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Ramblings of the depraved.....
 
Welcome to my blog!
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The coffee maker growled at me this morning.
Posted:Feb 17, 2020 3:55 am
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2020 2:39 pm
12803 Views

Should I be worried??

I stayed up too late last night....

It was kind of hard to pull myself of bed this morning. When I got of the shower I attempted to make a single cup of coffee....

On my third attempt, I actually succeeded.

Everything was a struggle, not going to lie. I discovered I didn't clean the filter yesterday morning, which meant I had to do that first. Stuck my cup in the cup spot and walked away to turn on the news.

After about 5 minutes of listening for that familiar gurgling coffee making sound, I glanced over at the maker to see if I'd missed the magical event and the coffee was already brewed.

Nope.

Not even on. I neglected to the button before I walked away. OMG

Attempt #2

I walked over and the button, the maker proceeded to growl at me. I stepped back and laughed, thinking, I've been watching too many scary movies again. The weather was being covered so I popped into the living room to see what was in the forecast.

Snow. Ugh....

That familiar sound of the coffee brewing coming to a close.... I headed back into the kitchen eager for my go juice.

It was water.

I forgot to put the COFFEE in the filter. It's been a rough morning.

Attempt #3

Finally got my shit together. Coffee in filter, water in water spot, cup in cup spot. Thank fucking God, I don't think I can make it through this one more time. Hit the button and stood and stared until the coffee was completely brewed.

Time to start my day.
33 Comments
The Grocery Store Rolling Pick-Up
Posted:Feb 16, 2020 7:04 am
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2020 6:42 pm
10935 Views

So, the grocery app is back online and this chick utilized it once again.

Hallelujah!

We all know how much I HATE grocery shop.

It's an amazing feeling when you can just roll into a parking space, have a random worker put your groceries into the back of your car, and roll away. No need to tip, no need to exchange pleasantries, no need to worry about your hair and makeup....

It's fantastic!

The downside?

Purchasing $35 dollars worth of groceries that come in grocery bags with 1 item each.

Really??

I live in an upstairs apartment, people!

Making a second trip is not what I want do..... So, I managed grab all bags and made my way up the stairs and my apartment door only discover my keys were buried somewhere in my bag hands.

Trying shuffle all the bags my left hand, I ended up dropping the bag with the eggs in it.

But, I found my keys!

And, only 1 egg broke.....

Bonus!
26 Comments
A day in the life....
Posted:Feb 15, 2020 4:40 pm
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2020 5:36 pm
9383 Views

The eliptical was kicking my ass again tonight. Little sweat beads formed on my upper lip, one trickled down the middle of my back.

I licked my lips.... Salty.

Made me think of sex. Or, more precisely, the lack thereof.

At work, yesterday, I made a comment that made my work BFF blush twice. We were in my office with another coworker and I asked him how he was feeling. He had been sick when I saw him last and he still looked a little peaked.

He responded by stating, "I feel with my hands."

Smartass.

So, I replied back, "I like to feel with my toes."

I meant it innocently, to be funny, but his mind apparently went immediately to the gutter as his face turned a bright shade of crimson. Even when the story was retold 20 minutes later he turned red.

I wonder if he likes feet....

On the gym front....

I think I'm starting to earn regular status. Crazy Fit Gym Guy nodded to me from the stair climber when I walked up to the treadmill today.
8 Comments
And, she conquered the day.
Posted:Feb 14, 2020 6:45 pm
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2020 5:36 pm
10674 Views

Not going to lie....

I got a rough start to the day today. It was a full-on case of the poor me's as I headed into work this morning.

Then I saw the comment from my favorite musical blogger...

And I smiled.

And, my day wasn't so bad.

I spent the day doing all the things I wanted to do.

When Boss #1 told me to get a snack for the 2 o'clock meeting, I picked what I wanted for a change.

Strawberries and chocolate dip.

Yummo.....

(It was a big hit, btw, even though Boss #1 wrinkled his nose up at it when I told him that's what we were having.)

I laughed openly at Nose Hairs' funny story even though Boss #1 was disapprovingly hovering close by.

(He's got better things to do than monitor what I'm doing all day. I'm a grown woman.)

I ordered a pizza for dinner and ate all the bacon off of it before I even ate the first slice.

(Mmmmm.... Bacon.)

I did 1 mile on the treadmill and 3 miles on the exercise bike tonight.

(Thank God I did, if I hadn't done all 3 miles on the bike I would have missed selfie-taking gym guy wipe out on the elipical when he was trying to get a selfie.)

And, at this very moment, I'm rekindling my unrequited love for Dean Winchester. Carry on my Wayward !

(Love, love, LOVE my Supernatural.)

On a side note for my musical blogger friend: Meme guy introduced me to the song Blue Monday by New Order. Is this a remake? Sounds very similar to me.... But, I really liked it.

Happy Valentines Day guys.... I hope you were able to make the best of it.
11 Comments
The 'V' Word
Posted:Feb 13, 2020 6:11 pm
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2020 3:52 am
10872 Views

I hate Valentine's Day.

Whoever said don't get married on a holiday had it 100% correct.

I know we don't plan on having a marriage fall apart like cheap tennis shoes... But, for some of us, it does.

And, I was the fool who got married on Valentines day.

When I picked my up from school today my ex-husband was already sitting on the couch with her, waiting for me to show up. He got up and walked over to me, giving me a hug and kissing me on the cheek.

"Happy Anniversary, I won't be seeing you tomorrow."

It's his weekend with the , so, no, he won't be seeing me.

"Happy Anniversary"

I said back. We've been divorced for 8 years, he still wishes me a happy anniversary every year.

He's taking his white trash girlfriend out for dinner tomorrow. We talked about it for a few minutes, and all I could think of was this is the first Valentines day that I'll be spending alone.

I started seeing the Hippie regularly in 2013, every Valentine's day since I spent with him.

Now I'm alone.

Fantastic!

On the plus side, I'm sure the gym will be dead tomorrow night. I had to wait for both the treadmill and exercise bike tonight... What a pain in the ass.
19 Comments
From here to there....
Posted:Feb 12, 2020 3:14 pm
Last Updated:Feb 13, 2020 5:42 pm
11017 Views

You know the woman...

The one that looks like she just stepped off the pages of a Glamour magazing. She has beautiful, flowing hair that floats away from her face in a breeze. The woman with perfectly applied make-up and an outfit on .

I'm not that woman.

I try really hard.... And, I kind of start that way each day. My long hair styled or straightened, button down shirts and black slacks with my smart girl glasses...

But somewhere along the way, it gets lost.

I look at myself in the rear view mirror of my car every day before I step to head into work.

Hair? Check!

Makeup? Check!

Shirt buttoned all the way? Check!

And, I head in.

My hair is NEVER blowing back in the breeze... It's blowing in my face, in my eyes, in my mouth. Its a constant battle of swiping hair out of my eyes, pulling hair out of my mouth, and maneuvering through water puddles I didn't see because hair is in my face.

I stumble through the front door, stomping my one wet foot as I always seem to manage to step in a puddle, and smooth down my shirt because I managed to have a temper tantrum right before I got to the door. I check out my reflection in the window as I step through and see my hair floating about my head like cotton candy.

Wonderful.

Hurrying to my office, I see 5 coworkers all want to stop and chat.

Even better.

I finally make it to my office and check my reflection in the mirror.

Makeup smeared on left , strands of hair fused to the lipgloss on my lips, and the top button of my shirt is now unbuttoned with a good portion of my cleavage crack now exposed.

What the hell happened between here and there?
26 Comments
Water in the Workplace
Posted:Feb 11, 2020 12:37 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2020 2:22 am
11826 Views

I bought a bottle of water from the vending machine at lunch today.

No big deal…

Cheap store brand, thin plastic… I left the cap off because you could visibly see it had been frozen at one point before it found itself in the vending machine for me to purchase and the bottle was now malformed.

What could possibly go wrong?!?

Um…. Yah.

I was mid conversation when I grabbed the water to take a sip.

Before I knew it, water was spilling down the front of my shirt and all over my lap.

“Oh My Freaking God”

Like a little squeezing a juice box, water came gushing out the moment I picked up the cheaply made thin plastic bottle.

“Fantastic!”

My tits and crotch were completely soaked.

I don’t think I could make this stuff up if I tried.

I fully believe I should have come with a list of instructions.....

Kind of like a Gremlin.

1. Do not feed in public.
2. No water at lunch time.
3. Public Restroom use prohibited
20 Comments
Anyone got a snickers?
Posted:Feb 10, 2020 2:52 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2020 3:18 pm
11638 Views

We've all seen the commercials....

Random individuals get hangry, they turn into the likes of Joe Peshi and Roseanne Bar, someone gives them a snicker bar, they go back to being themselves.

If only I could be a cool hangry like that!

While others become hostile and angry, no regard for human life, I become one of the three stooges.

Bumbling around, awkwardly trying to put a swiffer pad on a duster wand and tripping over my own feet.

The only thing missing was a giant hammer to smash my thumb with.

When my stomach growled as I somehow managed to rip the tines of the swiffer wand THROUGH the duster pad, I knew I had to get something to eat.

And, no, it was not a snicker bar.
16 Comments
The Man / Woman Dynamic
Posted:Feb 8, 2020 5:34 pm
Last Updated:Feb 10, 2020 5:40 pm
12115 Views

Went to the gym tonight.

Another scintillating Saturday night!!

A coworker who I eat lunch with several days a week showed up with her husband to work out. While she did stop to say hi to me and exchange a few pleasantries, she really had no interest in talking to me.

Her main point of conversation was that she did find someone to go to the gym with and she was meeting her AT the gym in a few minutes.

Nice...

I chose to not let it bother me, even when the two of them hopped on the treadmills farthest from me.

They both know me, we all work together.

When the cool down ended, I stepped off the treadmill and looked around for the spray and a rag to wipe down the machine. My spawn was useless then I asked her to hand me the ones that were next to her, so I shot her a glare and said never mind.

At this point, I was starting to feel that sinking feeling set in.

The... Why in the hell doesn't anybody like me?? feeling....

"Hi!!"

A guy who had been working out was enthusiasticlly saying hi to me. In his outstretched hand was a spray bottle and rag, he had a giant smile on his face.

"Thank you"

I smiled back. He looked very familiar to me, I think it may have been someone I went to school with a million years ago, or perhaps someone who frequents the store where I work.

Which brings me to the topic of my post.

The Man / Woman dynamic.

Why were the women who I WORK with so unfriendly?

Why was the work-out guy SO friendly?
21 Comments
Age.... What's in a number?
Posted:Feb 8, 2020 5:26 am
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2020 2:41 am
10353 Views

Let's be honest...

When you are attracted to someone, you are attracted to them. Young, old, in between.... It doesn't matter in the slightest.

If you are attracted to them and they ask you , you say yes with enthusiasm. It doesn't matter HOW old they are, you've been eyeing them from afar, flirting with them, imagining the two of you naked beneath the sheets.

Attraction has nothing to do with a physical .

I receive a lot of messages from local men where I live. Most of them are crass and arrogant, containing the obligatory cock shot asking if I want to fuck his 8, , inches.....

I don't respond to that stuff.

The funny thing is, they will keep trying. , worded slighty different, old, tired photo of his cock.

I don't delete anything, so it all continues to save on the .

There is one persistent guy, now, is convinced we should hook up because he wants to be my partner in crime.

The age on his profile?

It started at 40, became 47....

And when I asked him what his true age is because I'd seen it at several different numbers, he returned with 52.

Now, we don't actually know if he really is 52, do we?

If a person can be dishonest about his age, he can probably be dishonest about his marital status, his job, where he lives.....

Yah, he's not even a consideration.

But, here's the thing....

I do have a type, have always had a type. It may be because I was raised by my grandparents and spent most of my childhood around people were + years older than I was, but I have always been attracted to older men.

My ex- husband, I spent years with and had 3 with, was years older than I was.

Did that stop me from seeing the Hippie, was younger than I was?

Nope.

Why? Because age is just a , and while he wasn't someone I would initially consider to be my type, I was attracted to him.

While I know my thoughts don't really make a difference in the whole grand scheme of things....

It would be nice to see a little honesty for a change.

Real ages.... Current photos...
14 Comments
Struck by an Amigo
Posted:Feb 7, 2020 3:37 am
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2020 10:23 am
10918 Views

Don't worry.... If your traveling fast enough, you can use body as a ramp. Perhaps then you can reach the Cheetos.

I have a grocery store peeve.

It's a BIG peeve.

Why isn't there a lock on how fast the motorized shopping carts go in a grocery store? I mean, come on.... It's not the Indy 500, there is no race to get to the next food item on your list.

Swear to God!

I was struck by an amigo today.... By a very large woman with a cigarette tucked behind her ear red stretch pants with hole in the knee.

The knee skin?? Crusty....

How dare I walk down the center isle as if I have right of way, not paying attention may or may not be flying of the cookie isle doing 50 mph on a motorized cart loaded with food items.

While I was laying on the floor, this woman had the nerve tell pick up her donuts as they fell from the basket on the front of her cart when we collided.

I smashed them.

"What is wrong with you?? Is it beyond your scope of reality that you may have hurt ??"

I don't think she expected burst of emotion as I teared up a little, breaking point from the last few days had arrived. She literally just sat there for a long moment, then teared up herself, started cry while she apologized .

Pulling myself up off the floor, I brushed the white dusty crap off my legs, turned on my heel, strode off leaving the crushed donut package on the floor a circle of spectators standing and staring.

Amigo 1 - 0

Amigo Lady - $3.99 (The cost of the donuts.)
18 Comments
So wrong... So many levels.
Posted:Feb 6, 2020 3:13 pm
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2020 10:24 am
10091 Views
I was headed into work this morning when I glanced up and saw this on the shelf.



What, exactly, am I looking at??

Is this a game???

A game about prescription medication side effects????

It may be my extreme exhaustion talking here, but, I can think of A MILLION BETTER THINGS that I could be doing with my time.

Sex, drugs, rock & roll....

Literally, the ideas are limitless.

At the moment, though, all I can think about is closing my eyes and sleeping for the next hundred years.

It's been a long couple of days...

One more non-profit event to attend tomorrow night and I'm done for a while.

Thank Fucking God.... Cause this introvert has had enough peopling to last her for the next year. Possibly more.

And, I can't even begin to describe how much my ass muscles hurt from doing the stair machine at the gym.

I'm literally miserable on every level.
12 Comments
Sports Fan Trivia
Posted:Feb 6, 2020 2:28 am
Last Updated:Feb 6, 2020 4:12 pm
10439 Views

So.... Second Attempt at this as the first post got banned. Apparently it contained weapons, violence, and underaged content... All in one post about a special needs charity! I outdid myself this time.

Hey sports fans.... Got a question for you.

Does the Luther Bradley sound familiar to you?? I'll be honest, it doesn't to me. But, then again, I don't watch football...

Because the company I work for donates to the [Special Needs Charity] and the Special Olympics, the Boss Duo and I were invited to attend the Special Olympics Awards Ceremony as special VIP guests.

It was a fun, energetic, amazing time....

The best part of my job is THIS part. The part where I get to work with non-profits. The part where I get to see where our donations go.

I meet a lot of people doing this part of my job.

Today was no exception.

What does this have to do with Luther Bradley?

Allow me to tell the tale.

All night I had been hearing his dropped. I scanned to crowd of green jackets wondering just this guy was and why was everyone talking about him.

Was he a supporter?

Was he a rider?

What in the heck was he....

It was after the dinner and we were trying to escape out into the hallway when the Duo and I got sucked into posing for pictures.

Olympians.... Warriors.... Non Profit contacts.... Some guy in a blue shirt???

I finally asked the Boss Duo why we were taking photos with the big guy in the blue shirt. He didn't have any shoes on. The Boss Duo had been texting the photo to everyone.

"That's Luther Bradley. Don't you know that is?" Boss #1 was shocked I didn't know this info.

"Um, nope. is he?"

"He was a Detroit Lion Football player"

"Oh, Ok....."

So, I'm asking you peeps there.... Do you know he is? Did I just have a brush with fame and not know it?? This guy totally had his arm wrapped around my shoulder in these photos.... Should I ever wash it again?I
10 Comments

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