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want to prove you're a smarty pants?  

wickedeasy 70F  
10704 posts
7/25/2017 1:36 pm
want to prove you're a smarty pants?

I have a certain amount of time everyday now that I am quote unquote retired that is not taken up with stuff I should be doing, must do, could do. And in those minutes hours every day I have this vicious battle of the soul.

I was raised by a mother who went from dawn until way past dusk, always doing and by a father who worked a job and took care of the yard but reveled in doing nothing. In fact it was the sweetest part of his life. I think it’s why he loved fishing so much. He chose the one leisure activity that is so inactive that it borders on being coma inducing. Now you COULD go after huge ocean fish and do battle for hours, but that’s not what my Da did.

No, instead he would fly fish a river which is very Zen, an occasional flick of the wrist, sit motionless in a boat with a bobber floating on the surface of the water as the boat drifts, stand hip deep in a tranquil lake, the sun rising, silent, without a word, at peace…….

He never napped, he never shirked duties, but when he went fishing, or when he sat down at night, .he was done with the world.

There were times when I thought he was an alien.

I think now it was his way of coping with PTSD. His war had been brutal but he never said a word about it to anyone, not until years later when he had Alzheimer’s and then he would talk to his buddies as if they were there with him. About going home, about the deep need to be anywhere else but where they were.

His jokes were funny but said sotto voce, often lost in the tangle of four , family chaos. I came to a place where I would listen for them, a wink received when I laughed. I was a wild that flew so fast the birds skittered out of my way. But I could curl in Da’s lap for hours, the smell of cherry tobacco, the rise and fall of his breathing, watching sun through pine trees chase shadows on the lake.

We watched Old Yeller one rainy Sunday afternoon. Midway all the others grew bored but not Da and me. When it ended, he held on to me tight and let me cry. I patted his face to thank him. It was wet too. Now, being older, I wonder if he was crying for the boy in the movie or the in his lap or maybe for the boy who went to war and never made it home, least not in one piece. Or maybe he was just lonely.

so take a day to do nothing......it's an art form.

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

wickedeasy 70F  
32408 posts
7/25/2017 1:47 pm

this is a picture of a picture of my Da fishing

isn't he beautiful?


You cannot conceive the many without the one.

HamburgDave2 77M
16528 posts
7/25/2017 1:59 pm

Your Da, as so many of his Generation, was a hero!

No medal of Honor but he was your Hero, and that was probably enough for him

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wickedeasy replies on 7/31/2017 2:49 pm:
he had his share of medals. my brothers have those. i have his lures.

pocogato12 68F  
34379 posts
7/25/2017 2:06 pm

I do not have those kinds of memories of my father but boy do I remember the smell of cherry blend- it came in a white can with a red oval cameo on the label.
I am one of the fortunate few who has learned that I can do absolutely nothing and feel no guilt. I held a full time time since I was 14 and finally no longer work.
It took me a year to wind myself down to the "intellectual" do nothing but something. It is very healing. Thanks for a peek inside your memories

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wickedeasy replies on 7/31/2017 2:51 pm:
nods.............i too worked from man early age. it's a pleasure to have the time to sleep and putz about. i find i am quite good at it.

Man4Lady 67M
261 posts
7/25/2017 2:55 pm

Your dad's a man after my own heart.
But I think the final word is ...

Trust in your feelings.

wickedeasy replies on 7/31/2017 2:52 pm:
ah pooh............

azriel1970 50M

7/25/2017 7:59 pm

I would have loved to have met him. I know that pain.........

wickedeasy replies on 7/31/2017 2:54 pm:
he was an interesting man. often quiet. sometimes very funny. always on the side...never in the midst of.

i spent a lot of time with him as a child. less as i grew older. i'm not sure why that changed. i think you would have liked each other.

author51 57F  
100574 posts
7/26/2017 1:25 am

    Quoting wickedeasy:
    this is a picture of a picture of my Da fishing

    isn't he beautiful?

Yes he is my friend.Your stories about your Dad are similar to my own Father and how he was,what he liked to do when finally left on his own.The things he most enjoyed that brought him a sense of peace amid the chaos of life and a large, noisy family. They were our heroes...

One can never have enough JOY in their life...

wickedeasy replies on 7/31/2017 2:55 pm:
thank you. i think he is stunning.

goodatpoetry2 70M
16562 posts
7/26/2017 5:20 am

Your Dad sounded so special.
I never had that feeling with mine. . He wasn't that *touchy/feely* with us kids.
I would have really loved a Dad like yours.

wickedeasy replies on 7/31/2017 2:59 pm:
he had this way of creating space for me to curl up in. my mother was the one who kept the whole show running but when i think about it now as an adult, my Da was the heart

HeartCollector 63F

7/26/2017 5:51 am

It's a wonderful thing to have those memories. I miss both of my parents so much.

The gladdest hours we know are those shared with a friend or two. Wilbur D. Nesbit

wickedeasy replies on 7/31/2017 2:59 pm:
yes, it's odd as i veer closer to the time of passing how much more i think of them.

spunkycumfun 60M/65F  
36112 posts
7/26/2017 12:44 pm

It's always good to do nothing, because nothing is what this life amounts to in the end!

wickedeasy replies on 7/31/2017 3:00 pm:
how you make me laugh. you cynical buggah you. and yet, there is always truth in what you say.

TicklePlease 52F  
12849 posts
7/29/2017 8:23 am

What wonderful memories... My dad once printed out stickers that said something along the lines of "la dolce far niente" which was basically the joy of doing nothing. He put them everywhere but could never quite grasp the concept.

I crave those moments of just.... being.

wickedeasy replies on 7/31/2017 3:02 pm:
it's easier now that there is less to make my mind scatter in a hundred directions. that the pace of my life is slower. but i was always one for reading and wandering off into a high tree for solitude. shrugs

KtMnDu 68M
6213 posts
7/29/2017 10:39 pm

Ah, to do nothing.......when I was younger, I dealt with a level of guilt, in that to do nothing was not seen as a positive.....fortunately, I got passed that......and now, as I am "retired" I don't really care what others think about how I spend my time......those others are missing the value of doing nothing.......

wickedeasy replies on 7/31/2017 3:04 pm:
as a child i found it in r=books and nature. i still find it in books and nature but now i can find it in almost anything. the zen of living is easier when you want only a few things, isn't it?

smartasswoman 62F  
33417 posts
8/3/2017 4:38 am

Ah yes, it's been four months since I retired and I'm still mentally struggling a bit, with how little I accomplish most days

Nice for you that your da was a role model on how to truly relax.

wickedeasy replies on 8/3/2017 3:43 pm:
i think now that he likely had ptsd early on after the war and it changed him. but yes, he became a very courtly and kind man, someone who almost everyone was drawn to, felt comfortable with.

i wish i had spent more time with him in my teens but then, we are all so testy then...grins....he may have chosen differently...lol.

tickles4us 58M
7174 posts
8/5/2017 10:48 pm

There is great peace of mind to be found in doing nothing.

Vive La Difference

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