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Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Posted:Aug 22, 2016 12:09 am
Last Updated:Aug 22, 2016 8:09 pm

It keeps me up at night, I fall asleep, but never for very long.

It doesn't allow my mind to shut off. I focus on small incidents that I feel didn't go as planned and replay the scenario in my mind over and over again.

It isolates me. I feel like everyone is judging me, mostly because I am always judging myself.

On my bad days, I have difficulty making even the smallest of decisions without an immeasurable amount of stress.

It is exhausting. Overthinking every decision, every conversation, every action, every minute of the day.

And, I deal with this every day.

Most of the people who know me don't know I have these struggles. I do a great job of pretending. Having worked in management positions most of my adult life, I've gotten pretty good at faking confidence when I sometimes feel inferior. I stand behind knowledge and use it as a shield when I have to face a situation that causes me anxiety.

Knowledge is something that makes me feel secure.

Today was a high anxiety day for me, I'm not really certain why. It doesn't always have a trigger, sometimes it just is. When I got home from work, I yelled at my because the apartment was a wreck, and spent the next hour cleaning that up, even though my feet hurt and I was starving.

Now I can't sleep, and I keep replaying that scene over and over in my mind, feeling absolutely terrible about it.

My rational mind knows I shouldn't. They've long since forgotten I was mad when I first got home and it's not like I made them help me. My continued to game with his friends on his Xbox and my and I watched tv together on the couch until bed time.

I just can't turn it off.
1 comment
Posted:Aug 21, 2016 1:41 am
Last Updated:Jul 10, 2020 3:01 pm

Honesty is the best policy.

Honest hearts produce honest actions.

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.

Honesty is an expensive gift. Do not expect it from cheap people.

We've all heard the cliche one-liners, these are just a few that have somehow managed to remain lodged in my memory. What they don't convey is, how hard being honest can really be.

Honesty is painful.

Honesty can be brutal.

Honesty can break your heart.

I broke a man's heart today. It is just as painful for me, as it is for him, I can assure you. I was honest with him about my feelings of unhappiness, I told him I couldn't go back to things the way they were.

And, I can't.

When you are unhappy resentment begins to grow inside you, consume you, takes over. Life is too short for unhappiness and resentment.

I've already traveled that road once.
Posted:Aug 19, 2016 4:36 pm
Last Updated:Aug 20, 2016 5:01 am


[image of woman's ass here]

Does anyone else chuckle a little at the ads pictured on this site? I can't help but marvel over how things have changed over the years. When I first signed up, back in the stone ages, there were no blogs, no ads, people didn't have to email each other a specific number of times before you could exchange information.

It was pretty archaic, really.

The addition of the blog feature has been really nice, I'll admit. It's the blog that draws me back, the small circle of friends who rally around each other through rough times and rejoice in good times.

A place to reveal those secrets you can't reveal in real life.

This is my third time around, here. New phase in life, new profile, new wants, new needs...... Blah blah blah....

There is one underlying factor that remains the same, however. That need for physical human touch. I'm noticing something different this time around, though.

I'm different.

A lot of the men on here are looking for an easy piece of ass that they can hook up with from time to time. I have nothing against that at all, or them for that matter. They are being honest, they have needs that need to be met and that is, to an extent, why a site like this exists.

I'm finding... I just can't be that 'easy piece of ass'. I want more. Someone who can hold a conversation, correctly spell the word divorce, send an introduction email that contains words instead of dick pic's.

I know these men are on here, I've met them before. They are few and far between, but I can hold out until I find the right one.

Just because I'm not looking for Prince Charming to scoop me up and ride off into the sunset with me it doesn't mean I have to be the who is hanging out under the bridge with the trolls.
Is it just me?
Posted:Aug 18, 2016 8:41 pm
Last Updated:Aug 19, 2016 4:06 pm

Or, does the hair net on the bald guy seem a little..... Unnecessary??

My and I ate out last night and the guy who delivered a portion of our meal was completely bald, yet wearing a hair net.

Overkill? Um, I'm thinking yes.

Even my asked me why someone who doesn't have hair had to wear a hair net.

She's 8 years old.
It's National I Love My Feet Day!
Posted:Aug 17, 2016 5:53 pm
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2016 8:42 pm
What better way to celebrate than with a couple of photos!

In other news.....

It was a completely shitty day at work today.

My coworker who cried on my shoulder last week because she was so poor she had to take her to the food pantry to get groceries was in the store today.


I would like to add, this was the SECOND time this week she was in shopping.

Poor, huh.... Food Pantry, huh.....

I feel a little disgusted when I see her. From the day she started it's all been a huge pity party for her. Something is ALWAYS going on. If it's not her imagined health scares it's her finances. When it's not her finances she isn't getting along well with our other coworkers and crying because they are 'mean' to her.

If I hear her talk about buying underwear at a yard sale one more time I'm going to scream. Maybe if she hadn't spent $700 on 'greens' and vitamins 3 weeks ago she could afford a new pair of fucking underwear.
1 comment
Thank God for small miracles!
Posted:Aug 16, 2016 2:47 pm
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2016 2:29 am

Air conditioning that works!


$20 found in a pocket!


old enough to do chores!


Shows to binge watch on Netflix!

Genuine appreciation!

Lake Michigan Perfection
Posted:Aug 15, 2016 6:47 pm
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2016 4:49 pm

I spent the afternoon at Sturgeon Bay.

So beautiful....

The water was as calm as I've ever seen Lake Michigan, and warm. I literally spent 2 hours playing and lounging in the water.

Depressing to think summer is beginning to wind down and school will be starting soon.


Afterward we stopped at DQ for a bite to eat. Saw my reflection in a window and nearly died.

Totally flashing way to much cleavage.

I wasn't really planning on stopping anywhere after swimming, so I had only thrown on a pair of cut off jean shorts and a light open front sweater to wear over my bathing suit. The problem was, bathing suit conceals nothing in the cleavage area.

Yep, I'm pretty sure I was looking fairly trampy.

Oh well, this was probably my last trip up this year, I'm sure the good folks of Mackinaw will have forgotten me by next year.
Would you rather.....
Posted:Aug 15, 2016 7:20 am
Last Updated:Aug 31, 2016 12:19 am

Be with an attractive woman who is a little overweight?


Be with a homely woman sporting a rocking body?

All honesty is much appreciated. As someone who has been battling body image issues, I would love to get some outside perspective on the subject. Personally, I prefer a handsome guy with a little meat on his bones. Yum!
It doesn't matter, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Definitely beauty, weight is variable.
Rocking body! I'm not interested in the face anyway!
1 comment , 8 votes
Observations I Made Today
Posted:Aug 14, 2016 5:59 pm
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2016 11:29 am

1. Believe it or not, I never noticed until TODAY that it was Huey Lewis in the gymnasium who turns down Marty McFly when he auditions in Back to the Future.

2. Even though it's 3 times as expensive, clinical strength deodorant ISN'T any better than regular strength.

3. will do ANY chore to get their electronics privileges back.

4. Former coworkers who have NOT improved their life situations since you last saw them will go out of their way to avoid you in public situations.

5. I go out of my way to approach people who go out of their way to avoid me. I want to know the juicy details of their misery.

6. Without realizing it, I picked a side in regards to the work place feud.

7. I only wear dangly earrings.

8. The hotter and muggier it is, the bitchier I get. Even though I say summer is my favorite season, I'm lying. I actually love fall.

9. Salt and pepper hair on men turns me on.

10. Even though I went grocery shopping yesterday, I had nothing to make a complete meal tonight for dinner. I MUST utilize a grocery list!!
Another day in paradise....
Posted:Aug 12, 2016 7:33 pm
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2016 2:49 pm

Everyone at work is feuding.

Really sucks.

I've heard about 5 sides to every story and honestly, I really don't give a crap. I could CARE LESS about any of it!!

That's the problem with being the nice, easy going one. Everyone wants you to take their side. Eventually this is going to end up burning me when I refuse to pick anyone's side.

I'm just ready for all the drama to come to an end.
It's all in the dream.
Posted:Aug 12, 2016 7:16 am
Last Updated:Oct 17, 2021 6:9 am

I had such a bizarre dream last night.

In my dream I was getting dressed up to go out.

Nice dress, jewelry.....

But every time I went to grab a pair of shoes, there was something wrong with them. One pair was completely saturated as I pulled them out of the box. Another had mismatched shoes in the box. A third pair absolutely didn't match my outfit.

I actually woke up frustrated from this dream.

I'm certain the dream is a result of personal issues I've been working through over the past couple of months.
How was my day?
Posted:Aug 11, 2016 3:56 pm
Last Updated:Oct 17, 2021 6:9 am

Let me tell you!

Who could have known that, in a retail sales position, you would have to go to such great lengths to satisfy a customer.

I certainly didn't...

But there I was, holding a woman's oxygen tank while she spritzed room sprays to see which ones didn't affect her lung issues. At one point she spritzed one, gagged, commented that she couldn't handle the scent, then spritzed it again to make sure.


My last customer of the day was really the cherry on top of my sundae, though. It was a guy who openly stated, as he stepped through the door, that he was only looking and would not require any help from "helicopter sales people." He then proceeded to consume the next 45 minutes of my time as he asked me questions about products and requested demo's to see if they "made him stink pretty."

If people only knew how much of a jackass they look like when they proclaim such stupid shit.

Here's the thing. Retail stores employ sales associates to assist customers in making sales.

Pure and simple.

Our entire job, the whole time we are at work, is to ASSIST customers. So, the next time you are greeted at the door or have someone approach you and say hi, remember this.
Eh, I guess it's a day.
Posted:Aug 11, 2016 12:29 am
Last Updated:Oct 17, 2021 6:9 am

And my evening ended with a confidence crushing blow to my ego.


It doesn't help that I've been unable to sleep, either. I just keep replaying things over in my mind.

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