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Me Without Anything Else
Stuff that occurs to me that I want to share, for whatever reason at the time.
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Myself, So Very Bare And In Your Lap ... whisper 4 "Sometimes 'the new and improved" just doesn't"
Posted:Mar 5, 2022 10:56 pm
Last Updated:Mar 19, 2022 2:11 pm

Recently, with my last few posts,they have "magically" appeared with a new area, a "Blogger Community". Actually it is quite striking with contrasting and complimenting colors, fonts and a subtle change in policy promising a bit more latitude and flexibility with posting contents, etc. Also, there are more bells and whistles as to readership reactions/activities or how the postings were received by the readership population specified by the blogger.

And, I think the above is great for some "bloggers" who seem to be posting to other "bloggers". However, I have a different purpose for my blog: for posting and retaining my blog.

I use my blog for a personal journal. Rather than just continue with a diary, which I began the summer after 4th grade and had off and on continued in some form until my blog ... I decided to also "publish" whatever I wrote/write to the maximum readership media that this site offers. The reason was very simple. Upon reviewing my diaries, journals, etc. I discovered that I was having a tendency to "taint" some relations of my thoughts, feelings, experience narrations, etc. with a personal bias toward myself or, when I felt necessary, to include an excuse for myself. And instances of this just clouded the truth of whatever.

By publishing my posts, whether read by lots of folks or not, there is always that possibility that someone or many may read whatever and I use that thought every time I post to help me to better, "stick to the facts" and then arrive at a more veracious narrative, solution, conclusion ... whatever.

Therefore, I do not need all the bells and whistles of a "blogger community" as I am really posting for myself, with the idea that someone can be looking over my shoulder anytime or all the time. So, upon finding a choice to "return to the old format" for posting, even with the "warning that whatever would not appear within the "blogger community" format, is ... hopefully allowing me to do just that. And so now, with my "click" on that "return to the old format", we shall see.
... xox Kaycee.
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My Recent Dreams/Sometimes Intimate/Secret Thoughts, part 3
Posted:Feb 24, 2022 7:10 pm
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2022 9:49 pm

Specific and personal me, I was dmab or, designated as "" but, through no direct fault of my own, etc., me, myself plus others like me just do not fit the "brand" ... and we take another path achieve our desires/needs, etc. For those like me, a greater or lesser degree, among other things we are more feminine ... more in touch of our feminine side ... and not that much on our masculine side anyway.

Simply put, I consider myself ... my "self", Kaycee, as reasonably intelligent and attractive and perhaps best described by a potential, or successful lover as Kaycee being sorta tall and slender, with a relatively soft, smooth white body, and relatively hands and feet and a nice smile. I am so yummy, lol.

I am usually wearing some degree of tasteful makeup and body lotion, always keep my legs, etc shaved, prefer baths and sometimes, on occasion, wear one of a couple of specific fragrances. I am lipstick, long lashes and legs, breasts, boyish hips, a round bottom and " ", penis, (my current GF has nicknamed "Minni Mouse").

Following my interests and preferences, I am usually found in denim ... jeans, sneakers and a comparable top generally, to navigate within our society. Personally, and usually privately still in denim, for attention I like what I "just a bit too short" jean cut-offs with perhaps a man's shirt with the sleeves rolled up and rather than buttoned up the front, the tails tied in front and above my belly button, an "innie" plus either knee-high socks, etc. or, of course, heels. And speaking of "of course", ... of course regardless of anything above, unless nothing, it is always panties, hi-cut panties, size 7.

Among my more rabid interests is fishing/boating, photography, popcorn, my Sable GSD, various art forms, museums/thrift stores, picnics/day trips, plus camping, no, "glamping" as I a nuCamp 320s iconic teardrop trailer ... sleeps 2 3 comfortably, (no bugs and ac/heat and large bed/playpen for sleeping, "etc"), NFL football, film noir and a good pinot noir.

In sum, I am Kaycee; reasonably intelligent, and attractive ... rather tall and slender, In touch with my "feminine side" and with consideration to everything, I am feminine, well, kinda "tomboyish" But we can do some of those things now also. But if I sorta ignore my A+ cups and we concentrate more on my long legs ... I am a /woman, not many sweaters, but lots of shorts, heels etc, lol, and also with something special, a "stick pussy", aka Minni Mouse. lol.

Among the catagories and terms these days or this week, I perhaps best fit, or consider myself as bisexual, preferring another like me for a LTR, perhaps we might morph into soulmate, an even upgrade from just good friends or even lovers to include lots of talk, listening, comfort, foreplay well, you know, etc. plus any stuff from above in common, plus lots of stuff about men, or other girls ... plus? ...

Perhaps this sounds weird, but most of my close friends, especially from like 5th grade till thru college were girls. In the early years, I considered boys my age as just as intelligent, of course ... but on the whole, with hopefully my not sounding too arrogant ... boys my age seemed sort of silly, immature ... that plus the macho thingy ... I just did not consider myself as a member of the " tribe". Hey, I was a Cheerleader with some good friends 3 years in HS ... not a QB for the football team ... or, anything for the football team for that matter ...

As I grew older, of course, males seemed grow into their niche and "special talents", but concerning platonic friendships and then along with an accepted Transexual relationship, (which was pretty much my roommate's and my thing for 4 years in college and a couple of years after graduation. Towards the end of that, were more options open me than dating boys in men's clothing).

Currently, and for some time, but in a very different way, I am also attracted men, pretty much "straight"older men for maturity, etc. and the obvious, of course. Among things, admittedly, I actually enjoy performing fellacio, also love reciprocal fellacio and mutual masturbation ... for my appetite for exhibition and also ... I love submitting for the obvious, ,of course. And tying that all in a bowl, plus perhaps some other kinky stuff, I would forward periodic trysts for afternoons enjoy each other's desires and needs....
... xox Kaycee..
My Recent Dreams/Sometimes Intimate/Secret Thoughts, part 2
Posted:Feb 24, 2022 6:41 pm
Last Updated:Mar 27, 2023 8:12 pm

was seconds from midnight, and dark the extreme ... when the moon, the sliver of the moon, escaped a cloud again be kidnapped by another enshrouding the tentative silver scimitar ... a celestial allusion Sheiks; harems ... sexual slavery ..... and those clouds intermittently masking the obvious sin, real and/or imagined intoxicating, but admittedly misplaced titillation and/or selfish exhilaration of that superficial allusion presided by the zephyrs ... all of it foreshadowing my fanciful, probably inevitable, proposed kismet...

I am drifting, but almost suggestively allowing a subtle, but intrinsic "swishing" ... oblivious most, repulsed by others and attracted by some, (the hunters), for various, personal reasons ... yes, almost allowing but almost, (which means for me, a tasteful bit), ... for two reasons ... cuz someone might be looking or 2, cuz someone might not be looking ...

Subconsciously, and, well, consciously also ... I admit allowing a pinch of "the swish" ... almost provoke a figurative pinch from "him" ... and more than almost if "he" makes a point come over and begin talk about whatever but also continue conversing with his eyes. My point here is that "the swish", if a subtle pinch of , is welcome some experienced in watching for ... a sign that I am "different" in that special way ... or,I'm not trying sell , but just that I the confidence of allowing myself be my "self".

I am alone, but with lots of memories, thoughts ... neither good nor bad ... just what was, is and probably will be ... I am going , on my way my reminder, a reminder and update ... tell without inhibitions, false pride, pseudo shame or glaring social hypocrisy ... express the sum total of all to me that I stumble over, bump into, etc ... personal experience, thus thoughts and decisions, emotions, feelings ... again, of all of me, and for me ... if I am to be true to myself, my "self".

While will always be some inclined stone "us", the "offender", to ostensively "preserve the integrity of the herd" ... are others, tribe members also in good standing seek discover, cherish, and yes, exploit "us" as we are intrinsically "special" and we do prefer stretch the given social mores as they do not fit us ...

Of course these normally "normal" are considered "straight" because they are innately "normal" but with an occasional "itch" that they choose periodically "scratch", rather than just live with the frustration ... those are experiencing a mostly satisfying, socially sanctioned lifestyle ... those are essentially "straight" but , on occasion, also seek the special delights offered by those of us are a bit "special", thus can offer those delights ... trysts for mutual satisfaction ...

Put another way and within the parlance of the "tribe" ... are those of us were designated at birth as either dfab or dmab or, designated female/male at birth ... and that "social brand" initially based solely on what is between our legs, with total disregard of subsequent influences or what will result as between their ears. For whatever reasons, some of us later in life just do not fit their original "social brand" ... or branded for life.
,,, xox Kaycee.
As A Sidebar, "A prologue for, "My recent dreams/sometimes intimate/secret thoughts"'
Posted:Feb 23, 2022 11:01 pm
Last Updated:Mar 27, 2023 8:12 pm

A major consequence of that, until now, "clandestine" trip to Chicago just after Thanksgiving with Rita ... for a "brief meet and greet" with Charlie and his wife ... Bobbie.

It was a dream, no, a collage of memories which eventually fit to offer a mosaic of emotions, mood, or tone for our Xmas thru New Years Chicago trip with "The Group". Realizing the significance and influence that the consequences of that first trip had in setting the tone for our second or Xmas trip together with the weird dreams I was and am having, I originally suspected a connection as I rarely remembered a dream but lately was recalling details in the morning and finally determined that all the dream segments seemed to fit with the evolution of the first trip experiences. Or, perhaps I was dreaming the whole dream but remembering only specific segments in the morning. But the upshot was that collectively, my dream sequences seemed to tie in with my experiences during that first trip with Rita after Thanksgiving.

Now, by jotting down some notes and commentary when whatever occurred plus memories plus whatever I remembered so far the next morning after those dreams, they seem to add a dimension as to describing and or understanding some of the Xmas to Chicago with The Group. Frankly, there are parts of both trips plus my dreams that I still do not understand. However, this may be somewhat resolved with time.

In relating my dreams lately , or whatever I remember since the trips, in an apparent sequence of events I am admittedly sensitive to those areas that one has thoughts about but usually refrain to mention or explain as they seem to lack a certain amount of modesty or social acceptance. However, I am going to include anything I remember and my thoughts as to omit anything might well cloud or mask eventual understandings with additional time and experiences if I can read all this at a later date. An example of this is that in several areas I am admittedly guilty of "self-aggrandizing". I just chose to not omit those thoughts detracted from a certain honesty I was/am trying to achieve and adhere to rather than just bow to social convention and acceptance.

Again, I am interrupting my experiences, etc. of that first trip, as it was "clandestine" and for better and/or worse, I think, if for myself only, that my dream, at least of what I remember and seem to have expressed from my subconscious, assists with insight after the fact of the circumstances, results, consequences, of our Xmas trip ... all of it sorta weird ... but not finished, I know.
... xox Kaycee.
Was My "Curiosity" Acually Bait For My "Self", part 8
Posted:Feb 17, 2022 9:45 pm
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2022 1:17 am

Looking back at how the first, or until now, the "clandestine" trip began, were several decisions which I was originally confronted with and just seemed to evaporate. That trip seemed to begin with a life of it's own ... morphing into a sorta feeling of an obligatory exercise to experience to further raise expectations of the Xmas Holiday "Group" festivities.

And then the phone did ring ... finally, and too late for anyone else but Rita returning my ; and again, no explanation initially offered as "Kitty" and possibly Charlie, being right here in town visiting. However, one thing was answered or cleared up with Rita's obligatory apology about calling so late but "Bobbie" promised she would ... so Charlie's wife's was/is, "Bobbie"!!! ... and known only by me as "Kitty", lol. Well, she might still be quite the "cat" but now, upon meeting her, I can do the, "... why "Bobbie", I've heard so much about you", while I curtsy to her majesty. ... now I'm sounding pretty catty; "meow".

Anyway, Rita sounded really pleased that I was joining her for this rather presumptive "meet and greet". So perhaps it would be a better time than I first imagined .. at least someone else to talk to ... or perhaps even a relief from Bobbie so I could share some old times and catch up with Charlie. Rita followed with advising me that she would have my ticket for the 7 am flight to Chicago that Monday morning after the Thanksgiving weekend and would pick me up at 5:00 that morning. And, at that point, I just said, "Ok", and thanks.

And then came Rita's parting shot ... "Hey, remember the black babydoll pj's for your shoot? you did look so delicious. Pack and bring them if you were thinking of bringing anything at all ... "Baby" Doll" ...
...xox Kaycee.
Was My "Curiosity" Actually Bail For MY "Self", part 7
Posted:Feb 10, 2022 3:01 pm
Last Updated:Mar 27, 2023 8:12 pm

... I think I just looked at my phone for a second ... it was Kitty ... Kitty answering my call to Rita ... Kitty, from Chicago and, " ... out of town for Thanksgiving". answering Bob and Rita's home phone here locally. So, well, so many things but for one big one ... are "they", Charlie and Kitty, both up here visiting B and R for Thanksgiving?

Although a bit belated I think, somehow I managed just a sorta I think ambiguous noncommittal, perhaps unwitting bimbo, reaction with something like, "Hi Kitty, just wanted to confirm some details as to the trip as to time and place to meet, etc, and thank you again for the invitation".

The conversation ended with Kitty affirming how happy she and Charlie were that I was going to join Rita for the visit on Monday and Rita would return my call when she returned from the store, (???)!!! And that was all ...

And then, well, I just continued to sit on my kitchen stool for a few and must have looked at my phone at least once again. Was I being kidnapped; was I, in effect, kidnapping myself?

In final analysis, I had to kinda smile ... regardless of my words spoken, I think Kitty realized my overall feelings of vulnerability socially as to this visit, while I suspected deception .... perhaps only to manipulate me or feeling so? ... eroding my confidence? No, probably not that as Charlie would not marry someone that insecure ...

I did have to admit that I admired Kitty's poise ... and, perhaps cunning ... for whatever reason, (?).

I began to look forward to a friendly call, return call from Rita.
... xxox Kaycee.
Was MY "Curiosity" Actually Bait For My "Self", part 6
Posted:Feb 9, 2022 9:29 pm
Last Updated:Feb 11, 2022 3:51 am

So there I was ... even Jackie, my current, "all things carnal and otherwise too", (except when only a man would do of course, for either, or both of us ... and we often joke about finding one man to share on a regular basis) ... Jackie, who was not really looking forward to going to the Xmas Group week of partying at all. In fact, she considered it a favor, big favor to me ... and I will then owe her a special ... in her words, "a very, very, special time" when we get back here ...

Anyway, yes Jackie, who was not a real fan of our Xmas trip to Chicago with the whole "Group"; Jackie, almost admitting Kitty's invitation sounded sincere and gracious ... and also offering to take care of my during this proposed first "meet and greet" visit. And then, per Kitty's followup message the next morning ... change of plans as would be out of town for Thanksgiving but Rita, (Bob's wife), coming there the following Monday and she having a ticket for me at the airport with the return open to join Rita ... but I still had some reservations.

Of course I wanted to see Charlie, but not necessarily Charlie and Kitty, "them" as a couple and "the couple" for three plus days. It felt sorta awkward ... how could Charlie and I really "reminisce" and "catch up" with Kitty just "perched" there also?!!!

... Kitty, Charlie's ostensive and enigmatic "wife" whom I had never even met; who knew I was Charlie's college roommate ... and GF, admittedly a "Translesbian" relationship, for about six plus years ... so she knew something about our relationship ... that's never good initially but maybe in the long run if "the four of us clicked" ... but initially awkward, sorta just "yucky".

But also, for this first trip, now Rita would be going too,... I knew her and we got along and we would be flying together for a visit ... the plane would be taking us down to Chicago for a visit rather than the plane just delivering me to them, Charlie and Kitty as a "couple", and to what end.

Admittedly, of course, I was a bit ashamed of my apparent insecurities with this whole issue and yes, it would probably be of those things that when looking back would just not warrant all this consternation. Also, Rita could, no would, be fun ... and if I did not go ... then Kitty, well, would win, or, I would be demeaning myself, and I knew I was, or perhaps could be, better than that.

And so, rather not get much sleep that evening waiting for or both of the girls, Kitty and or Rita to call ... I decided to "accept" the initiative and phone and I called Rita here in town.

Kitty answered the phone, Rita's home phone number ... Kitty was here in town and visiting Rita?)!
... xox Kaycee.
Was My "Curiosity" Actually Bait For My "Self", part 5
Posted:Jan 23, 2022 2:12 am
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2022 8:48 pm

Actually, if the truth be told, and it should here, my "making" dinner of just "arranging" ... checking the crust in the freezer and pulling out the sauces, cheeses, sausage, etc. for our dinner not perfect. While belatedly rummaging in the frig to "rescue" the Pinot Noir, I also discovered the mushrooms I had chopped and sauteed to to our pizza. I mean, after playing that much with whatever, how could I forget???

Also then there the movie .... the movie that I had recorded, that I said a recently discovered favorite, "My Cousin Rachel", the "52 version; first, it almost"film noir", which is almost a winner and also it takes place in the Victorian Era ... thus putting it into my "must watch in "pj's" with popcorn" pile. The upshot ... it a good thing I had seen it before and had it recorded to enjoy later, with my cause Jackie "trying to be good" so I soon realized it going to really be "pj's" and popcorn" another evening with my so I turned off "Rachel" to enjoy her alone later and we continued on our wine while I began to relate my phone adventure.

Superficially, Jackie did not have much to say about the invitation. I think I pretty much understood and it no surprise really as she already knew about the Xmas Holiday trip and I think ok with the trip but the whole "Charlie thing" a bit weird for her ... again though, not much commentary ... just sorta resigned ... I mean, and we both knew, if she still interested in me ,,, then sooner or later it would be the "meeting Charlie" thingy.

What I did accomplish though, which my second goal, to tell my GF all about the invitation to include my reservations, etc. Therefore, if I decided to go, it would be without overt deceit ... thus, the whole trip of no more interest to anyone to use against me, etc. I now had my lover's tacit understanding, if not permission, for whatever it might morph into ... and I really did not know what. But, even with whatever "negatives" I could come up with ... it still Charlie, Charlie and his wife.

As it turned out, Jackie going home to visit her folks for Thanksgiving and in an awkward position to "explain me". So that worked out o Also, although I thought I had another day or so to "decide" but the very next morning my choices were pretty much eliminated, if I wanted to also appear gracious, poised, etc. The next morning, the phone again and "Kitty" again.

This time I let it ring and she left a message, " ... how disappointed they would be if I did not come down for Thanksgiving, that they did have an alternative, that Rita, Bob's wife, taking the early morning flight the Monday after Thanksgiving and she would have a ticket for me to join her with the return open.

Also, Kitty advised that she and Charlie would not be back home till after Thanksgiving so would I call Rita to confirm my visit. And Kitty ended the message with a hope that I could resolve my issues and join them and that they had an extra bed if I desired it. "... that they had an extra bed if I desired it."(?).

And so then what were my issues ... well none anymore after the message as Jackie would be back from her folks and in her words, " ... just let me know and if so, I will just come over and stay at your place rather than returning to my condo." So, no more issues ... and maybe, " ... a bed alone if I wanted it." .....
...xox Kaycee.
Was MY "Curiosity" Actually Bait For My "Self", part 4
Posted:Jan 23, 2022 12:10 am
Last Updated:Feb 6, 2022 4:25 am

Lately and now, having an evening of reflection is essentially what , is, the "spirit" of all those involved with my first trip to Chicago just prior to Thanksgiving ... my "secret trip" or potentially tryst ... my secret soon to be no more as there is no more need to "keep it a secret".

And so, since my Junior year in HS I have known how exciting men can be plus having a veneer of confidence to "never turn around to confirm an uncertainty as to an initial "interest", I received an invitation to visit Chicago, all expenses ... the invitation extended by someone who I had never met ... and eventually I accepted the ..."invitation". And that to be "my secret trip", the probable tryst to be just before Thanksgiving ... prior to my pending trip to Victor's with Jackie, B & R, etc. over the Xmas Holidays.

It all began that Friday, November 19th I thin and I in the middle of "arranging" dinner with Jackie at my house. I say "arranging", as all I did to check the frozen crust in the freezer, and put out the sauces, cheeses, sausage, etc. Jackie would soon be over after work and picking up her knapsack from her condo. All seemed to be ready including a movie that I had recorded earlier ... as she would be a bit late ... always. Thus, my recording would save my being a bit bitchy, or more probably only feeling a bit bitchy as she would only be a couple minutes late ... hence, no souffle, or the like, never.

So, why her backpack? she loves her "toys" and has special ones for whatever mood she or we are in ... and yes, she is making me a fan of some of them also. Well, her toy box is at her condo and her GF, me, is here ... therefore, the backpac In fact, there is the observation that she keeps all of her toys in her toy box but one, the one over here, me ... and that she "keeps" this very special toy without any objection intended by me. And no, she does not call her toy box "Pandora" ... but I do ... She does make it fun and sensual, of course, and I am presently into loving it.

Anyway, the phone rings and it is "Kitty", cheerfully announcing herself; Charlie's wife and she expresses their delight that I will be joining the rest of "the group" over the Xmas Holidays. Also, as sort of a "time to catch up" prior to that trip, she extended an invitation to join them over Thanksgiving. "No", I thought at first; what about Jackie, the weather, my dog, holiday travelling?

But also, it Charlie, it Charlie and Charlie's wife ... plus, it seemed very gracious ... sensitive and caring of her to offer their hospitality for a more intimate visit for us to "get acquainted" plus Charlie and I reminiscing ... fun. Plus, I had to admire her for extending the invitation ... thus inferring her welcome to one of Charlie's old GF's. On the other hand, why didn't Charlie call? Charlie must have had access to my number also. And, or, how did "Kitty" get my phone number?

What I told "Kitty" that I undecided for whatever reason; what I said to "Kitty" to ask her for a couple days to see if I could arrange to come, that it very gracious of them, and I would give her a call. What she said , "... Great." What I thought that the whole thing a weird; what I felt a ashamed and not at all sophisticated, poised, or confident as Charlie's wife ...that all these thoughts were perhaps sort of a "mousy", "pedestrian" compared to Charlie's wife. What I decided to talk it over with Jackie ... and we still will not miss the movie I recorded plus ... boh of us like cold pizza.
... xox Kaycee.
Myself, so very bare and in your lap ... whisper #2 "It's Kinda Complicated, Or ..."
Posted:Jan 20, 2022 10:25 pm
Last Updated:May 23, 2022 8:56 am

I confess I have an incorrigible, feral, craving; a hunger to be possessed. I have an appetite for men for the obvious. I have a preference for older men, pretty much exclusively; they are gentleman, straight ... and these men also possess a periodic penchant , a carnal desire for somewhat intelligent, attractive, slender, women, "special women", on occasion.

These men ... and they so take my breath away ...socially stalk us, pursue us, and capture us ... figuratively, as does the cheetah, to & with the gracefully feminine and "innocent", gazelle ... these men bag us to bed us ... we are ... I am, chased down ... consummating their hunt with whispered compliments and gentle hands, and then hungry eyes, hungry eyes ... mentally disrobing examining ... assessing and anticipating ... followed by possessive eyes ... we are ... I am chased down and then held down, held down to be stripped, and stripped quite well, with what I assume is due to his experience ... I am restrained and presented to be stripped with speed and efficiency and much more thoroughly than necessary ... for me to be partially tamed ... for both of us ...

I am, now so accessible, accessible to pay attention as ... I am then so "felt up" ... and this, and much too quickly for the sake of "propriety", takes me ... takes myself too soon, to a growing appreciation of those delightfully rude, possessive hands ... me ,,, myself, then toyed with and "manhandled" ... everywhere... so much everywhere but only almost enough ... till both they, "he", and us, "me", ... everyone wants to, and so does... get us, "me", and especially me ... so bare ... nude ... naked and vulnerable to, and for kisses and restraint and eyes and hands again then both or/and each of us, everyone, assisting or accommodating ... each for themselves and collectedly for all ...

... and especially me, especially and specially me, squirming, kissing, licking, sucking, spreading, arching ... to be kissed and kiss, to be felt and fondled, to stroke, kiss, fondle, lick, and suck ... to be held, spread and inserted, penetrated ... again and again and again ... so held, spread. fondled, kissed, licked, briefly sucked, fingered, lubricated, ... and then, a moment ... his eyes again ... "savoring", I guess ... and simply, and only, when he wants to ... I am entered ...

... his thrust and thrust and thrust and I am penetrated and then penetrated ... so penetrated to the hilt of his " stiff, so hard COCK ... and then he pauses, holds it, him"self" up me, within me, my"self" ... and he is right, I am indeed then contemplating just what is to follow ... and regardless of whatever and or everything from before and until then, now ...

... between and among our desires and needs ... I have been chosen and stalked, captured and restrained, stripped totally, for display and access for his oh so personal and dominating dalliances of, to and with me and calculated to ... I am mounted, spread and entered ... I am penetrated ... and then, after the pause, tentative thrust after yes stronger ... more forceful and more .. and more and .. we, or at least I ... I myself am really into my"self" ... I am so bare, so naked and so spread, and so open ... mounted and ... I, myself, my"self" is being fucked ... I am so willingly and so completely, thoroughly being fucked ... and that or this is not the end of it ...

... very soon, and probably all too soon, I am going to ... and nothing can stop it ... deep inside of me, I am going to be inseminated ... he will become so ridged and push him"self" so deep, so deep and irretrievable ... from penetration I will be inseminated, inseminated by his lust ...

... my seeking attention, perhaps a bit of flirting, a bit of tempting, taunting, teasing; intentional or not ... NO ... intentional, of course, deliberate ... "The Moth and the Flame" ... ... I am about to become perhaps different things for him ... a memory, a toy, a good story, a phone number ...

I am going to be inseminated ... impregnated with his semen, his deposit, his brand ... his brand on my sexual soul ... and then within that Very special way, I am always "his" ... as well as my"self" ... my submission/his conquest ..... my purring ...

And then, as afterglow wanes, we get without modesty & talk ...
talk at each other without communicating ... but that's honest too, and then they ... both and them, my"self" and then he, both, each, go our own way ... until next time ... he as a man ... and me ... as very "special"...
... xox Kaycee.

Was My "Curiosity" Actually Bait For My "Self", part 3
Posted:Jan 8, 2022 2:38 am
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2022 1:11 pm

Now, perhaps, to get into the spirit of all this ... my "solicited" expose of my clandestine, (perhaps budding), tryst in Chicago ... and, to perhaps, but not publicly, just admit ... to wetting my naughty thoughts ... my appetite to be sure when re-reading this, reminding me of my "self" ... if not eventually truly reaching fruition ... then before the "... and living happily ever after", I must confess, only my wishful thinking? impossible! It would not be "human nature" and ... not much to do with me though either, not my relative worth in much beyond habitual superficial observation ... and I know this, and, I love being as shallow in this respect, so, how could I not enjoy it?.

And, I do defer to my rather only slightly humble declaration above, not because of harboring much doubt as my bias, just more feeling confident than uncertain ... like wearing more than a smile, thanks to "clinging transparency" plus omissions strategically here and there and my "self" wrapped in what there of it ... " tailored to offer most everything, perhaps almost an unspoken invitation... flavored with a sorta tease towards a predisposition of a desire towards compliance, and not at the local grocery or church social, etc. No, not at all where social conventions might well allow me a sorta "debt unpaid". No, not just for a cheap titillation ... thrill and rush for my ego ... no this would be where "the hunt", the stalking and pursuit ... while still might flatter ... but also be rewarded ... you know, with access to perhaps at some comfort and privacy ... or some comfort with only those in the game or, some comfort ...

For example, attending a special private party and walking past, purposely walking past and my almost negotiating my way, and almost retaining my grace, but purposely interrupting with my body ... and picking no favorite ... precisely between two men and almost without a brushing of one male talking with another and ... my confirming my potential "availability", no, "vulnerability", with my smile and a whispered, "... excuse me", punctuated with a deferred, almost submissive, downward glance, and then ... continuing on my way ..... and, of course, confident that one, or both of them have then interrupted their probably "civilized", empty, "party conversation" "assessment" like wolves sniffing that wisp of a scent ...

And, perhaps, since a Junior in HS, I have realized the irony with it all ... I can never look back, thus confirming myself as having a doubt ... a perceived doubt rather than confidence would spoil it ... for all of us. And yes, I know this has to do not with how relatively striking we might be ... that there is a high percentage it happens most of "us" because of "us" and because of "them" ... that this trite, but subtle flirt still interrupts whatever to arouse, to some degree, the deliciously carnal thoughts ... provocations involving the thrill of the hunt ... symbolic urges toward a common goal to and for both, the hunter, and, admittedly, myself, rather, my "self" ... the prey ... and by a unanimous vote by all ... naturally their prey ... since even a bit before a Junior in HS ... but that is another story ... and not a tease as not exceptional, except to me, or whomever, I guess.
...xox Kaycee.
Was My "Curiosity" Actually Bait For My "Self", part 2
Posted:Jan 5, 2022 11:58 pm
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2022 4:53 am

And so; why "Kitty"? Well, the jury is still out on this as to the full extent of this charade; thus, so is my indictment. Presently, however, I do know it will fall within the parameters of "cute as a Kitten" plus gradually morph into a "Cat", and all the inferences to include what we shall discover, I'm afraid. I only have a couple days more visiting; I doubt if I shall leave any of my trust here with "Kitty".

As to recently, and my narration lately being somewhat disjointed ... or "back to the future", so to speak ... I left for my trip to Chicago "over the Holidays" before Thanksgiving. However, I began describing our arrival being on Xmas Eve eve. So, what I doing, etc from prior to Thanksgiving till then?

Well, my trip to Victor's not to Chicago but thru and around Chicago about an hour to Romeoville, IL. I asked, no ... I told not to discuss, blog or mention anything about that portion of the trip ... nothing. If I said anything, some "opportunities" mentioned at the onset that I might to pursue would be nullified, period.

And now, just recently, I have been advised by he, she, or "they", have rescinded the condition of silence. Moreover, I have been encouraged to "tell" as much as I to about all aspects of it ... all my feelings and reactions are welcome, both, positive and/or negative ... my only guidance to be "sincerity".

The only explanation I have received for the initial secrecy mandate and then this dramatic reversal is so insulting ... just simply a test to see if "I could be trusted to keep a secret"! There were some controversial areas, but nothing that could not be justified and then there their threat to take it all away. If nothing else, why would I say anything at all until I made up my mind?

So now is my first comment, reaction, feeling about their explanation to me ... and remember all(?) have endorsed and welcome my candor ... the explanation for this silence thingy offered to me is simply "BS". I do understand that some of my first visit period, like "elements of DID" I have known since 7th grade ... but they called it "MPD" back then and advised that I predisposed towards some behavior manifested by desires & needs not usually associated with my proposed Gender Identity ... so no surprise! ... or perhaps only my surprise that methods involving diagnosis has not changed that much.

So, from now on, let's call everything for what it is, or, complete disclosure on your part also ... that all can see everything ... what do you have to lose? ... I have nothing to lose; read my blog; it has given me the gift to not be negative or embarrassed, etc ... to be honest and open about myself and others have raised their hands now and then also ...

I think knowing ourselves and more than just "accepting" ... but rather liking ... celebrating ourselves for who and what we are ... when we learn we can find and give pleasure thru self-actualization of our self instead of living a pseudo superficial life dictated by the bias and prejudices of social ignorance.

This is getting to long now but yes, in the next part I will tell about that part of my trip and my reasons for my answers. No, it is not particularly sensually salacious stuff, etc. but more like being honest with it all together and my decisions as if it wasn't "me", it wouldn't work anyway. And again, then in 20 years or so ... I will know the answers to "what in the hell I thinking to do whatever". lol.
...xox Kaycee.
Was My "Curiosity" Actually Bait, For My "Self", part 1
Posted:Jan 2, 2022 11:53 pm
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2022 1:12 pm

As to specifically ... our actual trip to Chicago over the Holidays ... actually, as it turns out, Victor does not live in Chicago but "Romeoville", no kidding, and "Romeoville", IL used to be just "Romeo", lol lol. Victor's house in a gated community ... I think perhaps '90's styles and collectively kinda a development style layout with curved streets lined with trees, all about the same age, type and spacing between them. The houses however were vastly different in design so the look seemed to indicate relative "upper class".

Victor's, aka "The Professor's", house especially distinctive ... a "manor" to which he "lord" of his "English Tudor Redoubt" ... a curved drive flanked by tall hedges, (sorta like B & R's) but smaller ... so not an "estate" and "hidden" ... not a "welcome" on the property. I have to say my initial critique here sounds so bitchy ... as to the size, well with Jimmy, Victor's Chauffeur, probably sleeping in a room above the garage, there just Victor, and his house certainly big enough for that. Also, that only my reaction initially only from the outside, I had not even been through the threshold yet. And, all this so far is just my impression, an Elementary School Teacher who ... pretty much tripped and fell into a fun job, that a bit above average, offered a life devoid of bratty 7th Graders, etc. and eventually, circumstances to sort of retire early.

Also, as I said, the area nice; gated, landscaped, quiet ... and his house looked well built and maintained ... just neither warm nor welcoming , but moreover cold, expensive, and foreboding... and, I still wasn't yet into it., And as for Victor, as much I had seen of him so far ... he was well
dressed, well spoken, excellent manners, possibly well read ... but also pretentious, bombastic, pompous ... maybe even a , (for at least his driver, Jimmy).

And experiencing all this ... knowing all this ... here I am "exploiting" his "hospitality" over the Holidays ... I mean everyone else is here, or going to be ... and enjoy whatever ... Why? why was I toying, dallying, flirting with all of this? I could get a bus back home, I know cause I thought about not riding down with B & R ... they seem too close to the proverbial" fire" that might burn me. But then, there was Charlie ... Charlie and his wife ... "Kitty".
...xox Kaycee.

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