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At some point, they fly the coop.  

secret_lade 46F
5609 posts
6/16/2020 4:10 pm
At some point, they fly the coop.


My Middle called me at work yesterday... He was at the marine recruiting office and wanted to schedule a time for me to meet with the recruiter.

I wanted to just die.

Tears sprung to my eyes and I immediately said no. All I could see in my mind's eye was my tiny little boy smiling up at me on his first day of school. I heard him tell the recruiter I said no, the recruiter asked to speak with me.

"Hi, how are you today?"

"I've been better."

"You sound like you have concerns."

"Of course I have concerns. Look what is going on in the world right now..."

I told the recruiter I would meet with him, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. When I stopped at my ex husband's house to pick up the Spawn, he was sitting on the deck with my Middle .

"I can't do it. I don't want him to go."

I cried, it was not a good scene. I don't know what had me more upset, the idea that he was going to be leaving me or the possibility that he could find himself out there in dangerous situations and I would not be there to protect him.

My ex husband did go... And, I know that eventually I will have to go to. I'm just having a hard time with it right now, even as I type this I'm teared up and feeling upset.

But, I told my today, that I support him no matter his decision.

I'm just not ready to set him free.

It was a conversation with one coworker in particular that helped me to come to terms with this. He had said that his was in the Marines and she just loved it. He had said it was one of the best things that had happened for her and even though she was not in the military anymore, she had developed friendships and bonds with people that continue to this day.

Does it ever get easier?

secret_lade 46F
3884 posts
6/17/2020 9:22 pm

This makes Son #2 to reach adult hood... It wasn't as bad with my oldest son as, he didn't leave and go anywhere. He just got a job and started to do his own thing.


citizen4722 62M  
67421 posts
6/17/2020 3:28 pm

I'm sure it'll get easier in time


secret_lade 46F
3884 posts
6/17/2020 2:45 pm

    Quoting jajo696:
    No matter when and where they go...its always difficult for those left behind. A military career is def something to be admired and proud of...but for a parent..... scary. I have no experience with it. I cant even imagine your thoughts...just know they are all valid.....and in time hopefully they can be reconciled. This is the ultimate definition of bittersweet. Much luck with it all....sending wishes of calmness of spirit your way~~
Thank you... And, it is bittersweet. We prepare them their whole life to be independent thinking responsible adults... And, then they are. And, we aren't prepared.


secret_lade 46F
3884 posts
6/17/2020 2:42 pm

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    It sucks when you've prepared them to fly outta the nest ... and they finally do!
    I know what you mean. It's another step and the world is full of them. There will probably be more of them along the way...that's for sure
    Ya need a hug? I could use one now...
I could totally use a hug.


Paulxx001 63M
16598 posts
6/17/2020 4:22 am

It sucks when you've prepared them to fly outta the nest ... and they finally do!
I know what you mean. It's another step and the world is full of them. There will probably be more of them along the way...that's for sure
Ya need a hug? I could use one now...


jajo696 65F
2213 posts
6/17/2020 3:07 am

No matter when and where they go...its always difficult for those left behind. A military career is def something to be admired and proud of...but for a parent..... scary. I have no experience with it. I cant even imagine your thoughts...just know they are all valid.....and in time hopefully they can be reconciled. This is the ultimate definition of bittersweet. Much luck with it all....sending wishes of calmness of spirit your way~~


secret_lade 46F
3884 posts
6/16/2020 10:25 pm

    Quoting Granny872:
    My son initially went to the recruiter with his older brother, and didn't tell us (his parents) right away. He enlisted when he was 20 though, so it didn't require our consent.

    It's painful for us as parents, but I have to say, it's really helped him grow over the years. He's still in, and has 11 years under his belt.

    Hope you can come to terms with it.
I'm working on it... It helps to hear from other parents who have gone through this. It helps to know that, the worst case scenarios I have in my mind aren't the only scenarios. Thank you.


secret_lade 46F
3884 posts
6/16/2020 10:23 pm

    Quoting CUMHANDLEME:
    I completely understand your issue. Dropping your child off at college is one thing but dropping them off at boot camp is something completely different.

    I hope you find a way to come to terms with your children becoming independent and leaving home for where ever their choosen life path takes them.
This one is certainly a challenge for me. It's going to be hard because I'm scared for him... You're right, it's not like college. I don't get to see him on holidays and school breaks. And if he ends up overseas... Ugh


secret_lade 46F
3884 posts
6/16/2020 10:17 pm

    Quoting lonlyforlove2:
    I never had to go through this, I had a house full of girls and they all are working with the local School system, Teachers and food service managers. I guess it is a big thing to see one grow up, as one would say , with the signing of his name on a form...It is a very good service and has some of the worlds finest people. He could worse, Be proud, he is manning up.. have a good day, be safe..
I am proud... And scared. This one is my good kid, my responsible kid. I do know he will do well, no matter what he does.


secret_lade 46F
3884 posts
6/16/2020 10:12 pm

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    My nephew enlisted in the Marines, I think he learned a lot of self discipline. He's got out, went to a cooking school and is a chef in Dallas, now. As an alternative possibility, my 40 yr old son did NOT join anything, bombed out of junior college his 1st year, can't hold a job, and is currently in his room playing video games, as usual. It sounds like your son has plans for the future.
Thank you for giving me some perspective. He does have plans, he wants to be a specialized mechanic. El Douche..... I certainly hope he at least helps you out around the house.


secret_lade 46F
3884 posts
6/16/2020 10:03 pm

    Quoting topherific:
    you raise them to be their own people, it is awesome he wants to serve his country and the Marines are #1 mother on
Yes, I did. I also raised them to be strong and independent.... And to be proud of what they do. It's just so tough out there in the world... I know, I've been out there on my own since i turned 18. Before that it you consider the fact that I was an emancipated minor at 15....


secret_lade 46F
3884 posts
6/16/2020 9:58 pm

    Quoting easy_going2014:
    Hi secret_lade

    I tell my kids that I wish I could go straight to grandkids

    it's so much easier, you just have to love them

    and spoil, and hug them, and read to them

    but, you don't have to make them go to bed, or clean their room, or get them ready for school, or all of the other things to raise them

    it is a challenge, it just shows that you are a good mom

    hmm

    be safe

    Kenny Loggins - "Return to Pooh Corner"

    Christopher Robin and I walked along
    Under branches lit up by the moon
    Posing our questions to Owl and Eeyore
    As our days disappeared all too soon
    But I've wandered much further today than I should
    And I can't seem to find my way back to the wood
    So help me if you can, I've got to get
    Back to the house at Pooh corner by one
    You'd be surprised there's so much to be done
    Count all the bees in the hive
    Chase all the clouds from the sky (chase the clouds from above)
    Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh
    Winnie the Pooh doesn't know what to do
    Got a honey jar stuck on his nose
    He came to me asking help and advice
    And from there no one knows where he goes
    So I sent him to ask of the owl if he's there
    How to loosen a jar from the nose of a bear
Thank you for the song.... It brought back such good memories. Not memories of my own kids, they weren't into Poo, but memories of my own childhood and my grandma reading Poo to me.


easy_going2014 53M
13404 posts
6/16/2020 7:24 pm

Hi secret_lade

I tell my kids that I wish I could go straight to grandkids

it's so much easier, you just have to love them

and spoil, and hug them, and read to them

but, you don't have to make them go to bed, or clean their room, or get them ready for school, or all of the other things to raise them

it is a challenge, it just shows that you are a good mom

hmm

be safe

Kenny Loggins - "Return to Pooh Corner"

Christopher Robin and I walked along
Under branches lit up by the moon
Posing our questions to Owl and Eeyore
As our days disappeared all too soon
But I've wandered much further today than I should
And I can't seem to find my way back to the wood
So help me if you can, I've got to get
Back to the house at Pooh corner by one
You'd be surprised there's so much to be done
Count all the bees in the hive
Chase all the clouds from the sky (chase the clouds from above)
Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh
Winnie the Pooh doesn't know what to do
Got a honey jar stuck on his nose
He came to me asking help and advice
And from there no one knows where he goes
So I sent him to ask of the owl if he's there
How to loosen a jar from the nose of a bear

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Good luck!!!


topherific 57M
4679 posts
6/16/2020 6:27 pm

you raise them to be their own people, it is awesome he wants to serve his country and the Marines are #1 mother on


mc_justmc 60M
6278 posts
6/16/2020 6:19 pm

My nephew enlisted in the Marines, I think he learned a lot of self discipline. He's got out, went to a cooking school and is a chef in Dallas, now. As an alternative possibility, my 40 yr old son did NOT join anything, bombed out of junior college his 1st year, can't hold a job, and is currently in his room playing video games, as usual. It sounds like your son has plans for the future.


lonlyforlove2 77M
14988 posts
6/16/2020 5:38 pm

I never had to go through this, I had a house full of girls and they all are working with the local School system, Teachers and food service managers. I guess it is a big thing to see one grow up, as one would say , with the signing of his name on a form...It is a very good service and has some of the worlds finest people. He could worse, Be proud, he is manning up.. have a good day, be safe..

Be sure to look in at lonlyforlove2 . It may make you smile


CUMHANDLEME 57F  
670 posts
6/16/2020 5:35 pm

I completely understand your issue. Dropping your child off at college is one thing but dropping them off at boot camp is something completely different.

I hope you find a way to come to terms with your children becoming independent and leaving home for where ever their choosen life path takes them.

Do you have any Primal Urges ... I do, please CUMHANDLEME and explore some of my naughty and nice Primal ... Urges with me !!!


Granny872 67F  
2405 posts
6/16/2020 4:44 pm

My son initially went to the recruiter with his older brother, and didn't tell us (his parents) right away. He enlisted when he was 20 though, so it didn't require our consent.

It's painful for us as parents, but I have to say, it's really helped him grow over the years. He's still in, and has 11 years under his belt.

Hope you can come to terms with it.


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