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Sleep is...  

rm_suzannesos 55F
240 posts
11/16/2011 9:37 pm
Sleep is...

a very elusive thing...

It seems like I'm having more wide awake moments when I should be out lately. I'm not stressed, I'm actually kind of happy and relieved soooo... what gives.

When I think about it, I'm wondering if it is the new space that has me off. Sure everything that makes wherever I am home is here, but the space is different, the air is different, the sounds are differend and I'm off kilter.

I did sleep some on Monday...someone came to visit me and, I was really comfortable. There is nothing like being comfortable enough with someone to sleep. If I'm not, I can't. That's all there is to it.

I guess it all goes back to a blog I wrote a long time ago...there is something about the way you can just FIT with someone, interlock, intertwine. The moment when it's no longer about sex, but being comfortable enough to relax, wind down, and sleep.

I wonder lately if my fear of not waking up, and believe me it's a growing fear... is it what's keeping me from sleeping? I am seriously afraid of going to sleep, dying in this room ....alone. My life is not such that people would check in on me or wonder where I am. My are busy and often gone doing their own thing...hence the fear. I'm not normally like this, but I guess it comes with the disease and the treatment.

So, I long for that level of comfort...that only comes when I'm able to sleep without fear...knowing I'm being held by someone breathing and warm...or the tylenol pm actually kicks in!

Just me!


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