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Trials & Tribulations of An Affair  

tresennui 66F  
2671 posts
2/2/2009 9:01 pm

Last Read:
12/2/2017 7:07 pm

Trials & Tribulations of An Affair

You chat, talk on the phone and finally meet. There's an undeniable chemistry, you .proceed with caution, but succumb to curiosity. You finally have sex. It's fun and exciting. You figure it will be an enjoyable fling, get together a few times...then move on. No commitment, no promises, no expectations. Somehow one year goes by, then two, and what you planned on being superficial now has taken on proportions you never imagined.

You play with others, make new friends, but the feelings for the "married one" are so strong that experiences with others, even though they can be very enjoyable, pale in comparison. The incredible passion, the lust, the affection just isn't there like it is with the "married one".

Unfortunately, due to that fact that he/she is married you seldom get to see each. You have no control of the relationship. The "married one" determines when you can talk, chat and get together. It's up to his/her availability - whenever he/she can sneak away, find a way to deceive their spouse/partner. He/she may be unhappily married, but making the move to get out is a risk and scary....not just leaving a spouse, but a family and a comfortable, familiar life. You try to be patient and understanding. You don't even know if the relationship would work if given the opportunity to be together more often...but you'd like to find out.

You knew what you were getting yourself into from the beginning and remind yourself continually of that, but sometimes it hurts. You constantly question wtf you're doing. You ask yourself, "How did I let myself get into an affair...what kind of person am I?." But the feelings you have for each other are so strong that you justify any negatives that come to mind.

Do these things ever have a happy ending, or is heartbreak inevitable?

Succumbing to Curiosity...read me at tresennui

rm_pm8569 56M
51 posts
2/18/2009 11:28 am

Actually the "affair" goes through different stages, it also depends is this person someone you really care for or just a fantastic FB.

The first stage is the excitement that either the married or non-married person realizes that the other person is really interested in them. A one night stand is not an affair. Through time seeing the same person the affair develops, you email each other, buy small gifts for each other, have this feeling of euphoria and the "I want that person so badly." Emotionally, physically or both is the question.

Then comes the intimacy, at first very careful and exploratory. Then with more feelings and understanding. Dates are set up, meetings are set up but all the while the eye is on the clock and the cell phone. The lovemaking is enamored with passion, with intensity, with love and understanding.

After a while the get together for lunches or drinks starts to turn more into the fantasy and kinky stage of the affair. Instead of wine and dine, it turns into, meet you directly in the room for some wild sex because we know each other better and don't have much time. This phase is very pleasing, exciting and erotic.

This is the turning point of the affair I think. Does it sustain that emotion through all of the meetings, does the person yearn still for the other, is it really lonely seeing those frickin commercials during the holidays as you sit alone or the worse is the imagination of what is going on with your partner when I'm not around.

Don't get me wrong this stage can be either 6 months or 6 years down the road but it's the intensity between the two people that will endure the affair.

Finally if one is single, they say to themselves, why am I always second best, always waiting, however, if the affair is between two people who have commitments, etc. the schedule of trying to get together can be a nightmare.

In the end, in my opinion, the affair is not such a bad thing as long as it doesn't hurt anybody and that is a real big responsibility, if both are mature enough to understand the reality of the situation, like not calling during dinner time or sending porn pictures to your partners computer that's tied to a network at work or texting at night or asking for unrealistic demands knowing that it might never happen, then the relationship will work.

The affair usually will either fade, fizzle out, have a complete meltdown or hopefully never have a dramatic conclusion with dire consequences. The thing that is most important is to cherish, respect, listen, communicate, understand and enjoy the affair because most likely when its over, you still have your home as a base but those exciting, erotic, passionate times are gone and you'll say why didn't I enjoy them much more than I should have when I had it. Those memories will stay with you and you should enjoy them but they should also go with you to the grave.

Terrecinque 71M
78 posts
2/5/2009 12:44 am

The happiness, by both definition and degree, of a "happy ending" is relative. And for that matter the ending itself may well be but a new beginning.

A distressful, limiting, stifling, suffocating weight is jettisoned with the breakup of a relationship that was wrong on a number of levels. But that in and of itself does not necessarily signify the birth of a new, liberating, fulfilling, uplifting and noble personal strength fed by a relationship that is just so right for both involved parties.

You see, sometimes the end of a debilitating relationship is just that. The end. The dalliance, or the tryst, or the fling, or whatever that served as the catalyst for the breakup may itself evaporate in the winds of change; for it too, would have ended, for it will have served its purpose.

And so now the newly liberated parties of the collapsed union are free to find themselves as individuals traveling new life pathways in new and more fitting directions. In those fallen relationships, the breakup took place long before the affair ever occurred. The couple perhaps did not realize it, but they caused that downfall themselves by their failure to communicate, to recognize and re-negotiate the changes and the obstacles in their journey so as to re-invent their manner of living out the their love and their commitment to each other, which itself has inevitably withered from the lack of attention, imagination, and adventurous excitement which the couple was able, but failed to provide it.

The relationship, any relationship, does not protect its participants. It is the participants who must protect the relationship. This of course all depends on exactly how much they WANT to protect and prolong it.

I do not have statistics readily available to either corroborate or refute the notion of a love affair's happily-ever-after ending, but I feel that the love affair that served in some way to contribute, along with many other factors, to the breakup of a marriage or other relationship, is itself possessed of a short life expectancy. I'm sure there may well be exceptions to this, but I feel the newer relationship serves essentially as a wake-up call for one or both of the participants. Once they wake up, both the nightmare and the dream come to an end and a new day begins for each of the individual participants in both the old and the new relationships.

And when children are involved, they also learn, if they are truly loved and cared for, that life is a series of endings and beginnings and that we need to prepare outselves for the twists and turns and bends life offers to us.



Extramist 62M
14134 posts
2/4/2009 10:00 pm

In my experience, I would say that very seldom do these type of flings work out. Five percent of the time would be my guess based on what I have seen.

AKA The Clit Whisperer.

greenwizer 51M
226 posts
2/4/2009 12:06 pm

Some times things work out for ya, other times they don't... Maybe in time it will pan out. I agree that because it seems unattainable makes it seem all the better...

One man
Full throttle
No plan B

gentile_sadico 55M
1389 posts
2/3/2009 8:02 pm

been there myself and i am going back for seconds, you have to be disciplined and not let your heart fall for someone that isn't available...

qyxx 63F
3353 posts
2/3/2009 4:09 pm

Sometimes you become so "fixated" on that one, perhaps because he is so unattainable, that others do seem to pale in comparison. But you never allow yourself to truly "see" them. I know, I have been there. I was fixated on someone for several years and after being hurt, disappointed several times, I realize it is never going to get any better and it is up to me to make that move.

Remember the first step is always the hardest.


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