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When you cry in your sleep....
Posted:Jun 5, 2021 1:57 am
Last Updated:Oct 17, 2021 6:8 am
4860 Views

I woke up crying.

Not the weeping and wailing type of crying.....

Just the continuous stream of tears rolling down my cheeks onto the pillow crying.

I must have been doing it for quite some time as my pillow was just absolutely soaked. If there was a dream, I lost memory of it before I woke, all I remember is opening my eyes and feeling a tear slip from the corner of my eye.

Middle 's graduation couldn't have gone more perfectly.

I found a parking spot.

The Spawn and I managed to find up front seating.

I made it through the whole ceremony without crying.

Well.... Almost.

It was at the very end when the graduates were headed off the field.

*Because of COVID and the size of Middle 's graduating class, the event was held in the football field.*

I was clapping like a mad woman along with the rest of the crowd when I looked over at my tough-as-nails Spawn who remained seated in her chair.

The rest of us were standing and waving and clapping and hollering.....

And she was quietly crying.

"Hey.... You ok?"

I sat down next to her and gently rubbed her back, tears springing to my eyes as well now.

"Yah, it's just sad."

"Yep."

So, there we sat, quietly contemplating the changes that are happening over the course of the next 24 hours.

Our little family of three will very shortly become a family of two.
0 Comments
The Big Date
Posted:Jun 4, 2021 3:53 am
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2021 3:55 am
4778 Views

I went a date last night.

Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh

Are you hanging the edge of your seat?? Anxiously awaiting those juicy details of where we met and what we did???

Leave me a comment and I will share!

... That's right. We can no longer leave comments. How about we fix a few of the problems that already exist before we create more??

On a more serious note, I did, in fact, go on a date last night.

It was terrible.

The first date in over a year and my trend stays strong!

It started with his phone ringing continuously as it sat next his drink. When I told him that he should answer his phone if he needed to, he replied with...

"It's just bill collectors. I don't need to hear what they have to say."

Ok........

Whether it was or not, I don't know, but I did know someone was texting him like crazy and most of the time, while I was being witty and charming, he was checking his phone and shaking his head.

Yah........

While my phone sat tucked away in my purse, quietly sitting there on silent mode, he was laser focused on the probably angry texts from another girl, I'm guessing.

Don't that just give you the warm fuzzies?

We did talk for quite a while in the parking lot and ended things with a hug, but I think that's she wrote for this guy.

Happy Friday!

PS - Wish luck and strength for my 's graduation ceremony tonight. I only have two days left with him before he leaves for boot camp.
0 Comments
The Graduation Open House
Posted:Jun 3, 2021 2:32 am
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2021 3:25 am
4494 Views

My Ex Husband hosted the graduation open house for my last night.....

Have you ever had one of those eye-opening experiences where you're able sit back and view it from a distance? Through a different set of eyes??

Well, I had one of those moments, and.... I realize just how far I've come and just how much better my life is now.

Divorce was a good look for me.

I picked The Spawn after I got out of work and headed the Ex's. A group of people had already begun assembling but my Middle was nowhere be found.

The only person I knew in the group was my ex.

Fantastic.

The Ex Husband started introducing the group and telling how they knew Middle when he got a muppet looking guy holding a plastic cup containing a mixed drink.

"Hi [secret_lade], remember me? It's Trevor!"

Uh, yah. Had no clue who this guy was. I didn't pretend either.

"I do not remember, I'm sorry. It's been a while."

I was expecting him tell how we may have known each other in the past....

Nothing.

Not even crickets.

Ok then. The introductions continued and I was pleasant, telling everyone I was happy meet them.

By now, people I did know from my past life with my Ex had started show and everyone was getting a little more lively.

It's a strange dynamic, though, being an Ex within a group of people who were once your people.

There is an unwritten rule in , though, that one-time-friends can't even acknowledge your existence until it has been allowed by the reigning spouse who got them during the divorce.

It was at this moment that I really began take a step back and view the scene from a distance.

the right side a group of worn out drinking buddies I had known from years past.

the left side ex-coworkers of my now retired ex husband.

Across from a new group of drinking friends that had been accumulated after the divorce.

I realized, in this moment, I had no desire what-so-ever for these individuals be my people.

In an odd way, it felt like a growth moment for me.

I've outgrown that redneck drinking circle that kept my true self tucked away, hidden from the world under the guise of so-and-so's wife. I spent a lot of years hiding the fact that I was smart and talented and funny so I would fit into that mold to be one of the circle.

I wound feeling kind of superior them .

Superior because.... I wasn't afraid be myself. I made my stupid jokes, I didn't dumb down my conversation, and I didn't care that I showed up dressed in my work clothes and everyone else was wearing old jeans and t-shirts.

It felt good be .

And, for the first time in quite a few days, I didn't end my day in tears.

Happy Thursday!
0 Comments
In the moment....
Posted:May 23, 2021 5:39 am
Last Updated:Jun 9, 2021 2:14 am
7248 Views

So much is happening right now in a short period of time for me.

Middle has completed school and the graduation ceremony is next Friday. I am SO proud of that stinker!

That also means my time with him is coming to a close for a while....

So I've decided to spend as much time as possible 'in the moment', enjoying our precious time left together.

I will be back with my funny stories of workplace calamities and the happenings around the apartment complex, but for now, I'm going to be focusing on graduation parties and moments with my .

Until I return, Happy Sunday!
10 Comments
Happy birthday to me!
Posted:May 17, 2021 4:43 pm
Last Updated:Jun 3, 2021 1:26 am
9448 Views

I'm always surprised by how many people genuinely seem like .

My birthday is tomorrow, but I'd rather die a slow, painful death than have to work on my birthday, so I took a vacation day tomorrow.

Didn't stop the coworkers from stopping by my office and wishing a happy birthday, though.

I'd made plans with the coworkers the last time we had drinks that we would do it again tonight so we could celebrate my birthday.

I had fun this time.

There was a bigger crowd so the people dynamic was much different, much more casual, which I enjoyed.

I didn't even mind the waitress bringing me the giant piece of cake while a room full of people burst out singing "Happy Birthday" to me.

It probably helped that I had giant mugs of beer in ...

I'm not quite sure I'm ready be the big 4-7, but it looks like I'm not going have any choice.

One more trip around the sun under my belt.

Goodbye 46....

Happy Monday!
31 Comments
Life
Posted:May 16, 2021 4:51 am
Last Updated:Jun 9, 2021 4:47 pm
10050 Views

You know the feeling you get...

When the tears spring to your eyes as you bite your lip in the same spot for the 9 millionth time...

And you say to yourself, why in the FUCK do I keep doing this to myself??

That seems to be my life these days.

Constantly revisiting all those sore spots and reopening those wounds.

I saw the Hippie last weekend when I was in Petoskey....

I reopened that wound.

I had been feeling nostalgic, the 10 year anniversary of the first time we met was coming up and I just needed to talk.

We'd had lunch and it was like old times.... talking and laughing.

Also like old times were the conspiracy laden angry texts afterward about how much he hates his family, the world, and the end of life as we know it.

Just like that, those tears sprang to my eyes as I bit my lip in the exact same spot for the 9 millionth time.

Oh My Fucking God! Why do I keep doing this to myself??

I'm a horrible, rotten person to boot cause I revisited that old, bad situation and pulled off that scab for someone else as well.
39 Comments
So..... Yah.
Posted:May 11, 2021 3:03 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2021 6:47 am
10499 Views

Waited on a customer today who was disappointed in the layout of our store and exclaimed loudly how he was going to write corporate of his disapproval.

Same customer was sporting a Kool-Aid mustache.

For a moment there, I thought I was at Walmart.....

Happy Tuesday!
14 Comments
Yes, I do believe there are angels among us.
Posted:May 11, 2021 2:54 am
Last Updated:May 12, 2021 2:32 am
10467 Views

A favorite coworker of mine was back from vacation yesterday so I popped up front to say Hi and welcome her back.

She had seen the cap and gown photos of my Middle that I'd posted on faceplace and asked if she could get one from me.

She and my Middle had developed a close bond when he was working with us and I knew it would mean a lot to her.

When she told me that she planned to keep it on her table with her 's photo, the one who had been killed in action while he was a marine, so she could pray from him every day, it touched my soul.

She knows just how emotional I have been through all this and has seen my cry on more than one occasion but she has been my rock.

She has actually taken the day off from work on Jun 7th, the day my ships out, so she and a few military moms that she knows can spend the day with me to help support me.

I truely believe she is an angel.
21 Comments
So.... Tell me a little about yourself.
Posted:May 9, 2021 4:53 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2021 6:47 am
10539 Views
I hate when people ask this of ....

My mind immediately goes here and I'm temped say, pick a category!



I'll take 'Inappropriate Humor' for a $0, Alex!

I was at the Pine Squirrel with my today for a fun Mother's Day lunch when we happened across the father to one of his friends.

Nice guy, had a lot of nice things to say about my ....

But when he asked tell him a little about myself it was like, deer in the headlights.

Should I open with rambling honesty?

Followed by insecurity and awkward laughter??

Or go straight for the foot in mouth moment!

I chose vague personal details accompanied by a squirrel joke that only I laughed at.

Smooth I am not....

Happy Mother's Day!
31 Comments
Confessions of the single girl....
Posted:May 8, 2021 7:00 am
Last Updated:May 11, 2021 3:29 pm
11709 Views

"You're so lucky to be single. You can come and go whenever you please."

"It must be nice to buy anything you want without having to explain it to a husband."

"I don't know how you do it. I need my husband for everything."

"You're the strongest woman I know. I envy that!"

I broke one of my rules on Thursday and went to happy hour with a few lady coworkers after work.

Everything was fine and I was enjoying myself until....

One of my coworkers saw the guy next to me grin at me.

I didn't even see it.

We were sitting at the bar and my back was facing the guy next to me, my arm
stretched out to my side across the bar. He had accidentally grabbed my hand and I had pulled away instinctively.

"I saw that man grin at you!"

"Don't look now, I think he likes you!"

When you are the only single woman within a group of married women, this is the most embarrassing topic of conversation.

It's only a matter of time before it gets brought up.... It will always be brought up. Before you know it, everyone is marveling at how you could possibly 'still be single after all this time' and they are each wishing they knew someone single to fix you up with.

You are wishing you had a slingshot so you could shoot them between the eyes.

Thankfully the appetizers finally came and I ordered another beer, the topic of conversation shifting to how amazing the food was.

"Ah, shit. My husband's here."

I looked up and smiled, but I knew what was coming next.

"It must be nice to not have anyone to answer to."

I hate when married women do this, feel pity for you because they have someone who they are going home to and you do not. That infantilizing look in their eye when they pat your hand and tell you things like...

"Your day will come."

What if my day came and passed?

What if it never comes?

This comment is always followed by the married woman who is disgruntled in her marriage.

"Don't EVER get married again, honey! Don't give up that freedom! If something ever happened between my husband and I, I'd never get married again!!"

Yah, this coming from the woman on her third marriage.

Round Two of uncomfortable topics of conversation.

I sit and smile while I listen to the remaining two as they complain about their spouses and sex lives and inability to to get along with them and the stupid stuff the spouses do....

And I wind up feeling a little envious.

Here these women have someone to come home to, someone there waiting for them, and all they do is complain.

"He bought red wine instead of white!"

"He didn't rinse the dishes off before he put them in the dish washer!"

"He bought me the wrong lotion! I wanted the rose scented one!"

What I hear is, a couple of spoiled women who will never be happy with anything..... But I only smile and nod my head.

If they only knew what I really though.....

The reason I'm still single is because all the decent guys are attached to women like you.

So, there you have it.

The confession of a single girl..... One of them, anyway.

Happy Saturday.
39 Comments
Thank God it's Fucking Friday
Posted:May 7, 2021 2:55 pm
Last Updated:May 10, 2021 12:23 am
10393 Views

You know it's been a hell of a week when you get dive-bombed by a bird on the way to your car.

Holy shit!

If I didn't know any better, I'd say part of his beak is still embedded in my scalp!

Let's add that one to the list of things NOT to do....

I'll admit, the ole self-esteem took a giant hit.

What on earth could have been the motive for that???

Does my hair like a fucking bird nest? Why would a bird nest be moving across the parking lot if it were??

Do I now have an irrational fear of birds???

time will tell....

For now, I'll just be thankful it's Friday!
20 Comments
What is this world coming to?
Posted:May 6, 2021 5:09 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2021 4:23 pm
10647 Views
You leave your cell phone unattended for just a moment and...

BAM!!

Attempted hacking.

Thanks to the marvels of modern technology my cell phone is equipped with a neat little feature that takes a photo of the perpetrator and EMAILS it to the legal owner.

Me

Imagine my surprise to find out this is my attempted hacker.



The violation...

I may never be the same again.

Happy Thursday!
31 Comments
Have I died and gone to heaven??
Posted:May 5, 2021 5:32 pm
Last Updated:May 7, 2021 2:38 pm
10741 Views

The Downstairs Nightmares have MOVED OUT!

Perhaps I've done my time and suffered enough in this world....

I noticed last night that their truck wasn't parked in the handicap spot in the parking lot and it was surprisingly quiet down there.

"You know, I haven't seen the downstairs' neighbors truck out there. It was pretty quiet down there last night, too."

"Duh, mom! They packed up a U-Haul yesterday and moved."

"They did?? When did they do that??? How do I not know this????"

"They did it before you got home yesterday."

"I think I need to sit for this....."

Feeling faint....

What is this I'm experiencing?

Is this.... Dare I say..... Euphoria??

"Do I detect a drama queen?"

Turning on her heel, the Spawn rolled her eyes and headed down the hall.

If she only knew how much misery these horrible people caused me!!

I had to know for certain they were actually gone so I snuck downstairs and out the door to peek into their doorwall to make sure.

What a nightmare!

They are definitely gone but they've left a disaster zone in their wake.

garbage bags sat in the middle of the empty apartment, full of garbage, one tipped on it's side with the trash spilling out. Empty liter pop bottles littered the dining area and the carpet doesn't appear have ever been vacuumed.

Don't forget, these people had 3 dogs who never went outside....

I can't even imagine how terrible that apartment smells. Cigarette smoke, dogs, filth.... I want dry heave just thinking about it.

I practically skipped back up the stairs my own apartment.

Why, yes Virginia.... There is a Santa Clause.

Happy Wednesday!
39 Comments

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