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Happy Birthday To ME, ME, ME!!!
Posted:Aug 18, 2009 9:32 pm
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2013 2:32 am

Well it's after midnight now which means it's officially my birthday. I'm now 34, in my mid 30's.

For personal reasons, i've chosen to forgo any and all celebratory things this year.

For the part where I allow someone to bathe me in sexual pleasure.
Yeah right like i'm really giving that up.
It's my special day and i'm thinkin I deserve to be treated like a princess while indulging in some quality, down and dirty, girl on girl,pussy lovin playtime.

Here's the question:
Which of my top shelf hotties should it be?

A. Bargirl, whom we've discussed at length in the past.
B. A, who is up for whatever may pop into my little head and is
always eager to please me.

I won't be able to open this particular birthday gift until the weekend, but best to choose my victim now, don't you think?
You know how I like to be prepared.
Posted:Jul 7, 2009 9:02 am
Last Updated:Jul 7, 2009 1:44 pm

How many of you are fans of the show "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette"?
Personally, I find it almost painful to watch.
It's so funny to me that people are willing to embarrass themselves to the point of forcing me to shove my face in a pillow while saying "oh god No don't do it" just for the sake of being on tv.
I'm thinkin they should try the webcam.
Less work involved to get face time.

On The Bachelor, it appears as if he is having sex with all the contestants. Over on The Bachelorette, she makes out with each one of the boys in the hot tub, giving them all hard-ons then saying that she has to really be connected to someone before she can take that "next step". That's such bullshit.
Just once I wish they'd get one that was a big ole .
You know that they showed walking out of one of the guy's room, wiping something wet off her chin.
I'd probably watch that.

Maybe I should go on that show and be "The Bachelorette".
I can promise it would be waaay more entertaining.
Filming would only take half as long, but it would probably need to be moved to Showtime or the equivalent.
And if one of those hot boys got my attention enough to get some hot tub make out time, you better believe they'll be cuing the porn music."brown chicken brown cow"

Ooh yeah, picture it>>>>>>
I stand up on the seat of the hot tub, bending over the side as Boy A takes off my bikini bottom. Oh yeah, my top was removed and thrown in a nearby shrub earlier. Boy A is fucking me hard from behind (entry close-ups of course) when Boy B comes out, sans pants, hard cock in hand and shoves it in my mouth........

Oh and let us not forget the rose ceremony.
It would be so much easier to choose who was getting the boot.
I would say:
"that was some of the worst oral sex i've ever received"

See, now that would be good quality tv wouldn't it?
The Cock Strokin Truth
Posted:Jun 29, 2009 8:44 pm
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2009 8:52 am

While I was soaking in my tub tonight, I closed my eyes and visualized myself watching my guy pleasuring himself to climax, which was aimed straight into my mouth of course.
Tub time ended with a satisfying orgasm courtesy of my rubber ducky with secret vibrating action...

I am a huge fan of male masturbation.
God it turns me on to watch a man stroke his cock with a firm hand and plenty of confidence.

As a follow up to my last post.

Male Masturbation Guide
There is no maximum or minimum number of times a week you should masturbate. Masturbation is both physically and mentally giving, as well as spiritually fulfilling.

There are many different ways to reach a quality orgasm through masturbation and there is no 'right' way. Some people enjoy the feel of a full grip, some enjoy using both hands, while others only like to use their thumb and a couple of fingers.
Regardless of your preference, lubricants and sex toys
(like vibrators & masturbation sleeves) are just a few things to experiment with to find out what you like.

Basic Stroke
Place one or both hands around your erect penis and stroke up and down along the shaft. If you require, use some water-based lubricant to increase pleasure. Some men enjoy encircling the head of the penis with each stroke.
*I'm guessing most of you have this one down

Slapping and Beating
This technique involves a steady slapping of the penis back and forth between two hands, against the stomach, or against some other object.
*Please, please, please let me know if you use this method

Sources of Stimulation
When using one hand to masturbate, or with a partner, there is the opportunity to receive other forms of sexual stimulation at the same time. Many men find it pleasurable to fondle their scrotum, gently rub the perineum (area between scrotum and anus), and having their nipples rubbed.

The anus is a very sensitive location and applying pressure to the anal opening or gently inserting an object inside can be quite arousing. Many anal dildos, better known as butt plugs, are designed to target the prostate gland, which is another source of great pleasure that can only be reached through the rectum.
*I've read a lot about prostate massage and those of you who haven't tried it really should.

A variety of vibrators provide penile or anal stimulation. Vibrating bullets, vibrating sleeves, or spot vibrators can all provide intense stimulation to your erogenous zones.

Penis pumps have long been popular with men as masturbation devices. A generic penis pump consists of a long cylinder that fits over the penis and is attached via a tube to a pump. The pump creates a vacuum around the penis; in doing so it pulls blood into the area and temporarily enlarges the penis, a feeling many men find pleasurable. You should be sure to follow the recommendations for proper use and avoid using it at high pressure for longer than fifteen minutes. Be sure to use ample amounts of water-based lubricant inside the cylinder, as well as around the base of the penis. By doing so you will ensure a tight seal and thus better suction. Attachments for the nipples are available with some pumps.

So I was watchin some BDSM girl on girl porn the other day and the Dom chick was using this sucky thingy on the Sub chicks nipples and...ahhhhhhh, clit.
I want to know what the sucky thingy was and even more importantly...WHERE TO GET ONE or some!!!!!
Female Masturbation Manual Part 1
Posted:Jun 27, 2009 10:18 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2012 6:07 pm

My pussy demands that it be worshiped several times a day and i'm happy to oblige.
As a result of all my finger lickin good times, I consider myself to be a self pleasure expert.
Practice makes perfect you know.

Ok so today I was having thoughts of my guy grabbing my hair and fucking me hard from behind while talking dirty to me and before I knew it my panties were soaked and it was playtime.
I opened up the toybox and pulled out something fun.
I touched the front of my panties, rubbing them up and down softly before taking them off.
I could feel the warm wetness and it turned me on even more.
I hiked one leg up on my bed, the other still on the floor.
Leaning forward slightly, I slowly slid my vibrating cock into my hot, dripping hole from behind.
I was so ready to be fucked that my pussy was pulling the toy in on it's own. God, I love that!!

I was leaned over even more now, bracing with my other hand, fucking myself as hard as I could, finally having an amazingly super wet orgasm that was all over my thighs....YUM!

So anyway, I had a weird pain in my stomach shortly after, must have rattled something loose.....

Here are some tips for the beginner - or anyone looking to improve their repertoire:

Lie on a bed, or sit in a comfortable chair, and explore your nude or semi-nude body. Run your fingers and hands across your body. Explore your breasts and play with your nipples; caress your legs and thighs. Cup your vulva in your hand and gently rub in small circles. Make yourself feel good. Do this exercise as often as possible, but for no longer than 20 minutes per session. The point of this exercise is to make you feel good while staying relaxed, not to have an orgasm.

After you become comfortable exploring and touching your body you will want to try more direct means of stimulating your vulva. Slip your fingers between the folds of your vulva and massage and play with your inner labia, perhaps pulling on them lightly or firmly. Slip your fingers up to the top of your vulva and place them on top of your clitoris. Gently move your fingers up and down, around, and perhaps even wildly jiggle them. Make the loose tissue covering your clitoris slide across the body and glans of your clitoris. If you feel a need to be filled, insert a finger or two into your vagina. You want to make yourself feel really good, but you do not want to intentionally try to have an orgasm. If an orgasm occurs, you want it to be a total surprise.

Clitoral Stimulation
Using your hands and fingers, stimulate (rub, stroke, pinch, etc) the clitoris with one or more fingers or the palm of your hand. Some find direct contact with the clitoris too intense, and prefer stimulation near or around the clitoris. Others prefer to have a layer of clothing or some other fabric between the hand and clitoris. Try it both ways and see what works best for you.

G-Spot Stimulation
Inserting a vibrator or dildo into the vagina can help locate and stimulate your G-spot and offers a feeling of fullness in the vagina. You can locate your G-spot with your fingers, but it's difficult to provide adequate stimulation through manual masturbation. Women who enjoy stimulation of the G-spot usually employ sexual toys to make it easier and more enjoyable.

Vibrators are used primarily for clitoral stimulation, though many women also use them for vaginal or anal stimulation. They also may be combined with other toys and used in any number of positions.

Common, Everyday Objects
Rub your clitoris against any soft, non-abrasive object (e.g., a pillow, the corner of a couch, etc.) and see if you enjoy the stimulation it provides.

A detachable shower-head can be quite scintillating for just about any woman. The best shower available is the ones with the versatile control that switches the water from a steady stream to a pulsating jet spray.

Something about this makes me want to go rub my clit on the corner of a sofa.............
So 2 Priests and a Rabbi Walk Into A Bar........
Posted:Jun 27, 2009 12:06 am
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2009 8:56 am

Ok I heard this joke today and thought i'd pass it along.

There's 3 women standing on the street corner
one is a
so what are the other two?
They're support ho's


Oh come on that's funny!!!!!!
The Orally Underprivileged
Posted:Jun 24, 2009 7:43 pm
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2009 11:55 pm

Did you know that studies show that MORE people DO NOT engage in oral sex,neither giving or receiving then do?
OMG!! I'm shocked to hear that. I really am.
I would believe that men are receiving more then they're giving, but not people aren't doing it at all?
That's just sad and maybe even a little crazy.

I think i'll just do my own study.
Or that's my excuse for asking you perverted personal questions again.

Do you believe that oral sex is an acquired taste?

Would you or have you ever performed oral on a woman when she's on her period?

Tell me about your absolute worst oral sex experience.

Have you ever accidently "knocked on a back door" while in the middle of a heated moment of oral?
*if you're a regular ole ass licker that doesn't count.
I want to know if you were surprised to find your tongue in someones ass.

*A few tips for making oral sex more enjoyable for both partners are:

1. Don’t rush in -- take time on the rest of the body first;
2. Don’t assume what worked today will work tomorrow;
3. Keep clean and adhere to proper hygiene (i.e., not putting a
finger into the anus and then directly into the vagina)
4. Be a good student and teacher;
5. Don’t be scared to say how you want it
Balls, Balls, Balls.......
Posted:Jun 17, 2009 12:45 pm
Last Updated:Jun 24, 2009 8:30 pm
I was having a discussion with a friend the other day about balls. We talked about size, saggage, etc...
I've never given them much thought before.
Well not in-depth thought anyway.
I know that I like them, I appreciate them, they make me say mmmm sometimes, and I definitely enjoy licking, sucking, and holding them.
We all know that sexy MrsTwo prefers her balls to be big and full.
I don't know that I have a preference at all really.
I know i'd rather not look at a pair that resemble a sack of potatoes or is so hairy that you expect tiny wildlife to run across them. But that's just me.

I've come across a boy or two in my day that wanted his balls ignored like a hairy mole or something. I don't get that thinking at all.
Most guys seem to love their balls, referring to them as their "boys", hold or touch them all the time, and never miss an opportunity to show them off.

Cock sucking enthusiasts like myself, respect your relationship with them and enjoy being a part of your ball worship when we're giving you a blow job.
Some girls ignore your precious little jewels completely.
I've even heard a few say "ewww i'm not touching those".
Personally, I think they're simply intimidated by them because they aren't sure what to do with them.

So now i'm wondering.....
Do guys ever have ball issues? Worrying that they are too big, too small, too saggy, shaped weird?
If you do, is it like women with their breasts?

He Wants Us To 86 Our Stilettos!!!
Posted:Jun 12, 2009 10:41 pm
Last Updated:Jun 17, 2009 12:07 pm
So there was this article on MSN today called
"Six Beauty Habits Men Wish You'd Skip".
He mentioned things like padded bras,girdle thingys, and putting on makeup right when we wake up.
I guess I can understand the reasoning behind those, but what I couldn't wrap my head around was this one....

Living in heels

Wearing painful stilettos to appear taller wins no points with guys, because hardly any of us notice height. If you asked me how tall any one of the women I've dated in my life was, all I could tell you with certainty is that she was "lady height." Want my best guess? I'd say between five and six feet. But, seriously, I have no idea.

Do you guys really believe that we girls wear those sexy stilettos so that we appear taller to you?

For those of you who think you could care less if a woman is rockin a hot pair of FMP's (fuck me pumps), allow me to clue you in on something you probably didn't even know about them.

The real reason we wear stilettos, well besides the fact that our vaginas will not allow us to be anything less then in love with pretty shoes, is because they show off those muscles in our legs. You know, the ones that make you want to rub your hands up and down them? Yeah those are the ones.
The other reason is that they jack our asses up in the air for the world to admire and worship.

And to think, the guy who wrote this article thinks we should just skip wearing them. Now that i've given you some insight what do you think?

I Heart Internet Porn!!!
Posted:Jun 7, 2009 10:55 am
Last Updated:Jul 7, 2009 9:09 pm

Well, it's official.
I am addicted to internet porn.
You'd think that would be part of the sex addict package, but oddly, NO.
I've made mention of my favorite site(youporn)because of it's ability to fulfill all of my porno needs on numerous occasions, but since discovering the member videos on here i've abandoned it.

I'm expecting an email from them any day now asking me if i've had a horrible accident that's been keeping me away.

Those of you who have been reading my little blog for awhile, probably remember that until a perverted friend alerted me to the fact that I was a Youporn "star", thanks to a pissed off ex-boytoy, I never even knew that site existed.
When I went on to search for my video, to make sure there weren't any scary, unattractive views of course,(Let's face it, sex isn't always pretty)Anyway, I ended up checking out the other amateur stuff on there and became a regular viewer.

I love home-made porn. In my opinion, it's the best because it's raw and it's real. Sometimes panty soakin hot, sometimes making your head turn sideways with wonder, sometimes leaving you thinking "what the hell was that?".

My porn tastes change constantly. Lately, i've been all about the FMF threesome. Love it, love it, love it!!!!

I haven't done any official research yet, but the majority of the member porn on this site has got to be you boys strokin your hard cocks. That's right, here's where my questions come in...

1. Some of you don't deliver a cum shot. Why is that?
If you've gone to all the trouble to film yourself
masturbating, why wouldn't you want to show us your
happy ending? (I for one, want the whole show)

2. Do you post yourself because you're an exhibitionist
and it gets you off, or because you think it's putting you
ahead of the non-stroking posters?

3. The first time you filmed yourself was it weird for you.

4. Have you ever posted any "partner" porn that they didn't know
about? (c'mon be honest)

5. I think you should let me know if you've posted something new
don't you agree?
(in case you were wondering, the answer is HELL YES!!)

6. Are you watching another site that I should know about?

So, thank you to all you pervy porn posters, for giving me
a whole new library of material for my self pleasuring needs. YAY for me!!! That reminds me, I need batteries again.....
ATTN: Bloggers Needed For An Emergency Re-Write
Posted:May 28, 2009 8:45 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2013 3:11 pm
I have been asked to help a friend re-write the profile they have posted on one of the vanilla dating sites.
Yes, it's the one i've made fun of before for having those crazy commercials.

He's a great guy that simply needs a little help.
After reading his version i've had a true case of writers block that I just can't shake, that's why i'm coming to you.

I need your help with this!!
I'm thinking that if I could harness the talent of my fellow bloggers, this also includes those of you who leave the great comments. We together can write this poor, sweet guy a pure solid gold profile.

**If you help me with this, my next post will be about what I mailed to a perv from this site today and why...Promise!

Ok, so here's his current profile:

Do you ever feel as if the more you search for love, the further away it seems to be? When you ladies say “I don’t do drama”, does that include work life as well? All I want to do is serve the uninsured and help them get medications they need, but drama is what I am embroiled in…is that the same thing you are talking about? Or just personal relationship drama? I think I will use this space to reflect upon what I am feeling, at any given moment. Isn’t that what you want?...men who share their feelings?

For 7 years I could not really share who I am , what I believe…without being run down for sharing those very things…after awhile you become numb, and then you wake up and realize…this is not me, I am more than this, I want more than this and all things start to disintegrate…but there is a renewal afterwards…this is where I am. Tonight, I met a buddy for drinks went home alone, had a few more, and began to write this comment thread…a stream of consciousness thread.
I know who I am and what I want…I am confident in this fact.
What do I want:
Someone to share this spec of life I have been apportioned with, plain and simple. I want someone who “gets me” and I in return “get them.” Many say: “I want honesty” or “honesty is important”…well, honestly, sometimes I feel
completely free, other times as if I am free falling ‒ into what I do not yet know and other times on top of the world.
Most days I segue from one to the other ‒ randomly? I know not. What about you? Tonight I feel quite alone
(am I a loser or pathetic for feeling this way in your eyes?)…most of my friends are married, have …the life I have always dreamed of…these thoughts are my reflection points for tonight.

Perhaps you say,
“lager and profile writing do not mix…avoid at all times” But what assumptions are inherent in that statement? At any rate, these are my reflections tonight…other reflections and comments to come…Sweet dreams
and goodnight…

I guess many of us here are looking for love, perhaps after
experiencing the un-real thing, you, like me, wait with baited breath to
find the real thing ‒ hoping that the day when you find it will soon come
and the long search will have ended. I am not searching for a roommate,
but a life-long companion and partner ‒ someone to actually share in the
joys this life has to offer and to stand together when life’s storms

I have weathered my share of storms and have learned and grown from the pain associated with them. I learned at an early age all about life’s abrupt fragility. I write this, not for some kind of sympathy points, but to illustrate that I do truly understand that life is short and that it is better to not waste time, but to live life fully ‒ which is what I try to do.

I am an optimistic and positive person ‒ one who loves to interact with
all sorts of people. I have spent some time with those who generally have
a negative outlook on life; where mistrust is almost always the first
impulse; where mostly it is someone else’s fault and where they tend to be
the victim in life’s narratives more often than not. I have chosen to
distance myself from those holding this mindset.

I do believe I have much love to give and much to share with someone. I so
look forward to the dances we will share; the certain songs that will
become markers in the timeline of our lives; the books we will read and
discuss; the time spent together in prayer; the scraped knees of little
ones that we will kiss and make all better; the mosquitoes at the campsite
and the long walks on the beach.

But mostly I look forward to the “oneness” only a soul mate can provide.

So I journey to find it…

IF you have come up with a complete re-write, let me in a blog comment and i'll get you my Y mail addy to send it to.

Thanks everybody. Kisses to you all!!!! Muah!

The Ultimate Hook Up
Posted:May 22, 2009 9:02 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2009 7:40 pm
I know there are a lot of S&M enthusiasts on this site.
Some are looking for a playmate to explore with, others may be couples looking for friends with similar interests, you know kinda the same thing as our parents hanging out with couples that played bridge

Ok so i'm innocently perusing through the stockroom bondage website, wondering if I could do a Cirque De Soleil type routine from a set of ceiling restraints when I saw something that left me in a what the hell?moment.....

The Steel ANAL Hook $77.00
(see example of how it's used in pic on left)

I have seen some weird, wacky, strange, and sometimes even scary stuff, but it's possible this may just be on the top of my list.

I'm always willing to try new things and certainly enjoy my share of back door play, but I just don't get this one.
Why would you want to be hung up by a hook that is stuck in your ass? Please tell me!!!
Am I missing something?
Could I have been experiencing unbelievable pleasure all along from having a hook up my ass and just don't know it?

Would you play with the anal hook?
If your answer is a big ole HELL YEAH, would you be willing to be the insert-ee as opposed to the insert-er?

Perplexed By The Pussy
Posted:May 13, 2009 7:32 pm
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2009 11:11 pm

I have been away from my fave website in the whole world almost 2 whole weeks.
You better have missed me.
I wish I had some hot sex story as to why i've been away, but sadly I don't.

I have had myself cut-off from any outside playtime for a while now. Besides the fact that the warden keeps me on constant lock down, i've been doing somewhat of self cleansing thing I guess.

I would've never made it this long without the help of my latest battery operated boyfriend. God, he's so hot, with his pretty blue color and cute little butterfly attached......sigh!!!

So anyway, i'm finding that my poor little pussy is being a bit demanding lately and wants attention from an actual human.
Obviously, it's easier for me to call out for delivery of a sexy girl then it is for me to go out and attempt the penis pick-up.

Those of you who hang around my little blog here on the regular have heard me mention "Bar Girl" my hot latina, uhh emmm adult entertainer from time to time.
Upside: She is hands down the best girl on girl sex i've ever had.
Downside: When she makes me cum sometimes I feel like I may stroke out.
I'm sure you can see my dilemma.
If i'm going to persue some smokin hot chick on chick action after all this time of being without any action at all, surely I would go for top shelf, right? The problem is that every time we have sex she thinks she wants to be a full time lifestyle lesbian with me even though:
A: She's not a lesbian
B: She knows I could never survive without cock in my life
C: I've told her on numerous occasions that there is only room for one pussy havin princess in my world and it's me dammit.

I have other tongue talented females that I could call and I suppose I could go for the lower maintenance option but I really really, really, did I mention really? need a back arching, make me say fuck when I cum, experience.

So what should I do? Should I just take my chances with a regular but talented girl, or go for the sure thing award worthy performance and just put up with the whining and non-stop calls and texts?
A Tail For 2 Cocks?
Posted:Apr 19, 2009 4:19 pm
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2012 2:56 pm

Are you a fan of Double Penetration?

Does it make you hard to see it in porn?
Or better yet in person?

Have you had a partner that enjoyed having a toy in her back door
while you fucked her pussy?
Did you think it was hot or did it make you a little uncomfortable?

Would you take part in a live D.P.?
I'm talking 2 live cocks. NOT 1 cock and a dildo.

Would you be concerned about crossing swords?
Or would you just put that thought out of your head in the name of a "Dear Penthouse" worthy sexual encounter?

Which end of the D.P. would you prefer?
No, I don't mean giving or receiving.
(unless of course you're into that, in which case i'm gonna need full details cause i'm a big ole perv)
I mean top or bottom/front or back?

Ok, finally.....
Hypothetically let's just say that I occasionally enjoy having both holes filled at once, be it with 2 toys or 1 cock and 1 toy, but i've never experienced 2 live cocks at one time....
Does that count as a D.P. or just more evidence that i'm a just little dirty girl?
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