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Never Be Ashamed Of A Scar  

sexyldy1000 59F  
7035 posts
7/20/2020 12:09 pm
Never Be Ashamed Of A Scar




Recently, I had an interesting conversation with a friend about being a cancer survivor. It's not something I hide but at the same time, I don't mention it in my profile nor during initial conversations. He chastised me for not declaring my 'status' and that I should shout it from the rooftops!

As I look at it, it's a part of who I am but it doesn't define who I am. I don’t want it 'to' be the centre of conversation. I am fully recovered and have since had another life-threatening illness, less than two years ago. Does that make sense 'to' you?

Let me share a story:
I have 2 small scars on my chest, below my collarbone. I am much less aware of them now and they are only visible depending on the neckline of what I wear. If you look closely at the second picture on my profile, you can spot them.

One time, I met someone new for dinner. After our order was taken, we were sipping cocktails and continuing 'to' get 'to' know each other. At one point, he looked at me and said, ‘What happened to you? Did you get knifed in a fight?’ I almost choked! I put my drink down, looked him straight in the eye and said, ‘No asshole. Those are from my chemo port that saved my life!’ With that, I excused myself and left without turning around. Was he nervous and misspoke? Did I overreact? It doesn’t matter as I have never regretted my decision.

I used 'to' feel obliged 'to' warn a potential partner about my scars (I have a few other ones). However, no one else has ever mentioned them nor asked me about them. Although most have faded, they will always remind me of where I have been. If someone can’t see past them, they aren’t the type of people I want to be around.


Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/20/2020 12:14 pm

One of my favourite songs is 'Scars To Your Beautiful' by Alessia Cara
Below are my favourite lines from it which should be a reminder to everyone:
You should know you're beautiful just the way you are
And you don't have to change a thing, the world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we're stars and we're beautiful


Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


justaguyinalaska 54M  
645 posts
7/20/2020 12:46 pm

Progress in *health care* and affluence has made near-flawless bodies an option, primarily for plutocrats. Compounding this trend toward ultra-vanity are high-tech cosmetics, teeth bleaching/replacement and the all-too-familiar photo-shopping. Sadly, the *Heidelberg dueling scars* of yore have faded as sexy badges-of-courage.

A long life in the *tall grass* all over the world has imprinted me with a collection of scars. To riff on Rod Stewart, *every picture tells a story*. And such stories (including your own challenges) are far more enthralling and character-defining than a visit to your plastic surgeon for blemish removal or nose straightening.


needsomefun21515 54M  
203 posts
7/20/2020 12:54 pm

sexyldy, Being a person that has some scares as well some very visible. I totally respect you and the way you handle yourself. It's one thing if they ask you if you want to talk about them. Another if the just assume you want to talk about them.


lonlyforlove2 77M
16683 posts
7/20/2020 12:58 pm

Glad you had the balls to get up and leave, some one that would make such a remark does not deserve your company.. I have scars, I was visited by melanoma about 12 years back and it left me with a scar in the center lower part of my back that is ugly. but After 2 surgeries, removal of a bunch of lymph nodes; it was noted that it had not spread, and I made it, NO more sunshine, no tan lines just be careful and continue to watch for any recurrence other than that just life time battle scares, but They don't bother me and is none of any one else's issues.. Glad you made it and hopeful that you will enjoy a healthy life.. Be safe..don't let the new bug get to you!!

Be sure to look in at lonlyforlove2 . It may make you smile


easyrider4008 64M
1580 posts
7/20/2020 1:39 pm

I have known women that have had C/ sections and don't want to show the scars and never get totally naked, I just think that none of us are perfect so it probably in the main doesn't make any difference to your mate.


brandnewman2003 58M
1245 posts
7/20/2020 1:51 pm

I love your resolve to never sit idle and just accept ignorant criticism. The old expression " Nip It In The Bud ", is definitely what you did.


aman4u1962a 58M
1798 posts
7/20/2020 2:05 pm

I agree with you. Most of us have some type of body imperfections, scars, stretch marks, etc. I view them as signs you're a real person, whose led a real life. It's part of who you are.


1salesman3 65M
5178 posts
7/20/2020 2:11 pm

Blessed you are healthy now. Never be concerned about small minds.


Tmptrzz 57F
84429 posts
7/20/2020 2:17 pm

Scars are a fact of life my friend, I have one from my four c-sections, then I have a jagged one on my left arm, from a glass falling out of a window and cutting one of my blood veins open.

I am so glad that you finally shared this story with us, and congratulations to for being a Cancer Survivor. And you know you have to do what feels right for you when they say things like that to you, as it wasn't very nice.

If someone really wants to get to know you, and have a relationship with you then no scars that you have should matter. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day..

Just your average every day run of the mill nana here!!!


thikhead 63M
3153 posts
7/20/2020 2:17 pm

they call "hickeys" love-marks, and moles beauty-marks,
guess you can consider scars "LIFE-marks" ?

my only openly visible ones (when clothed), thank god,
are many simple oven-rack burns on my arms
collected over the years.
but i DID once have a doctor ask if i did "cutting".
at least it WAS his business to ask.

as far as your date casually asking, i can see it,
but going right to "knife-fight"? BIG warning flag.

good move moving on asap

"well only get through this if we work together. if we dont, none of us will"


shoot_blanks 78M
609 posts
7/20/2020 2:21 pm

I have a beauty of a scar running sown from just below my navel to a few inches above..... I am a prostate cancer survivor and have lived without a prostate since August 2002. I can no longer ejaculate, have not had a normal/natural erection since August 17, 2002 and no longer ooze precum at the beginning of festivities. The worst part is that the surgery cut a hole in my urinary system and I drip. But, I'm alive, cancer free and still have magnificent orgasms....


mc_justmc 60M  
6450 posts
7/20/2020 4:38 pm

I don't have any tattoos but I've got some nice scars. I've always said tattoos are bought, but scars are earned. My Ex had a scar that ran from one side to the other side across her throat from gland surgery, it was so sexy....


p1947q 73M  
61 posts
7/20/2020 4:52 pm

[image}

for the courage to share


trixietrixster 52F  
1910 posts
7/20/2020 5:52 pm

A while back, I did a blog on scars as well. I've got several due to surgery for auto immune system issues. My under arms look like they were sewn back together - bout a 12 inch scar under my left boob - somewhat faded now. And, several others. Like you, I won't let them define me ... they give us character ... show that we lived life and not just sat on the sidelines. What a fucking douche bag he was to say something like that. No - don't think you overreacted. If he was truly interested in knowing, I believe he absolutely should have been more tactful. Way to go for fighting and being a survivor of such a terrible illness, brave, brave lady! *snuggles*

In Luv, Lite, Laffter ...


boobwhisperer69 57M  
6155 posts
7/20/2020 6:51 pm

They are just part of life!! Meant that you lived and you are still alive!!!


Paulxx001 63M
16323 posts
7/20/2020 7:24 pm

hmmm... I guess everyone has a scar of some sort or another. Some are just more visible.


Dark_Star1972 48M
721 posts
7/21/2020 12:13 am

    Quoting sexyldy1000:
    One of my favourite songs is 'Scars To Your Beautiful' by Alessia Cara
    Below are my favourite lines from it which should be a reminder to everyone:
    You should know you're beautiful just the way you are
    And you don't have to change a thing, the world could change its heart
    No scars to your beautiful, we're stars and we're beautiful

That is an amazing song! It's the song that made me a fan of hers.

The Darkstar

The Bearded One: Dark_Star1972
_______________________________


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 3:30 am

    Quoting justaguyinalaska:
    Progress in *health care* and affluence has made near-flawless bodies an option, primarily for plutocrats. Compounding this trend toward ultra-vanity are high-tech cosmetics, teeth bleaching/replacement and the all-too-familiar photo-shopping. Sadly, the *Heidelberg dueling scars* of yore have faded as sexy badges-of-courage.

    A long life in the *tall grass* all over the world has imprinted me with a collection of scars. To riff on Rod Stewart, *every picture tells a story*. And such stories (including your own challenges) are far more enthralling and character-defining than a visit to your plastic surgeon for blemish removal or nose straightening.
The strive for perfection has wared perceptions and set unrealistic expectations. The proverb, ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ by Irish novelist Margaret Hungerford should be the mantra for all. Thank you for sharing your viewpoint.

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 3:32 am

    Quoting needsomefun21515:
    sexyldy, Being a person that has some scares as well some very visible. I totally respect you and the way you handle yourself. It's one thing if they ask you if you want to talk about them. Another if the just assume you want to talk about them.
It is a bond that many of us share. Would you ask someone how they lost a limb? I would certainly hope not!. Thank you for stopping by.

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 3:36 am

    Quoting lonlyforlove2:
    Glad you had the balls to get up and leave, some one that would make such a remark does not deserve your company.. I have scars, I was visited by melanoma about 12 years back and it left me with a scar in the center lower part of my back that is ugly. but After 2 surgeries, removal of a bunch of lymph nodes; it was noted that it had not spread, and I made it, NO more sunshine, no tan lines just be careful and continue to watch for any recurrence other than that just life time battle scares, but They don't bother me and is none of any one else's issues.. Glad you made it and hopeful that you will enjoy a healthy life.. Be safe..don't let the new bug get to you!!
I have always tried my best to act respectfully even if there was no 'connection'. My reaction was immediate and without hesitation. The reality is that now, one in two people will be touched by cancer. Scary but something we all need to be aware of. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your story. Nope, that damned COVID isn't going to be My undoing!

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 3:38 am

    Quoting easyrider4008:
    I have known women that have had C/ sections and don't want to show the scars and never get totally naked, I just think that none of us are perfect so it probably in the main doesn't make any difference to your mate.
I also have 2 C-section scars (it was explained they cannot go through the original one). I have heard that many are self-conscious of them. I agree. It shouldn't matter to your love mate. If it does, they should be that person with you.

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 3:39 am

    Quoting brandnewman2003:
    I love your resolve to never sit idle and just accept ignorant criticism. The old expression " Nip It In The Bud ", is definitely what you did.
I felt it was completely inappropriate and that he needed to be educated. Thank you for stopping by.

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 3:41 am

    Quoting aman4u1962a:
    I agree with you. Most of us have some type of body imperfections, scars, stretch marks, etc. I view them as signs you're a real person, whose led a real life. It's part of who you are.
Agree with your perspective. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your take on it.

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 3:54 am

    Quoting 1salesman3:
    Blessed you are healthy now. Never be concerned about small minds.
Thank you. I feel blessed every day when I wake up

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 3:58 am

    Quoting Tmptrzz:
    Scars are a fact of life my friend, I have one from my four c-sections, then I have a jagged one on my left arm, from a glass falling out of a window and cutting one of my blood veins open.

    I am so glad that you finally shared this story with us, and congratulations to for being a Cancer Survivor. And you know you have to do what feels right for you when they say things like that to you, as it wasn't very nice.

    If someone really wants to get to know you, and have a relationship with you then no scars that you have should matter. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day..
I kind of don't like the word 'survivor'. My more recent health issues (almost two years ago) were even more 'life and death'. It's why I feel blessed every morning when I wake up to face another day. Thank you for your ongoing support .

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 4:00 am

    Quoting thikhead:
    they call "hickeys" love-marks, and moles beauty-marks,
    guess you can consider scars "LIFE-marks" ?

    my only openly visible ones (when clothed), thank god,
    are many simple oven-rack burns on my arms
    collected over the years.
    but i DID once have a doctor ask if i did "cutting".
    at least it WAS his business to ask.

    as far as your date casually asking, i can see it,
    but going right to "knife-fight"? BIG warning flag.

    good move moving on asap
What a great perspective! My reaction was instant and without hesitation. He needed to be educated! Thanks for stopping by.

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 4:03 am

    Quoting shoot_blanks:
    I have a beauty of a scar running sown from just below my navel to a few inches above..... I am a prostate cancer survivor and have lived without a prostate since August 2002. I can no longer ejaculate, have not had a normal/natural erection since August 17, 2002 and no longer ooze precum at the beginning of festivities. The worst part is that the surgery cut a hole in my urinary system and I drip. But, I'm alive, cancer free and still have magnificent orgasms....
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your journey. It's a bond that more and more of us share. Statistics now are that one in two people will be touched by cancer in their lifetime!

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 4:05 am

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    I don't have any tattoos but I've got some nice scars. I've always said tattoos are bought, but scars are earned. My Ex had a scar that ran from one side to the other side across her throat from gland surgery, it was so sexy....
What a great perspective! Supports why we should never be ashamed of them.

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 4:06 am

    Quoting p1947q:
    [image}

    for the courage to share
Thank you. It's something I have debated about posting for a long time. Everyone's support is heart warming

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 4:09 am

    Quoting trixietrixster:
    A while back, I did a blog on scars as well. I've got several due to surgery for auto immune system issues. My under arms look like they were sewn back together - bout a 12 inch scar under my left boob - somewhat faded now. And, several others. Like you, I won't let them define me ... they give us character ... show that we lived life and not just sat on the sidelines. What a fucking douche bag he was to say something like that. No - don't think you overreacted. If he was truly interested in knowing, I believe he absolutely should have been more tactful. Way to go for fighting and being a survivor of such a terrible illness, brave, brave lady! *snuggles*
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your journey. I don't think of myself as brave, but I am strong and resilient. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with something that truly gave me an encounter with the 'bright light on the other side'. I am grateful everyday that I wake up to see another day. *Snuggles* back to you

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 4:09 am

    Quoting boobwhisperer69:
    They are just part of life!! Meant that you lived and you are still alive!!!
Absolutely agree! Thank you for stopping by

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 4:10 am

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    hmmm... I guess everyone has a scar of some sort or another. Some are just more visible.
The hidden or invisible ones are often more devastating.

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 4:12 am

    Quoting Dark_Star1972:
    That is an amazing song! It's the song that made me a fan of hers.
It is a great song that became an anthem for people struggling with body image. Thanks for stopping by.

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


mamacita38dd 42F
52893 posts
7/21/2020 5:08 am

Thank you my friend for sharing this with us, I love you for your courage. Like Tmptrzz said, scars are a fact of life, I hope one day can have the courage you do

Please Visit My Blog MAMACITA38DD And Don't Forget To Enter My "REAL" September Points Giveaway


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 5:44 am

    Quoting mamacita38dd:
    Thank you my friend for sharing this with us, I love you for your courage. Like Tmptrzz said, scars are a fact of life, I hope one day can have the courage you do
Thank you for your support. I don’t think of myself as brave. I have done what I needed to do to survive and keep going 😊.

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


MrRareity 60M  
3999 posts
7/21/2020 9:35 am

I have many scars from my waist up all from surgeries. One is in the front of my chest it is longer than the scar of someone who's had OHS. The bad thing about it is it looks like I have two butts on my chest. I have them on my shoulder, and the rest are on my back and hips. I have told people that I was in a knife fight as a joke when they ask after they have seen them as an ice breaker. Believe me I can and do understand how you feel. I have never noticed and even if I did I wouldn't ask you about them. If you want to tell me you will if you don't you won't. I don't blame you for leaving when you did. I do think it was a poor choice of words he used, and that maybe if you just explained to him what happened he could of apologized to you, and you could have talk about it and educated him about cancer.

We have two lives, and the second begins when we realise we have only one - Confucious


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/21/2020 10:50 am

    Quoting MrRareity:
    I have many scars from my waist up all from surgeries. One is in the front of my chest it is longer than the scar of someone who's had OHS. The bad thing about it is it looks like I have two butts on my chest. I have them on my shoulder, and the rest are on my back and hips. I have told people that I was in a knife fight as a joke when they ask after they have seen them as an ice breaker. Believe me I can and do understand how you feel. I have never noticed and even if I did I wouldn't ask you about them. If you want to tell me you will if you don't you won't. I don't blame you for leaving when you did. I do think it was a poor choice of words he used, and that maybe if you just explained to him what happened he could of apologized to you, and you could have talk about it and educated him about cancer.
Wow! Sounds like you have been through a lot! Thank you for sharing your journey. His words were kind of the 'icing on the cake'. I didn't feel obliged to give him any explanation other than what I did. Hope you continue to be strong!

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


LadiesR2B1rst 57M  
741 posts
7/21/2020 8:56 pm

I do think that we have for the most part became a society looking for perfection. But, those imperfections tell the true story about us and how strong we truly are ! I admire that you got up and walked out on that guy !!


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/22/2020 12:47 am

    Quoting LadiesR2B1rst:
    I do think that we have for the most part became a society looking for perfection. But, those imperfections tell the true story about us and how strong we truly are ! I admire that you got up and walked out on that guy !!
It was uncharacteristic for me to do so but I have never regretted my decision. Thank you for stopping by 😊.

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


Solfan55 65M
425 posts
7/22/2020 9:58 am

Most of us have scars, some are visible and some aren't. Some are skin deep and others buried deep in our psyche. Our scars shouldn't define us.

That was a great response to the @$$ you were having dinner with!


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/22/2020 12:44 pm

    Quoting Solfan55:
    Most of us have scars, some are visible and some aren't. Some are skin deep and others buried deep in our psyche. Our scars shouldn't define us.

    That was a great response to the @$$ you were having dinner with!
[image]
Normally, I wouldn't speak that way to some one, but in his case I just had to.

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


1seeking1 55F
3203 posts
7/22/2020 3:02 pm

I have scars over most of my body, most are from childhood adventures. Some used to bother me, now I look at them as souvenirs from another time. Most of us have scars shows we have lived.😁


sexyldy1000 59F  
6802 posts
7/22/2020 5:46 pm

    Quoting 1seeking1:
    I have scars over most of my body, most are from childhood adventures. Some used to bother me, now I look at them as souvenirs from another time. Most of us have scars shows we have lived.😁
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your journey. Accepting them as part of us is key for coping. In my case, I acquired 21 'new' ones over a period of less than 2 years. Most have faded but not all. I will never forget how I got them.

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


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