mind is still racing...I know now that this is going to be one of those multiple day issues...which sucks ...cause his SAWEET ass is gone for the rest of the week....batteries...anyone?
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Going Back to Work!
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Posted:Dec 2, 2007 5:55 am
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2007 5:57 am
906 Views
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I have to go back to work to day. It's been a little more than 8 weeks since I've stepped foot in that store as an employee. I'm dreading it, its retail in the weeks leading up to Christmas and it's SUNDAY. I couldn't feel more screwed, not even if I was looking into someones eyes & feeling it
I have a feeling that the man upstairs isn't going to play nice with me today, especially since I felt an overwhelming need to step out into the yard and flip em off on Friday!
Typically, this time of year, people are in a hurry, no matter how fast you are it is never going to be fast enough. Its a guarantee that I will see and experience sides of people that no human being should be exposed to in a lifetime. Normally I really like screwing with people like that...but I'm just not sure I'll be on my game today. It's been a bad week and I'm a little off.
Well its only a 6 hour shift....Thank G_d..(even though he's probably mad at me), but as soon as I get off I have to drive my back to college..in the snow... please let the road crews have done an amazing job while I'm at work!
More complaining, but my back & neck are killing me and I didn't really sleep well, so this is going to be a struggle. But, then again...it could end up being one of the best days I've ever had. People have made it clear that they miss me (ha) so you never know.
I'm going to try to go into it with my normal wait & see attitude, but I just had to get this feeling of complete and utter dread out.
We'll see how it goes...might be back tonight ranting about it...lol
Suzanne
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Numbers?
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Posted:Dec 1, 2007 6:36 am
Last Updated:Dec 1, 2007 2:11 pm
991 Views
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I was using numbers and I guess I didn't realized that anyone would think anything of it.
When I describe some of the people I talk to or that I've met, I've used initials and I've used numbers. The numbers kind of came from the idea that I wanted to have 2 regular people to "hook" up with in order to keep my mind and my emotions in check. Its not working, but the numbers kind of stuck as a joke.
When I ranted earlier about the #2 guy who I thought was playing me, I asked my friend Mr. J if he'd be my new #2...kind of joking....kind of not...but its stuck, its funny and he works it so well.
During the course of describing my horrible week, I continued to used initials, leaving someone to wonder where they fall in numerical order...as if he should ever really have to ask. He is not a number or an initial, he's "The Guy", he's the smile that lights me up even when its just typed (*S*,*VEG* or *VBS*)because I can see it. He's that warmth I felt & didn't understand in a coffee shop, He's a little bit of sunshine on dark days. He amazes me and,If a number is important, it #1.
Someone recently said to me that the way I write about this man he must be 6ft tall, built and ridiculously gorgeous, and he was intimidated by the picture he felt I've painted of him; that no guy could measure up. I never would have thought that another man would glean that from what I write. This all goes back to my appreciation of people; my appreciation of men. To me, what makes a man beautiful is not his stature or his physique, its his confidence, intelligence, his warmth and personality, his genuine ability to just be human.
He is beautiful, make no mistake. He has that lovely smooth olive skin & brown eyes that that can go from very welcoming & laughing to piercing; as though he can see right through you. He's not a tall man, but he doesn't have to be, when he smiles he takes over a room. He laughs like a who is trying to hide something..its cute...yes I said cute. He's not a muscle man...but I could run my hands over his arms, his chest & his legs forever. I can feel the muscles when he moves... and he has a SAWEET ass. He's evil and wicked in all of the right ways...
This man seems ok..with me being me which, in turn, enables me to appreciate everything about him that much more. I can take everything in, my hands are free to roam and my mind is free to take off at warp speed. You don't have to be 6ft tall, model beautiful and packing 10 inches (az if)...for me to describe you as someone amazingly attractive, beautiful, strong and capable who just heats me up like nothing I've experienced before. You just have to be you, real, honest and sorry ...but to me Mr., Ohhhhh..SO HOT. (giggling). So I don't know about anyone else, but when I'm counting...I start with 1 not 3.
Suzanne
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My Mind? My Body?
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Posted:Nov 30, 2007 8:19 pm
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2007 1:45 pm
907 Views
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I raised this body issue a little bit in my last post, and I've been thinking about it.
I feel like my body isn't mine anymore. Its really foreign...alien. I've said before that I'm starting to become comfortable with the way I look and the way I feel, literally. I like the way my skin feels when I touch myself. I like that I can find my hip bones again....I'm even getting used to the belly left over from surgery, but sexually...I'm at a loss.
Why is it that I am able to become amazingly hot,wet, and insanely turned on from what equates to a aged make out session; and I can literally cum from just thinking about it. Yeah its some seriously hot stuff..but DAMN.
During sex I feel like I'm teetering on this edge, just about to fall and ready to scream...but the scream just won't come out. Don't get me wrong...I've had orgasms, but I've also been STUCK and trust me...not for the lack of either of us trying...cause its damned good man...and maybe that's it...
I like this interaction so much its inexplicable.. I'm comfortable, willing and so intensely wound up that I don't think I can take it. Once things get started, I can't get enough and I like the edge.
I hate to have to go here but...when I had all my parts... there was a spot...a certain sensation that was guaranteed to set me off... ways I could move to make that happen... but now things are different and I don't know what to do, the spot is gone, and when I'm asked where it is I seriously have no clue.
My body isn't mine anymore, which in turn has my mind just reeling. I wonder if I still have a "spot"....lol and how friggin long its going to take to find it, cause I don't want to spend as much time on the edge as I want to spend falling
Suzanne
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Worst Week EVER!
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Posted:Nov 30, 2007 12:55 pm
Last Updated:Sep 2, 2008 4:12 pm
960 Views
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Before I begin, know that somewhere deep down inside, I'm laughing. Not because something is funny, or because I want to, but because, at this point, I have to or I'll lose my mind.
If your not sitting (0f course you are) sit, this truly sucks.
a couple of weeks ago, my managed to rip the front end of of my jeep in a parking lot. Sucks, but not to bad a repair, something I can do. So I order a part I need and wait for it to come in. NBD..RIGHT?
Last week was pretty uneventful, holiday week, pretty slow and boring. The only REALLY good thing was getting to see someone who had been gone a long time. Someone I've been SO hot for I almost couldn't take the anticipation, But for some reason I ended up feeling like I let him down. More on that later.
This week I feel pretty good, I facing up to the fact that I will be going back to work. I really enjoy meeting people, even if nothing comes of it, I just really seem to connect with interesting, funny and kewl people. I'm having lunch with Mr. J ( my new #2..lol, so excited), and breakfast with T who I find to be quite funny & endearing. Then, on Thursday, I get to see "The Guy" and excitement is not even close to the right word to describe that.
As I said, I really enjoy meeting people even if I think nothing will ever happen or who know..Its nice to just meet people. SO,I had coffee w/ T on Monday afternoon, fun,open easy to talk to genuinely nice person.
After leaving the coffee shop I realize I need a scraper & a snow shovel (cause it is snowing duh). SO, I head to the Ace hardware behind the coffee shop. I get out of the car,pull up my hood and head for the store. As I'm walking a car turns the corner into the aisle I'm walking down, she slides..the rear of her car whips out and slams me...sends me flying. Yes, ladies & gents...I got hit by a car...WTF. And, to make matters worse...the lady that hit me...one of my favorite customers at work. OMG. Yes, ambulance ride & hospital visit follow...I'll be sore...may have bruises ..blah blah blah.
OK...so, I'm good...really I am. I'm fortunate...right?
Tuesday, early in the AM I decide I need some tools from storage to fix the front of my Jeep because the Part will be in today. So, I take my van go to storage & I forget the key and the pass card. I'm pissed..so I head into Holly to the McDonald's & get some coffee. I realize that it is prime school traffic time so I decide not to go through town but take a dirt side rd & cut across. BIG FREAKING MISTAKE. I know this road, its narrow in places, curvy but I'm always really careful..right. I approach a hill that I know leads into a curve and I'm not going fast but I want to slow down more. I brake and the rear of my van slides...I'm looking right at the lake. So I over correct and I end up in the trees...Yes my van is SMASHED UP!..lovely. Call the tow truck, call the state police...1 ticked, 1 smashed van and 1 major headache later...I'm home and I'm thinking...I need some sunshine in my life..no way in HELL am I missing lunch with J.
Lunch on Tuesday, fortunately went really well I had fun,J is a riot and has a thing for LEMONS! He's my music trivia grasshopper and online drawing partner..and today...the savior of my sanity...what a friggin riot! Luv ya #2!
Wednesday, I meet T for breakfast. Comfortable, fun...easy to talk to...and nothing bad happens on Wednesday...except for a lost earring, I'll call it a good day!
Thursday, OMG Thursday. What is it about this guy? I could just sit and talk for hours if he wanted and be quite fine with it. But, today is not going to be that kind of day. Especially since all I can think about are the conversations we've had, the things I know, the things I don't...the mental notes...and everything I want to do & find out. I love seeing him naked.
I'm starting to think something is wrong with me though..I could keep a man here all darned day & still want more. But my body in some ways is not as cooperative. Its like I don't know myself anymore..I have to learn or re-learn what is good for me...what works..because I'm physically different now...And the things that used to make me want to scream..seem to not be the same and I now don't seem to know what they are.
It makes me sad and upset that I can spend SO much time on that edge...and I can't tell someone where or how to push...cause I don't know. I'm sorry!
Thursday also meant a call from the adjuster working on the claim for my van...probably a total loss...we'll see...NOOOOOO plz don't say that. ugh...Downward spiral.
There is some random sunshine in my life, I don't get to see this person much, but when I do, I'm excited. P has this ability to piss ya off, but you still have to like him. He has beautiful eyes and a smile that reminds me of a little that's done something bad and knows that you know...and even though he messes with me almost relentlessly...I like it and I like him. So even though I felt and looked like SHIT..after much begging I decided to go see him...because....somehow...I just thought I'd feel better...and I wanted to see him smile & get my hands on his ass...cause it is truly SAWEET..lol..
TODAY...Friday..I had big plans...was going to put the facia & grille back on my jeep...cause the parts came in. So I drive my to school & on the way ..the Jeep starts ticking..& I'm like..NO WAY..then it starts CLACKING..really loud..I pulled over...& it stalled..I restarted it..adn managed to get my to school..then it started smoking...folks..this is NOT a good thing!
So I call the same towing company that towed my van to come get it...they say 1/2 hour...more like and hour..in the cold with no heat and pissed off parents trying to get around me to drop off their at school....someone fuck me now!..
Anyway..Jeep is toast...needs an engine...go friggin figure! this shop wants $4000. another wants $2900....do I have it ...HELL NO!
So I'm home, I have no way to pick up my from school and I'm afraid to leave my damned house. My work schedule is screwed up and my is afraid to bring the last vehicle we have home from school cause it snowed up there...WTF!
Ohhh and to top it off ..the chirocracker who was supposed to fix my back & neck yesterday....made it WORSE>...
So I'm walking out into my front yard (as directed)...looking up into the sky... and showing the dude on high exactly what I think using inappropriate hand gestures...get my drift?
HELL FRIGGIN YEAH...worst week EVER!
Suzanne
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Its One of Those Screw the Rules Kind of Days!
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Posted:Nov 26, 2007 6:32 am
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2007 8:25 pm
935 Views
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umm shall I rant?!!!lol
I have this feeling that I used to get when I was like 18 - 25...You know when you just wanted to say F**k the world & its rules...I'm going to do what ever I want, where ever I want, when ever I want...to whom ever I want..lol...hmmm maybe to cap this 'TUDE" off I'll shave my head...get a mohwawk, some wicked colors , some super glue for points; and I'll stop wearing underwear (gotta shower though)!
I guess rules and demands kind of have me in a tizzy. All I really want is to just have experiences and see where they go...how they play out without really worrying about rules, regulations, limits, boundaries, lines, possessing or being possessed, love/hate.
I feel like one minute I have rules...the next I don't ..ohh ..but now the rules they are a changin...ughhhh
Some of this stuff is just SO damned simple if ya let it be..WTF...Rules are for those that don't know how to live...
Just let shit happen..worry about the aftermath later. Wouldn't it be kewl?
Damn it..I like emotion...I like feeling things..who cares if I get hurt..sometimes getting hurt actually feels good...Emotion & feeling things can sometimes be like a really good BITCH SLAP... reminds you that you CAN FEEL ....sometimes I need a reminder.
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Player Free Zone!
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Posted:Nov 24, 2007 6:51 pm
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2007 6:01 am
742 Views
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ok...I'm kind of REALLY pissed off.
I came into this with rules...the biggest being..don't fall in love...and..I know myself...like I've said before..I have NO self control.
So going into this I thought..ok...I don't want to be the take-a-number girl...so I'll see who I connect with and maybe keep it to married guys cause they have a lot to lose if things get too emotional. so maybe having 2 guys that I really like will keep me on the straight and narrow..not a bad plan...right?
So, I think ok, there are two guys who have totally peaked my interest; with one, I have an insanely awesome real connection, and he makes me wet on sight. The other, just this undeniable very physical attraction, but he drives me insane and pisses me off.
Guy #2 is one of those people that pursues you aggressively, but leaves you hanging in IM's, calls drunk then fibs about it, starts to make plans & bails, but expects you to be available when he is? In other words, I believe the man is a player..and I'm quite done! It's not wise to piss me off!
At this point I think my plan was flawed anyway. Why?...Cause I really like my coffee guy and would like to give him my FULL, undivided attention. And, I have plans for him...if he's willing...if I didn't scare him away.
I've always believed that the way a man dances is a good indicator of what he's like in bed...lol ... I LOVE a man that can dance...and the way this man moves is like dancing, and I like it. His face gives away just about everything, but he has some secrets. I like talking to him. I've learned A lot and I hope he has too.
But I'm feeling a little selfish..I want some time and I know that, that is difficult to do..especially since his is limited and I'm going to be running out of it.....soon
So you take what you can get, and you can pack A LOT into a short amount of time. Although I think I know better, I just have to hope that I'm not being played here too. I hate to have to be the take-a-number girl.
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Strange
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Posted:Nov 20, 2007 4:23 pm
Last Updated:Nov 26, 2007 5:58 am
842 Views
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I don't know why....
I spent a good part of my day ....feeling very strange. I don't know what this is or why I feel it...
Maybe its because I didn't sleep last night...at all. My shoulder was killing me...and I couldn't stop watching the clock.
So I thought...maybe...if I get some sleep...this feeling will be gone. So I did....but I woke up with the same strange almost empty feeling.
I thought about it for a while... I can remember feeling this way...before ...a long time ago...
There is SO much running through my head that I have to wonder if its just sensory overload. A little mental numbing or blackout...lol
It's only 7:30 at night and I'm finding myself longing for it to be late enough to go to sleep...in the hope...that this strange feeling ...will be gone when I wake up to a new less strange day.
Suzanne
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Love Without Being "In Love"
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Posted:Nov 18, 2007 10:15 pm
Last Updated:Nov 20, 2007 4:04 pm
848 Views
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Love...the word is often a scary thing for people....they hear it or see it and it sets off unbelievable things in their head.
If a person is receptive then there is joy and unimaginable elation. That warm "I am loved" feeling and the willingness to connect on an emotional level....and the feeling that you are no longer alone.
If a person is not receptive, unable to connect... then there is fear and possibly panic. Sometimes, it triggers the overwhelming need to escape.
Then, there's luv...with a "U". I'm told that this is the love of good friends and new relationships. Its that genuine caring and appreciation of having that person in your life that cares about you and has your back.
I often think that I am completely incapable of loving someone. At the very least, I have had a history of mistaking great sex for love. I learned that a long time ago, But I keep repeating the same mistakes over & over. So, I constantly question myself and my decisions.
Love is a strong, intense and meaningful word...used with so little care...So easily misinterpreted...so easily misunderstood. So, if you are capable of truly being "in love" with someone, and the stars just don't line up, or the lines are too clearly drawn...are you any less "in love?"
Therefore, is it possible to love someone and not be "in love" with them? I believe this completely. I also be "In love" with someone from a distance. These are things, in which, my belief is completely unwavering.
Still, the questions burns...can you love someone and not be "in love" with them? You can say that you love "things" about a person ..and not be in love with them. You can say "I love you" and not be in love with someone, we do it all of the time. Draw no conclusions...but you can even love your spouse ..and not be "in love" with them.
This word...this extraordinary word...has me perplexed and tangled up in thought. Some people use it as a weapon...the emotion and the word. It appears, willingness to accept it, a true connection and acknowledgment are key. Life and circumstance are the limitations.
My head hurts and I'm sad...there are things I need to acknowledge and things that I need to examine more closely...opportunity... failure...hate...love...especially when the lines seem to be so well drawn...
Suzanne
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Lets Talk!
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Posted:Nov 18, 2007 8:01 am
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2007 4:54 pm
864 Views
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I've never been into cyber sex...almost totally incapable of doing it, or getting into it. I think that being someone who is almost completely motivated by her senses makes it virtually impossible for me. I have to see, hear, feel, taste & smell..I'm very "hands on" ...just me.
I've also never been much of one for the telephone thing either. I always felt like a big fake when I tried it, again just not me.
But I think its different when you throw in a totally HOT man, who you've actually met, a little shared experience,distance, raging hormones, a strangely intense connection and A Lot of giggling.
By my own admission, he doesn't have to do much to make me very warm & very wet. Simply being in his presence was often as much as I needed. Its the smile & the look that I can see in my mind even when he's far away.
So, these phone conversations are very honest, fun, sexy... and warming...lol. when you talk to someone you notice the changes in their voice, especially as you talk about things you've done, things you want to do, what you liked....just how turned on you are....or were..
The change in the way he breathes, and the tone of his voice, and the things he has to say,just set me off. I have to pull the phone away from my ear and just breathe....deep breath in...hold it ...breathe out...and then sometimes...I just laugh...which may sound kind of harsh...but its that excited...embarrassed...busted laugh...because he knows exactly what is going on...How warm I am...how wet....I like that he knows...and all I can do is laugh..
So, I have this drawer...it has FUN stuff in it... really fun stuff... so while I'm talking to him, I decide to tell him about the things in my drawer...Creams...lotions...things that get warm...things that don't...things that vibrate...beads..Altoids...what I use them for....or how they're used...
OMG...the sound of his breathing...his questions...are just HOT... Hot...Hot..So by the time this conversation ends....I need to make a little trip to the magic drawer...take care of some personal business....cause this conversation was HOT....man...I liked it...and I can't wait
Suzanne
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Wide Open Eyes and Enlightening Conversation
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Posted:Nov 16, 2007 8:03 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 2:10 pm
845 Views
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I can see more thousands of miles away than I ever thought I could face-to-face.
Warning ...this may not make sense!
I've been at a loss for a little while now. I've had SO much I've wanted to say, so much I've wanted to express and I've felt like I can't. On one hand my need to be honest and forthright has left me gagged and monitored, unable to commit my thoughts to written words. On the other hand the need to write and express myself eats at me. So, I'm going to take the chance that I'll not be misinterpreted.
Honest forthright connections are rare things. When you consider the number of people out there, and the real possibility of truly connecting, in a way it is a miraculous thing,some say the product of a charmed life, karma, shared past experience, bashert, old souls
My life has been a most extraordinary experience. I"m often judged harshly, and I don't really care what people think. Although, I've become less and less inclined to share those experiences. Those that I have shared with certain people have left me feeling objectified, so I chose not to share anymore.
Experiences are what they are, past history. Some are repeatable; some never will be again. They make us who we are. The thing to recognize is that not just anyone can fit into those scenarios; regardless of how willing or anxious to have that experience they, or I may be.
(This needs to be read carefully because it has meaning for two people) For me, it takes an intense connection, desire, trust, spontaneity and a complete lack of pressure. There is SO much I want to do, and I don't want to feel guilty for wanting to do it and I don't want to feel obligated to repeat it just because I did it, or have done it. Nuff said.
As human beings we feel...but, there is a difference between feeling and emotion. So to say, I feel a very intense connection with someone, is what it is. Simply being able to talk with this person, share information has probably been the biggest turn on of my life. It's a respectful, easy, and unencumbered flow that is fun, flirtatious, serious, silly, insanely hot, and very human. How often can one say that a conversation makes them warm & wet. I find myself hanging on every word..just content to listen or read, as the case may be.
Sharing is definitely not an easy thing to do. This is especially true when you potentially have SO much to lose if the other person isn't worthy of the trust and confidence you place in them. So, I'm beyond honored that I am trusted with details. I am willing to share as well, although somewhat hesitantly, out of fear of misunderstanding or misinterpretation. But it seems almost inevitably, exactly what I'm thinking ends up being said and acknowledged. So, there is a connection...and I don't need to be face-to-face to understand it... and thousands of miles don't change it. Sometimes things just are what they are...and maybe..you just have to accept it and give in a little.
Suzanne
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