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Posted:Sep 10, 2018 8:53 am
Last Updated:May 28, 2022 9:19 am
360 Views

I've had 681 views of my profile. Impressive for an 80 year old. Unfortunately, 669 views were from fakes.
0 Comments
Chicago
Posted:Sep 5, 2018 7:25 am
Last Updated:Sep 5, 2018 7:26 am
420 Views

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears.. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says, "You are no longer my !"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get mugged!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,

"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!”

The real moral of this story:

Why would anyone watch CNN?
0 Comments
Long Term Financial Planning
Posted:Sep 3, 2018 8:59 am
Last Updated:May 28, 2022 9:19 am
347 Views
0 Comments
What are the odds
Posted:Sep 1, 2018 5:18 pm
Last Updated:Sep 5, 2018 11:23 am
414 Views

What are the odds I'll find a real woman on this site. About the same as me winning the lottery. And I don't play the lottery.
0 Comments
Idiot Number 4
Posted:Sep 1, 2018 6:59 am
Last Updated:May 28, 2022 9:19 am
306 Views

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21.";
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.

Stay Alert Out There! They walk among us. They Reproduce. They vote Democrat. And a lot of them currently hold public office!
0 Comments
Idiot Number 3
Posted:Aug 31, 2018 7:15 am
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2018 6:54 am
489 Views

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, "Put all your muny in this bag.";
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Stay Alert Out There! They walk among us. They Reproduce. They vote, and a lot of them currently hold public office!

More to follow. Could they be any stupider? You bet they could.
1 comment
Idiot Number 2
Posted:Aug 31, 2018 7:13 am
Last Updated:Sep 4, 2018 8:11 am
291 Views

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Stay Alert Out There! They walk among us. They Reproduce. They vote, and a lot of them currently hold public office!
0 Comments
Idiot Number 1
Posted:Aug 31, 2018 7:11 am
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2018 6:59 am
274 Views

I am medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her into the emergency room right away.

Stay Alert Out There! They walk among us. They Reproduce. They vote, and a lot of them currently hold public office!
0 Comments
LA Alert
Posted:Aug 26, 2018 7:45 am
Last Updated:May 28, 2022 9:19 am
259 Views

Sources in California say that radical Muslims have threatened to kill all U. S. citizens of Los Angeles. Official fear the murder count could go as high as 49.
0 Comments
Just Another Blonde Joke
Posted:Aug 26, 2018 7:36 am
Last Updated:May 28, 2022 9:19 am
225 Views

A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. It's people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde interrupts yelling, "You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little jerk on your lap."
0 Comments
An Italian Joke (But it would apply to anyone)
Posted:Aug 19, 2018 1:50 pm
Last Updated:May 28, 2022 9:19 am
345 Views

I was a very happy man.

My wonderful Italian girlfriend and I had been dating for
over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me....It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight
mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that
she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if
you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the
stairs.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline
straight to the front door.

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo... And behold, my entire future family was standing
outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law put down his
shotgun and hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that
you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a
better man for our . Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car!
0 Comments
Scammers
Posted:Aug 5, 2018 2:16 pm
Last Updated:May 28, 2022 9:19 am
298 Views

I've started reporting Scammer on this site the FBI's IC3 Website. I provide a link to the site, a link to the suspected Scammer's profile, and any other material I have gotten from the Scammer. Email address, phone number, and a copy of all emails and text. I don't know if anything will happen, but it sure makes me feel better.
0 Comments
This Site Defies All Probabilities
Posted:Jul 21, 2018 6:34 am
Last Updated:May 28, 2022 9:19 am
314 Views

Facebook has 2.19 billion active members. That's more than 1/3 of the total world population. As of today, I have been contacted by about 150 female(?) members of this site. Zero (0) are on Facebook. How is that possible. The female(?) members of this site defy probabilities. They are a mathematical impossibility.

The most common eye color is brown, then hazel, then blue, green, silver. amber. Guess what color isn't even mentioned in the statistics. Black. A large percentage of women on AdultFriendFinder list long black hair and black eyes. Another statistical improbability.

Location is another. Small towns of under 1000 are home to many, many of the fakes on this site. One small town in Iowa and another in Texas sometimes have as many as 10 profiles listed in a town of under 300 population. The reason is obvious. Chances of running into a male from that town are small.

Another one. Those women(?) who ask for your phone number to text with you. Text but won't talk. The reasons, again, defy all probabilities. Deaf, broken phones, can't speak because of (fill in the blank), and when they do talk, the connection is so bad you can't hear or understand anything they say. Some of the fakes now include in their profiles that they are deaf or can't speak. But they still want your cell number.

I get many emails. But as soon as I send an email with the statement:

"I do not say this to offend anyone, I just need to make this one thing perfectly clear:
I will not send money or provide any financial support to anyone I have not met face to face. This includes but is not limited to iPhone gift cards, cost of traveling to Las Cruces to visit me, etc."

I never hear from them again.
0 Comments

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