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LES DAWSON SECRETLY MARRIED JOAN RIVERS  

spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
29296 posts
9/25/2021 10:55 am
LES DAWSON SECRETLY MARRIED JOAN RIVERS



The secret marriage between Les Dawson and Joan Rivers, my two favourite comedians, was always doomed to failure. It was a funny marriage!

Les Dawson, born in Manchester, was a working class comedian with a deadpan comedic style who often made jokes about his wife and his mother-in-law. He also dressed up as a gurning woman in his comedy sketches. Les Dawson was quite an accomplished pianist, though he played the piano deliberately badly to make people laugh. In his autobiography, Les Dawson claimed that he learned to play the piano while working in a Parisian brothel.

Here are some of Les Dawson’s best lines:
• My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
• A duck goes into the chemist's shop and asks, “A tube of Lypsyl, please.” “Certainly”, the chemist replies, “That'll be fifty pence.” The duck says, “Put it on my bill, please.”
• I was in a play on television once. It was one of those suspense plays. It kept you wondering ... what's on the other channels?
• The wife's mother said, "When you're dead, I'll dance on your grave." I said, "Good, I'm being buried at sea."
• I went to my<b> doctor </font></b>and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.
• Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying my wife's ugly. But she was under the mistletoe at Christmas, waiting for someone to kiss, and she was still there at Lent!
• I went to a small guest house. The manager said, “Do you want a room with running water?” I said, “What do you think I am, a trout?”
• Marriage is based on compromise. My wife wanted a new coat and I wanted a car. We compromised. She kept her new coat in the garage.


Who are your favourite comedians?

Joan Rivers, born Joan Molinsky, was a sassy comedian from New York. Her comedy was both self-deprecating and acerbic, especially towards famous people. The Rolling Stone magazine once ranked her sixth on its list of the 50 all-time best stand-up comedians. Joan Rivers was also a formidable talk show host and in 1986 she became the first woman to host a late night network television talk show with the launch of The Late Show with Joan Rivers.

Here are some of Joan Rivers’ best lines:
• If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
• People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
• I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd like without plastic surgery.
• When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes least three years off.
• I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
• Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
• I knew I was an unwanted when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
• The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.




spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
39533 posts
9/25/2021 10:56 am

With regard to two of Les Dawson’s jokes, and for the benefit of my non-British friends, Lypsyl is a brand of lip balm and a chemist is a pharmacy!


author51 58F  
126433 posts
9/26/2021 12:02 am

Thanks for starting my Sunday with laughter. I loved Joan Rivers comedic style but have never heard of Les Dawson. One of my favourite comedians and shows I used to watch was Benny Hill. Such raunchy humour which is why I loved him..lol. xoxo


PonyGirl1965 56F
20258 posts
9/26/2021 1:08 am

I love the old style comedians! Less swearing and so many of their funnies can be shared with friends.


secret_lade 47F
8812 posts
9/26/2021 1:18 am

    Quoting spunkycumfun:
    With regard to two of Les Dawson’s jokes, and for the benefit of my non-British friends, Lypsyl is a brand of lip balm and a chemist is a pharmacy!
I was wondering about that! LOL Thanks for the clarification.


pal334 67M  
45075 posts
9/26/2021 3:51 am

I always enjoyed the old ones, Three Stooges, and the such

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scoupe42 58M  
12892 posts
9/26/2021 4:42 am

They both was funny!


staci_19702 51T
2548 posts
9/26/2021 5:54 am

This is a great post. Lives the older comedians. They had real humor.
Rich little was a fav when I was young because of his impressions.
It was great to be able to stay up past bedtime and get to see a comedian on the Johnny Carson show when I was young.

Have a great day! 💋
Staci


Paulxx001 64M  
21967 posts
9/26/2021 5:58 am

There are so many comedians who make me laugh. Dave Chappelle, Jimmy Carr, and Ricky Gervais are three names that come to mind. 😂❗❗


MyBaffies 52M
4884 posts
9/26/2021 6:21 am

When you say "Les Dawson secretly married Joan Rivers", I was expecting to read a story that Les had been ordained and he officiated at Joan's wedding!

I knew the mother in law was coming over when the mice started throwing themselves onto the traps.

I was walking with my wife down to the high street when we saw her mother being beaten up by three thugs. "Aren't you going to help?" asks the wife.
"No, three should be enough."

Baffies

Link to my blog: MyBaffies


lok4fun500 111M  
51087 posts
9/26/2021 6:28 am

Your favorite comedians have some great lines!




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lindoboy100 58M  
23892 posts
9/26/2021 9:49 am

Les was great, but I was never a huge fan of Joan. I loved Ronnie Barker, such a clever funny man. Billy Connolly was funny back in the day. Do you remember Jerry Sadowitz? He used to make me laugh so hard. Kevin Bridges is really good these days. You maybe don't know Chic Murray, probably the funniest man ever to walk the planted.

And of course, let's never forget Msr LePetomaine.......


Tmptrzz 59F  
104501 posts
9/26/2021 10:40 am

What a great read this morning, I never heard of Les Dawson. But Joan Rivers I just loved her as she told it like it was, and always said what we all wanted to say but never did.

As far as my favorite comedians there are several, Joan being one, George Carlin, Robin Williams, George Lopez, Richard Pryor, there are just so many great comedians and many of which were taken from us way to soon.

I hope your enjoying a peacefully relaxing Sunday..

Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on..


citizen4722 63M  
73601 posts
9/26/2021 12:33 pm

Les Dawson was very funny but I never knew he was married to Joan Rivers.
Did you know that Whoopie Goldberg was once married to Peter Cushing? They made a Whoopie Cushion

My favourite comedian was Bob Monkhouse


spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
39533 posts
9/27/2021 3:08 pm

    Quoting author51:
    Thanks for starting my Sunday with laughter. I loved Joan Rivers comedic style but have never heard of Les Dawson. One of my favourite comedians and shows I used to watch was Benny Hill. Such raunchy humour which is why I loved him..lol. xoxo
Benny Hill, or rather Ernie, was the fastest milkman in the West. But I'd like to see who was faster in the East!


spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
39533 posts
9/27/2021 3:13 pm

    Quoting PonyGirl1965:
    I love the old style comedians! Less swearing and so many of their funnies can be shared with friends.
I think there's a toss-up between old-style and new-style comedians. Some new-style comedians may swear more than old-style comedians, but old-style comedians often made jokes, especially about women and non-white people, which just aren't funny nowadays. Comedy sometimes doesn't travel well through time.


missthee 55F  
4463 posts
9/28/2021 12:25 pm

Joan is timeless !

I'm a Lily Tomlin fan.


spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
39533 posts
9/30/2021 2:44 am

    Quoting secret_lade:
    I was wondering about that! LOL Thanks for the clarification.
The more I blog here, the more I realise British English and American English are quite different.
When Americans say gas, fanny, back yard, pants and pissed, I have to stop and translate!


spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
39533 posts
9/30/2021 2:45 am

    Quoting pal334:
    I always enjoyed the old ones, Three Stooges, and the such
I remember the Three Stooges. I liked Laurel and Hardy.


spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
39533 posts
9/30/2021 2:46 am

I think, if Les Dawson and Joan Rivers were actually married, they would have killed each other!


spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
39533 posts
9/30/2021 2:49 am

    Quoting staci_19702:
    This is a great post. Lives the older comedians. They had real humor.
    Rich little was a fav when I was young because of his impressions.
    It was great to be able to stay up past bedtime and get to see a comedian on the Johnny Carson show when I was young.
I haven't come across Rich Little; I must check him out.
My favourite impressionists are Rory Bremner and Ronni Ancona.


spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
39533 posts
9/30/2021 2:50 am

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    There are so many comedians who make me laugh. Dave Chappelle, Jimmy Carr, and Ricky Gervais are three names that come to mind. 😂❗❗
I think Ricky Gervais is hilarious. I love it when he comperes award shows; he's so funnily rude!


spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
39533 posts
9/30/2021 3:11 am

    Quoting MyBaffies:
    When you say "Les Dawson secretly married Joan Rivers", I was expecting to read a story that Les had been ordained and he officiated at Joan's wedding!

    I knew the mother in law was coming over when the mice started throwing themselves onto the traps.

    I was walking with my wife down to the high street when we saw her mother being beaten up by three thugs. "Aren't you going to help?" asks the wife.
    "No, three should be enough."
I don't think Les Dawson has been fully appreciated. He was a very talented comedian. He also wrote fiction and poetry.


spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
39533 posts
9/30/2021 3:12 am

    Quoting lok4fun500:
    Your favorite comedians have some great lines!
They both could deliver a good line. Bob Hope was quite good too!


spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
39533 posts
9/30/2021 3:18 am

    Quoting lindoboy100:
    Les was great, but I was never a huge fan of Joan. I loved Ronnie Barker, such a clever funny man. Billy Connolly was funny back in the day. Do you remember Jerry Sadowitz? He used to make me laugh so hard. Kevin Bridges is really good these days. You maybe don't know Chic Murray, probably the funniest man ever to walk the planted.

    And of course, let's never forget Msr LePetomaine.......
Ronnie Barker was brilliant.
I do remember Jerry Sadowitz. He was viciiously funny. I remember seeing him and a couple of my more politically correct friends walked out during his show. Big mistake; he just tore into them!
Kevin Bridges is one of the best contemporary comedians around. I think John Bishop and McIntyre are very over-rated!


spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
39533 posts
9/30/2021 3:19 am

    Quoting Tmptrzz:
    What a great read this morning, I never heard of Les Dawson. But Joan Rivers I just loved her as she told it like it was, and always said what we all wanted to say but never did.

    As far as my favorite comedians there are several, Joan being one, George Carlin, Robin Williams, George Lopez, Richard Pryor, there are just so many great comedians and many of which were taken from us way to soon.

    I hope your enjoying a peacefully relaxing Sunday..
Like you, I like comedians who say what others are thinking.
George Carlin and Richard Pryor were good too!


spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
39533 posts
9/30/2021 3:21 am

    Quoting citizen4722:
    Les Dawson was very funny but I never knew he was married to Joan Rivers.
    Did you know that Whoopie Goldberg was once married to Peter Cushing? They made a Whoopie Cushion

    My favourite comedian was Bob Monkhouse
Bob Monkhouse was good. I think he got more appreciated after he died. I remember the prostate cancer awareness adverets appearing just after he died!


spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
39533 posts
9/30/2021 3:22 am

    Quoting missthee:
    Joan is timeless !

    I'm a Lily Tomlin fan.
I've not come acroos Lily Tomlin; I'll have to check her out.


Art4urPleasure 55M
599 posts
10/9/2021 9:27 am

Joan went under the knife a few times too often


spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
39533 posts
10/9/2021 10:35 am

    Quoting Art4urPleasure:
    Joan went under the knife a few times too often
She was a walking advert for cosmetic surgery (or for not to have cosmetic surgery)!


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