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Wisdom Wednesday (7/1/2020)  

suculent_spot 50F
78 posts
7/1/2020 8:18 am
Wisdom Wednesday (7/1/2020)

Okay, I will admit that this “bit of wisdom” was inspired by a question I was asked a little while ago, by a gentleman who I have had history with. I was a bit taken back by the reply (NOT the question itself) to my answer following being asked if I had an orgasm after having sex him. I replied that I did, and anyone who know , know I have a severe issue with lying (I do not tolerate it from others, and I cannot personally lie, no matter how hard I try). His response was a puzzled “oh.” Of course, my curiosity had gotten the better of , due the tone of that ‘oh,’ so I had inquired the typical question of “why?” Taken back quite a bit, he said, that some women fake it.

First, I would think that after one was told that they did create an orgasm, their ego would boost some, and their feathers of pride be stroked. That puzzled “oh” made me think that he thought I was lying. Please keep in mind, this gentleman knows me and that this was not the first time. Which comes to the moral of this story…

I get there are women out there who fake their orgasms, that is their fault in doing so. It is their problem! If they want to lie to themselves whether to assist themselves in feeling ‘normal’ or to assist you in boosting your dang ego, take it and run with it. Do not question it! For that woman who you question their answer, you may very well offend unintentionally. That woman may not have the ability rationalize with your so said response, and you may never see them again. It is as unfair assume that all/most women fake their orgasms as it is say that all men are egotistical ass hats! Give us real truthful women the benefit of the doubt!

CleavageFan4U 64M  
67544 posts
7/2/2020 6:33 am

In some cases I DO ask if they came - some women do so almost silently as opposed to ME where this is NO doubt (even when the cum is not readily visible).

BUT if they tell me they did, I don't question it.

On a semi-related note, I've long said I can't make a woman cum. I CAN, and quite enjoy, HELPING her cum however. Point being, a large part of the cumming or not equation is in her court, not mine.

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Elision3 60M

7/1/2020 2:09 pm

This is thought provoking post. First, I entirely agree with what you say. The core issue is about trust and having the courage to both accept and live with this most fundamental human bond. We are nothing without trust. MrWrong4RghtNow captures this perfectly in stating that trust is fragile. We know others not just by their actions, but by their questions. The question: did you orgasm or fake it, is problematic because it is premised on mistrust in a context where trust is actually paramount. This is something of a paradox.

Sex, like all human interactions, is complex and highly nuanced on a number of levels. At its most basic level a certain amount of trust is a fundamental necessity in any consensual encounter. But the more complex the relationship becomes there is a corresponding increase in both the depth and quality of trust. What do I mean? Something like this: sex as a mere physical thing involves, at a bare minimum, physical trust and perhaps some level of concern for the other person involved. Sex as part of a relationship, however, is an ever deepening exploration of a qualitatively different level of trust, of the giving of oneself and the accepting of the other, in terms beyond that of simple physical pleasure. In a truly engaged, authentic relationship, I think sex opens a space in which we encounter trust and honesty as fundamental, even transcendental human realities. This is especially the case with the orgasm, where for a moment, we dissolve, as it were, into the other, who simultaneously dissolves into us, the little death, as the French say. It is the moment of irreducible trust and honesty, the moment when even the heights of physical pleasure drop away. Perhaps here and I n the immediate come down, when we return to ourselves, if the relationship is not secure, we begin to doubt as a function of our own exposure and vulnerability. So the question ‘did you?’ emerges from self doubt and inauthenticity. If we are authentic in and of ourselves and the relationship is authentic, then the question as a challenge, as a possible dimension to the relationship doesn’t arise. And if it does, it potentially opens a new perspective in which genuine understanding and trust can develop. But perhaps that is wishful thinking.

I had better stop. This is becoming something of an essay! You have given me much to think about today and may have inspired a new blog post of my own - an experience a little like your own. Thank you for a truly thought provoking post.


Mr_Mercedes 59M  
559 posts
7/1/2020 12:27 pm

Wisdom learned and never questioned.

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MrWrong4RghtNow 55M  
1755 posts
7/1/2020 11:07 am

I too have an issue with lying. The fact is that when I growing up lying was something instilled into me by my parents. My mother was an alcoholic who hid her dark side from friends and most family. My father helped and also used lying as a shield of sorts until he just lied about everything like it was second nature. I grew up having to cover up all the ugly truths of our family until it reached a point where lying was unacceptable to me ever.
My ex used to call me a liar at times and that was the worst thing you could it can say to me now.
This long response is my way of explaining my stance. To me lying even for the best of reasons is wrong. Are there times when a lie is necessary? Sure. If your wife asks you “ do I look fat in these jeans?” , you may be forced to lie. Lol
But in terms of how your gentleman reacted, he may either be telling the truth that his past experiences have made him doubt women Or he himself is so adept at lying that he naturally assumes everyone does as well.
Trust is a fragile thing at times. My trust has been broken many times and while I will be wary of people and what they say, a part of me has to accept what is said until proven otherwise. I’m curious to see what anyone says on this matter. Thank you for a thought provoking post.

My name is MrWrong and I approved this comment

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